Teruhi15

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About Teruhi15

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    As a Psychology major in college, I enjoy education, video games, and anime. I spend most of my time alone, usually with my tulpas, though most people I talk to never find out about that as a general rule of thumb. I'm also male, although the physical body is female. Address me as "he", if you will, though I won't be upset if you use "she".

    I've currently got five tulpas:
    Meiko, a sweet, feminine fox-girl who's the oldest.

    Lilith, our daugher. She's got fiery red hair and a matching attitude.

    Emory, a calm and polite elf. He's intersex, and has no issue with either pronoun.

    Kenji, Apollo's twin brother. He's a baby dragon who's always excited and energetic.

    Apollo, Kenji's twin sister. She's a softspoken, shy angel who does her best to cheer people up when they're hurting.

    ~~~
    If anyone has any questions about anything, and you think we can answer them, feel free to e-mail or PM us. Preferably PM, because I don't check my e-mail often. We're here, and willing to help.
  1. Update #40 (4-17-15) 8 pm Oh boy... Been a while. Uh... yeah. A lot's happened and I don't want to talk much about it. I will say this; I was incredibly close to Artemis and Renny, and the other tulpae that shared their brain as well (though those two are who I was closest to) and since Artemis has been gone I haven't quite been the same. I miss her like you wouldn't believe. I can hardly believe how much it hurts. I'm stable now, though. Finally XD Anyways started school up again. A proper university this time, out of community college yay! Still working towards my psychology degree. Meiko and the others have all been quiet. I haven't been the best host, it's taken everything in my power to keep myself around (along with a lot of help from them and others, which I'm grateful for). As a result though, they sort of keep to themselves. I'm still quite busy now but I'm going to be less so as soon as I get my own place and get settled, and will be able to spend more time with them. Depression is still trying to kick my ass but I'm on meds now. That might be affecting them too, but I'm not sure exactly. We'll update more on actual tulpa progress soon, I swear. It's been a crazy year but life's returning to normal. Now, here's some basic tulpa related stuff that we've been up to! Soon, so very soon, Mei and I will be back to switching and we'll discuss that~ I promise! Our wonderland is about the same. There's been a few planets added but they're mostly bare for the moment. I built a replica of a city in my D&D campaign though, called Dalhurst. I figured it'd really help me with trying to build a realistic setting, storyline, and NPCs for the players. The twins are doing really well. They're worried I think, but really are pretty happy for the most part. Meiko is attempting to be as cheerful as possible; there's a lot that's been worrying her, but she's really awesome and doing everything she can. Of course she doesn't hide how she feels, couldn't if she wanted to, but she does her best to keep others from worrying... that does bug me a bit but even if she tries to hide how she's feeling, I can tell pretty easily and I'm there for her when she needs me. I do what I can to repay her, but she's done so much. I don't think I can do anything to match the awesome things she's done for us all. Emory and Lilith sorta spend time together. I hear Lilith talk once in a while, but Emory is quiet for the most part. I know he's still there, he just doesn't have much to say to me. Yeah so I'll try to update often but school keeps me on my toes and I'm still not quite in the best place I could be yet so who knows what the future holds. *shrugs* Just gonna take it day by day and try to make sense of what's been going on and what happens. :p
  2. Update#39 (10-22-14) 8:30 pm Meiko: Hiya! :) We haven't been without our problems, but we're all doing a lot better over here! Hm, let's see... Oh! I've been possessing a lot these days, compared to when we were in the hospital! ^^ Not as much as before, but he's still recovering and I think the last thing he needs on his plate is to worry about that. We're sort of starting over, and beginning with thinking of him as the tulpa. We tried to do that before, but that's been the least of our worries lately. So, Donovan is my tulpa now! :D I'm making a present for him, but it's a surprise and I can't say it on here because now he's interested and wants to know what it is :P Still, it'll be fantastic! He's really going to love it. So we've gotten to the point where whoever's in control can impose the other visually, which is wonderful! I've been the one taking the most care of the twins, and they're so sweet! The other day, Apollo made me a hairband out of a flower and I now wear it in my hair all the time. :) It's purple and looks almost like a lily, but not quite... I don't know how to explain it really. Kenji likes to play games a lot, and he laughs often. His favorite game is tag, but it's no fair because he's a dragon and can fly! He beats me all the time, but when Apollo plays she flies around with me and we can catch him easily! Oh it's so fun and they don't try to take me to spider-infested places, so that's fantastic! Lilith and Emory have been living in a mansion apart from our main house in wonderland, but it's still really close! It's on the other side of a hill and it's elegant, suiting Emory's nature really well! It was originally hers, but Lilith moved in with her and now they spend so much more time together! ^^ I don't see them often though, which makes me sad sometimes... D: But it's alright, they're doing good! I haven't been lonely at all, but Donovan has been so I spend much of my time with him! He's been better at interacting with others, he's staying with a group of people who are more like a real family than he's ever had so he's making lots of healthy relationships. :) What he won't admit though is that sometimes he still gets lonely, even when surrounded by loving and caring friends. I suppose he's still grieving, and no one will fill the place that was left when his friend passed away but he is moving forward and trying his hardest to form new relationships to continue through life! I'm so proud of him :D I'm going to work on forcing him a bit more, perhaps tomorrow if he's up to it. That's all I have to say tonight, but I'll be updating from now on I think! I know I said that before, but this time it's for real. ;)
