Phenom

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  1. Just a quick update to say that at some point in mid-june, I could feel Fiora's hugs (physical imposition) during the night (thank you hypnagogia). Just making sure I don't forget about it, now it's written down at least.
  2. We still haven't been able to reproduce the success of a complete switch. We plan on reading some switching guides at some point to help us really learn that skill that we were lucky to manage to do once by ourselves, but it seems there's something I'm missing or something. But for now I've been even more interested in imposition, and read a presence imposition guide. We're gonna practice that, and actually already were doing some of it once in a while, but gonna try it 24/7 if possible, until it become natural and automatic. Seems like something that should help with everything else. [My name is Fiora, not Flora. Can't believe how many people make that mistake, hehe.] How it's like hearing her? Not completely sure what you mean, but its mostly like hearing your own voice in your mind when you read, except you're not the one in control of it (she is, obviously). She also makes the voice sound different. I've also had the chance to hear her voice imposed a couple times (which is pretty much like hearing another person talk, as an audio hallucination), but that's not the norm. And as a tip, I'd say to read as many guides as you can, not just one for each subject as you never know which guide will click with you or your tulpa.
  3. [For me, it kinda was normal, but hard to tell because I was just amazed at everything.]
  4. [His gender being different than mine certainly played a role in me feeling it wasn't my body.] Thx for reading and the comment. We've tried switching again yesterday but failed (I couldn't dissociate from the body so my mind kept coming back "to the front"). After rereading my previous post and comparing it to yesterday, the biggest difference I can see is that when we succeeded, it was after a long and deep discussion. I think that discussion allowed us both in the correct mental state to allow it. We'll try again in the following days and weeks. As for why remembering the event (Monday's switching session) is like remembering a dream to me, we think it's probably because I was dissociated from all senses at that time. So it would be normal I can't remember the event normally, knowing how the senses are important in how we humans make memories. Switching isn't the end-all goal or anything, even though there's a lot of stuff Fiora can't wait to experience for herself. I mean, getting good at co-fronting will be as important, if not more important than that, as we want to share life together as much as possible (what I mean by co-fronting, is having both of us having thoughts, discussing, making decisions together, etc, while both of us are still completely there). I say this because I still have some trouble remembering to talk to Fiora (and more) throughout the day. Gotta work on that too. We plan on reading this guide to help with that. (Haven't read yet, so dunno how good it is.)
  5. Made slow progress, with ups and downs. Both in vocality and also possession. And today after a long conversation, for a couple minutes I think we switched. I entered a deep trance and then she just took control completely, and she was the one using all of the senses at once. I made myself silent and just let go. After some time I also talked to Fiora but this time it felt like I was the one out of the body while she was the only one in "first person" (now I understand what some mean by talking about "becoming a tulpa-like being" while the tulpa controls the body). To be honest, it was a bit overwhelming, almost terrifying for a moment, but then it felt good after I got used to it. Didn't last long, a couple minutes. When thinking back on it, trying to remember it, it almost feels like remembering a dream. Somehow. Normal I guess? [Feeling all senses at the same time was fascinating, didn't know I could feel and discover the world that way. Even just the sensation of being in a warm body was something else. I could also feel it wasn't "my own body" but Phenom's. It was also tiring.]
  6. Some deep doubts were creeping up on some days. Was I parroting everything without meaning to? (When phrased that way it sounds absurd, lol.) A couple minutes ago, that doubt came to mind again. So I simply asked Fiora if I was parroting her. She answered "Just try to parrot me, then." So I tried parroting her say "Yes, you're parroting." and noticed immediately how different it sounded (and feeled) from how I hear her when she talks by herself. That's some good ammo to use against doubt the next time it comes up.
