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About DizzySpinda

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    My name is Britty, I'm 20 years old, and I'm very very new to making my tulpa (temporarily named Tulip)
    I collect tamagotchis, I like ballet, and sometimes I draw.
  1. I fell back into my slump today, but I also have been getting a few little headaches. I've been apologizing to Tulip way too much recently. I really don't have any update though. I had an errand to run and I usually don't go out so maybe that threw me off lol. I'll be better tomorrow, I promise.
  2. Yesterday felt a little less "off" than it had been. I've been getting lazy with my narration and visualization. I knew this would happen, but I know that if I stick with it I will eventually get results and it will be worth it. Last night I did some more forcing with Tulip. I read just a few pages of our book out loud and then went on to meditate (with all the lights on like Riy suggested lol.) I was having a hard time concentrating and clearing my mind at first so I decided to just visualize Tulip and focus on just looking at her in my mind, but eventually I slipped into this weird state where I might as well have been asleep but I don't think I was and I can't remember anything that happened during that time except for being in my wonderland for a few seconds. I've also begun to get head pressure so I'm thinking that it might mean I'm making progress? I'm also getting less and less head aches though and that makes me feel like maybe I'm not doing enough. Either way I'll just keep at it.
  3. I understand what you're saying about staring at things so long they appear to be moving, but I am so sure that the light moved I'd bet my life on it. It wasn't slow or subtle at all, it really just looked like someone had bumped into that one bottom light, and it happened just a few seconds after I began to look at it. I don't really believe in the creepypasts story lol. Have you ever just read something creepy and then a few days later you just get spooked even though you know nothing about whatever you read was true? I actually scare myself all the time due to over thinking things I read or saw on tv (especially in the dark) and this just happened to be one of those moments (woops haha) Thanks for your quick response! I always thought meditating in dim lighting was more effective, but I'm glad to hear that's not the case lol. Well anyway, I sort of gave up on meditating for the night as I couldn't stop glancing at the light every minute and besides that, it's way too late now anyway. I decided to go ahead and recite some personality traits to Tulip and then narrate a chapter of our book. Soon I will be going to sleep, and hopefully I can get better at meditating tomorrow :P
  4. Thank you for your comments Riy and CastleMan2000! I really do appreciate it :} ~~~ Ok so this is really freaking me out and no I am not trolling So the first night that I started to create Tulip, I was sort of trying to meditate, right? Well, I plugged in my string lights because I figured dim lighting would be nice and calming and help me meditate. Well I turned off all the lights and shut my eyes and started to try and clear my mind. A little while later I opened my eyes because I was losing concentration and I looked over at my string lights and I SEE THE BOTTOM LIGHT ON THE STRING LIGHTS MOVE And I am SURE that I wasn’t just seeing things because it like wiggled for a good few seconds like something bumped it and I saw the light moving against the wall too. So I stopped meditating because I was really freaked out and I just went to bed. now skip to today. Since that night I haven’t really thought about what happened like things just move sometimes so whatever and I think this is like my 3rd time trying to meditate to focus on Tulip. I plugged the string lights in, put on some peaceful music, and shut my eyes. This time I was just in the beginning, like I was having trouble concentrating again so I opened my eyes and glanced over at the string lights (not even remembering what had happened before) AND IT DID IT AGAIN, SAME AS BEFORE!!!! I don’t have my fan on, the air vent is facing away from it, and I’ve been watching it for the past 12 minutes and it hasn't budged. like even if it was just some unlikely breeze, what are the chances of me seeing it twice in the same exact situation!? I feel like I'm in the beginning of a creepypasta story and I want oouuuttt. I mean, I still want to meditate because I've been telling Tulip all day today and also yesterday that tonight I would spend tons of time with her in wonderland and then narrate the book we've been reading together but I'm just too startled to do anything now D;
  5. Thank you for the advice Riy! It's always great to read your feedback on my progress :} ~~~ Wow, I can't believe it's been a week since I began to create Tulip! It seems like time is just flying by! Unfortunately, today hasn't been productive at all. I woke up with a nasty hang over. I think it took me a whole 10 minutes to even remember to say "good morning" to Tulip. I haven't really been passively forcing much at all today. I was still visualizing her face every now and then, but it was much less frequent and only lasted a few seconds each time. I did pay a quick visit to my wonderland to apologize for my lack of concentration. I hugged her and promised her that tomorrow night will be an "us" night (I really hope I can keep that promise) But other than that, it was a pretty uneventful day.
  6. So I got sick of the way Tulip’s face has been deviating. I know that sounds mean, but it just looks so similar to people I’ve known before that sometimes it ends up turning into them, and that’s not what I want at all, so I did some sort of “face shopping” on google images and found a neutral-looking female face I can try and focus in on. I told tulip she can deviate from it however she wants but try and make it very gradual. Later I decided to do just a minute of forcing in my wonderland, but this time I imagined my wonderland on a small island in the middle of the ocean. It was sunny and the water was very calm. I visualized Tulip sitting across from me, and she reached out to touch my face. I was startled and it immediately broke my concentration, I think it was the first time she moved on her own! The movement was choppy but I knew what she was intending. It was very exciting!
  7. Haha believe it or not I tried that but it's super hard for me to imagine an area around me when the angles i'm looking from are rapidly changing
  8. Haha I'm glad to have inspired you! I guess I'm pretty lucky that there are swings right across the street from my boyfriend's place, I go there pretty much every day. At first I was trying to sort of visualize/impose Tulip to be across from me, but then I started to think it might be more relaxed and easier to hang out if I just focused on her "presence" in the swing next to me, instead of imposing her there. Swinging has always been sort of a form of meditation for me, so I can see why I feel closer to her there. The only downside for me is that it's next to impossible to visit my wonderland while I'm actively swinging. I think the constant change in how hard gravity is pulling on you just breaks the immersion.
