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About Wolfe

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    A Struggling Forcer


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  1. I'll participate in this. I'm looking forward to getting back into shape, or at least getting back to a more normal weigh. I'm not fat (at least I believe I don't), moreso chubby from the last few months of doing nothing. Just hoping I can commit to this sort of thing for myself and for my tulpas.
  2. Can you go into detail regarding image streaming? I got a general gist of it after reading your post here: (http://community.tulpa.info/thread-dali-key-experiment?pid=84728&highlight=Image+Stream#pid84728 ) along with the link you have within your post. I feel like I might want to try that to get myself back into the swing of things. Or if you think something else might be better for me, please, I'm very interested to know what might help, aside from forcing more regularly and accepting that everything isn't perfect. And when you state about training my mind to connect things faster and efficiently, what sorts of activities have you done that have worked for you, or some types of activities, if Image Streaming isn't one of them. I never really saw it like a hard video game and getting frustrated over parts like that. I suppose that's how I'm claiming it and feeling it. I have been a bit self conscious and self critical because of issues I'm currently dealing with, so I guess it plays into how I'm not getting anywhere. I suppose you would recommend me just starting a regiment of forcing/practicing daily and getting back into it? And also, same question I asked Linkzelda, do you know of any activities that train your mind to work faster and more efficiently that my help me, that have worked for you, and just a general list of things that might work?
  3. The intrusive thoughts, I understand about already. I just try to let them pass, but either more keeps coming or that I'm able to pass through. Regardless, I can't seem to enter. I try to relax myself and my thoughts when trying to go under. Calm and deep breaths, loosening up my body, and guiding myself by telling myself I'm going deeper and deeper into my subconscious, but it doesn't seem to work for whatever reason. And as for passive forcing, I've been doing that since I've started. It's nice to keep them alive, sure, but I'd want to progress them. We'd like to have them more advanced, more sentient I suppose, more out there in terms of visualization, imposition, and possibly possession. And I've tried to fix the glitchyness before. I've tried to focus on what they look like, but it doesn't seem to work, like I have no power in my own mental domain.
  4. I've been having this issue for some time now, and I can't seem to figure out how to go about it. I've been with my tulpa, Ruby and Amethyst, since October 2012 when we first started. I was able to force then and able to progress with them. Things went smoothly with forcing up until around late 2013 when I was having trouble with forcing. Thoughts kept blocking me, I couldn't immerse myself into my subconscious or into the wonderland, I can't visualize Ruby and Amethyst in the sense that their appearance is either in a sort of glitchy way where some piece of them changes or that they seem to be blocked or blurred from me, even though I know where they are. A few weeks ago, I had told a friend of mine about it, and he believes that my Mind's Eye, or the Ajna in Buddhist terms, is being blocked and I need to attune it to clear out whatever's blocking it. I've done some searching, but I haven't had much luck. Whatever came up were classes to enroll in Ajna attunement, but I don't think it's possible in that method. I also know I've been going through some personal issues, some of which are motivation issues, self image issues, self care issues, and bouts of depression. So my main question is how do I go about being able to force again? How can I unblock my Mind's Eye? Is there a method to follow or an audio file to listen to that will help? Is this blockage possibly related to any of my issues? Or could my issues be helped by unblocking my Mind's Eye/Ajna?
