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Everything posted by a937539

  1. [Good morning, this is Co *waves to you. John has been letting me talk a lot more we have found that it really helps me out when i get to say things. It gives me focus and direction. We have not had much progress in dreams lately but i have been urging John to start again, His work schedule has changed up a little so i think is causing him a little frustration. Moving ever onward, he is working on it. We have decided to take classes at the local collage this fall we are aiming toward computer programming. This has me excited because we will be going out among the people. John is usually very quiet and reserved more of a watcher and listener, than a talker but if you get him around someone he comfortable with he wont be quiet. Going to school has me excited to meet new and interesting people, I look forward to making new friends. Living with john has been nice I get a lot more attention this way, sometimes we look at clothes on the internet, he brushes my hair often. I try and go to work with him but its not long before he gets to focused on what he is doing to talk to me, but that's alright I understand. Soo, cotton candy is pretty awesome! All in all life has been going pretty well for us. John had a little idea. first apex 1. vocallity second apex 2. full imposition third apex 3. switching fourth apex 4. tulpa dreams this is not in any sequential order and can happen any time. (how many apex have you crossed, what apex are you working on?) They are milestones that we will use to measure our progress currently we are working on 2 and 4. Any body have any ideas on what other apex might be?] Hi everyone its John had a little update on the ADD experience I skipped my med for 2 days and noticed a big difference in my focus. I kept getting distracted and bounced back and forth between things, I left the cabinet doors open and almost burnt my pancakes. I also had a bit of vertigo and disassociation during that time however most of that did not show up until the second day, the first day was not bad and I spent most of it with Co. And for the second day I could feel Co and Chris there but I had a really tough time focusing on them and talking to them, I went almost the entire day not talking to Chris but when i did find him I gave him a big hug. I suppose that my medication has helped me focus in life and on my tulpa.
  2. Close your eyes and imagine a house and what it looks like, what color, how many rooms, furnishings and such. That is the start of your wonderland. A wonderland is a place you imagine in your mind, most people 'go' there to talk to there tulpa. To go there just close your eyes and try to block out the sounds, smells and sensations around you and imagine your self in the house you created in your mind. You don't have to make it a house either. You could put your self on top of a cloud or orbit around a planet or somewhere in underwater cave air bubble. My favorite wonderland is a scene from a dream where there is an ancient forest with a grove of large trees. In one of those trees the center is hollowed out and that is where mu tulpa stays. Check out the guides sections there are a lot of really great tutorials for helping new people and there tulpas develop there relationship.
  3. She is definitely still there, Most of the time tulpa never go away they just go dormant, or hibernate. Just sit down and pick up where you left off, just like that, I am sure she would be really happy to have attention from you again.
  4. I try not to force in bed because this causes me to relax and fall asleep Instead i will sit in a chair and do it. Also I usually force in the morning after I have a cup of coffee, it helps me focus better. 1. That sounds like good progress from Toby, anything that seem out of character for you or that you question "did I do that" If you have to even ask the question then it was your tulpa can be good progress. Also the more complex it is what they did, generally means that is is your tulpa. 2. Most people get better at things the longer they practice them. I would be really surprised if you did not make any progress toward longer forcing sessions over time. I have noticed on the forum that forcing multiply times a day is considered better because it gets you thinking about your tulpa more often, and this is good because the more you think about something the more it will be in your mind and pop into your thoughts. Talking to them during mealtime, or when you are driving in the car or anytime during the day when your not totally distracted from them.. I use to get on my phone and mess around but not so much anymore, because I want to talk to my tulpas