  9. I’m finding it especially difficult to focus on Tulip’s presence in the mornings. One of the first things I think when I wake up is “Good morning Tulip!” and I’ll try and briefly imagine her face, but once that’s done with I can’t seem to keep concentration on her. I try and reassure her that things will get better with time, and I tell her I hope she understands why I’m so bad at this (because it’s so new to me) but for now I just need to keep trying. I find it easiest to just “hang out” with Tulip when I’m swinging at the park. I’ve loved swinging ever since I can remember, and even at 20 years old, I still go to the park and swing. Usually the park is empty so I can easily just imagine that Tulip is chilling on the swing next to me, and I just talk out loud to her whenever a thought pops into my head. I feel closest to her when I’m doing that. I’ve also been visualizing her face a bit more clearly than yesterday. There are no huge improvements on my ability to see her, but I can tell it’s taking me less effort.
  10. Thanks so much for your comments! I really enjoy reading your input :)
  11. I was watching youtube videos with Tulip last night and I really felt like she was right next to me, laughing at the same time I did, I felt comfort from her. I think I might have also been feeling some "alien feelings" but it's easy to confuse it with anxiety. The anxiety has no source so I'm inclined to assume it's her. Is she anxious about something? I certainly hope not. Today my headache has been hardly noticeable. I’m finding it harder and harder to sustain my faith that I’m not just making myself crazy, but I still keep trying. In the beginning it was much easier. I'm still trying to focus a lot on just always having her presence in the back of my mind, like right now I'm thinking she is sitting quietly at the foot of my bed. Her face hasn't been getting any more clear today, but it's also not hard to imagine it like it sometimes has been. I feel like I haven't been spending enough time in my wonderland, I guess it's because I hardly ever have time to meditate. Hopefully I'll have a few hours to myself Monday night, but I don't really see that happening any sooner, my boyfriend is around me 24/7, so it's pretty difficult. If I had to guess why Tulip is feeling anxious, I'd say it's a mixture of just being new at existing as well as my boyfriend's disapproval of my "tulpa adventure" I'm really afraid I might not be giving her enough attention, but I'm trying as hard as I can. At first I wasn't going to do the whole "explain her personality on repeat" thing, but I'm thinking I should. I'm starting to imagine her as sort of an anxious and low self-esteem personality, and I think I have enough of that for the both of us lol. I just want to reinforce her confident, self-motivated, helpful, and creative aspects.
  12. I chose "other" because it was really a combination of all the other options
  13. Thank you for the tips and encouragement! It's good to hear I'm not doing this horribly wrong haha. I just did another 45 minutes of forcing. I was going to start off with visualization and then just roam around wonderland, but I was having a really hard time seeing her, I just couldn't imagine her face right. I think she may have been uncomfortable or just feeling shy or maybe even scared, because I spent about 20 minutes of just narrating to her some things that other tulpas remember about being "born" and my guess is that those stories were comforting to her because right after I was finished I was able to imagine her face again. I've been getting some pretty pesky headaches since I began creating Tulip, so I only spent about 10 minutes of just pure visualizing her. Her face is still changing a little bit every day, but the same 3 traits have been consistent; round cheeks, pointed nose, and cat-like eyes. I know that only with practice will I be able to begin seeing her in a more consistent form. After I finished visualizing I did another 15 minutes of narrating, this time out of a book I've been reading. I ended it all with another 5 minutes of visualizing. In other news, my headaches are getting pretty severe. The area in pain changes quite often too. It started out on the top of my head, but yesterday it was right all over my forehead, today it has mostly felt like sinus pressure. I hope that it gets less painful eventually. I haven't been experiencing any other negative side-effects though. I'm also going to try harder to only post here once a day. I guess I just posted so much today because it's my first day of logging, but I will be making more consistent and less frequent posts.
  14. Ok well earlier today I did my first "long" session of dedicated forcing but it only lasted about half an hour. Mostly I was just trying to picture being in different locations of my wonderland with Tulip either sitting or laying next to me. At one point it was raining, at one point we were just in a back yard laying in the grass. We also ran up a hill and played in some snow, then ran down the hill and sat at the beach. In each different place I was remembering Tulip's presence next to me as I tried to focus on what I could see in front of me, whether it was warm or cold, and how the grass/snow/sand felt beneath me, and other immersion aids. After the session was over I already felt a little bit closer to her. I'm also trying to keep myself aware of her presence in my every day life, talking to her and letting her know where I'm going or if I'm just heading to the kitchen. I also try to smile in her direction every now and then, just as sort of a sign to her that I know she is there. I spend a lot of my time on the internet so I try to narrate to her whenever I'm reading something, especially when I'm reading guides about creating tulpas. I hope I'm doing enough to give her enough attention. I find myself apologizing to her pretty often whenever I get distracted, but I have a feeling my constant "i'm sorry"s are annoying to her.
  15. Hello! Welcome to my progress report thread? Here I will just be posting random updates about my progress with my Tulpa. To start this off, I'd like to give sort of a slew of introductory information. I am 4 days into the creation process of my very first tulpa. Her name is temporarily Tulip until she is able to choose her own. She is a human about my height and age. So far I haven't been able to see her too well, but it has been getting slightly more clear every day. I don't have too much time to spend on dedicated forcing, but I try to as much as I can just throughout the day. I've been trying to focus on visualizing her and narrating to her. I haven't had any responses from her yet, but I don't expect to for quite some time. The thing I am having trouble with the most right now is concentration, but I believe it will get better in time as I try harder. I also feel that maybe my wonderland is a little underdeveloped so I am trying to spend more time in it. If anyone has any advice or just wants to reassure me that I'm doing things right then by all means, please do!