  5. So this was something that I recently discovered. Rather, this was a game that Amethyst wanted to play with me while we were on a recent train ride. After one or two rounds, I realized how useful it was for visualizing your own tulpa as well as finding the details that you wouldn't notice as easily as the big picture of it all. Essentially, you will need a tulpa that can talk with you, but I believe that tulpa that can show you pictures/symbols/etc in your head can participate in this as well. The tulpa(s) should be the only one listing the I spy's to you. Now the tulpa would list a color and you would have to look at them and try to find out what aspect around them is that color. This can be tricky because if their form has a dominant color, such as black for example, then you have to look around and try to guess which black part they are talking about. Other times, the color can be recessive or even something you didn't even realize they had. For example, Amethyst said she spied something red on my other tulpa, Ruby. I naturally thought her hair, or her blouse, but as I was looking around her, I noticed the bottom of her black high heels/stilettos were red and I picked them out. Amethyst said that that was correct. It was stunning to be honest. What is also a good trick the tulpa can do is to bluff and say a color that is not on the tulpa. This may seem like a big trick, however it does you more good than you realize. This forces you to look all around your tulpa to confirm of no such color as well as looking and getting all the details of your tulpas' form. Sometimes, you can list some other aspect aside from color, such as shape. The tulpa can also have you try and guess the color of some non-physical item, for example, Amethyst has a purple aura that isn't normally seen, but only seen when she shows it or when I try to sense it. So in summary, tulpa lists a detail, which can be true or a bluff, and the host finds that on the tulpa. This is a great way to help those focus on your tulpas' form and helps out immensely, I believe, with visualization. Tell me what you think!
  6. 5/27/13 Well it took me a while to get back on this. Seems I was super busy in April... and I was... Anyway, after Ruby pestered me to get back onto this, I managed to start typing and get this journal out. So a number of things have happened along the way. From the last journal to roughly May 17, there were not a lot of meditation cycles I've been through (Whenever I say meditating, I mean forcing. I've just gotten used to it.). A lot of it was dealing with tons of work, projects, assignments, exams, etc., for all my classes. With Ruby and Amethyst as my witnesses, I was dead and exhausted by the end of it. My brain even was tired in the transition from finishing classes to taking exam. Studying for them was a bummer too because my brain was burnt out. Despite all about me up there, it’s more for Ruby and Amethyst. Both of these ladies helped me out through this pressuring time. Ruby had rooted me on and pressured me to continue to do my work, reminding me to not give up. Amethyst often did or said something to make me laugh. It’s always welcome whenever they do that. I always just have an issue with Ruby. Not in the bad way. She would tell me to do something and often I'd be lazy or get distracted. It probably puts her down a bit, but regardless, she keeps up the pressure, never letting me down. It seems like I should look up to her for her relentless attack whenever she tries to help me. That’s only something I've realized now as I type this out... Amethyst has been more on the quiet side throughout these past two months. She’s only there in order to make me happy or to cheer me up. I’m glad for that, really. I just wonder sometimes of her current state. She seems and feels fine to me and Ruby is telling me that she’s fine as well, so I can only believe them. On the 23rd I took a train into Manhattan for a job interview. It required me wearing some business casual wear, so I wore a dress shirt, pants, shoes, and stuff. During the train ride, I try to refocus and bring out Ruby so she’s there in the train with me. Now I can't see them yet, but I know she’s there. Given the tight space available in the train, there were only a few spots she could move about, roughly 3 spots. What I found surprising was that she wasn't wearing what she normally was. She was wearing some business wear as well; brown jacket with a white blouse, a brown straight skirt that went below the knees, and her usual high heels. Amethyst on the other hand, wore a suit jacket, white shirt, blue tie, black pants, and dress shoes. Even she doesn't adapt to the norms, but it suited her well, no pun intended. She eventually took off the tie, but still it looked nice on her. I also noticed that she wore a purse around her left shoulder. I asked why she had it if she