  3. Update #38 (10-21-14) 8:30 pm It's been longer than usual. I had a good reason for a while, but the past 2 weeks I've just been lazy. Um... Just for information's sake, I've been in the hospital because a friend was concerned when I texted him to say goodbye for good. I spent two weeks in a place of healing. It irritated me at first, then I was just kinda despondent and lonely and numb, and things are now starting to look up. So I hope you understand, but I don't have much tulpa related stuff to talk about. I've started using the name Donovan and picked out a new wonderland form for myself, a way to move forward. Here's a pic of my new form. White fur base, calico markings around my back and sides, black on the dark spots. Right eye is bright blue and left is bright yellow. Pink nose. http://imgur.com/xuAxoqL (the filesize was too big to attach blah) I haven't spent much time with any of my tulpas other than Meiko, which I feel pretty bad for but I just wasn't in a place to take care of anyone, even myself. Mei and Emory took good care of them in my stead, and Lilith got pretty upset but Apollo and Kenji seem to understand. Mei and I have only recently begun working on switching again, and she seems to still have good control of the body but she can't wrestle control away from me anymore. We've slid back a little bit but that's what happens without practice. Because of a new living situation I'm in, I've learned how to love a bit more. It sounds silly but I never really had a family life and never knew how to have one until now. I was afraid of any kind of love and affection, afraid of getting used to it only to have it wrestled from my grasp. But I'm not like that anymore, and Meiko and I are doing a helluva lot better because of that. In fact we're getting married on New Year's Eve, having a little ceremony. We have rings designed and are planning a small wonderland event. I started repairing the relationships between my tulpas and myself a few days ago. Lilith is angry, the Emory is understanding but concerned, Apollo and Kenji are worried about me but Kenji has a lot of energy so he shows it by trying to play games with me and Apollo shows it with hugs and kisses and saying "daddy, daddy, are you okay?" Meiko's worried but glad that I'm in a better place. It means that they're all going to be in a better place as well since my depression isn't really polluting our brain much anymore. It won't always be easy but I'm determined to be a better father and an amazing husband, all the while remembering to take care of myself. This update has been all about me mostly but I just felt that was important to say. TL;DR I was in a mental hospital for nearly killing myself, but thanks to a friend I'm still here and doing better. My tulpas have mixed reactions to what happened, but ultimately all of us want to just be okay and are working towards strengthening bonds.
  4. Update #37 (8-28-14; 2 pm) So I've made a breakthrough in switching myself into wonderland, though I have to practice and refine the method a bit first before posting it here. Still it seems promising, and has worked when testing it, although it makes thinking difficult. I want to test it more before deeming it safe to share. It's definitely progress, though. Apollo and Kenji are pretty damn cute. Kenji likes to add his own input into any conversation that anyone in this head is having with others. He'll even interject when I'm talking to people on the outside, and sometimes it's hard to not respond out loud because I've formed a habit of it now. Apollo is shy... Very shy. She's afraid of people she doesn't know, so if I bring up the idea of introducing her to someone who knows about tulpas and knows Meiko and everyone else, Apollo suddenly falls silent and tries to make herself unnoticeable. She's talkative the rest of the time, though. It's just around people she doesn't know or hasn't yet met. I've begun imposing Lilith, Emory, Apollo, and Kenji visually. Mei is pretty much there, but on top of that this body is hers so what we really need to work on is imposing my wonderland body too I think. We've begun to think of me as the tulpa, and her as the host, because the mindset is the most important thing, so in case she ever wants to impose me I figure this will make it easier for her or something like that. She'll probably take over the PR in a month or so. Emory and Lilith are content as always, keeping to themselves, although Lilith has been taking me along on adventures with her when Emory wants to stay back and read so we've been getting some father-daughter time in which is nice. To end it, I think I want to say that I know some tulpamancers tend to hide from the real world. While I'm being escapist in wanting to switch with Meiko, I do still interact with the outside world and with other people besides those I share a brain with. Isolation is dangerous, and so I don't isolate even when I really want to. Just escape. >.> If that makes it any better. I dunno. That's all for now, in a week or so I might post the switching method here if I can make it work without giving me a splitting headache and causing my mind to have difficulty functioning for an hour or so afterwords. We'll update soon, regardless.
