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About Rostinoble

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  1. I am extremely relieved to know that I'm not alone in my endeavor. I do walk a bit more on the spiritual side of the world, tending not to be so integrated into society and rather looking on from an outside point of view. I have had vivid dreams with multiple appearances from people I've never seen before, this woman being among the most frequent. I remember my first dream with her, it felt so weird. We were trying to crash land a starship into a hangar bay, I grabbed the controls over her hands last second and saved us, but then the dream became very real, and it felt like I was with someone who really knew me. I remember waking up and really wanting to know who this girl was. This is very strange! You're not the first person to suggest something like Psychopompia, but a bit different. I met a demonologist/crow shaman whom, after relating my experiences and problems with the strange, suggested I was what he said "a gateway to connect the world to the spiritual one, and help spirits pass on". I was a bit skeptical after that, though, because he also called me a Wolf-Spirit and something he called a God Fragment. Stuff I found hard to believe. Very weird stuff that he never explained, because he disappeared on the day he told me he would explain everything to me. I just never heard from him again. My fears are thus: My Tulpa wouldn't hurt me, I'm sure of that, but whenever I use large amounts of energy I attract less-savory spirits. I've had bad times with this. When I was little I would speak to a voice a lot. When I finally asked who he was, he told me "Iruzian, I'm from Legion." At the time, being 14 and not really religious, I thought nothing of it. "Not 'A' Legion..." it had said, "Just... Legion. I'm hiding." When I found out it was a real Biblical story about a horde of demons under one body... well... I just don't want anything like that messing with me while I'm trying to create a Tulpa. Having one demon led to a huge escapade, including a werewolf guardian, a suffocating darkness that would follow me town to town, enveloping everything for miles in a silent, pitch black blanket, and whole barrage of hellish images that would haunt me. Could something go wrong if an outside force tries to cut in during a forcing session? I seem to be susceptible to the spiritual world, and the only help I have ever received was from that shaman, and a Wiccan friend who wouldn't astral project for me again for more answers, because she looked into the darkness and didn't dare to again. All she would say was for me to keep a low profile, and that it was looking for me with a vengeance. They were the only ones who believed me, save for the friends who have experienced some of my paranormal "pals", but they know about as much as I do about it all. When I visit spiritually active places, spirits don't like me. They rattle, growl, and slam doors. Like I said, I am not a stranger to strange, which is why skepticism does apply to me most times, but this was just very new. So here's the short of it: Would I make myself vulnerable by treading into the unknown?
  2. I have had a lot of strange encounters as a kid. Things moving, things speaking to me, telling me very strange details of other worlds. Eventually, like most other kids, I "grew out of it". I know it's really hard to believe me at this point, but I'll try to explain exactly what I did. I would like to tell you, though, that this isn't my first experience with different beings. I'll make a post about some experiences I've had at a later time. I have them all written down in a journal already. I'll start from the beginning, in detail this time. My first part was laying down and relaxing, clasping my hands across my chest. Here's where I made my Wonderland. For this, I chose every place that ever gave me good vibes from my dreams, and put them in one world. That made it very easy to experience my Wonderland more vividly. I started talking to my Tulpa on a set of bleachers outside of a castle (very Hogwarts-like, because I love that castle and have dreams of it). I began by explaining to her that I cannot hear her properly, but I would listen as best as I could. Then I went on about how I kept seeing her in dreams that I've had. All of this was very "in my mind". It was all being controlled by me and I could sense that. Even she was controlled by me. That was ok, I was just a beginner after all. We started to walk, and I told her that I hoped she would be happy in the Wonderland I had imagined, and that there was lots to do, because I had left nothing out. I even had people, just random visualizations of people. We walked under this enormous stone archway, that was open to the outdoors. As we stepped out to the right side of the archway, into this garden area, I asked her for her name. Here is where I kicked the stone. At the temples, I began to feel pressure. I heard the stone with my ears, not my mind. I had read about the pressure, so right away I began to feel excited. I watched the stone in amazement and the pressure grew immensely, turning my joy into a bit of a panic. At the end, I felt my whole head was being gripped by two hands, thumbs at the base of the neck from behind, and fingers clasping each side and squeezing. This is the only way to explain the feeling. I turned to see if I could get some communication to find that, beyond my minds control, my Tulpa was right in my face. Her eyes were intense, almost scary. She might have been trying to tell me something, she might have