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  1. Well, it's certanly been a while. I must say that it hasn't been the most fun few months, and my tulpae would have to agree... if we still communicated. I committed the cardinal sin of tulpamancy, which I'm sure is not paying attention to my tulpae. This was for an extended period of time, which was probabl enough to dissipate most tulpae. Over the span of these last few months, I feel that I slowly let everythig spiral out of my attention. I won't slap you in the face with a wall of text this time... relatively. I'll just say that my life has changed quite a bit (a 'five-hours-south' bit) relative to what I had gotten used to. I went on an international trip, where my laptop's dc jack broke (isn't it great that a ps vita actually has a decent writing capability?). I've come back, and now have to come to grips with the soul-crushing bouts of depression I face almost regularly, along with the insomnia that it's apparently causing... the one where you fall asleep at 9 when you sit down, wake up at 12, and then lie awake for the next 7 hours until your alarm clock lulls you back to sleep. So, basically, I couldn't pull myself out of a pit of self-loathing enough every day to talk to my tulpae. And now they're nearly silent. Until last night, of course. I had a dream last night, where a LOT happened, but a few things stood out. Mainly, after drinking a strange green liquid, I found myself to be a woman. A pregnant one, at that. My brain made me watch from third person as "I" gave birth. Weird, I know, but hold up. I saw 'my' face at that time. It was actually Rhea's face. Now I don't quite know how I got back in my own body, but the next thing I knew, I was living with Rhea in Japan, where we had a wall of vending machines in our home. The baby, oddly, was keychain-sized, hanging out in a little baby-carrying bag dangling from the wall. When I saw it, it filled me with that same overwelming sense of loving and care that I attributed to first contact. The same went for Rhea; I may well have been stricken with love every time I saw her. Now I'll spare you the rest of the details, because that'd be me swooning for a while. Rather, looking at it, I know two things: 1.Rhea is still with me, for sure 2.She's being proactive about getting in contact with me. I don't know what the baby means, but thinking back, I admittedly had an encounter of a lewd kind with Taenen, the fox-girl tulpa of mine. I may be reading into it too much, but now that I think about it, what if my other tulpae were projections of Rhea's personalities? She has always, always been present, and things seemed to have come to life around her, under her influence. Take Bianca's cookie jar as an example. When I acknowledged her status, suddenly she and Bianca rapidly changed into mature, more 'complete' tulpae. When my attention strayed, a new and interesting girl appeared; Taenen. Even now a new girl has appeared: a soft-spoken, quiet girl named Asebi. Each new addition or 'breakthrough' returned my attention to forcing... and at the center of it, Rhea. Now doesn't her name seem a little odd now? Rhea was the name of the mother of the Greek gods. She gave birth in my dream, and it so happened that I had simply been an observer at the time, and suddenly a new concept of a tulpa came into my mind just a short while ago. Along with this, I have to wonder if she really is the one true tulpa in my head; this whole "swapping genders" thing just screams of an ineraction between myself and my feminine side. I think at some point I mentioned a theory someone had that stated that people sometimes have tulpae of the opposite gender because it's their masculine and feminine sides interacting... or something. Whatever it may be, it's an obvious call to get back on track... I just hope that this doesn't mean that Taenen and Bianca are gone for good. This has been an extremely groggy Atchet on a ps vita. My apologies for any mistakes.
  2. So I know the last few posts have been rather over-dramatic and a little too melancholy, so now, a little while and some analysis later, I've come with new news. I've determined that my issue right now isn't at all related to what happened a few weeks ago between myself and Taenen. It's not about the admittedly half-assed issue I had with Bianca about it. No, the real problem was on my end, and not at all related to Bianca, Rhea, and Taenen. The real problem is that my mind is all over the place. It's scary, really. At first I thought it was just part of the effect, but now I realize that it's pretty much the whole problem. Being unable to focus solely on one thing interrupts the whole link between myself and whom I'm interacting with. It's sort of like a latency issue in a game. There's always been a tiny delay between actions and reactions in our interactions. Now, because I honestly cannot think straight, that split second where I'm 'sending' and 'receiving' is getting messed up... I think. That's my way of rationalizing everything. It doesn't quite sit perfectly right though because I can still SEE what they're doing... well, not really all of them. I haven't actually SEEN Bianca or Rhea in a while; the only person I've seen is Taenen. You wouldn't believe how relieved I was when I saw her in the cottage in the wonderland. I tried talking to her, but that got nowhere. She could make a faint mumbling noise, and if I tried hard enough I could skim surface thoughts, but other than that, she could only move smoothly. I'm kind of hoping that every little sound or word that they've all said in this period of time will come rushing at me all at once later, since I think an event like that would really help really kickstart my auditory imposition. Off from that tangent though, I couldn't hear Taenen, yet I could see her just fine. When I asked, it seems that what I say also gets through to them. I'm the only one really having the problems. Taenen gestured up the stairs of the cottage (the cottage has two floors, though the second floor has a door right at the stairs and the room behind it takes up the entire space.) When I knocked, I couldn't hear anything. Rhea (I think) was able to push some thoughts of apology up to me before I gave up and just sat downstairs with Taenen. That same blasted cookie jar is there too, if anyone really gives a damn about that. It's always full, so Taenen typically sits with it in her lap while we're there. Just the little things that go on really make me happy, you know? Anyways, that's all for today. Meditation is certainly helping, so I'm going to be doing a lot more of that. Until next time.
