Oleg

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About Oleg

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    Follower of the 'Whim'

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  1. And now, I'm there… or, at least, I hope I am. Hello, everyone. I’m back. My name is Oleg, and this is my second progress report on this website. Like before, it will focus on the development of my tulpa, Rae. So frankly, the first progress report is something I would rather pretend never existed, what with the juvenile, “cool and wacky” attitude I was trying to pull off, and how I had forgotten about it after only a week of subpar forcing. But, rather than forgetting about it, I eventually decided to learn from it and better myself and my attitude, which is how I got here—this progress report will be about me taking things more seriously, working as hard as can be on Rae. Also, the forum already has enough kids being “cool and wacky”—I figured I should at the very least try to act somewhat professional, because it’s “For Science!” after all… Now, before I go on, let me talk a little bit about Rae. Rae (then Ria—at some point I changed the name for one reason or another) was first conceptualized in 2011 as something called a CALD character (“CALD” standing for “Character Induced Lucid Dreaming”). From what I remember, it was some sort of experimental technique that didn’t quite take off. When interest dwindled, I had sort of forgotten about her, and that was the end of that. Then, there came along the tulpa phenomenon, and I became curious again. There were roughly half a dozen attempts at creation, but none of them ever went anywhere (I think some of them I didn’t even manage to start). And now, I am trying to finally rectify that. For the record, she’s a human girl—continuously described as slightly unkempt and with red hair. Now, I have declared my seriousness and willingness to work hard. Where does that leave me? Unfortunately, it leaves me nowhere. I still need to actually start. See, even if I had been at work for roughly a week, my efforts have turned up uninspired, inconsistent and dissatisfactory, filled with pessimism, doubts and distractions. That needs to be fixed as soon as possible, so I have brought up some very simple solutions—one is a schedule to follow, and the other is a basic, long-term work plan, so I know what I am to do. I also thought of looking into meditation, and how I can use it to force more effectively. The schedule amounts to two hours of forcing—one in the morning, when I wake up, and one in the evening, when I go back to bed. I've been thinking of adding a third hour in there as well, but I honestly doubt I'll be able to take it on. Finally, the rest of the day will be spent narrating to Rae whilst keeping attention on her presence, so I get used to the idea of her always being there. As for the work plan, it isn't exactly solid yet, but I have a very basic overview on what I would like to cover, and in what order. Personality Presence Sentience Voice Form Personality and presence is something I desperately need, because as it currently is, the focus for my narration is just too vague and generic to be of any use—that is why I have given it such a high priority. I believe that by establishing personality, I will have a more solid foundation for Rae’s presence, which is supposed to eventually help with sentience and voice down the road. Ultimately, form isn't that important to me, but I will likely do it when the rest is all said and done. Now, I am running out of things to say, so I shall just clumsily wrap it all up. And now, I begin. But first I shall go to sleep, because that is what you do when you are sleepy.
  2. Oh, hello there. Apparently I had quit again. I'm back now, though. I have no idea what I will do or what will happen, but it will most likely be nothing. I don't have much to say, unfortunately, so I very rarely have a contribution to make. As such, I'll be sticking to a progress report and such.
  3. Oops, I stopped. What are the odds? I had a dream in which I was accompanied by a redheaded girl of sorts. I was almost wholly oblivious of her presence and did not interact whatsoever, and she was devoid of anything but a vague form, and didn't do much of anything, either. I mean ... it might just be nothing, but the parallels are there ... Hmm...
  4. Oleg