  5. Update #36 (8-22-14;7 pm) I know, I know, I threw a tantrum last time and I'm sorry about that. Anyways, I just have a small update. Apollo and Kenji are doing well, I'm going to have a picnic with them tomorrow in wonderland and just kind of spend the day together. All kids need time with their dad after all and I haven't been taking enough time for them. Meiko can possess the body and move about as fast as I can in the body, without really tripping on things or anything like that so that's good. Our big roadblock in switching right now is getting me out of control and into wonderland. Right now I can go into wonderland but I still get sensory input from the body and it's hard to sever that connection. Lilith and Emory are good. They've been spending time with one another and away from the rest of us for a while, so I don't hear much from them unless I initiate a conversation. That's about it, honestly. There's nothing major to report, but I am doing better than I was I think. Well not really. But I'm at least strong enough to control my outbursts once more, so that's good. We'll post another update sometime soon.
  6. It's been over a month, I know. Sorry about that. I've been in a really bad place. I'm only now starting to look a bit stable. Since this morning, in fact. Hopefully this ugly, pointless, cruel depression stops interfering soon. I almost ended my life a few times, but I was stopped every time. So I'm still here, and everyone in this brain (except me) is happy about it. Guess that's a good thing. Anyways, this is a real update. Ignore the sob story above, just figured it was worth sharing since that's the reason I've been gone (and not completing the drawing requests) recently. Meiko gave birth to the twins, Apollo and Kenji. Apollo decided she feels like a woman, but wants to keep her name because of the symbolism so that's the update on that. It happened pretty quickly, I'm surprised but also not as surprised as most would be I suppose. Apollo takes on the form of a blonde angel with one black eye and one white eye, she wears a white dress lined with gold and is shy, kind, and wants to help people find happiness. Kenji is a blue dragon, specific element that he likes is ice, who's hyper, outgoing, and fancies himself a comedian from what I can tell. Both appear to be about 6~8 years old. Cute kids, but that's about the limit of how many people can share this brain. Mei's been possessing a lot lately, she'll just kind of take over when she wants control and I don't mind. So whenever she wants to, she just pops into the body and talks to people. Switching will probably happen within the next few months, our goal is to have it done before February. The issue is me, I can't seem to pop my senses into wonderland well. I've got tactile stuff down, and sight on good days, but the other three senses are lacking. She's been down lately, she says that her goal is to "make me smile again", and she's blaming herself for that not happening. I've told her it isn't her fault, and she tells me that she knows that with a bright smile, but I can tell that she's still hurt. I wish I could find a way to either fix myself or make her stop feeling guilty some other way. I hate seeing her like this and knowing that it's because I'm a baby. Suicide happens all the time, I shouldn't fall apart over it. Not like this. Lilith and Emory are good, they've been talking to me a lot lately. Emory's been trying to give me advice and joke around (s/he's quite witty occasionally), Lilith is always trying to make me go climb mountains in wonderland with her to cheer me up or something. When I have the energy, I go with her, but between job hunting, planning the future, getting my shit together, and trying to fight insomnia and the urge to starve the body it's been hard to focus on wonderland. I imagine they're lonely, so I'm trying to fix that as I slowly begin to feel better. I don't ignore them, I listen and respond when they talk, but I should be initiating conversation too. Apollo and Kenji are growing well, they've been able to talk since the day they popped out. They're very cute. It's like a breath of fresh air, kids (even mental ones) are new life, and that's encouraging. It's been brighter since they've been born. I haven't been the same since my friend ended her life, but I'm getting better. I've never been a believer in "time heals all wounds", but I guess it does occasionally. This update's been more about me, and I'm sorry, but I have no one to talk to right now because my family doesn't do emotions well, and my friends don't give a shit. Therapists can't tell me anything I don't already know, and they're all so very condescending about things. They try to dumb it down for me even though I'm already well-versed in the brain's functioning. My tulpas care, but I'm feeling kind of insane right now and there's only so many ways you can talk about one thing with the same people. If I have one thing you can take out of this, one piece of advice, it's that no matter where you are at in your tulpa journey, DON'T give up. They will always be by your side, no matter how pathetic you may be at any given time. It doesn't matter how many friends you have or how close your family is, nobody cares about you as much as they do. It's a symbiotic relationship. Without the physical body, they die too. If you aren't correctly functioning mentally, they can't get the interaction they need. Friends and family can desert you and hurt you (though they are important to have and interact with as well because reality is pretty damn necessary), but a tulpa will always be by your side. They can hurt you, but it's not likely. They want your health as much as you do, sometimes more. Don't give up on them just because you don't hear them for a week, or a month, or even a year. (That can be reversed, too. Tulpas, don't give up on your hosts even if they're quiet for a while or can't hear you or any other issue that may be happening. It takes time, effort, hard work, and energy on both sides.) The end result of your determination and hard work is a devoted companion who will be by your side, no matter what, and that's not something easy to find. I'll update again sometime in the (hopefully) near future.