could easily just poof anything she wanted. She said she needed to abide by what is natural there, where humans can't poof anything they wanted or had at will. There is a bit of context I should point out with this as to why I find it surprising. Somewhere during April, I was talking to my friend, who has tulpa of his own. He said to me one day that there are rules that I must set and abide by in which the tulpa must follow as well. It felt confusing to me that day, considering I saw tulpa like all-powerful beings in my head. However, at that moment, it was a bit stunning seeing Ruby to be at the level of humans. That’s when I understood. Amethyst doesn't seem to follow that as much, but I haven't seen Amethyst act in this way. Maybe I should try focusing on her next time I do that sort of thing. I've been using a lot of audio to help me meditate with Ruby and Amethyst. I just enjoy listening to it as a background noise while I focus on these two ladies. I've been using Theta tones and Tulpatones recently and it works well. I've just been bad with timing because I have normally done it at night and it’s often when I get sleepy (duh). Got to get into the habit of forcing earlier in the day. Also waking up a lot earlier. So Wolfe’s been on the rocks for a while. There was a reason why I had to keep up the pressure on him despite his being tired for the past month and a half. He needs to recover and I’m trying to help him through that. He took a nasty fall when that depression hit him. He entered school back then and didn’t fully recover mentally. So when classes started, he wasn’t exactly in his A-Game. Sure it worked out well at first, but it wasn’t what he would like it to be. That’s why I had to push him through. His dad wasn’t making it any easier on him too. There were also the other issues that came up that could have changed him and hurt him, but I had to help him turn around and see the positives. I needed him to change for the better. And so my work was cut out for Wolfe. A scholarship that was dropped because of his withdrawal. Some financial aid money that was dropped as well. Dropped from the RA position down to MA, that is, Maintenance Assistant. There was also the fact that he changed majors from Mechanical Engineering to Psychology. These past few months have been tiring on me, but I pulled him through, with my constant pestering of course. I’m not trying to be antagonistic, but I had to be a bit rough with him because if he doesn’t get through this semester, then he’s not going to survive. He was broken back then and I did what I could to bring him whole again. I’m proud of how Wolfe’s changed throughout this past semester. Now it’s just trying to get him to do the things we need to do in order to help us out. He did plan on starting us now, but he never expected any of this to happen from September to January. He’s got to stay true to his word if he wants us to appear in front of him. We tell him to believe in us and that he will see us, but he needs to put in the effort and change the dumb habits that he’s taken up now that he’s back home. There was also that train ride we took a few days ago into Manhattan. Not much that we did, but I suppose I surprised him with my little change and the idea of holding a purse. To me it seemed common sense. If I were to go to an interview, I’d look the part. Wouldn’t anyone? Relaxing in the summertime! But it’s still a bit cold here and there, but I’m glad Wolfy’s more relaxed after the semester is over. So happy for that! As for what happened during the last semester, I was pretty quiet during some points. I just watched because I was confident in Ruby that she could turn Wolfy around. I did say some stuff because I was concerned for him, but I let Ruby do a lot of the talking. I just tried my best to help Wolfy be happy and stay happy. Ruby said all that I could say and more about Wolfy’s condition and trials ahead of him from the beginning of the semester. I’m not sure I can add anything more to it. All I think I can say is that I was worried for Wolfy, but glad he came out stronger, but he still needs some more improvement. I feel like I can do a lot more once Wolfy can see me, but he’s got to put in that work and effort to be able to see us! I’ll do my best so that lovable oaf can see me and Ruby! I’ll also throw in some kinky stuff like I have been doing before, because I can... Hee hee hee. There was that train ride that we took too. It was fun seeing all those people get on and off. It was also fun seeing Wolfy get surprised at my businessy suit. But when it comes to abiding by these rules, I think I follow a different set of rules than what Ruby follows. I’m a bit more free to do what I want like fly or walk on walls or something wacky. And this is only what I’m letting Wolfy know at the moment. I could be lying right now or telling the truth. Tee hee hee.