    Skypes

    Hunh...? Well, why the hell not? 'olegequalzname' It's a stupid nick, I know.
  5. 24/1/2015: Yesterday, I did not narrate for a second time. I am a horrible person now. Today, I began with a lot of passive narration – I had to keep refocusing on Rae, not unlike yesterday. I have no idea if anything important happened during this time, really. I just narrated about everything that I did and saw. Sometimes, the multitasking was just too hardcore for me, so I shut up. Over time, I forgot about passive forcing. When I got home, I sat down for an hour of narration. I would still call it aggravatingly boring and what the hell else I said about it yesterday, but I got through it just fine anyway. A problem arose with the fact that I had nothing to say (people often tell you that you can talk about ANYTHING, but if there isn't fucking 'anything', then it's of no use to you as advice). Half the time, I was just screwing around like an idiot. The other half, I kept getting distracted by Anime-esque things. At one point, I got a rather clear, split-second image of a girl's face. In the aftermath, I described the girl as having black hair, gray eyes and an expression of mild curiosity. I theorized that it might be a vision, but I also conceded that this was not likely. Nevertheless, I added the black hair to my tulpa, simply because it's so much easier to visualize than red hair. At another point, I got a momentary headache. While in reality I didn't think much of it, it didn't stop me from going - essentially - “hey, wait... dat you? please say dat you. please.” Afterwards, the headache disappeared. And that's all I've got, really. Other than that, I will most definitely narrate later on (and narrate passively in the meantime), but I'm not sure what else will happen. I've also talked about how I should actually finish the things I haven't actually finished yet, like personality. And visualization. And everything else. Byes.
  6. 23/1/2015: I still have no idea what I'm doing. This morning, I decided to go ahead and try some rapid-fire, expectations-driven but essentially still parroted conversation. It basically involved me trying to come up with responses as fast as possible, with a minimum amount of active input. The resulting tidbits were interesting enough. If I am to take them seriously (which I will so it at least looks like I'm doing something), it would essentially make Rae jauntier than previously expected. However, on closer inspection, I realized that I had added 'debonair' as a personality trait. I had actually forgotten about this (and no, I did not go through the personality traits yesterday like I said I would) so it seems that I was the one in the wrong, while the faux/maybe-not-faux tulpa was in the right. I can't believe I'm not even a week in, and I already have to be corrected by my subconsciousness/Rae/dumb luck. I do realize that parroting is potentially dangerous. Potentially, that is. Maybe it's actually the best way and will give you the very best tulpas, who knows? But I'm not particularly sure. I mean, I'm not sure how I will be going from 'force rapid-fire, minimum thought responses' to 'wholly autonomous and sentient tulpa'. Then again, I see even less logic in a progression that goes from 'talk to your tulpa hoping that one day you'll get a response' to 'wholly autonomous and sentient tulpa', so... All in all, at the very least it was just a fun thought experiment to see how certain conversations could go. I also wanted to play Pokemon (I got Emerald as per my 'rapid-fire, no-thought''s response). ---- ---- ---- I decided that I should start with the oh-so dreaded narration aspect. It was a excruciating experience. Or rather, it was kind of awkward, I ended up being bored, and I can essentially see this becoming VERY frustrating. Hopefully I'll figure out a way for it to not be frustrating. I alternated between muttering under my breath and using my mind-voice. The session was supposed to last for 60 minutes, but anything meaningful stopped at the 50 minute mark. So when I started out, I basically introduced myself and Rae into the picture - mostly, this was just for formalities, as I'd imagine she already knew who she was and who I was and stuff. Throughout, I constantly forced in her name whenever I addressed her - this was less for the sake of her and more for mine: I needed a firm establishment of who my audience was as I kept shifting away from Rae and towards 'lol what the fuck am I doing?'. When formalities were over, I talked a bit about my life, and that went as well as expected (I went 'fuck it' half-way in and changed the topic). I tried telling as much as I could about Rae herself, so she would have a bit of a firmer understanding of herself. I'm not really sure how that went, but oh wells. Another notable topic would be my Zelda fanfic. Whilst Rae didn't really do much, talking to someone about it in detail allowed me to see my fanfic with fresh eyes. I suddenly came up with ideas and scenarios I previously didn't (so all in all, I got something non-tulpaish out of it, too). Whenever I wasn't narrating, I switched over to visualization training and the enforcement of appearance. Though my grasp of her form is still vague and simplistic, it is a notable improvement, I think. At the end, and I'm not sure why I did this, but I essentially took all that has happened today that regarded Rae, and sealed it in a glowing orb, which I merged into Rae – this was supposed to act as 'I am now saving the progress made'. I didn't think of it as necessary, but rather as a simple, completely symbolic reinforcement. And that's all. I may do another session this evening, but right now, I would say I'm a bit tired.
  7. I don't actually have a vocal tulpa yet, but I just did this anyways, for shits and giggles, y'know... Me: "Surprise me!" (first thing that comes to mind): "Cats!" Me: "...Yeah, no."