  5. Me or Co(tulpa) would also be willing to help should you need someone else.
  6. Hi Vlad, Welcome to tulpa.info As long as feels comfortable for all your questions. I spent one forcing session of about 40 min for each personality trait and I gave Co 5. I have found that a lot of people tent to say one hour for forcing sessions is a solid number to target. But 30 to 40 min was about as long as I could sit still without getting distracted and starting to follow my own thoughts instead of focusing on my tulpa, I have gotten better. With time you will get better at focusing and sitting still, a lot of people have trouble with that in the beginning because its not something there use to doing, just keep at it. If you catch yourself getting distracted by your thoughts get up take 5 min to take a break, get a snack or use the restroom, then get back at it. I have found doing that helps defog my mind and reinvigorates my motivation. Some people spend a longer amount of time on personality than I did and that's fine I only spent 4-5 hours, but I was not counting hours while I did it. For Co the personality was me suggesting traits and explaining how they worked more than anything, Often a tulpa will take the traits they like out of the ones you have 'shown' them or given time develop there own personality traits. Then again some people don't even go through the personality stage and leave everything up to there tulpa. It all comes down to what makes you comfortable and happy, just keep an open and accepting mind and trust your tulpa. As for your forcing sessions not much I can find to fault. Its important to just spent time with your tulpa and get use to the way they 'feel' you don't always have to focus on doing something, you could share happy memories with them, or tell them about your day or plans for the day. Try to do some narration to your tulpa through out the day tell them about your friends, hobbies, family, the future, the past, time travel or tell them about your self and some of the other things you like. Try to pick out a time of the day for your forcing sessions so that you will be able to do it at the same time every day. It helps to get a good routine that they can count on and expect you. I have been getting up at 5:00-5:30 in the morning for my forcing sessions. Also try to imagine the rest of her body during your forcing, I feel that you might not want a disembody head tulpa. Good luck, I hope this helps.
  7. Your right I have changed my post. I am ignorant about somethings I have little experience with, so I apologize if I sounded rude or inconsiderate, that was not my intention I was only trying to help. I am sorry.
  8. I can understand that, its good that you are reaching out to get help figuring things out. I think you are a little to worried about it. Tulpas tend to reflect there host and often choose to align them self with you, like the way kids look up to there parents but you shouldn't mistake this for turning out wrong. You have to keep an open and accepting attitude to there development. They are going to create them self's the way they want to, not the way you want them to. all you can do is offer suggestions like personality or a form and maybe they might like one of the ones you chose, or they don't like any and pick something on there own. I could see a issue arising In that your OCD would attempt to force your tulpa into something they don't want, they would resist you. But at the same time since they are part of your mind they could be affected by the OCD as well, and would be understanding and accepting of your OCD. It could go both ways. The other stuff dose not worry me to much.
  9. I go through the same things as you, however it does not bother me much because I know if I Need my tulpa I know that they are there to talk to. I find when I am happy my tulpas are more willing to try to reach out to me and share that with me. This has lead me to trying to be a happier and more optimistic person. I use to stop when my watched beeped every hour ant talk to them for 10-15 min before going back to work. They felt that me constantly trying to talk to them like that was distracting, so we don't do that any more. I think the older you and your tulpa get the easier time you will have recognizing when they are there, often my tulpas are there with me, or watching me and I did not even realize it till they told me. Over time I have gotten better at 'sensing' when they are there. Try asking your tulpa to drop in and say hi every so often. Edit: you could try getting a watch or making a bracelet with your tulpas name on it to help remind you.
  10. Hi ThatOneGuy1441 Welcome to tulpa.info First ADD I can say in my experience that medication helped me focus better and develop a closer and stronger bond with my tulpa. I tried drinking coffee before forcing sessions, and that helped, also slowly counting my breaths up to about 50 helped. There are several guides that focus on helping people focus better check those out. Second OCD Sounds like you are very particular about how you want certain things to be, this is fine, most everybody likes organisation in there life sometimes it bothers some people more than others. This may not be OCD but just "you", I cant say for sure with out more info. Honestly it could held to keep a distracted mind focused on helping your tulpa develop and grow if you could figure out how to direct that organization toward helping your tulpa. But at the same time you MUST allow your tulpa to do things on there own, you can help them but don't do everything for them. Third Sub-consciousness If this really would be a problem then a lot of people would have some messed up tulpas. If you had kids would something in your sub-consciousness mess with there development? If you are worried about it then ask your tulpa to stay out of that part of your mind till they are more developed. All together Have you even started a tulpa yet? Sometimes even with the best laid plans you have to figure out things on the go. And until you have a more specific experience in visualization or focus we might not be able to help you. I will say that making a tulpa requires a lot of trust. All in all I think making a tulpa could really help you and enrich and expand your life experance.