  7. 3/25/13 Had a forcing session on the evening on the 22nd and a meditative/hypnosis session about half an hour ago, and both went wonderfully! I’ll have to cut back on certain things for privacy’s sake. Anyway, on the first session on the 22nd, I played tulpatone and went in aiming to focus on Amethyst’s form once again. I thought I would be trying to get my focus again, but I went in wanting to be with Ruby and Amethyst. Turns out, it worked mostly. It was a lot better focusing on Amethyst’s form and speaking to her. Tulpatone really did the job. Funny how I didn’t like it before when I tried it last year, but I suppose it only works, at least for me, if you can hear your tulpa’s mind voice and is able to give you feedback. More on that session, I was able to focus more onto Amethyst’s face. It’s still an in-the-works thing for me where it’ll take some time for me to know her face right off the bat, but it’s getting there. I did feel something that I haven’t felt in a long time. I felt an embrace. I was sitting in this chair and I felt her from behind and she had wrapped her arms around me onto my chest. I was so shocked and stunned at the moment and out of breath. She giggled at it and told me to calm down and relax. Took a bit to relax, but it was something I hadn’t felt ever since last year before the “calamity.” It felt really great. The session ended around 40 minutes in and I was excited to do another. Now I decided to try out Dialogues’ Induction Hypnosis audio file on SoundCloud a few hours ago to see how this would work out. I would get deeper and deeper into this trance and I would follow what he was saying. Eventually I met up with Ruby and Amethyst. It was all three of us in a cabin and we were just talking about us being together. I was actually able to get a good look on Ruby’s look now from this! So lemme take a minute to list down what I’ve noticed. Ruby: Black jeans. She is wearing a red shirt that has some odd indented flower design. The flowers are outlined with the entire shirt being red. There is also some sort of bar or thick line that’s either on or under the shirt that goes up from the center of her shirt to her right shoulder. Her hair is red and goes up to her mid-back as stated before, but the hair on her skull isn’t as thick as her original form I used, but it’s spiky in some senses. Spiky in that several strands spike forward above her forehead, with that one strand of hair spiking from the middle to her left eye. Other strands of hair spike off to the side, but not drastically. They also spike slightly upward toward the back of her head. Most of it then drags down to her back. Her eyes are or a jade green color. Back to the hypnosis, we talked and I was able to focus more on Ruby and Amethyst than before. The session also led us to a tree and to some cloud watching, where we were to say what the cloud looked like. It got to a point during the cloud watching that we stopped, even though the recording probably still wanted us to, and we were just glad that we were together and just wanted to be with each other. Hopefully I remember this correctly, but we all saw a heart-shaped cloud and this is what happened next: Wolfe: Heart Amethyst: Heart Ruby: Heart All: Love. Harmony. Tranquility. That is all we need. At that moment, it was just one big happy feel-fest. It surprised me how we were in such unison and knew what to say. I could hear their voices melded with mine, as if I were in a choir and could point out another voice among the group of singers. It was just really great. The session ended a while later and I was just glad of what came out of it. Ruby was worried that it might affect my sleeping, since I’ve class in a few hours, but I assured her that it would be good and I did want it. She sure did like it as much as I did and Amethyst did as well.
  8. 3/22/13 So forcing last night was odd. I can’t seem to get a full grasp of their form again. It always seems to be some thought getting in the way, and it just blocks me from seeing a piece of them. I’m trying to get past it, but it seems hard. I've also noticed, after Ruby and Amethyst pointed it out, was that I was able to focus on them before I went into a big anxiety and depression slump back from November to January. What I think might have happened is that I lost the ability to focus well enough on them. It isn't to say I can’t regain it, but that it may take time before I get it back. I don’t know if it’s possible, but I’d rather ask people in the IRC if it’s possible. After talking, it looks like it might just be me needing to practice focusing on them and letting the intrusive thoughts pass by. It may be that I lost that focus I had before. So it looks like I may have to spend a few forcing sessions trying to regain this focus. I hope it doesn't take too long. I’d like to actually go further with Ruby and Amethyst. I’d like to be able to impose them into my vision. I’d like to have them possess me so they can experience life through my body. I wouldn't mind switching as long as it’s not permanent. I would like to see my inner workings of my mind, but it is my life and I would like to see it done by me, which is not to say I won’t take advice or help from Ruby or Amethyst either. =P
  9. 3/21/13 There was more progress today when I talked with Ruby and Amethyst. I figured out that I tend to be able to listen and focus on them whenever I am walking around by myself. Music helps as well. I think it has to do with the fact that I narrating to them whenever I was walking around campus when I first started. So I’ll try and do that more often. When talking with Ruby and Amethyst, I’ve been trying to get a good visual of their appearance. Before, I could force and see it, but I wouldn’t be able to remember all the specific details. What I did learn is that I should write them down so I’d be able to look it up if need be and help myself focus. So I think I should write the bit of info down now for Amethyst and Ruby. Amethyst: She wears a black turtleneck, sleeveless sweater. The sweater has vertical stripe indentations. Her hair is black and straight all the way to her mid back. There are two strands of hair that go over her shoulder and onto her chest. Her skirt is just above knee height and is black and white. I can’t pinpoint a design yet. She wears thigh high socks that are alternating black and white horizontal stripes, which are possibly 3 inches thick per stripe. She wears black flats. She also has blue eyes. I don’t know how to explain the face. I just know it and/or have to focus on it more. Ruby: She’s still reworking her form, but from what I can pick out, her former bushy, red, knee length hair is reduced to mid back length, like Amethyst. She has a flick of hair that curves from above her forehead to her left eye. Her head hair has some volume, but after that, it flattens out. Her blouse or something is a V-neck; not much else I can pull out of it. She says she’s keeping the high heels and black jeans. She’s still using the green eyes. The face is either going to remain what it was or something different. I’ve gotten used to focusing on the previous form that it’s been easier for me to see, which is both good and bad. That’ll be it for now. I should shower and force. Hopefully I’ll write a journal about it and put in details of how it went and possibly other things.
