Kendall

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About Kendall

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  1. So I have a friendly/romantic relationship with Seb, but he is also sort of my body guard. He takes care of me. Protects me from myself and others.
  2. I started forcing back on March 1st. Fourteen days later and things have been going great. We've made a ton of progress and I can hear his voice very clearly, the problem is he is meant to have an accent but I just can't seem to get it in my head. Has anyone got a fix for this? Or for that matter had this problem too? Sebastian is British, he's meant to have an accent and it makes us both uncomfortable that he doesn't.
  3. You defiantly aren't too late 2 days in you've nothing to worry about. Also try not to worry about parroting, too much. The worst thing you can is stress out. If you are worried about her personality then just take the time to focus on it, write out the traits you she has and then some reasons why she has them, how they manifest. Make it as detailed as possible. Good luck!
  4. The best advice I can give you is not to doubt yourself our your Tulpa. That you are already feeling it there is wonderful. Go with what feels right. Read and research as much as possible. Never stop learning more. Take only what you want. Have fun. And love. Love is the most important thing. You have to love them, they are a part of you and they need you to love them.
  5. When I started out I couldn't do more than a few minutes at a time, never more then 15 just like you. It does get easier the more you practice. Also, multiple short sessions add up! So try not to worry too much, the more you do the more difficult longer sessions are going feel. Try looking up Fede's Tulpatones, works great to get the imagination going http://grooveshark.com/#!/album/Tulpatones+Vol+1+Fede+s+Tones/8788870 There's a link for it. It's just pink? noise I think whatever it is it works great for me!
  6. I've been sick the past few days (food poisoning I think) to get me away from the misery of it Sebastian created a Wonderland all on his own. His own home inside his head. He was waiting on the porch for me, invited me inside this beautiful rustic cottage that was so utterly him, us really. In the living room he set up this wonderful fort. This cheesy sign was taped to the 'door' read "Tigers and their Kittens ONLY!!" He ushered me inside and cuddled up and told me this place would always be here when I needed to 'get away.' He's so sweet.
  7. I wanna give you an award because the smile you just gave him was winning, I mean seriously. Me too it hurts how hard I'm grinning.
  8. My happiest moment with Sebastian is every time I look at the green sticky note he left for me on my mirror. Part of coping with my depression is leaving myself notes there, to cheer myself up. He wrote to me: I will protect you in every way I can -Your Tiger I think I realized then that in only a few days I had found a friend and love inside myself. That's a nice thing, having a part of you -love you, I've never loved myself before, but he loves me, despite everything, for everything, he loves me.
  9. Who guys these are some great opinions! Sebastian would like me to point out that you can't 'rape the willing,' and he is oh so willing. Now I'm blushing. I would like to hope that you don't actually molest your tupper against its will but I suppose it is your subconscious to abuse, so have fun! Another reason I didn't bother with restricting memory access, I just couldn't see how to do it. He is there in my head, a separate consciousness but still of my own making. I couldn't see how he couldn't not get into my memory. Maybe that's just part of being so open about it though. We did discuss a few other rules after posting this, one being that he isn't allowed to cause harm to anyone, including me and himself. I put this down for a few reasons, he does have an aggressive streak and I suffer from thoughts of self-harm that I worry about leeching onto him. His response was a sort of, "Duh but if it makes you feel better to have it in writing then go for it." Also he has a military background so he's not above issuing orders to me but I put out that I only ever want him to do it in a friendly joking manner unless I'm in a situation that requires more force. (ie. working out or hurting myself) I asked this of him because I have a history with people telling/ordering me what to do that upsets me and I don't want him to do something that comes natural to him and upset me by accident. I understand that these rules may be broken down the line and I wont hold it against him. Unless he somehow hurts someone, then I will but I don't really believe he has the power to do that unless I give it to him. Anyway, I was't trying to treat him as a child more just setting boundaries like you would with a roommate.
  10. Thanks for moving it, forgot about the general discussion board! :) Never gave much thought about restricting access to my memories. I knew you could, saw it in the guides and such but I just wanted Seb to know me without me having to explain all of the hard stuff.