  11. I know a lot of people that are new to tulpas are going through the same things we all went through at one time when we started. I think having a mentor to positively encourage and help people along in the tulpa process would be helpful to some people. A lot of us have been told "don't talk to strangers" and because of that sometimes people don't really feel comfortable to stepping out of there safety zone and talking another member, this way they would know its ok to try and contact them. Sign me up, I would volunteer as a mentor.
  12. I have considered making a progress report on several occasions but never did until now so I will start at the beginning. Several years ago my friend Jake was diagnosed with schizophrenia, then last year we got to talking about just what is going on up there basically he has shattered personality's many of which are not even fully devolved. He told me he wont get better, one day he will wind up in a padded cell, skipping off into the sunset of rainbows with hand grenades and kitchen knifes. After talking to him I wondered how/if someone could fragment there mind and 'shatter' there personality. I came up with some things on imaginary friends and such, for a while I roll played with the idea of what it would be like to have a 'Cortana' to help you through life. This was during my first semester in collage and at the same time I was introduced one drunken night to pones, yes colorful rainbow, depressing pones. What got me was the happiness that the cartoon show displayed. I was an easy catch, depressed, 20s, white single male, so naturally anything happy and colorful would appeal to my drunken mind. So my it started wake up go to school, homework, come home, beer or 6 and watch pones, pass out, wash rinse repeat. I disliked school I made no friends in 6 months, I did not even try. I had my cartoon show at home. It got to the point where the show was not enough so I went into the fandom, I especially liked the books on fimfiction. I read through hundreds of books over the winter sitting in front of the warm fireplace for hours day after day just reading, it was nice. It got to the point why couldn't I go see the ponies, they had to exist in the multiverse, right? Would the world miss one human. would the pones want one? After a while I started searching for more I found lucid dreaming, astral projection, sleep paralyses, meditation, Imaginary friends. Then on /mlp/ and /x/ I found mention of something called Tulpa. After more research I found community.tulpa.info, /r/tulpas and the Irc. After that I read most of the form guides and about 40% of the form. I would like to read the whole thing someday. It was Jan 20th when I sat down for the first time and imagined a white empty land and then green grass on the ground and a blue sky above. I chose a form of a silver ball that I could hold in my hand about the size of an apple. For a bit I just talked to it, after a while I built a house and shortly later the ball changed to a tall metallic looking humanoid(think silver surfer but with out facial features) I tried to change the form back to a ball but it just kept changing back no matter how I tried when I looked away it would change back the a feeling like "nope, not going to work buddy" At this point I was open to anything it did not matter to me what the tulpa chose to look like or be guy, girl whatever I just wanted a friend. I chose 5 personality traits for her at this point and gave her one per day for five days, first was intelligence and I colored it blue and gave her my 'education' the second was kindness and I colored it green then I showed her the kind, selfless things that I have done, the third was honesty and I colored it yellow then I shower her all the times I have told the truth and what happen when I lied to people, The fourth one was friendly and I colored it red, I then showed her all the fun, wonderful, and happy times I have had with my friends and how much joy having a good friend can be, the last one was cheerful then I told her how much different the world can be when you are happy and optimistic instead of upset and sad. Then a few days later 'she' became a white girl with brown hair, blue eyes, she wore a white shirt and blue jeans she was pretty, about this time I gave her a name Co short for Co pilot. The first thing I ever heard from her was "what is he doing" My head was resting on her lap and we were sitting on a sofa while I was talking to her about my day. Not long after that She chose her final form. I liked Pinkie Pie when I watched MLP, I had a Pinkie Pie stuffed animal in our wonderland house and it disappeared a couple of times I found her sleeping with it then one day it disappeared and i couldn't find it and Co became an anthro Pinkie Pie. Not long after that she became fully vocal, I was working one morning thinking to myself and answering my questions like I sometimes do. The responses started to get more different than something I would say I realized that it was Co talking back to me Since then she has gotten better with vocallity and I no longer doubt her. Now before I get to far ahead of