  7. Update #34 (7-19-14; 6 pm) I'd let Meiko update, but there's not much to say and quite frankly I just don't want this to be longer than it needs to be. This week has been the week from hell. But this PR isn't a personal diary, and that sort of stuff is private. This isn't the time or place. First, William, that unexpected tulpa I mentioned briefly last time, was brought out of stasis. I told him that I didn't have the concentration required, that we were already crowded in here, and he understood. He opted to be held in stasis in case there was a time in the future where we aren't overwhelmed and where he could get the full attention he deserves. Second, there's a new place in wonderland. I guess it's Skyrim inspired, but it just came out of nowhere. I popped into wonderland and that's where I was. So I don't know how to actually get there, how it's connected to everything else. It's a safe haven type area. Like a grove. Lots of flowers, plants, trees, greenery, etc. In the center is a circular stone... Thing. It's like a natural pool, I guess. Regardless, it seems harder to hear Meiko and the others in here. Like there's some kind of force blocking them out. It's pretty, but kinda sad that I can't hear them very strongly. Third, Meiko's pregnancy is coming along splendidly. She hasn't been complaining of any pain or anything, and she seems to be happier than before. That seems weird to me, but if she's happy then I'm glad. That's it for a while. My life's a pretty big mess right now, and I barely have time to spend with my tulpas anymore (besides passive forcing) and to feel pressured to journal about everything that hasn't been happening seems pointless to me. If something happens, I'll say so. But otherwise... Don't expect to hear from us anytime soon.
  8. I've got it done~ I'm also working on another one for you guys, but this just sort of popped into my head and I couldn't resist. You did say that it'd be fine if I put you guys into famous outfits, and all. Hopefully it's at least satisfactory! Also, I found a few more of my recent drawings as examples! Both are Meiko; Her second form, and her final/current form (in a unique outfit). I use her as my subject... A lot. >.>
  9. For some reason, I've been on a real drawing kick lately for the first time in... Years. So, since I've drawn all my own tulpas and my own wonderland form so many times already, along with quite a few other random things, I figured I'd take requests! Here are my 3 most recent works (2 of them were drawn this morning). Sorry for the shitty quality, I don't have a copy machine and so I have to use my phone's camera. >.> (Hands and feet are horrible. ;_; ) If you want me to draw your tulpa, give me their name, a description (as detailed as possible!!), and whatever kind of pose and clothes you want for them. If you don't have preferences for that, you can give me one personality trait you want expressed in the drawing. Or not. After all, the bare minimum of info that I need is a basic description and nothing more~ I can do both anime/manga/cartoonish and realism, although if you want a realism piece it may take a few days as opposed to a few hours, and my only examples of those were lost a while ago unfortunately. I can also draw some NSFW stuff (ONLY anime... No realism for this particular "genre" of art. Sorry!) if you want, I've gotten really good at it, and while I *do* have examples of that, my subject doesn't want those pictures of her on the 'net. Usually a certain drawing of one person can take between 30 minutes to 4 hours, depending on if I color it, shade it, ink it, leave it in b&w pencil, or whatever. Just lemme know what you want it to look like if you have a preference~ Er... I realize that my art is far from gorgeous. Still, I enjoy drawing and I'm bored. Plus, I figure there's enough people out there who want some kind of at least acceptable artwork of their tulpa, so this could potentially be a real win-win situation. :P For right now, unless I get backed up or anything, I'll be drawing each in the order it's requested. It's first come first serve, but everyone who requests will get their drawing eventually.