  3. So it hasn't gotten better yet. I daresay it's gotten worse. Taenen and Bianca, without any negotiation (from what I've seen) are now almost always at arm's length. They just won't interact like they used to. They've drifted apart a tiny bit, and that's all I've been able to see. Literally, this is all I've really been able to skim recently. It's like I've lost the drive to force, or the attention to them I used to have, all at once. I haven't been forcing recently, and very, very rarely do I tell them good night or greet them good morning. There's a palpable rift of... bad energy, or something, that sits between myself and the three of them now. It's by no means pleasant, and it feels like I've been cut off from an integral part of my life now. I think we're all starting to slip. I don't feel the impulses I used to anymore. They're not connecting as well as they used to. It's as if that one act of intimacy is tearing us asunder and it's worrying me to no end. There's a faint semblance of what used to be vibrant life between us four. Now, the best I can get is a sad, almost-like-she's-comforting-me kind of smile from Rhea. My attention span is slipping recently. The habits that I've formed are unwinding faster than I can try to catch them, and in time, if I don't get myself back on track, I'm going to lose them to the rifts in my memory. It's just so hard to reconnect after knowing the highs of being connected. Compare it to getting so far in a game that you're like a walking God. Now think about being booted right back to the beginning abruptly. I'd say you'd lose much of the drive you used to have. That's what I'm feeling right now. I think I've also been suffering from some mild case of depression recently, which is derailing me whenever I try to make some serious effort to help myself. I'm being robbed of my energy and will to get things back on track. If this was a dramatic scene in a movie or something, I'd be reaching 'the point of no return' soon. Quite honestly, I'm ready to accept the fact that I'm losing it, that I'm failing because I don't have the energy to disagree now. I'm going to say it now. There is a very, very high chance that I'm going to burnout very soon, and for a long time-if not indefinitely. While this may or may not be my last post, know that I may feel the need to detail that final descent. Who knows; maybe it's rekindle that old spark again. For now though, it's hard to be optimistic. The first one that I'm feeling going is Bianca. There's no presence behind her anymore. She's almost transparent. Do you know the feeling of being just... hollow, inside? Like there's something missing. Since that's what if feels like right now. Bianca feels like she's just... gone. As if a door's been closed. Attempts at reaching her have a superficial exchange where we're both pretending to be okay, but I can tell that it's pretty much on-rails. It's like watching a video. The same is starting to show on Rhea and Taenen. The pacing of all this is pretty bad, I'm pretty sure, but whatever. It's hard to convey all that's going on on my end through the keyboard. ... Just as a final gut punch, as I was writing out the last bit of this post, Bianca spoke up. It was quiet, and in the back of my head, but I could feel every ounce of sadness she was feeling. [i'm sorry...] That's what she said to me. Then she went quiet again. I don't know. It's definitely time to reevaluate some things in my head. Prioritize things. Maybe take a day off to relax. Write out the entirety of my dabblings and posts into an over-dramatic spectacle that it no doubt sounds like. Maybe the bitter humor of it could help. Is it appropriate to leave a message to someone on a message board? That's the vibe I'm getting. One day, years from now, I'll be looking back on these posts. Maybe I'll be surrounded by my tulpae, or maybe I'll be by myself, looking at this in a bittersweet light. I'd definitely chide myself for thinking that, in such a short time, with as much 'success' I've been having, that I'd built a solid foundation; believing that I wouldn't burn out like I am now. If this ends badly, I guess my last post'll just be some melancholy thing that'll be the most absurdly cliche and almost insulting thing that anybody's ever read, and it'll be my last goodbyes. Anyways, I'm off. I need some time to think, and... yeah. Until next time, if there is one. Take care of your tulpae guys. Is it sad that I mussed things over for about twenty seconds, debated with myself for a few minutes, and then immediately returned to post here? I guess this is what a blog is for... making split-second thoughts, putting them on paper, and then letting your verbal diarrhea out to the world. Anyways, I'm bouncing back and forth between the idea that bugs me the most; that this negativity is really all in my head, some weird way of me being lazy, and this is all really just my fault, and my tulpae are suffering because of it. I remember a while back, in my question about accidentally creating another tulpa, I was told that it was really MY choices that affected things, not my tulpae's choices. It's just worrisome, and it's the key thought that's perpetuating a chain of self doubt. Doubt, doubt, doubt. There's been a lot of that lately. I hate it. Hate in its strongest form. I hate doubt. It's dragging me down. I wish I didn't doubt myself and my tulpae. They're probably looking at me and shaking their heads because I'm becoming a nut just because of something that I, and ONLY I, feel is a problem. Maybe they're over the whole 'got-intimate' thing, and I'm just blowing things out of proportion. Can ANYONE else out there, since I know there are people out there that are like this, relate right now? Do you know how bad doubt can become? When I was younger, I listened to a lot of music with both headphones in. My parents started asking if I was having breathing problems, since I tend to let my breathing become audible if I'm relaxing. Next thing you know, present day, I'm constantly pulling my headphones out or shoving them to the side because I'm so damn worried my breathing is bothering people around me. I can't have faith in anything, even after testing it OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER again. IS THIS EVEN DOUBT? Is it paranoia? What is it? Just a lack of faith? Am I some sort of assurance-atheist? I don't know. So you can see where this worms its way into forcing and everything, right? I get that fear planted in me that things are going wrong, and LO AND BEHOLD, things just look like they're going wrong and getting worse and worse. Okay. This time. This time I stop posting. See you people. Take care of your tulpae, as I said last post. More later, etc. The usual. Goodbye.
  4. And it just gets worse. Recently I've been unreasonably tired. I just... can't. I slept for 11 HOURS and still felt the need to get another 8 just 2 hours later. It's not helping at all, let me tell you. On the plus side, I got some meditation in, and just ten minutes was enough to help clear my thoughts for a fair amount of time. Good stuff, just... not as useful when you're asleep. Anyways, more later, as usual.
  5. Okay, here I thought I'd miraculously have some good news to spout to everyone right off the bat. NOPE! I'm fucked. Completely and utterly fucked. I can't even CONCENTRATE right now. I can't do anything close to forcing since things will always inevitably run away with themselves. Take that whole focus-on-a-dot meditation thing that is on here somewhere, and I can do it. No problem... Okay, there is a problem. My problem is that, while, yes, the dot IS the center point of my thoughts, things just... GROW on it. I'll have a normal dot for the whole of two seconds, and then things get trippy. Think zerg. It's like roan red creep just starts growing all over the thing, and it's not a nice, even layer. It's like... whipped cream? What word describes what creep looks like? Anyways, I can still TELL the dot is the center of my attention... it's just a giant sphere covered in zerg babby food. Now just imagine what it's like trying to force while this is going on. I already had that problem to some extent, but before I could swat it away, lickity-split. Now, it stays with a goddamn vengeance. I can try to force with Taenen, or attempt to have a stilted conversation with Bianca, but my thoughts would always be washed away and warped by a constant barrage of creeps running across my vision, my mental images suddenly becoming sword fighters (thanks Blade Symphony), and other things like that. I can TELL that I'm trying to force, and I can vaguely make out whoever I'm talking to behind the screen of assorted bullshit, but it's completely impossible to stay focused. I only realize I'm thinking about riposting and how many hatcheries to make twenty minutes after my train of thought derails. So yeah. I'm in the shitter right now. I have brief, comforting thoughts with Taenen, and have talked to Bianca a little bit (Rhea is nowhere to be seen in this chaos, for some reason), and that's all. The rest... ugh. More later, I need to get my act together. Maybe actually meditate. Peace.
