Mel Syreth

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  1. My friend has what you're describing, he calls them 'jeffos'. He summons them whenever he wants to aim for feeling a specific emotion and his 'jeffos' help him achieving that. In a sense I have one too, as Erika only seems to appear whenever I have a burst of existential dread or nightmares.
  2. Martina does that all the time. For years I thought she was mute but it turned out she is just not talkative. As Mirichu pointed out, speaking - even inside your mind - is mostly just a formality because it's insanely inefficient and slow in comparison to the raw idea of what you wanted to say which your tulpa has already received. Try playing the word chain game like that, by the way.
  3. Agreed with the others, seems like an powerful intrusive thought, or rather: a nightmare. It's generally a good idea not to lay down in the bed while tulpaforcing so you don't fall asleep without noticing. Happened to me quite a few times.
  4. 2020.02.26. It has been a while but we kept under the radar just to see how things go out. Shortly after that post we had possibly the actual worst nightmare regarding to her, but unlike in other nightmares I actually have managed to beat her back. We invited Erika back and have settled with her being a 'guest', she is welcome any time so long she stays put, as it turned out Erika was behind the uncontrollable stray thoughts of Sariel as well, along with a bunch of other characters. She creates illusions of them. As of now we had no problems with her so far, she is a lot more tame when she visits us as well. I guess now that she realized we can destroy her she thought twice... maybe, I don't know. We are continuing our late night meditating endeavors although with much, much less fervor than at the beginning of the new year.
  5. Mel Syreth

  6. 2020.02.09. Since we mentioned Erika here, she has been lingering in my thoughts from time to time. Recently I became a bit obsessed with a character named Sariel and Martina mentioned the thought that she might be Erika in disguise (wouldn't be the first time). No nightmares with her yet but we will keep our thoughts peeled. We've also considered 'calling' Erika back as per she mentioned and settle this whole thing. I have a strange feeling she knows about all this but is silent on purpose.; it would be very much like her.
  7. Martina thinks the exact same as well, actually. I've been trying to adapt it myself but it's just way too fast for me.
  8. 2020.01.31 As of tonight we have been officially been meditating for one month every night. It really has helped with solidifying Martina's presence and when practicing metta, she had no trouble letting her voice free. I guess the problem is she doesn't really have an opinion on anything, and thus, lacks a concrete character. We'll need to find a way to fix that. In February, we'll continue with the sessions and try to stay on a schedule.
  9. 2017.09. - ... This is where the diary starts getting (even) more personal and (even) less tulpa-oriented because of school and the like. We mostly spend the days passively forcing in between classes and on the bus or train. Martina keeps a steady presence but doesn't develop during this time. 2017.11.06. We celebrate the fourth fifth (mistakenly written as third) anniversary with Martina with a walk along the beach as a sort of active forcing session but we are unable to find a common topic making it very difficult to interact with one another. 2017.12.04. Martina grows, her presence is stronger and I can feel her touch. I started narrating to her a lot more. She also got a new friend we called 'Bus Fairy', for she flew outside the bus while we traveled. Could be a walk-in because of her independent actions although highly gimmicky. It was also the day Martina said "I can't wait to be reborn." 2017.12.31. - 2018.01.01. Martina and I spend the new years together outside amidst the shower of marvelous fireworks a moment that would later inspire a commission. It was the first time I felt as if she was truly there, not just a ghostly presence. Back then I didn't know the rebirth she mentioned beforehand was beginning then, not ending... or that it would be a two-year process. 2018 - 2019 From this point onwards the diary entries become extremely scarce, most of them mentioning passive forcing as we go about our daily lives and go to parks, concerts, different events, et cetera; Martina following. Martina does not seem to develop anything new however she does become more outgoing and active in general given all the shenanigans we two participate in. And with that we arrive to today.