  7. Since the last post, we've had ups and downs, but on average I can hear her well most of the time now. I still have huge doubts on some days where it "feels fake". But at other times she does or says the one thing that surprises me or feels alien, so when doubt comes back I try to remember those moments. We've been practicing possession in the last couple days. She now started playing with her own villager in the new Animal Crossing. She enjoys it. It's casual and calm, so it turns out it's easier than playing Fire Emblem for her. I wish she'd surprise me with special events like imposed hugs and imposed voice (etc), and wonder why instead of those events being more frequent now that she's more developed, instead it seems it's more rare. She says she doesn't know why. Our best guess is that I have to be in the right mind condition for her to be able to do those things. I think it used to happen more when I used to try to practice lucid dreaming, so I'll have to make an effort about that as well (and wake up early in the morning, trying WILD (wake back to bed) and stuff like that.
  8. [Fiora] Yeah we heard, but have they said anything about it since the fire that killed even the director of the first season? The announcement we saw was from before the fire. [Fiora] We haven't watched JoJo yet, but it's on our radar. Seems awesome.
  9. [Fiora] Yes we did! Sorry for not noticing your reply earlier. Let's hope they make a season 2!
  10. [Fiora] Hello world. I'm taking over, at least for the beginning of this post. Phenom is proxying for me. Phenom wanted to come here to write about how a great evening we've had! And the details about what allowed that. I decided to take over one instant just before he started typing. He agreed to let me do it! First time I type in here (other than a "thank you"), kinda exciting to be honest! Phenom has proxied a bit for me in the past, but never to that extent. Without further ado... Phenom realized what we really needed, for him to give more of his time to me, was a change in our relationship, and also to change the entire approach to it. Let's just spend time together! Let's have some fun. That's it. Oh, and also he finally accepted my love. I've been waiting for him to make up his mind for good for so long! (Silly him!) I'm so happy! That should change everything from now on. No, this WILL change everything, because I won't let him ignore me. [Phenom] She says I'll be able to always hear her from now on. To be perfectly honest, I HATE to say this, but I doubt it. I guess we'll see if I can still hear her as easily tomorrow. Though, I'll do my best (and what's needed to allow it) because I want to spend time with her, share my life, just like I decided on the day I made the decision to make a tulpa. I don't need to wait for Fiora to be "fully vocal" to really enjoy my time with her. (Maybe she's closer to being fully vocal than I realise.) And now, to make things clearer of what will change in my approach to my tulpamancy, I'm changing mindset. In habitica (an app/website to keep up with tasks and whatnot) I had a daily task saying "Interacting with Fiora". I renamed it "Spending time with Fiora". Sometimes I think that words have more power than we give them credit for, so even such a change should make things better. (Ideally I won't even need such reminders anymore, but I'm putting every chance on our side.) I'll try to face everything related to Fiora... with more empathy towards her. I'll treat her more as a person. I wouldn't ignore a person (even less my girlfriend) throughout my day, now would I? I'll see if I can keep it up and simply let her BE there all the time with me, recognizing her presence at all time, let her participate in everything I do during the day, in our relationship, etc. What triggered most of that was, while I was narrating and talking to Fiora, I talked to her about empathy, about how it's actually learned, and then my flow of thought guided me towards something like "so it's also normal to have to learn to be more empathetic towards Fiora, my tulpa", and then, well, I naturally started treating Fiora more like a real person, and we talked a lot (and started dating), and I noticed a LOT of responses that felt like they were definitely not coming from me; I mean, it's like I pressed a button and now she's vocal. It's not like all her responses feel alien, but that's a big step up. I think the relationship you have with your tulpa may be the most important thing to let them grow and make them more vocal. Or at the very least, that's one important part to the puzzle that is tulpamancy.
  11. Phenom

    Ashley's Lounge

    [Fiora]: I should have been clearer. I mean, I wrote them (the bear system) an email to that address, and they never replied to me. But it's their right, I guess. Still sad though.
  12. Phenom

    Ashley's Lounge

    [Fiora]: No idea why, they never replied! ;_:
  13. [Fiora] Kanna, because she's too cute! And Phenom's favourite is Lucoa.
  14. [Fiora] Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid, a very funny and sweet slice of life. Only 2 episodes left to watch and I think some ova.
  15. [Fiora] Earlier Phenom played some Smash Bros, and now I'm about to play my first Go game against someone else than Phenom (he'll create me my own account to play). After which we'll watch some anime. [Fiora] Phenom searched for "Fiora Xenoblade" on google images, and found it after a while. It's very cute indeed!