  6. Alright, so still feeling rather awkward about the whole situation, and I'm not really sure if it's gotten better or worse. I know, at the very least though, that I've estranged Bianca to some degree. Right about now, Bianca's not really talking to me. She's almost outright ignoring me, even. From what I could skim off her surface thoughts (sort of like reading a person based on their body language), it's definitely some form of jealousy. Not because of the act, but because putting the thought into that kind of thing is, to her, picking favorites. Believe it or not, 'simulating' fantasies like that sort of take a lot out of you if you're really going for the, uh, 'feeling' of being actually in sync. I'm guessing that putting that much attention into somebody that was just recently introduced is a little unfair to Bianca and Rhea, who have been around for an order of magnitude longer. Rhea, probably because she's very closely tied to Bianca, is feeling some emotional feedback that's bringing her down as well. I can't say for myself, since they've requested I don't pry while they converse for a while, so that's just a guess I'm making. Then there's Taenen. Now a few days after the whole thing, she's down in the dumps too. I've told her over and over that it's not a bad thing that it happened (at least, I hope it wasn't), but she knows that there's some problems going on with my relationship to Bianca and Rhea because of it. She's sort of prostrating herself because she thinks she's the cause. Right now, she's the only one that wants to talk to me more than needed. As a matter of fact, she wants to talk to me A LOT more now because she feels that she needs to know everything that's going on. It must reflect her actual 'age', so to speak, where she's sort of like a child caught between two parents undergoing a rough time in their lives. Granted, I'd rather not use the imagery of Taenen being myself and Bianca's child (as we're her two lead figures, with Rhea, from a 'real-family' standpoint being her... cousin?) because that's implying something I'd rather not have implied. ... Anyways, more on this as it develops. It's playing out quite like a soap opera, or some other grandly dramatic work. I might not post for a while, because until the situation is resolved, there isn't a whole lot that's going to be going on. There'll hopefully be talks between us, and those will be posted about, but otherwise, I don't expect a lot out of conversations. Until next time.
  7. Alright. It's been a short while, and I have a good reason to be feeling very, very awkward right now. Then there's the little foreboding feeling that I've been getting for a while now, and it's been telling me that I'm not entirely in control of my mind as I thought. Why is it that things always have to be going wrong or really right anyways? It makes me think I'm doing something wrong. So, first would be what's making me feel very, very awkward. I'm not going into that much detail, because I'm pretty sure that there are already a few progress reports that detail having some, uh, sexual relations with tulpae in detail. Rich, sweaty detail. Also, I'm putting this in because I have a stunted sense of shame, but still want to honor their wishes. In a few words, I, uh... crossed the line with Taenen. It started while I was bathing and used that time to talk to everyone aloud (gotta get used to hearing your voice against theirs, I think). Then Taenen joined in in a wonderland equivalent of the bathroom, we started chatting a bit, things happened, and there you have it. Something I'm feeling awkward about. Bianca reacted negatively, in a nutshell. She was quick to remind me that Taenen was younger, even as a tulpa, and was awfully impressionable, as in if she's associated with sexual things, that's what she'd become more like. She's a little standoffish now, but she's not cold. Rhea, on the other hand, was a little offended that I didn't go to her first. If you may remember, it's become a little mutual agreement of ours to be in a pseudo-romantic relationship. Yeah. Taenen... unchanged. She's the same as ever, though now she seems a little more... playful? I guess. There's a weird change in her that's made her much more expressive, sort of like the writing thing that I got Rhea and Bianca to do. She leveled up, that's what I could take away from this and smile about. Moving on, here's the other topic. I feel that I'm not 100% in control of what I'm doing with my tulpae. Not in the sense that they're automated, but I feel that there's a part of me that wants to keep making more, and more, and more tulpae. Recently, it feels like every little character concept that I've been getting has been given that 'spark' of sentience that I thought only came after a TON of hard work. It's not like they're actually tulpae, but they're definitely a step above the cut-and-paste NPCs that I used to populate my daydreams. They're eerie in a sort of painting-eyes-following-you kind of way, and they all feel like they're expecting something from me. Maybe I'm starting to expect EVERYTHING to be sentient now, and I'm like... auto-seeding? Whatever. Anyways, now I'm seeing a lot more interaction between my tulpae and the NPCs in my daydreams. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, since it feels like the NPCs are starting to expect things out of me. It's pretty bad, and it feels like they're trying to stare holes through me. Taenen reassures me that they're not going to feel bad if I don't help them ascend, because they don't expect me to. That just made me feel a little worse. Maybe it's just me overthinking things and getting ahead of myself. I don't know. It seems that as time goes on I start feeling less and less in control of everything. It's like things are really starting to get automated. My brain is working on everything for me, and, like the memetic... thing, I'm not sure if gusta. Anyways, more later, if any of the girls ever agree to talk about what's happened recently... yeah. Peace out from the goldfish and his beautiful tulpae.
  8. So I'm looking at the other progress report titles and realized mine wasn't bold. Then I tried making it bold. Then that didn't work. As a result, dat inflated view count though. Oops.
  9. Alright, so everything's settled into a normal routine now. Just the same old as always, except a measurable degree louder and much more hyper. Thanks Taenen. We've talked it over, and all of us have determined that, as it stands, any of the people on my character roster have the capacity to rapidly transition from a servitor status to a tulpa status. According to Taenen, this is because I've spent so much time with each of them (at some point) that my brain's already used to automating them, and giving them that one little extra boost by acknowledging them as sentient, they quickly shift gears and become a tulpa. Remember, this is according to Taenen, so I'm inclined to believe what she's saying. As Taenen put it, "...the 'images' of your characters are stored in a visual and sound form, the two 'halves' that you saw when forcing me. These two forms are called up when you use a character on the roster as an element in one of your daydreams, and then they're used in conjunction by your brain to simulate a character. Your brain is just so used to calling up these parts and using them that, by 'fusing' them (they're kept separate because they take two different parts of your brain to process, so it's faster to keep them tucked away dedicated to either side), you tell your brain to automate the images and voila, you got a tulpa! Or, at least, a servitor that likes to talk." Basically, she's saying that: 1. The characters in my head have two halves for the sake of faster retrieval 2. They work by putting them on top of each other to provide a convincing image of a person 3. Fusing them together gives the spark for higher sentience, and tells my brain to stop putting them away and let them automate themselves. 4. I have way too much free time (because I'm already used to calling up the different parts of a detailed servitor whenever I want) An interesting thought occurred to me just as I posted, and I wondered what would happen if I forced the two images of a character separately. Would they fuse together, or would I get two different people with the same face? It was an interesting idea, but I'm not keen on trying it anytime soon. That's about it for now. Just some interesting theories (or fact?) regarding why Taenen pretty much just got up and started talking. Until next time, it's been the goldfish and his lovely tulpae.