  11. So I'm wondering when creating your Tulpas did any of you bother to discuss 'rules' with them. Does and don'ts and such. The idea came to me when I opted to give Sebastian the ability to destroy/shoo away intrusive thoughts while we were talking. His preferred method of doing this is taking a rifle to whatever I'm thinking (figuratively speaking) he puts the image in my head of him shooting whatever the thought is with his sniper rifle. I laid down the law that he isn't allowed to do this to me unless we are actually engaged in conversation and my mind wanders. Then along he came today out of nowhere and did it. I didn't mind so much because I was thinking depressive thoughts (I suffer pretty severe depression but take meds and see a therapist weekly so I am getting help so no worries <3) Out of no where there was the image of myself with a blade in my hand cutting myself, him, looking through his scope at me then BAM shooting the blade out of my hand and a firm voice telling me, "Not an option Soldier, not an option." When it comes to him protecting me from myself in this manner I'm willing to give him all the leniency in the world but it still made me wonder what other rules people had established with there tuppers and how much success they had.
  12. Thank you so much Linkzelda for your thorough reply. Most of the guides that I studied and conversations I have been involved in led me to believe that basing a Tulpa off a fictional character was bad, letting them have memories even more so. All of this would lead to them having some sort of existential break down when they realized they weren't that person and those memories weren't real. Seb certainly doesn't seem like the sort to have a crisis. He's very grounded. Suggested I get on a forum and discuss the matter and alleviate my doubts. The last thing he wants is to be a worry. He is very aware of what he is. Honestly I'm astounded by how quickly he just sprung into existance. Spin took work, weeks of focus before I could 'see' him and 'hear' his voice rather then my own. Bastian's voice on the other hand is distinctly not my own right from the get go with no effort at all. What's more I'm not having to put any effort into puppeting Seb like I did with Spin I bring up a topic and he just responds fluidly. If it wasn't so cool I think I'd be scared and intimidated. Well I guess I'll run with him then. Other peoples opinions be damned. Seb assures me he can handle it so I'll trust him. Thanks for the support. Also, he was joking about the bodily harm I think. It's his nasty habit and he was just making sure I didn't get the idea to try it because he did. Just becasue he smokes doesn't mean I have to sort of deal, same as black decaf coffee in the mornings, doesn't expect me to drink that poison either. :)
  13. So let me explain, I researched Tulpas heavily in months past before trying to create one, Spinnerette. A cat like creature with a sweet temperament and a mild manner. I followed all the rules and things were going well, we were progressing quickly. Then my life took a turn, went six ways to Hell in a hand basket. Creating a Tulpa wasn't a priority anymore, we lost touch. Now I'm back in the game but Spinnerette just isn't there anymore, we don't jive, I'm not the same person I was. Time to try again right? My new Tulpa came to me quite by accident. I was sitting in the back of my fathers truck, he was driving too fast for the snowy conditions (I recently ran my car off the road in a suicide attempt so I get a bit jumpy every time the vehicle fishtails) headphones on, eyes screwed shut, I felt a hand cover mine, (there but not really there) I look up and see him in my minds eye, hear his voice in my head. "Breathe." I recognize him from my own imagination Sebastian Moran. I know he's not there, I see him in the same way I saw Spin, and my beloved imaginary friend Thevin as a child. I'm shocked only because I don't normally have my imagination spring things on my so vividly without my assistance. I calm down though, I focus on him and the terrifying ride ends. After that I decided to create a new Tulpa, based off the character Sebastian Moran as read about in fanfictions from BBC Sherlock. I know you aren't supposed to, I worry about him having an identity crisis. Remind him constantly that he's not actually him. Already details about him have changed, he's American, grew up in Michigan. That's the other thing that has me concerned. He has memories. Spin never had memories. He had favorite colors and music albums but he didn't have memories of people or places. I asked Sebastian why he didn't have an English accent when I talked to him. His reply was simple, "Because I grew up in Michigan, went to Yale, studied Business Administration before joining the Marines." I fumbled out that he didn't do any of those things. "No not really but in my own mind I did. Those things made me who I am. I accept that they didn't really happen but that doesn't make them any less real for me." Anyway, growing number of concerns here. I don't really want to write him off and start again. We already have such a strong bond. He's my acting body guard keeping me company when I'm surrounded by people that make me want to off my self because I have no other way out. He doesn't really come across as being dangerous in anyway, hasn't said or done anything, besides threatening me bodily harm if I picked up his smoking habit. Enough rambling now.