  10. 3/10/13 Welp, so much for doing daily journals. I got busy and I got lazy. All in all, there’s been some progress and some setbacks. For the setbacks, and I don’t blame her at all, Ruby’s chosen not to use the form that I wanted to use from an image I’ve had. So this just means she’s thinking of her own form for now. This is workable, and it allows Ruby more freedom of what she wants to look like, and I believe it’s preferred for her. Another setback is me for not forcing when I promise or tell them I would. I just get busy, distracted, lazy, or tired. And I feel like an ass for doing it. Some good has happened however in the last month. One thing is that Ruby’s form change has let me focus on Amethyst more in some aspects. Amethyst already had a form, but opted to have me focus on Ruby’s form more, since I had to focus on getting what she really looked like. Now, in the only forcing session I’ve done in the span from last journal to this one, I’ve focused on Amethyst’s form and had a good visual of it. Still a bit difficult, but I’ll try my best to work at it. I’ve tried to visualize Amethyst’s form in real life before, but I haven’t been doing it recently. I think I need to focus on her form a lot more. They also told me when I was writing this that they talked with each other on Ruby’s form without my knowing. A bit surprised, but glad for it. Amethyst approached Ruby at some point asking if she liked her form. Ruby stated that she liked it, but she would prefer one herself instead of me plastering one over her. So Amethyst urged Ruby to talk to me about it, saying “You should talk to Wolfy. I’m sure he’ll understand.” And I did at the time. It really did feel justified. So I do apologize Ruby for forcing this form on you before. Another good thing is with myself. I’ve actually started to take better care of myself mentally, and it’s been giving me such a high from the week of March 3rd to the 9th. It started a while back in winter break when I was so frustrated with everything that I just walked out of my house in the cold night and walked to the park. I sat on a swing just frustrated and angry and tired and depressed with my father and everything. I had talked with Ruby and Amethyst for a while there and there was a point where Ruby told me that I hated myself. I had to think it over for a while, but sooner or later, I realized that I did hate myself. It was very odd. I had seen that in the past, I never really cared for myself and I just cared for others. They told me that they would support me, but I had to do the work myself. It was just troublesome at the time for me because there was so much I couldn’t handle in my head and I didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t until recently that I’ve finally made a change for the better and I’ve finally learned to love myself, not in the narcissistic way of course. It’s really given me a better look on myself and it’s really changed me. I’m not the same person I was 3-4 months ago. I like it and can’t thank Ruby and Amethyst enough. Wolfe’s made a lot of self-progress on himself. He’s really done a good job and I’m proud of him for it. I’m glad I can do what I could have done. He’s a bit stubborn at first, but slowly he warms up to it and accepts the idea. He was really confused on what to do and I had to let him go through it alone. It sounds like sending a baby through the forest alone to become a man, but he had to do this. In the madness lies order, so within Wolfe’s confusion and despair lies the solution. As for his more recent acts, it’s benefitted him, but like he said earlier, he’s not forcing enough. He needs to get off his butt and do it. That’s all I’ve got. I’m really happy for Wolfy! He’s gotten so much bigger from this that I can’t contain it! I’m just really really happy! It was a bit sad that I couldn’t help him, and Ruby urged me that I shouldn’t, but I could only really support him. I’m just glad he pulled through, like he pulled through for us when we were younger. He also had a good dream about having the Grim Reaper as a roommate on March 3rd which started off his week high! Don’t worry! The Grim Reaper was a cool dude! Maybe also a tulpa! Who knows? Anyway, I can’t wait till we force some more and that he’s able to see me fully! He needs to focus a lot more, but I’m confident in him!