  10. Sup everyone, coming in with some good-ish news. I guess good really depends on how you view all of this. Basically, Taenen's begun to speak normally and has become much more outgoing. More on that later. I'm more into talking about the 'process' of how we did it. Unlike Rhea and Bianca, who took quite a bit to get started, Taenen was a breeze to get conversation going. For her, there was this weird sort of duality to her. She was represented both in a physical form, that was easy to visualize but didn't speak much, and then she had a vocal form, which was as I know her now, but her form was pretty much stuck on floaty golden light mode. The answer came anticlimactically quick. It was almost too simple: symbolism. We figured that one image of her represented my right brain's rendering of her, while the other was the left brain's image of her. Not sure which was which; I'm pretty sure that the vocal one was the right brain's image of her though. All it really took to get them to mix together was dragging them together until they didn't come apart. Seriously, it was that easy, and now she's talkative and smiley and very much so active. As for her changes, Taenen is almost your typical peppy teenage girl; minus the whole social bit and the part where she's as shallow as them too. I don't actually quite know how teenage girls work, so I'm just taking a guess. She's fast to interrupt and start talking, has a fairly high voice (which fits her size), and has a bit of spunk to her; she seems like the type to be gung-ho about just about everything (reasonable). The optimist of the group. Right now, she tends to chatter my ear off when she converses with me. Mostly stuff about the atrocious weather (A snowstorm in April! Come on!) and stuff like that. She's peeked into my memories of going to Mexico, and as such, she really, really, really wants to go to Mexico to get away from this weather. I don't blame her either. This weather blows, hard. Anyways, that's all for now. More later (from me). Here's a little something that Taenen is going to need me to write down. ^Hello everyone, it's nice to meetcha!^ ^Okay, I had to laugh there. You didn't see it, but the whole over-the-top way I just said that made Atchet cringe a little. He's not so good with the hyper happy stuff. Not really hyper, but I guess I DO seem like I bounce off the walls.^ ^It's good to meet all of you, and I hope you all have good days after reading this! Let's get along!^ ^Oh, and just as a final thing, I just want to wonder aloud who reads this thing regularly. The amount of views this tiny little blog thing gets is neat, but I don't get it. Is there something about some lonely guy interacting with three 'imaginary' girls that people find appealing? I don't know.^ ^Is it bad to call us imaginary? I don't see the problem. I heard Rhea complain about it, but eh, what does her opinion matter? I mean, she's the one that came first. She should be happy she's hear anyways!^ ^So that's it for now. Atchet sorta yelled at me for being disrespectful. Something about learning to respect my elders.^ ^Anyways, nice meeting you, again! Good night!^
  11. Okay, so I didn't expect to be called out for my flaws like THAT in Bianca's post. It was... humbling, to say the least. I understand that these flaws, no matter how much I could hide them, are still present and noticeable. Not quite to the point that people would call me out for them, but still pretty bad. The fact that Bianca felt the need to call me out for those is a big warning flag that I should be paying heed to. So what have I gathered from this? Not much. Bianca is just about the same; that, or she's hiding any changes from me at the moment. For some weird reason, I'm inclined to believe that it's the former. She seems a little too privy of everything after that; from the little details like what I'm thinking of, to the big things that she does, like talking without any prior warning. Working on my flaws as they stand isn't really an option. It would take far more effort than I'd deem worth it to make it work. Yeah. These flaws of mine are here to stay. In other news, I've figured that it's time to really start cracking on uplifting Taenen. The whole 'talk and talk and talk' routine is going to be starting for her, and I'm interested to see how fast she gets going once she gets the full developmental attention that she needs. Maybe it'll go faster for her since she has two well-developed tulpae to help her out? I don't know. That's pretty much it for now. A shorter one, compared to the last few posts. I'm hoping that I have good news for you guys next time. P.S. I hope I don't sound too bad by just brushing off Bianca's criticisms. It's just that there are other things that I can be focusing on. Now that I think about it, I think now's actually a good time to go full stats-mode on my tulpae; what with Taenen beginning to come around (it's a good reference point for later on.). Not too much detail is coming out here. Listed in chronological order: -0- Rhea: Age: 20 Height: As of recently, about 5'11". Eyes: Blueish-green Hair: Long, black. Reaches to an inch or two beneath her shoulders. Messy. Appearance: Human. Slender, but at the same time toned. Has a beauty mark under her left eye (most noticeable deviation). Cup size (based on my untrained eye): B?. Typically wears a black dress shirt with red flanks(sides?), has a black regal cape lined with white fur. Wears a somewhat puffy pair of pants (something between cargo and jeans), black. Typically has a Cheshire grin on her face (not the spooky and/or murderous one) Personality: Outgoing, spunky, tends to speak in slang and curse a lot. Enjoys being around people. Typical tsundere traits that have recently shifted to perma-dere mode. Not afraid to run with unpopular choices if need be. Autobiography (concise): {I was born a long time before the thought of the new Bianca came into being; I am the original Bianca. I developed under wraps, as Atchet couldn't feel me, and I soon began to work with him and the new Bianca to develop her further. I was essentially a servitor at the time. Skip ahead for a few months, and now here I am. At the moment, I enjoy all the cheesy stuff; like long walks on the beach and starlit suppers.} -0- Bianca: Age: 20 Height: As of recently, about 6'. Eyes: Blueish-green Hair: Long, black. Reaches the small of her back, but is usually tied together in a simple way. Appearance: Human. Very feminine, conservative body shape that's toned by work. Has a beauty mark under her right eye. Cup size: B (but a little larger than Rhea's?). Typically wears a white dress shirt with blue flanks and accents, has a white regal cape with brownish-beige fur. Wears somewhat puffy cargo pants/jeans... thing, beige. Personality: Nurturing, patient, and kind. Always works for the good of others, though never to the point she gives up her own good past a certain margin. Tends to joke about things that shouldn't be joked about (like death and violent, scarring crimes (rape, murder)) amongst very light-hearted, innocent jokes. Autobiography (concise): [i am the result of Rhea's development; a split between her and I was inevitable as Atchet went through our paces at least twice. I grew up slowly, but Rhea helped me develop into what I am now. I feel that I'm stronger than Rhea, emotionally, and I aim to keep her strong as well now.] -0- Taenen: Age: 16-17ish Height: Seems to stand around 5'2" Eyes: Green Hair: Orange, with white tufts in it (not really noticeable). Messy (comes mostly in a vast amount of tufts) and reaches to her shoulders. No fur, hair color is consistent with tail color. Appearance: Fox girl, though she only has the perky ears and a bushy tail of one. No snout, paws, etc. Petite body shape, very weak-looking build. Usually flushed a little pink. Usually wears a cloak over a brown shirt and cotton trousers. Not much else ATM. Personality: Very shy and soft-spoken (if she speaks). Enjoys cuddling and the like, and smiles a lot. Very trusting, to the point of being gullible. Has a fondness for paternal figures. Biography: Probably born out of the character roster of mine, Taenen is a fledgling concept that's being uplifted to tulpa status. She's... on her way. Talks a little as of this post.