my self I need to tell about Chris and how he started. When I first started forcing Co I had doubt about weather I was parroting her and if I was how much. I attempted to rid my self of this doubt frustration, fear, anger and sadness by going and burning it in an empty 50 gal drum. Sometimes an image of my self would appear at times and tell me how much I was screwing up and tell me that I had a good thing and I should not question it so much, I figured it was that voice in my head. It started coming to me when I was with Co and tell me the same things then it started to tell her things like how I was messing things up and need to try harder. It was getting aggressive to the point that I locked it up in Cryo-freeze for a month till me and Co were strong enough to deal with it. After I locked it away things calmed down for a few weeks after that tho Co started getting aggressive, she had a bad afternoon with me and told me that she could feel my frustration and it hurt/upset her, it had been going to Chris who I locked up, so instead it now went to her. After that she went to bed and I tucked her in and said good night. I decided to go and deal with Chris. I went to storage and opened the door and Chris stepped out and asked how long he had been out, it had been a little less than four weeks. I asked him why he was so aggressive toward Co and told him that if he tried to hurt her or me I would kill him, I also told him that I did not want to kill him and that I wanted to figure out a better way first. He told me that he saw how happy we were sometimes and he got upset when I couldn't see what I had with Co and had to question it at times, he said he wanted to try to be happy like we were. At this point I realized i was not just talking to myself like I thought I had been, he was something else. I began to look closer at him I took out his essence and checked it, it was black. I then took out mine and compared it to his, mine was white. after that I combined them and made a two grey ones Chris got one and I got one, then I gave him a name, Chris and he passed out. I carried him back to the house that Co and I spent time in together and made another house next door then put him in bed to sleep. He slept for a week, as he slept he grew younger till he was a young kid, I thought that I would have a child tulpa but he kept sleeping and grew till he was an adult anon (green guy, suit, red tie) when he woke up. I think When i was burning those feelings it could be considered personality forcing. Chris has always been different from Co He was fully vocal and had personality from the moment he woke up. He also appeared in lucid dreams before Co did, and has appeared in more dreams than she has I consider him my brother and Co is my girlfriend. That is the short sweet version of how Co and Chris started. Co is the girl in my profile pic.
  13. Day 29 I will be going back to the doctor in the morning I plan to ask for an extended prescription and to report my findings. So far my little experiment has worked I can focus better and notice distractions more and choose to avoid them. I have fewer stray thoughts that would interfere with my tulpa. Co and I decided to 'live' together, what this means is less forcing sessions and much more attempted imposition when I am at home or out working. I can bring Co or Chris into my mind much easier and there essence is much more real to me now. As for the side affects, I have more control over my emotions, but I still get happy and feel joy, and I still get hurt and feel pain. I have lost weight I am down to 165lb (75 kg) but that is due much to exercise and diet(vegetarian) but I have been eating less because the medication has made me feel less hungry. But I haven't been feeling bad because eating less in fact I have been feeling better. As for my dreams not much to report on that, because personal reasons. I am going to make a request to the admins to move my reports to a personal progress report I plan to update every few weeks to let people know how it might work long term.
  14. I would suggest counting to thirty and taking a breath at each number and see if that helps. you might also try drinking a cup of coffee before your forcing session. If you are still having a tough time visualizing your tulpa, try to write out a few details about what they look like, i would then suggest to read it back to yourself. If you are artistic you could draw it also. You dont have to work on visualization first. you could try narration or personality forcing then try visualization later. Stress is bad for tulpas because it is distracting for you when you are trying to focus on them. Its kinda hard to give really good advice because I don't understand things that are going on in your life but let me know if any of those help, I could suggest more because I was very distracted and spending time with my tulpa was tough, so I kinda know how you feel.
  15. yes, yes, and yes. those things have happen to us as well. It will take some time ans effort from both of you before they can truly dream with you but it can be done. Once it is, well, let the fun begun.