  10. Reverse forcing is something we heard about from some friends we made here, they were also working on perma-switching and the host had some traits she wanted to get rid of. In short, they tried it and told us about it, so we tried it. It's no different from normal forcing, besides the obvious role reversal, although Meiko really likes the whole food symbolism thing, which isn't something I've ever really used. It's kind of cute, the comparisons she draws between certain foods and traits. XD Update #33 (7-8-14;11:30 pm) I'll be giving this update, Meiko's tired tonight. Mei and I were thinking about Apollo, and suddenly this image came to us, hit us like a train. I dunno if it's the form he wants to take once he's born (Is that even possible so early on, to get input from him like that??) but regardless, it's the form we have in mind for him now because it seems fitting. A young boy, shirtless, with messy black hair, bright blue eyes, and angel wings. Small, cute ones. This form concept is only wearing jeans. Intrusive thoughts? Perhaps. Of course we both understand that could be the case, but I don't want to doubt Apollo if he is, in fact, already sentient and aware. Er... Also, there's another being in my head who claims sentience, but we've got so many in here. I'm not sure what to do with him. I don't want to kill him, but god I don't think I can handle anyone else. The others feel that way too, it's unanimous. (Except the guy in question, William... Of course he doesn't want to go.) What in the world should I do? If he IS sentient, then getting rid of him is killing him. Morally wrong, regardless of reasons. If he's not, then merely acknowledging his sentience will bring him to life with time. I feel stuck. I guess I'm just looking for opinions, what would you do in this situation? Right now we kind of have him in a type of stasis, no one's sure what to do. *sighs* It's been a long freaking day. Changing my mindvoice is difficult... Somehow I have a lot of trouble with it. Meiko's, on the other hand, is nearly fully imposed. Lilith and Emory both have their mindvoices clear, not imposed yet but we haven't worked on that much. Lilith has sort of a rough quality to her voice, clearly feminine but kind of... Um... Gangster-ish? Tomboy-ish? I'm not sure. Something along those lines. She uses words like "ya" instead of "you", and is really concise. She's gotten a lot better about being kind to people while still keeping her honesty and bluntness. (Em's a good influence on her). Emory's voice is hard to describe. Elegant and slightly masculine, but really seems kind of in between genders. She hasn't changed much, still very wise and I now have come to view her as a kind of guardian/teacher. Intersex is a better term than hermaphrodite, and a term that we all just learned a few days ago, so we'll be calling her that instead. It's more polite, we were just ignorant before. This isn't directly tulpa-related, but I'm proud of myself because I did something that I've been dreading for months; "coming out" to my friends and family about the fact that, though physically female, I do identify as male (I hate the word transsexual, it sounds to me like trying to confine me or call me lesser than other men simply because of the prison of a body I'm stuck in). At any rate, the fact that I was able to muster up the courage to do so was completely related to my tulpas. They supported me the whole way! Meiko said that I'd feel better if I said something, and that I'd be able to tell who truly accepts me for me. Lilith told me that it's stupid to hide, regardless of the reason. Emory subtly warned me that if I didn't do it, then I'd probably regret not saying anything in the future. So I did it. Despite the terror. And I feel relieved, only one person was upset enough over it to leave my life. One of the people I'm close to is sexist against men, and claims to be a "feminist", when in reality she just uses a label that's already got a pretty negative connotation to justify her hatred towards guys. She won't talk to me now. Meh, I didn't lose much~ Also, the nightmares have been back for some reason. I don't know why, but I think if I write them down in a journal like I was doing before, then I can analyze them. I can ask myself "Okay, what are the themes? What underlying emotions are causing this? Why do I feel these emotions?" Hopefully that'll help, and I have four unique viewpoints, too. Including my own, that is. It's become such a habit now, so I don't really mention it, but I say good morning and good night to everyone in here still. It's really helped, because even if I don't active force on a particular day, it helps me to remember to keep a dialogue going with them. Like passive forcing, which I do nearly 24/7 with Meiko but it's harder to remember with the others unless I say good morning and all that. I'll get the hang of talking to everyone at once soon enough, but I do like to have 1-on-1 time with each. A conversation that just the 2 of us are involved in at least once a day, even if it's only 10 minutes. It seems to bond us more strongly, which is always good. On that note, I'm gonna end this update and go to bed. It's been a helluva day and the body's on the verge of passing out. Good night! We'll update again soon.