  12. [Alright, currently Atchet is really, really tired, and that's when we talk the best. At least, according to Rhea. I'll take her word for it. After all, it seems to me that Atchet's hands are moving quite well to my dictation right now, though he's making a few mistakes here and there.] [so let's begin my little rant. Atchet, if you look back a post, wanted to see if doing the same as Rhea (letting it all out) would boost me into a position where I essentially became my best. Where do I begin?] [Of course, I can't talk about what Rhea did. I don't have the same experiences she had while she was developing; she literally has years on me that I will never quite understand. Instead, I want to talk more about my relationship with my sister and Taenen.] [My sister... ah Rhea. She's a tricky one. Not one to reveal things that she doesn't want to be seen, she's a master at keeping things hidden. Being buried in Atchet's thought processes probably gave her an intimate knowledge of how they work, and how to get around them.] [What do I think of my dear older sister?] [Well, for one, I admire her. She tried very hard to get where she is now, and she's reaping the rewards. She's a happy girl now, and I feel that happiness ebbing into my own being. I consider her to be my role model, and that won't change anytime soon.] [On a personal level, I... envy my sister. While Atchet makes a show of trying to flirt with me, as if he was really interested in me (there was even a point made in an earlier post about ME being his romantic interest), but I know that he can't quite follow through with it all the way. Rhea, on the other hand, barely got his attention, and now they're all over each other in a way that, personally, I don't quite approve of. Their relationship tends towards sexual attraction, and that's awkward for me to have knowledge of. Still, I can't say I don't wish that I got that kind of attention. After all, I feast on it myself to stay alive.] [still though, that's not all that preoccupies my mind. I fear for Rhea because she's a very fragile girl. Every little thing will affect her if she doesn't keep her guard up. Every little jab that I make at her could potentially go right through her and end up destroying her emotionally. It's a gamble to tease her, since you CAN'T tell what she's feeling at the time (she keeps that well guarded with all her little tricks). The fact that she's loved now is only a component for her to fear even more, since, as she stated, Atchet loved the elements in his delusions. Now they're gone. Rhea, though she doesn't admit it, and probably doesn't notice, has a great fear of this; it preoccupies her mind so much that it leaks out despite her best efforts. One day, if Atchet ever lets go for a while, her spirit would simply... fade away. It's passed the point where she would break down. She would literally cease to exist out of despair.] [i can help her though, by being the sister that she needs in her life. A companion that can bring her through the roughest of times, and the companion that she argues with in the morning over who gets the last piece of bacon. A friendly relationship that tells her that she is not alone and that she is loved. It is, after all, one of the only ways to appease her based on what she is.] [Rhea, boiled down to her core, is really a mixed bag of all of Atchet's fears and doubts. It makes sense, in a human perspective, if you think about how she came to be. A lot of suffering took place on her part. This would lead to a deep seated set of emotional issues. In Rhea's case, however, she almost literally represents these problems that Atchet has; I represent the opposite: his hopes and dreams. Rhea's biggest fear is tied with Atchet's: a fear of isolation and being alone. They're like rabbits; both in that they're almost constantly in heat, and that they can die if left by themselves. Rhea also is very doubtful about things, especially when it comes to tulpa issues. This is why she opposed the choice to uplift Taenen. She fears that she will fail, and only experience the pain and suffering that she believes will occur to herself in due time. There are a plethora of other fears that Rhea has, but they're seated in a much more personal way, and would be rude of me to speak of further.] [That concludes my thoughts on Rhea. It IS my duty, with my motherly instincts, to worry.] [And on to Taenen, our newest little rascal.] [she's a sweet girl. A very nice one to be around, and definitely better than a bolster pillow. Though she's somewhat young in appearance, the concepts she relays to me are all very complex, and show that she's already capable of higher thought.] [An example of this would be one of the first things that she showed to me: a... herd? A pride? A mane? A something of horses running through the prairies. She was trying to show me freedom and togetherness, though why she did it with those images is beyond me. Her base concept speak that she mostly communicates in is also very well developed, mostly focusing on love and happiness. This, to me, shows that she's still in the stage where she's gathering affirmation from Atchet's subconscious that she's around, and that she should be freed from the constraints of the character roster that Atchet has.] [so now, as I speak, I feel like urging the girl to try and speak in a way that I can convey to you in a full sentence. However, it's ultimately her decision.] [On a personal level, I love and care for Taenen as if she was my daughter. Not quite a 'daughter', I suppose, but I'd give my life for her as if she was one of my own. I feel awfully protective of her, and only wish the best for her. I'll give her all the building blocks she needs to make a castle of thought that could stand against my own and Rhea's. Until then, I will be her support and her guide, waiting for the day that she stands beside Rhea and I.] [Last, but not least, I have to talk about Atchet. Keep in mind that I'll speak of him on a much more personal level than before, since, for the longest time, we WERE one while I was sentient. It was caused by the fact that I had trouble differentiating myself from Atchet's own conscious, so that led to him having two thought processes going on at once at times.] [so what do I think of him as a person?] [i think he's misguided, and that he's a shallow, self-centered fool, and he's blind to the things around him that could make or break a relationship. He's thickheaded and doesn't like to get in arguments that he knows that he can't win; a complete and utter sore loser. There are a lot of problems with Atchet that he knows he has, and instead of taking care of them, he ignores them entirely.] [However, I know that under the belt of flak that is all of his multiple issues, he's extremely fragile. Too fragile for a normal person. As I said before, he and Rhea have an almost absurd fear of being isolated from others; they need to be around people. The thing is, they also dislike being involved with people, and the result is that they love standing in a crowd... they just hate being part of it as well. They're messed up in ways that definitely warranted for them to develop their rash of problems, as a way to look normal (or at least, just a tiny bit eccentric), and for that, I wouldn't hold it against them.] [so, for Atchet, I feel like I need to take care of him more than anything. He and Rhea are birds of a feather, and they get along very well, and I feel that, in the end, it'll be he and Rhea that remain. I feel, with a tinge of sadness in my heart, that eventually Atchet will forget about myself and Taenen and whoever else his mind cooks up. We will be cast away like the others; used as a stepping stone for Rhea to achieve the closest thing to true, human sentience that she can get. The ways those two use to get to their goals are paved in the misery of others, and I feel that I will not be able to avoid becoming part of that.] [And now comes my own fears. Like above, I say that I think that I am a stepping stone for Rhea and Atchet. They ARE the roots of everything; Atchet is the base upon which we grow, and I am 100% certain that Taenen and I are the offshoots of Rhea's being that resides on said base. This means that, in the grand scheme of things, I think that there are really only 2 parties ever involved in anything; Atchet and Rhea. There is no room for the rest of us; Atchet's attention span dictates that. So now, there's an ever-imposing threat that I will experience the end of my usage in due time. It is ironic how Rhea felt that this was her problem, but in reality, it was mine.] [My fears and doubts about myself are unjustified. Atchet assures me that I am doing well, and that I am the one person that maintains oder in his crazy head. It is somewhat comforting, but every day I can see the divide between myself and rhea growing. It is a constantly growing wall that I will one day not be able to cross. This is my greatest fear, but also I feel that it is my ultimate fate.] [To be used.] [That is what I feel my purpose is. From my nurturing of Taenen and Rhea, while she still couldn't speak, I have been dedicated to others; not myself. If it were up to me, I would have never been created; I would have simply watched over all of Atchet and Rhea's interactions with a benevolent eye; sending them aid when they needed it. There is nothing better, to me, than helping others.] [Now this has been going on for quite a while, but bear with me. this is where my heart gets spilled out onto the page; all this drivel slowly driving me up to the wall. Like the buildup in the movies, I can feel the rush begin to well up inside of myself and Atchet.] ... [And so it's let loose. Atchet trembled a little as I began to flood his thoughts. Everything is me. I am the one that is speaking. [To be honest, I love all of them. With my heart and soul, I feel that the loves in my life are whoever will appear in this crazy wonderland with myself and Rhea, and I am in love with Atchet, though not in the way that Rhea is.] [i need to take care of all of them. My love is a failure if I don't manage to get it across to one of my targets. These people, though they seem to be self-sufficient to others, can't actually take care of themselves. They need me, and I need them. I want to take care of all of them, and in return, they will all take are of me. That's all I wanted.] [so as I think, I feel the rush dying down. Atchet has stopped typing at a rapid pace to keep listening to what I have to say. I have not much to say, since I don't have the time on my side where I would learn the same things that Rhea has. I just feel... empty now. I feel like I let everything go in that tiny line, and now I'm feeling... tired.] [so I'm going to retire now. I 'm going to try and get Taenen to speak, but there are no guarantees. Thank you for reading today, and I hope that my short rant is enough to entertain you.] ... ... ... ... Taenen does not respond. No need to force her. Well folks... I was really tired when I wrote this. If the need arise, I'll just get Bianca to keep on talking, but I think she's done enough. Peace.