been upset about something, I don't know because I dropped the mental state I was in and left the experience there. My guess is she may have been upset I did not know her name after meeting her so long ago. When I went to sleep, I could see myself talking to her, and sometimes, while half awake, I'd mumble out loud and my limbs would move. Not twitch, they'd reach out. I've never done this. As I fully fell asleep, I dreamed of vast woods and a paved road. There was no signs of life nearby except us. On this road I was travelling with her, talking with her and teaching her more about things. She was much more animated than when I was trying to visualize what she would say during my session; she was much happier, too. Then there was a sudden darkness, and other things began to follow us. Shadowy things. I'm not a stranger to these at all. I've experienced cold, shadowy stalkers many times before. I wasn't very afraid. It was here I first half-woke up, breathing heavy. My whole head, including face, felt a huge amount of pressure. I could hear high-pitched whining from somewhere. I could feel a presence at the back of my mind and the first thing I could think of was switching and possession. It may have just been paranoia that I was going to be possessed, but something did envelope my mind and calm it, and push me gently back to sleep. All I remember is that the next time I woke up, I was still talking in my head to my Tulpa. My body was waking in a state of panic, but I was still in the dream. Then I fell back to sleep. The last time was the weirdest. I woke up more afraid than before. I asked for help, pleaded for it. My eyes fluttered shut, and when I opened them again I calmly looked around before laying my head down and sleeping like nothing was wrong. I was still afraid deep down, but fear was not moving my body, as it should have been. When my eyes had shut again, I should have fallen back asleep, but they opened while I was sleeping, looked around one more time, and shut. I'm not trying to sound amazing or say that I've done the impossible, I'm just scared. This is VERY new. I've been around the strange plenty, so I didn't think too much of adding onto the strangeness.
  3. Thank you for the quick reply and the advice. I'll do my best to communicate my fears. I don't believe I can stop now, even if I am nervous. It would be far to cruel to start the creation of life and abandon her the same day I began to bring her into this world. I can only imagine how lost I would be if someone did that to me. I will try again tomorrow, seeing as my Tulpa got plenty of interaction time while I was sleeping. I have to put my fears aside, though. I think she really wanted to tell me her name. A feeling that was so powerful she pushed past my limits to try to communicate it to me. It must have been frustrating that I couldn't hear her. I'll have to work on that first, before asking anymore questions. Thanks again.
  4. Sorry if I sound really amateur in this post; I actually started creation today. I have read some guides, and after much thought I finally agreed with myself that I would go through with it and just start basic. The main factors of this decision were the flashes of someone I've seen in my dreams many many times. I had an image in my head of what I wanted in my Tulpa (I really just wanted a very small and intelligent palm-sized fox-like creature whom I could converse happily), but it was wiped and replaced with the person from these flashes, who was seemingly waiting for me in the cold wind. The images were popping up as I read the guides. Now, I can put my skepticism away pretty easily, but I did not expect progress for months, maybe even years. Here's the scary part. Halfway into my first hour-long forcing session, I felt an immense pressure on the sides of my head, like someone was squeezing hard. I was walking into a courtyard in my Wonderland, talking to what I perceived as my Tulpa (I was asking her name, because whereas the previous idea for my Tulpa was given a name by me, I felt that this Tulpa already had one), when I accidentally kicked a small pebble that I did not register was even there. I heard it skip all the way across the stone as clear as day. Like I was right there. I watched it go, partly amazed, partly startled (I mean, how can I do something by accident in my own mind?), and then looked over to my Tulpa, who I found nose to nose with me, staring into my eyes. The first sign of independent movement... made when I wasn't even watching. The pressure intensified and I panicked and dropped the state. I was hoping to slowly make progress, not give myself a heart attack on the first session. I felt that, in forcing, I must have become tired, and left it at that for the day. That was all. Just overtired. After some tv and dinner, I went to bed. Here's where it gets worse. I started forcing in my dreams for some reason, talking and interacting with my Tulpa. Not only that, I woke up three times with an even worse pressure than before. It felt like I was on the verge of mentally vomiting my mind out. After about half of a minute in this state, it felt like I became possessed, calmed down, and then gentle hands pushed my shoulders back down to sleep. Now, I accepted the possibility of danger, but I've always believed I have a strong will and mind, able to protect myself. I was overpowered the first day. I've tried looking to some guides for help on this, but to no avail. Am I putting too much juice into creation? Is my Tulpa coming to me in my dreams to interact even more? Should I continue? I'm a bit too nervous to sit down and try again.