  8. And now I have a Progress Report. Hurray. It will have a big and wonderful title: 'Rae the Whatever and Me - A Journey of Stuff' Not taking it all too seriously just yet, but no worries. We'll get there. 19/1/2015: This is the day I formally started. It was on this day that I decided I should create a tulpa, with the idea being that I should continue on no matter what (which is mostly just a fail-safe in case I lose interest and quit). Other than that, I looked through guides, evaluated the different tasks and goals, and... ...And then nothing. I didn't really do much, to be honest. Tulpa's name is Rae. As far as I know, I'm dealing with a red haired girl with a stern and steelish resolve with a bit of competitiveness and whatever else there was I may have forgotten about (I should really write these things down or something). All in all, it's vague. I figured, "Oh, I should work on personality first. Okay." 20/1/2015: I decided that I should start on the personality aspect. I went online and found a big list of personality traits in alphabetical order. I didn't really know what most of the words meant, so the Google Definition thingy was used liberally. Here is where things get discouraging. Half-way in, when I reached the 'negative' traits, I got disheartened by the incredibly long list of words which I didn't know the meaning off, so I essentially stopped. Instead, I decided that I would base the 'negative' traits directly off from the 'positive' ones. I have no idea how I'm going to do that, so I will likely have to return to the list of character traits and see what I can do. All in all, oh shit laziness! I tried visualization, but I just can't get it to work. It's like I have no imagination. Sarcastic 'yay' goes here. 21/1/2015: The day was mostly riddled with failed attempts at visualization. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, but I don't remember it being so hard before. I found a few pictures which were pretty close to what I imagined Rae to look like, so I took 'em and used them as aid. I then remember trying out narration, but I ran out of things to say, and then proceeded to fall asleep. I woke up an hour later. That didn't go too well, hm? 22/1/2015: Today... I looked over the list of personality traits, which I had yet to add to. I supposed that the logical option would be to write out a paragraph on each trait, about what the trait actually means. Then I did some remembering, and remembered my first tulpa-alike that was a tulpa in all but name (and end-result supposed intensity). By the way, I'm talking about CALD (Character Assisted Lucid Dreaming). From what I gather, the end-goal generally revolves around Lucid Dreaming. The character would then be just a by-product, and it seems that the consensus was to not get too attached to it, because all things considered, it wasn't actually real. However, there were also ideas that I agreed with. At the moment, I can't figure out where I've heard this, but the idea went like this - you were to choose a 'core' or 'essence' as a foundation for a character. This so-called core could be absolutely anything, but it needed to have a strong, emotional impression on you. This strong, emotional impression was then to be applied to the character. Then, you add the whatever else there is to do, and you built your character around this 'core', effectively expanding on it. Summarization, it essentially gave the character a bit of spirit - life that you could feel early on, so to say. I suck at explaining things. Sorry. Ask questions if confused? And... and then... erm... Well, there's not much more to it. That's all I've got. I haven't done much, to be fair. I decided to create a journal so I would be encouraged to not slack off on the matter. (Edit: And now, it exists on the internet. I am now bound to get working real hard, or something)
  9. Hello guys, I am back yet again, though you wouldn't know that considering I rarely ever post. Never, actually. I mostly look at stuff. Here is a brief summary of my character: I'm awkward, oblivious, and will likely have nothing to contribute to anything. Or maybe I will. Who knows? At the moment, my tulpa is nothing but a mish-mash of red hair, a vague face, and a list of personality traits I have yet to sort out. This is not my first attempt to create a tulpa, however. My first attempt involved a similar concept, simply simpler in scope (and wording). I wouldn't say there was any true independence, but because there was a well-defined personality, expectations and structure... Essentially, I could make the character say things that would be appropriate, or in-character, but any OOC dialogue would require a bit of a push. I sort of forgot she was there, so the personality and expectations eventually disappeared. Then, after I found out about tulpa in general, I had several low-key attempts at kickstarting some sort of something, but that never ever worked out. I think I'm going to make a progress journal for the sake of having one. It would be beneficial, I think.
  10. Hi, all. I have returned from somewhere that is not here. I am confident that no one missed me, yes? Ah wells. For your information, I haven't created a tulpa yet, or at least passed the planning stages. I doubt I ever will, honestly, but maybe I'll get to it sometime in the future? Though I am not active myself, I occasionally bump in to take a look, that's how I roll. After all, it's not as if I've got anything to say, ever. (Edit: Just checked my post count, and noticed I only made two posts - a 'hello' in this very thread, and a post about how images were messed up for me. I swear I said something more than that, but oh wells.)
  11. Hello. I'm not sure if this is the right section. If it isn't, I apologize. I'm not really sure how to describe the issue, so I'll cut any needless rambling and post a screenshot instead: See all those broken images? Is this something only I am experiencing, or are there others with the problem? And is there maybe a way to fix it? I'm sorry I can't be more detailed about it.
  12. Well, hello there. I am a person. ...yup. I'll be honest: I've only made this account to gain access to some of the forum's sections unavailable to guests (mainly guides and what-not). But since I'm here, I thought it would at least be appropriate for me to say hello. I doubt I'll post much. When I first came across the idea, I was pretty bored and picked up on the idea with little to no thought. Immediately afterwards I lost interest. But now I'm back. And my motivation is still boredom... partially, mind you. I have other reasons too. Maybe when I'm not as tired, I could elaborate. Edit: I love it when I get the first post on a new page... I should also say that I think my first experience with tulpae was before I knew of them. A few years back, I designed a character inside my head with the purpose of aiding me with lucid dreaming. The idea was to puppeteer and try to slowly but steadily make the responses become more automatic and subconscious over time. I came to a point where I still mainly made up most of the dialogue, but it was hard for me to change her personality - I had difficulty forcing her to say something she wouldn't say normally. She hated me and hated me some more. And it was completely justified. Oh, and although I drew a character design, she was mainly a disembodied voice. I do feel kind of sorry now, though. I wish to recreate her, but I'm kind of afraid she'll continue to hate me. Well, either way, I'd better not stray too much. After all, this is to introduce myself, not about other stuff.