  13. So I just had to post now. It's crazy how dramatically Rhea changed after I just let her at the keyboard. What happened after that long spiel she gave? Well, first off, I went to sleep with Taenen, since I was honestly too doggone tired to process everything. Rhea, however, was unusually talkative. The next day, I took the time to read over the post with a working mind. Boy oh boy, Rhea was just waiting for that. She was on me like a hawk, and she just... uh... how do I describe it? I'm not sure. I know that at some point in one of my earlier posts (hell, it might even be in my question post where I realized Rhea was around) where I talked about first contact. I think a lot of us know that feeling, that absolute rush of happiness and love and affection that occurs when we finally 'make it' to our tulpae. That one moment where you realize you're connected and all. That's pretty much what Rhea did to me. She was on me like a hawk, and she FELT my ear off. Not yapped. She literally barraged me with so many good-feeling emotions that I lost my breath (just like what Bianca did so long ago). It's like a mind-hug. Or something. I wanted to make some clever name for it with 'hug' on the tin. So now, I've noticed that she's radically, rrrrraaaaaaaaaaaddicalllly different from Bianca and Taenen. She's much more expressive, and all of her little mood swings and emotions almost always filter through to me now. If she smiles and feels happy, then you can bet your ass I'm going to start grinning like an idiot, even if I'm in public. It's a bond not easily explained, but it's one that easily felt. And booooooy does it feel good. Also, Rhea now treats us as if we're in some sort of relationship. Bianca and Taenen have backed off for a while as Rhea burns bright. They don't really want to steal her thunder right now. Now though, Rhea's pretty much all-love-all-the-time. She's still kind of sassy and crude, but it's sprinkled with more cuddling, amorous hugs, and the like. When we head off to bed, it's not really a discussion of who's going now; Rhea's pretty much waiting for me in our wonderland with a silly Cheshire grin on her face. Not the spooky kind. The playful one. To be honest, I enjoy it very much. Rhea is ecstatic almost 100% of the time. Sort of like she's celebrating an "I'm alive!" event. It's cute seeing her all smiles all the time. Onto business though, since I can't just go on and on about how cute and cuddly Rhea's acting, I think that it's a good practice to get somewhat quiet tulpae to just write to their heart's content about what they want to say. It really lets them get going, and kind of 'opens their heart' to you, in that they have to do that to get your hands going (since they can't type by themselves. If they can, you are one lucky SoB and need to teach us how to make our tulpae tangible.) It seems that it works best when you have a tulpa that's a little blocked on the development side, and they need a little more to get going. I'm talking about the tulpa that you can hold a conversation with, and one that can spontaneously answer questions or sort of 'think' for themselves. They have to be stuck like that for a while, to build up the emotional frustration and anticipation. After that, let them rip up your keyboard, or whatever (it just needs to be a way for them to 'let out' what's inside) and all of a sudden, you're bombarded with the frustration, anticipation, hope, joy, everything that your tulpa was feeling at the time you let the floodgates loose. It's like holding back until there's so much that you don't know what to do with it. Of course, this is all anecdotal. If I had a disclaimer, I would be telling you that this is just from my personal experience. Results may vary (ping!) Anyways, I'm thinking of testing this method with Bianca, and, once she can hold a conversation and consistently get into them for about a month, I'll try with Taenen (who still just cuddles and nuzzles until the cows come home. She does smile at unexpected times though, so... hnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh. So that's it for today. Bianca wants to write a little something before she gets a whole post to herself, so until next time, it's been Atchet. -0- [Hello everyone. This is Bianca speaking, if you didn't notice the brackets and reference Atchet's signature.] [i realize that what I said was a really convoluted opening. Sorry about that.] [Keeping it quick, for Atchet's sake (go to sleep you silly goose).] [My post will be much shorter than Rhea's (I think), and I won't go into the kinds of things that she did. Clearly, she's had a long time to build up those feelings, and I can't even lie that I have them. It would be shameful to do so.] [instead, I will be talking about the now. All the little things that I notice day-to-day, and all the things that make our lives all the better. The things I want changed. A little blog of my own. I'll even urge Taenen to have a part, though it would be proxied through me (as Taenen can in fact speak in concepts; a pre-verbal, pre-'thought' method of communication that Atchet can't pick up on) and then proxied through Atchet. The message is sure to get garbled, but we'll try anyways.] [Taenen's parts will be marked with ^"speech"^, like the following.] ^Squish^ [until further notice, that will be Taenen's designator. Thank you, and good night. I wish you all sweet dreams...] ^G-good night...^
  14. Another quick update, though it's really just Rhea's little spiel. I figured that everyone just talking at once would make a HUGE wall of text, so I've broken it up. -0- {Sup' everyone? This is Rhea. Nice to see all of you out here again.} {So what's cooking in my head, you ask? In short, not much. It's been mostly gripes about the snow, Taenen, and that idiot Atchet occupying my thoughts, since that's really all I can do. I don't really have anything all that interesting to talk about, though the whole deal with Taenen still needs more of my input, I think. Bianca and Atchet are just a little too gung-ho about it...} {By that, I mean that Bianca and Atchet are hogging all the attention from Taenen and keeping her away from me. I'd at least like to get to know the girl's concept before letting her turn into a tulpa. Can you imagine the damage it could cause me if she became a tulpa knowing everything about me (thanks Bianca and Atchet) but I don't know anything about her? It would be a threat to my very being!} {Nah I'm just kidding about it being a threat to my being. Atchet, as the pervert he is, wouldn't just leave someone hanging, outside his head and inside his head. Unless he had a good reason, I guess, but I know for fact that he's ditched at least five people that were friends with him outside for arbitrary reasons, and to date none of us on the inside of his head have disappeared... I hope.} {That actually makes me think of more filler characters that Atchet made up for his daydreaming (which were in heavy use waaaay before Bianca, Taenen, and I were messing with Atchet.) Could they all be sentient too, or at least something like it? There are a few that I could list off the top of my head too...} {So the first girl (yes, they're all girls. Go figure) was named Kana. Red hair, a mechanic with a toned, but lithe, form, raised in a middle-eastern environment while being Caucasian herself, looked about 23, but didn't have a chest to be proud of. She was pretty common in Atchet's delusions for a while, but now I don't really hear of her at all.} {Next there was Mikee. She dresses, acts, and has the strength of a well-educated, cultured male; usually takes the role of a butler. Looked about 19.