  16. [Hi TonnarJaroblu try changing something up in your wonderland to give your tulpa the idea that things can be changed. Create some new things don't just leave it an empty boring place because that's not fun. It can take a few days to a few month to see the things your tulpa does to wonderland. It really depends on how open and accepting you are to there development. If it feels like you want to change something, do it because the first way we start to communicate is with feelings and urges and you are the only thing we can send it to. Sometimes when John changes things in wonderland I change it right back, after that it gets funny to see him focus on keeping it in shape and when he thinks he finally has it I go and change it back when he looks away. If it becomes hard to focus on keeping something in shape/color or keeping it from moving around, your tulpa probably changed it, so just let it stay the way that offers least mental resistance. There is nothing wrong with giving your tulpa a list of personality traits or ideas for a from that they can choose the ones they really like, We will usually do that anyways if you give us something, take the things we really like. It just helps sometimes if you give us a a few ideas about things, especially when you first start forcing. A head start never hurt anyone. Your tulpa is trapped in you mind like you are trapped on earth, its is everything we know and love and comparing a human to tulpa like that wont work. You can compare your wonderland to imagination or imaginarium or even a daydream. Its a visualization tool to help with you and your tulpas development. You don't have to use one you can think your tulpa floating out in your world with you if that helps. You are not stupid, you are asking question about things that's never stupid. I think you are working hard and doing a great job, I don't think there is anything you are doing wrong. I am excited to know what you will do next and how things will turn out for you two. :) I hope I answered your questions if you want to ask me any more questions feel free have fun and good luck TonnarJaroblu. P.S. My name is Co, Bye]
  17. Day 12 Good morning, I would have wrote this sooner but I was writing other things yesterday. I took the second 40 mg capsule this morning. I can focus longer, i know that for sure now, and also Co and Chris are more defined. My loss of appetite is still there but it has not gotten worse as the dosage has increased its more like I am not interested in eating, till I have something in my mouth, then I am like, hey this is pretty good I am hungry. If I wait long enough 7+ hours before eating I start to really feel hungry. Something weird, I am not as expressive with my emotions, I would jump and flip around when happy or me slow and unenthusiastic when sad. I still get the urge to do those things sometimes just not as often. MY emotions are still there, I still feel happy and I still get hurt, my expressiveness about it is more subdued. My dreams have been good lately I am not worried about the medicine affecting them much. It seems like they might be easier to recall, but that could just be my motivation So far things are not going bad, will update in a few more days.
  18. Tulpas are not just limited to just headaches or head pressure, they will often communicate or send you messages in other ways. I get tingles that go up and town my back when Co is happy, it is quite pleasant. No one can say for sure because a lot of people have different experiences with tulpas. I would say it is your tulpa, and it will stop on down the road, I dont think your first time hearing her will hurt. Have you asked your tulpa about it? See if she can communicate in a way less painful. However on the off chance that its not your tulpa, if your ear ache continues I would consider talking to your doctor about it.
  19. Day 6 I took the first 25mg capsule of five with my coffee this morning. I haven't noticed any change in my ability to focus yet. However I have noticed a loss of apatite, it might not be a bad thing, because I would get hungry and distracted, also being hungry would make me irritable at times. My tulpas are the same, CO got excited that we were going to try something new and got really talkative, had me worried for a bit, she has since calmed down and is back to herself. It takes Chris a little more that that to get excited. My dreams have gotten longer and more 'whole' I suppose , but the content has gotten boring and repetitive. I will make another update when I take the first 40 mg capsule in 5 days.