  11. Oh wow, that's cool that they've been with you so long! I know that tulpas are permanent, or should be, in my opinion, but somehow it's hard to try and wrap my head around that idea. Tell your oldest happy late birthday from all of us~ I've seen some of your posts around the forum on tulpa pregnancy, and it honestly helped convince me that Meiko would be alright, despite the fact that it's extremely taboo. Thank you, I definitely hope that things go well for us in the future. My fumbling seems to be getting us somewhere, at least, so that's good. Update #32 (7-4-14;11 pm) Meiko: Oh my, has it truly been nearly a month? It's been so long! Maelik and myself lost some friends recently, so it hasn't been all that cheery around here. That's why it's been so long since our last update, truthfully. It looks like, at least for the next few entries, I'll be the one saying things! :D I really enjoy typing, so expect more consistency. Hm... Oh, well first off, my pregnancy is going great! Despite the taboo surrounding this type of thing, everything's progressing fairly normally. :) None of us have noticed any major problems, and I'm really looking forward to the future! We named the twins, Apollo and Kenji. Maelik wanted to name one of them Apollo for personal reasons, and I was going to pick the other twin's name but Kenji just came naturally, to both of us. I think it might've been a... Hm... A thought, almost, from him, although I don't know how this works and I have no idea if that's even possible for him to do at this point. There have been a lot of different reports of how long this lasts! I've heard of pregnancy for us tulpas lasting the whole 9 months, and I've also heard of it lasting as little as 2! We'll see, I suppose. :) There's been a lot happening in the last month, and switching hasn't been our top priority. I'm nearly perfect with possession, though! The next step is getting Maelik to detach from the senses, which is the most difficult part so far. It's also very nearly the last step, afterwords we just have to be able to keep it up for longer periods of time. ^^ I don't know how clear we made this, but we will permanently switch. He'll still be able to possess the body at that point, but I think that the time will be sorted out at about... 70% of the time goes to me, and 30% goes to him. He doesn't want to try and escape from life, you see, but I want to experience life and he feels a sort of apathy towards it. Maybe that's a bit dangerous, but we've talked a lot about it and this is what we feel is best. He's a psychology major, but I much prefer anthropology and history, so after getting a Bachelor's degree I may move onto that. It sounds so much more interesting to me! I've begun to try and experiment, since Maelik has me almost all the way visually and a bit tactilely (ooh I'm not sure how to conjugate that word correctly... D: ) imposed. So, for my experiment, I've decided that while I'm in control of the body, I'll impose him into the world around me! His wonderland form of course, it would be terribly confusing if I could see a second version of the body wandering around. This is rather personal, and he doesn't want me to record it, but I feel this is kind of important so I can't respect his wishes in the regard. I won't give details though, so don't get too excited! He asked me to "force" him earlier, since he's got a lot of negative traits that he wants to get rid of, or at least weaken. For example, his pessimism and distrust are two things we've begun trying to get rid of. So I'm the one forcing him now! :) I think it's also a bit of trying to gradually make him become a more tulpa-like existence, to help with switching. Oh! Maelik's trying to add the Elder Gods to wonderland! D: I'm scared, I don't want Cthulhu to exist there... It's meant to be a safe haven, that doesn't sound safe at all! ;_; He'd offered to build a planet for them to exist on, though, so I guess it's okay. And he wants to make them fight kaiju, and I'm not sure why... That sounds like a lot of stuff would get destroyed. We had a run-in with some of the shadows from before on June 26th, but no one got hurt and I think that we won't have to deal with them again, at least for a while. ^^ That's a relief! Auditory imposition is going well, and on the subject of audio Maelik is trying to decide on a more masculine mindvoice for himself. I think he's going for a mix of and this other voice. :) So he's been experimenting with that ever since both of us began focusing more on my mindvoice. Oh no, it seems I've written a novel! D: Well I guess it's only fitting, since we haven't posted anything in about a month now. I hope you all had a splendid Fourth of July, I know that I did! ^^ The city fireworks are basically in our backyard, so we just laid out a blanket and watched them together. It was so much fun! Until next time. :)
  12. Update #31 (6-11-14;8 pm) I don't hear much from Lilith or Emory very often spontaneously anymore, however if I (or someone else) talks to them directly, they will respond quickly and with ease. Also, they speak if they have something to say, so I'm not too worried. There were a few days of complete silence that had me scared, but my fear was unnecessary. As for Meiko, her and I have been doing a lot of just talking. It used to be that we'd go and do stuff in wonderland, but lately we just chat with one another about things. Sometimes fun things, sometimes not so fun things. But the conversations are always good. I like having her here to talk with me. It's nice. I suppose she's been around for 5 years and all, but it's been really wonderful lately. She's also been convincing me to go out and do things. So that's good I suppose. Switching is going splendidly, she can take any main body part and control it, while I'm unable to take back control no matter how hard I try. It only lasts for a few minutes right now before she gets tired. She can forcibly take control, and has been able to for a while, but it's hard for her to keep that control if I'm fighting back. Or at least, has been until recently. I'm proud of her. Auditory imposition is also going pretty damn well, I almost heard her voice clearly as if it were external input earlier today, in fact. I honestly have no clue how that worked so quickly, otherwise I'd throw some tips on here. I just... Listened to her talk over and over, with the intention of changing it to an auditory hallucination, and eventually that's what it became. Also... >.