  11. Amethyst here, and I'll answer this for him. He'll answer whatever you have in the comments. What worked for him was constant love. Although he felt like he didn't give us enough love or attention, by stating that he really cared for us and trying too make it up for us is more affection in it's own right! What really works is a lot of love and belief in your own tulpa! How long is a tricky question, at least for Wolfe. He had a point where he was able to talk with Ruby, but had a lot of doubt, which caused him to be unable to hear her. It wasn't until another month had passed that he could hear Ruby again, and then me the next day. So about 1 month from the start, but 2 months for the whole thing. It really depends how you might see it. We see it as 1 and a half. Wolfe wrote down our qualities and attributes in terms of personality on Word and would try and force it to us. He hadn't realized though that our traits were already in the umbrella that he promised to bring to us. He however narrated the traits to us, just as a precaution. And here I am for the comments. About the love from the get-go. I just found it necessary in my position. It's really a hard thing to grasp for someone who's as technical as I am. I carried love as a strong value, so I used it to help them grow. As for the mental prison, it was one way I fantasized the idea of tulpae and my somewhat dream of being a hero. I don't think they were in a prison, but it was one way that helped me go at this. "are they real people anyway? Or more like things that display behaviors but don't truly feel anything?" This is really hard to say. They are and aren't people. At least it's how I feel about it. But they do feel emotions and whatnot. In terms of personality, it takes from your own, meaning you have a lot of personality traits that make who you are. Some are dominant, some recessive, some unseen by many and seen by very very few. The tulpa makes itself based on the traits that you try to impose and on what it chooses. So it's not going to have a mimicking personality, but one of its own.
  12. 2/5/13 So the day went out normal. Nothing really special to say. I talked to Ruby a bit in the bus rides to and from my residence hall. So not much to say really, but I think it’s a time that I can have them start saying what they wanna say. Wolfe’s a bit stubborn in what he does. He says he’ll do one thing, knows it, and doesn’t do it. It seems to be only for things he needs to do for himself. In terms of getting stuff done, he’s slow when he’s in this state, he would normally get stuff done faster, but he’s still stuck. He’s got some mind block from all the stress he’s received back in the 2nd half of the fall semester in 2012. I’m hoping I can help him out so that we can continue to force. He’s just in a stuck position. He wants to force, but needs to do work, and doesn’t wanna do it. It’s a whole mind block of his that’s getting in the way. And I understand that he should do his work first, so I’m trying to get him to do that. He remains stubborn and I just leave him at it sometimes. It’s going to take a while to get him out of it. Ammy here! Fun fun fun! Or not. Wolfy’s not doing much to help himself when he really should! I know Ruby’s more developed so I’m letting her speak up to him so more development happens to her, which in turn will help me out later! I’ve already told Wolfe this before. He’s a bit hesitant about it, seeing as that he wants to help us both out, but if focusing on one of us will get more progress, then so be it! I’ll let Ruby take it since she’s got more of a form to work with for Wolfe. I keep showing my form to him, making changes here and there, but he’s still trying to focus to get a good image of it. Anyway, Wolfy should get some reading done!