  10. No clue, it's been like six years... or seven.
  11. Okay so as it seems we've lost the old diary that had the entries from between 2015-2017 so those are gone now but we found a few things in the new diary. EDIT: 2017.03.01 Not in the diary but I found the photo files with the EXIF information. It was the time we went to a holiday to the mountains with the family and given we had nothing else to do, Martina and I were talking. I remember, it was when she came out to me with not wishing to develop in terms of vocality, and how she did not care about possession or switching or the like. We agreed that I will not rush her development and accept her as is. It was a cornerstone in our history as we would later realize in her development. 2017.05.01 New diary. Active forcing at work. It was also the day we drew the infamous piece where we close the iron maiden on Rose from ロゼと黄昏の古城 (amongst other things). Passive forcing and just spending time together in the May celebration but we've left it quickly because of the awful music. Bedtime stories at night. Didn't feel her presence so well, apparently. 2017.05.07 - 12 Martina fades further. Bedtime stories and passive forcing continues, existential dread and instability negatively affecting both of us. 2017.05.12 - 15 Martina recovers; Rose seemed to become a walk-in, a second presence behind my back. Martina's presence grows even stronger as well as of Rose later with the days, both acquiring the ability to play songs in my head we'd later dub 'The Radio'. 2017.05.18. The time the book we ordered from across the Globe arrived and Martina gave me a heads' up so we could sneak it in before anybody else got home. Was one of the first instances where Martina's intuition would help me out like that, and probably the most notable one. 2017.06.01. The first appearance of Erika. She is a tall girl with a straight long black hair, oval glasses and a devious smirk on her face. Martina 'invited' her thinking she will help us out. ...Heh ...funny how that turned out in the end. 2017.06.02. Erika overtakes Martina in terms of development (yes, immediately the next day). Her presence is much stronger and she can also chuckle not unlike Martina who was completely mute back then. "She scares me.", I wrote. 2017. 06.08. Strange dream involving a tornado, apparently. Erika and Martina were both there. Also people spoke japanese, not sure what was up with that.... that included Martina. No... 'Erika things' according to the diary. Rose disappeared. 2017.06.13. First Erika... nightmare(?). We were looking for a ring for her, however all of them were old, rusty, used. We tried them on but it didn't fit. Yeah, in retrospect I could've seen what that meant. 2017.06.19 Second Erika nightmare. I'll be omitting the details. 2017.07.01. Third Erika nightmare. 2017.07.05. Fourth Erika nightmare. Was also the day I dropped out of work because the whole thing was falling apart (it closed down later). 2017.08.05. Martina and I (and the rest of the family) had a little walk outside in the late summer sun. We had a talk with Erika and we have decided that we let her go; she told me how I bored her and how I was no fun when I was not frightened anymore. Regardless she gave me the 'call me' sign before leaving through the door.
  12. I still remember how Martina and I met. I was apologizing to her on a bus to school when she said "It's alright". For a brief moment I could see her completely, sitting right next to me. I will never forget that moment.
  13. 'Who the f(...) is Angus Mesa?': A nightmare about weird floating text auroras. I'm normally good with dreams. I have decent control of them at the cost of some lucidity. I have to because otherwise this will happen. Tonight I chose to dream about religious things. Nun and churches, and demons, and saints. And then I woke up - in reality - at circa 5:00 to grab a drink, vacuum pressing your tongue against your teeth and not swallowing can only keep your mouth as wet. Then I went back to sleep. Later I woke up again at ~6:00 because I started having nightmares, but this time, I actually just woke up in my dreams. I checked the phone, and noticed a strange buzzing noise outside. It turns out there were several plasma ropes (auroras called... Steve. Yes, Steve.) outside in the sky. I knew what they were because I saw a presentation of them just that day. And there was whirling text in them in strange, old typefont. I couldn't make it out fully but the two names (in red) I could remember was 'Raphael' and 'Angus Mesa'. I quickly looked it up and found out 'Angus Mesa' is actually a fallen angel who will - according to a prophecy - 'anger the Sun' electrify it to the point the Earth will literally combust. Anyway I realized it was a dream because - I kid you not - I suddenly noticed I didn't input my lock screen PIN. I had the usual stiffness and bodily exhaustion I usually do after nightmares so I just laid there for a good ten minutes before properly waking up at 8:00. There is no guy called 'Angus Mesa', however there is a steakhouse in Mesa, Arizona called 'Black Angus' apparently. I guess I'll be keeping my lunch light today.
  14. Hello Progress Report! Martina suggested we revisit this because we started active forcing again since the new year's. It's not like we can delete this thread anyhow so might as well keep it going. We've been keeping most of our progress in our personal diary instead of here online so don't worry, we got down everything. We'll be skimming it along and if we find something good here we'll put it up with a timestamp.
  15. The new site layout looks gorgeous. Plus I love the new profiles with the covers; time to fill em up! Thank you, Pleeb.