> Meiko and I are forming another tulpa. Well... Two, actually. Um... Tulpa pregnancy is a thing. And she's got twin consciousnesses forming inside of her right now. Not sure how else to say it She claims that they're both male, but that's something they'll have to confirm when they're older. I know that it's kind of a taboo topic but since this is my PR I'm going to post it here regardless. Honestly though, pregnancy (in this case) is just mental symbolism more than anything. A symbolic way to grow a new mind (2 in our case). To feed it "nutrients" (AKA personality and other stuff like that), and also as a way to bond everyone involved. Believe it or not, this was her idea. I spent a while trying to work out the risks, gathering info, stuff like that. Eventually I decided that there's nothing to really worry about. Yeah... Like I said, I know it's a strange issue, but if I'm commenting on my tulpa journey here I'll comment on the whole thing. No sense in hiding it, anyways. And on a fun, less taboo note, we've added aliens to the wonderland! So... From the anime Alien 9 (which is not for kids despite the art style) there are these aliens called "borgs" who live on the heads of people and form a symbiotic relationship. The borgs offer humans protection from foes, and EPIC attack abilities might I add, in return for sustenance. They feed on something in human bodies, like the byproduct of... Some physical process. Never really specified. Anyways, Meiko is hesitant about it (she says, and I quote, "but they're so CREEPY! D:"), and the other two don't have any issues with the borgs. I think they're cute. They look like frog heads with angel wings, and spiky screws come out of their feathers. So cute. Or maybe I'm just strange. So yeah, that's been fun. So far I'm the only one who has a borg, he's dark purple and looks... Sleek. That's the word, I guess. Sleek. His wings are white with golden "screws" (or whatever those weapons are called). He's an NPC of course, but he does have an assigned generic personality. Yay more NPCs for wonderland! Yeah. That's about all. It's weird to look back and realize that it's only been a few months since I began, huh? (Unless you count before, when Mei came into being accidentally. I guess that's *technically* tulpamancing, though as it was unintentional I don't count it.) A lot of people have been tulpamancing/tulpaforcing for much longer, and everyone has different results that all make sense, based on how that particular brain functions. I'd love to do some research one day working with the idea of tulpas and healthy multiplicity. But that's for later, not something I have the technology or resources to do now. And I've gotta get my life in order first... Someday, though. Expect another update in the next few weeks, folks.
  13. Update #30 (5-31-14;8 am) Over the next few months, we may not update much. Got a lot of life plans that are finally being implemented. When we're all settled in Yokohama next year, I'll probably be back to updating regularly. Here, I'll hand the reigns to Meiko. She enjoys it more, and I don't really want to type right now. Meiko: Hello! :) While on the IRC yesterday, someone posted a link to this and Mel and I are going to write it out to put it on the wall, and do one of these things daily. ^^ He gets bored easily, and I like spending time with him, so it's a win-win. We're adding other things to our list, of course. Oh yeah! Lilith and Mel talked things out, and they've resolved their conflict. What caused it in the first place won't be happening again, either. Emory is content, just kind of doing his own thing. We talk to him once or twice a day, but typically him and Lilith go off on their own and explore. It's alright, but it just means that we don't see much of them. Mel is finally letting me possess again! :D He wanted me to rest for a while, although I think he may have made me rest too long... But that's alright, I'm back and ready to experience all sorts of cool new things! Auditory imposition goes well, though to tell you the truth, we've been a bit lazy about it. Mel is all ready to get up and leave for Japan, so he's getting that set up and it's distracting him. But I'm glad, because he's always wanted to live there. Also, to be perfectly honest, I find it a very beautiful place, with gorgeous trees and flowers. (Although I suppose that has something to do with the fact that we've only ever been to Morioka, in the countryside. I don't know how the cities look.) If a few things must be put on hold for this, then I certainly don't mind! :) Ah, he can hear my voice very clearly in his head and always has been able to, so it's really just a matter of hearing it as a separate voice. We've been working a tiny bit towards that every day, so I'm sure we'll get there soon! Our methods is, basically, that he listens to the voice of the character and cements how one single phrase sounds in his mind. Then, I repeat it (sometimes quite a few times...) and hopefully he hears it as if it's external input. :) We're getting closer! Every day he hears my voice out loud a little bit better and more clearly. Hm... I don't have much else to say. D: Well I can leave it on that note, it seems like a good spot. Bye bye! We'll update soon! Maelik/Mel: ...>.> She said very little of switching. Forgive my little "P.S.", but basically switching is going well. That method we used before won't be used again, however I think I've got another working method that's similar but less of a problem. I'll test it out for a few days and, if it works well, I'll post it here. It focuses on the host getting more integrated into wonderland, and it's sort of an all-or-nothing thing. There's no grey area or in-between like some switching methods we've come across. I think, judging from some difficulty that Meiko had, methods like this can cause great confusion for the brain. It tried to push her out of the way after the first day, and she was constantly fighting against that for the rest of the time. It's probably due to the fact that the brain's used to having me in control, and we just need to train it to get used to her at this point. We're working on a way to do that faster, although I think just practicing over and over will achieve that. Much slower than what I'd hope for, though. And NOW we shall say goodbye for real. We'll update again eventually. Until next time.