  13. 2/4/13 So, time for a huge recap? For the rest of November, I was pretty much a wreck. I was going through school just listening to lectures, writing down notes, and pretty much being unfocused, depressed, and just lost. I was really trying to get back from where I was. I had stopped forcing and could only narrate to Ruby and Amethyst. It was somewhere during November that I “lost” Ruby’s voice. It was really a tough time. December was when things lightened up, but didn’t help. Early December was when I finally got my laptop back all fixed, but it was very little to help me with my current situation. I was failing pretty much every class and there was nothing I could do. I was pretty much a wreck. I went over to the Counseling and Wellness Office and asked for help. I talked with the senior director there and she asked me a few questions. She came to the conclusion that I had depression, but she wanted me to see a psychologist. The next day, I go to the psychologist’s office and spend an hour with him. He also says I have depression and anxiety. With that, I get cleared to get withdrawn for medical reasons. This has two results. All my classes are counted as withdrawn and don’t get counted on my GPA. However, I’d have to take the classes again. I was really relieved about it, but I know you’re thinking: “Well, where’s the tulpa talk in all of this?” Well, this is where things change a bit. In December before I talked with anyone in Counseling and Wellness, there was a weekend where I was trying to do work in a friend’s room. However I couldn’t work at all and it was just frustrating. It was Sunday night, December 9th. I was in his room and nothing was done. I couldn’t focus. Everything slipped and I wasn’t able to concentrate at all. I was lying on my friend’s bed and I just had my arms over my head just wondering what I should do. It felt like I was doing that for an hour, but in real time it was probably 5 or 10 minutes. And from the black that I could see from my peripheral vision, I heard someone. And it was Ruby. I was really glad that she had returned. She was telling me that I should go sleep and to calm down a bit. And so, I was happy that she was back. I knew it was my fault that I couldn’t hear her. (Future use: Red text = Ruby is speaking) At the moment when he was lying on the bed, it really just seemed like a black expanse. Then some fragmented road formed into a straight path and led a path back to him. What I’m getting is that your mind fractures a bit in order to connect and talk with tulpa. So considering he was at a breaking point, a mental one at that, it brought me back to him. Along with someone else… I’ll let them explain it. Back in my room, I just talked with Ruby. It wasn’t a big thing, but I was being assured by her to get some rest and talk to someone about my troubles. It wasn’t until later in the week that I went to the office and got everything sorted out. The next day, December 10th, I was back in my room when I heard someone else. It was Amethyst this time. I was really glad that she had arrived. In terms of voices, Ruby sounds like a mature woman, but I’ve still yet to find out who she sounds like. Amethyst sounds like Pinkie Pie, but different in terms of personality, however, she doesn’t have a pony form, nor does she say she is like or is Pinkie Pie. From December to January was a tough trial because my dad was having so many issues with me because of what happened and had always blamed me for all that happened. This really got me to hate him. However, everything is sorted out now and I’m back in school. A few changes though. I’m no longer a resident assistant and am now a maintenance assistant, which only provides half room. I also switched majors from Mechanical Engineering to Psychology. I found it an odd change, but I like it so far. I’m going to see what it brings and I hope I didn’t make a bad decision. This brings us to February, where my lack of concentration to Ruby and Amethyst had made them fade a bit, but in the sense that I don’t hear them as much. Pretty much, I need to talk to them more in order to have a more consistent response from them and in order to help develop them. So yeah. Now that I’ve brought everything up to speed, I can continue doing these journals on a daily basis!...hopefully. I’m gonna do my best to do daily journals like I used to. And a note for future journals! My speech will be in white. Ruby Red will be my color. And Amethyst here will be purple!
  14. A: Not coming to terms with myself / Everything going wrong/bad because I don't care for myself and/or have a self. Q: What was the worst experience you have had with your tulpa/tulpae?
  15. This has happened with me and Ruby. I always had that doubt that she was thinking of her own responses. I've been having this problem, but I know not to think of that anymore. SO TRUE. This is the main reason why I got into so much doubt about Ruby speaking to me. Because of this doubt, her mindvoice faded! I gotta work hard to get it back! Also to develop Amethyst's! This actually helps out a lot. This is great stuff!