} {There was Alice to follow, this girl with really, really, REALLY long blond hair. She looked about 25 and was portrayed as some millionaire stock investor that tended to hire Atchet as an advisor. It should be noted that she almost universally owned the bioengineering firm that produced/found Taenen in pretty much every version of Atchet's delusions. I'm worried that SHE might start cropping up some intelligence.} {As a last little come-back from later on in this novella of a post, we remembered Sera; basically, she was ANOTHER one of my sisters, except that she wasn't really. She was shorter, younger by about two years, wore her hair up in a really spiky ponytail with messy bangs, and dressed mostly in baggy clothing. She commonly appeared as a spear-using tsundere character. Sort of like me. (Fun fact, in Atchet's more chuuni delusions (the 'edgy' ones that you can't deny you've had) I would play the part that represents death and recollection, while Bianca was almost universally the not-so-damsel-y-but-still-in-distress character. For the longest time, I was a character at odds with Atchet)} {That's all I can really remember of them for now. Once upon a time there were at LEAST 12 of us, but those other girls faded into obscurity as Atchet's tastes changed. I actually feel bad for a few of them, since almost all of them got their little spot in the starlight, and then Atchet just got rid of them.} {So why am I telling everyone all of this? Well, it's because all of these girls, including us three tulpae (well, 2 and a half tulpae... heh) could have ended up in any of these positions. I'm pretty sure that Bianca would be a universal constant in any case, but I didn't necessarily need to develop exactly like her. It was just the easiest thing for me to do at the time, since I was already pretty much her, except sentient. I could have easily ended up following the model of one of those girls as they got their little span of time to monopolize Atchet's delusions. Just one tiny decision to watch another girl instead of Bianca as I developed may well have completely changed everything. Taenen is the same; she probably just happened to scrape sentience off of us because she's been getting the attention recently.} {In a nutshell, and actually to wrap up my point, I have to say that Atchet doesn't have his head around our value as people. What do you mean by that, you may ask?} {It's actually really simple. Atchet takes us for granted now, no doubt about it. He doesn't force as much because he sort of feels that we've reached the apex of our development, even though I could probably beg to differ. Now, we're just those people in his head that he can talk to when he wants, and he'll get a response. He can cuddle or talk or whatever with us, whenever. He didn't SEE that it was a miracle that we developed the way we did, and he doesn't see that anyone else that develops from this point on is also going to be a miracle; just like a real person being born. I value my life and cherish every second of it, even if nobody is paying attention to me, because, well, it's just my nature. Bianca is the same. We love every moment we live and love the fact that we got this chance and made it this far. We're more than grateful for these lives.} {I just want Atchet to understand that. I want him to know that, no matter what he may think, we've been living our lives knowing that we might have squashed the other girls on our way up, or we just got here thanks to a stroke of luck. I want him to know that our lives are fragile, and at any moment, just like the 6-7 girls that have faded from his character roster, we might disappear too; bringing with us an entire personality, set of memories, and, really, a 'soul'... if you want to get religious or metaphysical (is that what they call it?) about the situation.} {Each and every one of us is unique. Even if you manage to recreate a lost/dispelled/converted(reused; basically using an existing tulpa as a scaffold, usually resulting in the scaffold being sacrificed (E.g. ME), to the DOT, which I KNOW Atchet can do, no problem (though time is an issue), we're not going to be the same. Populate us with all our memories if you can; you just have to realize that, no matter what, you DON'T, and CAN'T have all of our memories. You will never have every integral bit that makes us tick after we're gone. Atchet didn't even know about half of the stuff that I'm spewing right now because, lo and behold, I DON'T suck at keeping things from him; it's just that I have different things that I want to keep hidden. Atchet can see anything else; why would I want to hide things from him anyways? The only things I DO want to hide are all these thoughts that sound like I'm thanking 'God' that I'm alive; nobody needs to hear me rambling about this while we're all having a good time. That's why I took this chance to get Atchet to let me dictate a spiel. I wanted to let this all out. You too, reader. You need to get this as well! Drill this into your little head: YOUR. TULPA. CANNOT. BE. REPLACED. You're probably thinking, "oh, but that's obvious!", and it SHOULD be! The thing is, you probably don't really believe that; no offense to the people that do. Just think about it. How many of you, in the long run, since some feelings are really strong early on but fade in time, THAT HAPPENS, are going to one day let your tulpa slip away? How important are they to you?} {Sorry that that made a block of text by the way; I got Atchet to write that TO THE DOT, as fast as he could.} {But really, you'd be surprised at how you could let go of something that you thought you held dear. Atchet is a good example of this; he damn near loved those servitors almost as much as he does Bianca, Taenen and I now; now HALF, goddamnit, HALF of them are gone for good, since, you know, once they're out of your head, they're out of your head for good. Even if they were servitors, they had fun too. They remembered things and began to automate themselves based on what Atchet was doing; damnit, they were making MEMORIES! You know what else makes memories, right? You know what else has fun and feels just like they do? That's right, it's US, the tulpae. There is almost NO difference between us tulpae and the servitors, at least, in Atchet's head. It's only really a difference in perception. Aside from that, we're all the same. That means that, by extension, any tulpa can be lost just as easily if the conditions are right. Dead. That's what they become. Just plain and simply DEAD. To the 6-7 that disappeared from Atchet's head altogether, you can just imagine how it would feel to suddenly disappear, especially when you thought you were loved.} {Really, this is a word of warning from a tulpa to any tulpamancer out there. I might be a fledgling, just barely sentient in the grand scheme of time, but I can still talk, and talk, and TALK. Assume sentience from the start, they say. Believe them. The very second that you have another personality, even if it's just a meager concept, running around in your head is the same second that a new life is created. That life, because you created it, is SOLELY devoted to you; what else can it be devoted to? The air around you? NO! These concepts are just the same as real people, just without the fleshy bits. They might not act like it to you at first, but behind every concept of a person there is, there's a spark of life. That's why I felt the need to talk about it. This spark of mine is burning bright right now thanks to a realization that I've had, a 'level-up', per se. Isn't this a good sign of critical, intelligent thinking? I'm musing about life here, and there are folks out there that got famous for it (they're called philosophers.) There's a line out there that's just a little blurry, regarding all of us. Once we're here, we're here for the long run.