  14. This isn't really an update or anything, but it's a funny anecdote. At least, Meiko thinks it's hilarious. >.> So basically, she was completely in control of the body for a while, and I was in wonderland for some of that time. Completely unaware of the physical world. She got some music from a friend of mine, and he listens to everything from 80's pop to heavy metal. Mei thought it'd be funny to rename "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley to something inconspicuous, and then put the song into my favorites playlist. ... Fast forward to now, 3 days later, and I'm in shock over the fact that my tulpa managed to rickroll me like that. I literally just realized, have my playlist on shuffle and then I heard that dreadful chorus. It's a surprise because this seems uncharacteristic of her. But it is kinda funny, although now I feel the need to get back at her somehow.
  15. Update #29 (5-25-24;8:30 am) Oh boy, let's see if I can remember everything that's worth posting. Alright, so Meiko and I perfected a switching method, but I don't really think I'll be posting it here. Anyways, she was in complete control of the body for an extended period of time, without any input from me. In fact, if I tried to get control back I found I was unable to (though I think that's due to the method we used). Next, I added King Ghidorah (3-headed golden dragon kaiju from Godzilla because I'm now obsessed in the very best way) as an NPC dragon guardian of wonderland. He flies us around, and he is controlled by my thoughts. Telepathy, yay! Since he's not sentient, I don't see any moral issues with that, but if anyone has thoughts on it feel free to discuss in the comments. I like input about stuff like this. I'll be adding the other Godzilla kaiju soon, hopefully, along with the Cthulu alien-god things. I'm also planning to add a horror section to wonderland, because I like scary things. It'll be a cross between gothic themed and Cthulu-esque. Lilith is mad at me for reasons I'm not going to discuss, but we're getting that worked out. I'm giving her some time to herself, and Emory's trying to help her calm down. After a day or so, I'll probably go try and talk to them, but right now I want to let Lilith cool off a bit. I actually have a drawing of Lilith for you guys, but it looks like crap and my phone doesn't want to transfer the picture to my computer for some reason. It keeps freezing everything when I try. I'll get that posted eventually, and a picture of Emory will come in a few days or weeks, I think. Nearly finals weeks, so I have to focus on studying for a bit. In other tulpa-art related news, Meiko is taking over my Psychology notes. I'll just be studying, then I'll realize I've been sketching her for the past hour. Maybe I'll post a few, because they've all turned out really cute. Also, Emory wanted to learn Latin so I went and picked up a really good (but cheap) Latin book, and we're all studying that now. It's not all that hard, and I find that I really like Latin (although my Japanese accent keeps trying to slip in when speaking Latin, and I have to force myself to NOT do that.) I've decided to start doing auditory imposition with Meiko, because I've had her visually imposed in the past but the voice has never been something I've focused on. We don't usually vocally converse, we usually use a mesh of emotions, imagery, ideas, and intention. She's picked a voice she liked, though (it's been in flux for a while, different every day) so we're working on that. Her voice can be heard here, , and . Yes we're pulling from anime because it's easiest. In the first clip, it would be the pink haired girl Miyuki who's voice we're borrowing. We thought it was fitting for Meiko, because the voice is cute, mature, and one that I don't see myself getting tired of. Meiko just thinks it suits her, and she likes the sound of it. That's about it I suppose. I'll post some pictures next time for sure.