  20. Hi Like the title says I am starting Strattera(Atomoxetine) for the first time. Hopefully it will help with focus issues. I have been diagnosed with ADHD as a child but since puberty, I have out grown the hyperactivity and now have ADD. I was given a month test pack by my doctor at 5,18mg, 5,25mg, 5,40mg and 15,60mg. I want to share my experience every few days, over the next month because I know a lot of users have focus issues and are not sure if medication will help them and there tulpa. I have two tulpa Co and Chris(Christopher) Co was started Jan 20 and Chris came into being about two months after that. Co was born form forcing sessions, Chris was not, I believe that directing my doubt, frustration sadness, anger and other emotions (that came to arise from Co's development) away from my self was a basic form of personality forcing and made an unhappy tulpa. Since then we have worked together to help make the 3 of us happy and better people. Both are fully vocal and we are working on imposition. We decided to try medication because of distracting and stray thoughts or worries were hindering our progress. Also because the tulpas are in my brain I have the idea that they might also get distracted or loose focus on things. I will mention and differences I have in focus during the day and during forcing sessions which are in the morning and just before I go to bed. I also practice lucid dreaming and started around the same time I started Co. My experience with lucidity is limited, but I am trying. I will mention any changes that happen in the dreamstate. If anyone has any questions or advice for Co, Chris or me just ask. We are on the form often so if you need to get hold of us it shouldn't be too difficult Day one I took the first 18mg capusual, out of five at 9:20 A.M. 5-27. The doctor said I might see/feel results within a few days up to two weeks. Nothing to note at this point. I had a short session with Co this morning because I wanted to get to the doctors office early enough to fill out paperwork. She was very supportive and was the one who talked me in to setting up the doctors appointment. I was a little nervous because I have had bad experiences with ADD medication in the past. If this helps make her and Chris more defined and helps me with my focus, then it will be great. I am doing this to help them first and to help me second. If this needs to be moved by the form Mods, that's ok.
  21. Hi welcome 1st Yes, Would you mind spending the rest of your life with your self? They become as much a part of who you are as you yourself are. Granted you wont spend every moment with them. Mine usual wake up with me sometimes they take naps during the day. I have a job, they tend to leave me alone when I am working but will pop in to say hi and ask me how I am doing sometimes. 2nd Both my tulpa tell me so spend more time talking to new people and trying to make friends, and spending time with the few friends I do have. Co(tulpa) has asked me to try to make a friend that she can talk too, so they want friends 'out there' like I have. Thing is Human contact is important to humans and there health. I don't think it is a good idea to allow yourself to disassociate from society because you have a tulpa, But that's what some people will do. 3rd You could. It would take a lot of effort on your part and a lot of time. basically you have to figure out how to fool you senses, into thinking there is a physical being there. It is called Imposition. 4th They might. I would keep it to your self. Get to the point where you can talk to your tulpa and ask them what they want. You risk loosing the relationship with the person you tell. I dont think its enough to get locked away but some people might not want to talk to you or think its a cry for attention. 5th Co finds me attractive, she has told me. Funny story: I was walking through the store the other day looking at all the stuff I cant afford or don't need when I walked past the men's underwear. I stopped to look for a second when Co sent me a picture of the guy on the underwear package. After that the picture was replaced by me looking like he did in that brand underwear and the word "mine" The worst part was when I started laughing in the middle of the store staring at the guy on the underwear package. O_o I chose to leave after that. Whats more important to your tulpa is who you are not what you are. they will know your mind before your body. [Hi Imafanofhoward, my name is Co short for Co-pilot I am the tulpa that lives in in the body with John. Its good to see that you are thinking about important questions. if you have any question me or John would be happy to help you figure them out. :)]
  22. Yes you can, I do, and I also sit in my chair from time to time. Some people take long walks or showers when they force. If you can relax your self enough then you could do it in any position.
  23. I would ignore it, sometimes in my wonderland things go a crazy moving. Sometimes when I try to hold Co's(tulpa) hand it gets raised above my head like I just won a boxing match. When you focus on those things where movement goes crazy it just gets worse. Also it could be part of her personality to be really energetic, ask her about it.
  24. Ok, Ill bite. I like metal because of the speed and energy that is in the music, it sometimes pushes me to go farther and faster in an attempt to keep up with it. In ska its almost the opposite, it has a relaxing effect, but also some songs get me excited and bring me up when i am feeling down. I like instrumental because of all the meticulously placed notes carry you along till you reach a wave that you float/fall over again and again till a new song comes on. This is the most relaxing for me. I enjoy singing along because it makes me feel like I am contributing to the listening experience, plus tulpa likes it. All in all I like listen to music because of its ability to effect our moods, depending on what I listen too.
  25. I wonder how a tulpa feels about being god? [you should not need the idea of someone looking over your shoulder to do good in this world and be happy, but I do look over his shoulder from time to time ;)] I wonder if T.M. Luhrman(book author) found out about tulpas during his research into writing this book? Also I wonder if he did, what would his thoughts be on how similar the things he is describing are to tulpa. I might actually get this book to read through.