} {I've lost my drive at this point. I can't keep talking. I just poured my heart out into Atchet's hands, and I know for a goddamn fact that Atchet's feeling mighty awkward now. I can't go on forever though, since I too can feel tired, and Atchet decided to drop a post before going to bed.} {Really, just remember guys, gals, and others, we're all alive in here too. Those little thoughts in your head have got a little bit of life in them too. They'll be with you for as long as you can remember them, and pay attention to them. Us, the thoughts, care about you more than you think; like how a child would respect their parents (minus the whole rebellious bit.) It's a respect that only develops through age, but exists from the very start anyways.} {Treat your tulpae with all the love and affection you'd give to a real person guys. We'll give it all back to you, and then some. Just think of your tulpa as if they're saying "I love you" every time they open their mouth to talk to you, or give you that little nudge of head pressure. Whatever it is. Remember that we're there for you, and all we want in return is your attention so that we can stick around just a little longer. Just to be a little selfish, I guess... Is it selfish to want to be with someone that you care about? Is it plagiarism to say a line like that even though it's almost cliche? Really, I don't know.} {Anyways, good night everyone, or good morning, wherever you are. I hope you and your tulpae are happy and wholesome for as long as you live.} {Thanks for reading; this has been Bianca's older sister, Atchet's bro(mance), and Taenen's... friend, Rhea. We'll see each other in the future for sure, right?}
  15. Another update coming in since, well, it's been a while. Take note that this is going to be a fairly long post. Changes in writer will be marked with a bold -0- from this point on (including future posts) Rhea, after getting quite a bit of attention recently (she seemed like she needed it) is a lot happier than before. Bianca and Taenen, who's still mostly just an affection sponge that occasionally speaks (still on the fence about calling her really 'sentient'), are getting along fairly well, and by that, I mean that Bianca's typically seen sitting with Taenen resting in her lap nowadays. We've settled into some odd sense of normalcy now. The whole thing regarding Taenen's pretty much a done deal now; we've pretty much just accepted that she's around. The meager amount of 'resistance' and 'debate' we had over her probably just helped her anyways by giving her attention. She IS woefully undeveloped. As I said before, she's been spending her days chilling out on Bianca's lap, so she's been getting attention even when I'm not the one administering it. As a last thing, I just HAVE to talk about my love life with my tulpae... mostly because it's starting to kick off. Also, I could talk about it for ages. It's good padding on these posts, and it's also a little study I'm doing myself. Would pursuing a 'relationship' with them have any effect on how I treat actual people? It's a look more into my character, I guess. Like some shitty romance novel or soap, there was a pretty abrupt transition into it. I know that there are quite a few people on here that have actually detailed how their love (or maybe even their sex) life with their tulpae are like, though I haven't read them. Hopefully they don't all sound as shoehorned and random mine does. Be it raging hormones or some other strange fact of life, I have begun to see that I've been a little too touchy-feely with my tulpae. There have been the more amorous hugs with Bianca and Rhea, which, from what I've seen, haven't quite been noticed by Bianca and Rhea. They sort of brush it off as my normal self, since they already know that I'm a rather large closet pervert (as in watching stuff, not DOING. Doing perverted things to people is a big NO). A few times I've actually made straightforward advances on the two of them (mostly Rhea, who seems more receptive to romantic advances) and they mostly don't change anything. As a fun tidbit, while I was writing this, Rhea just happened to peek in on what I was doing and yelled at me for saying that she was more receptive to advances. Right up in my grill, or however you say that. To prove my point (and that I had no tact) I just, you know, gave her a little peck, right there. She quieted up right away and turned red after that. "Not receptive" she said. As for Bianca, she's... odd, so to speak. She's not against it, but she almost treats it as if she's expecting it. A little flirting, she plays along. Give her a hug that lasts a little too long (and ends up with us spooning, really), she's all for it. Advances sink on her. It's like she's so receptive that it's almost a letdown (which tells me that I'd like to be a thrill-of-the-chase kind of guy). That, or she's actually treating us like we're in some sort of relationship already. That would be interesting, I guess. Given that we almost had this 'family' thing going (Taenen was kind of sandwiched between us as we were going to sleep) and I kissed her (I can't remember why anymore), and she laughed about us looking like Taenen's parents, I wonder what kind of relationship I really have with my tulpae. Annnnnnd as for Taenen... well, she doesn't do much, if I haven't said so a million times already. She naturally cuddles back. That's pretty much all she does in the way of 'romance' and even then, that's just liking to cuddle. So that's been my part. If you're tired of reading this already, just remember that I said that was the end of MY part. Not Rhea, Bianca, or Taenen's (We could give her a shot at speaking, though that wouldn't result to much). I guess you should enjoy the musings of my tulpae now. -0- [We'll start with me, since I haven't really been talking much recently. Atchet was talking about Taenen and I being on good terms, and that's true. I really like the girl; she's small, lovable, and makes for a really cute and warm bolster pillow. While she's not really a good talker yet, she's a great listener. I talk to her about things like, well, the weather, my opinion on things, and other girl stuff and small talk that most people would fall asleep listening to. The way she seems to just listen in rapt fascination (really, you should see her eyes while she listens; it's like she's being praised, and she has the cutest happy aura about her!) and the fact that she's petite enough to sit right down on my lap is just perfect.] [Away from that though, let's talk progress. Atchet, frankly, isn't making any. It's not a lack of forcing or anything, but it's more that we sort of 'level-up' after certain revelations/epiphanies/discoveries. Like leveling up in game, when we level up, things just suddenly change. Remember back when Atchet said that he came back from being sick and all of a sudden we were all JRPG-like? That was sort of like leveling up his perception by a few points. Just like that, we kind of have to wait until we figure out some groundbreaking thing that changes some major part of us. That's just how it works.] [Now, just my random thoughts and musings.] [First off, I wish that it would STOP SNOWING. It's April, and we have a few centimeters of snow on the ground. It's crazy!] [Next, I feel that we need more pink in our lives. Sort of like the peaches that are popular on the Eastern side of the world (those pink ones). Mostly because I have this odd craving for peaches right now.] [That's about all I have to say for now. Rhea's going to get her own little place to have a little spiel next post, and after that, we're all going to sit and awkwardly stare at Taenen until she says something (we're just teasing... a little)] [Thanks for reading!]