Raxter

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Everything posted by Raxter

  1. Twenty-Four I think Vigil might be a female. I know my descriptions have put a definite masculine spin on Vigil but a recent experience may change all that and if it will be the first deviation I've witnessed since his conception some months ago. I'm very big on exercising, specifically running since I feel it's the best thing I can do to keep myself fit and in-shape. I tried weight lifting and cross fit training for a while but with my body type I just can't put on weight or muscle as easily as other people. It's incredibly frustrating to never lose or gain any weight despite eating like a slob and exercising like a possessed person. My run time is like my therapy and I take out a lot of personal rage when I sprint. It's not uncommon for me to swear or curse constantly while I run and my routines are typically very negative in terms of my emotional state. During one particularly difficult run (a 7.5 mile hike / sprint) I had finished the first half of the exercise and had to collapse on a bench for a few minutes during my cool down routine. I usually don't have to have this mid break so I was in a foul mood for having to stop for a few deep breathing cycles. Vigil was standing in front of me a few paces away. "Why don't you ever fucking talk?" I asked more to the ground than to Vigil. I even sneered a bit, I was pissed off and not used to being so exhausted as I was then. Of course, no answer. "Talk. Say something. Anything. I don't care what." Fine. It was a higher pitched voice that Vigil spoke with. Not the deeper, masculine voice that I imaged it would be and it certainly was NOT my mind voice. At most it was androgynous. By now my breathing was normalized though I was covered in sweat and the armband holding my music player was slipping. Vigil is imposing with a wide, tall frame. So I was caught off guard a bit but I was also trying to force my heart rate down. "So you're some amazonianesque...thing." I was still livid and frustrated at myself for feeling so tired and Vigil's minute shrug at what I said only further enraged me. "Take your hood off." No At this point I was at my limit and beyond my rational limits. I dropped the conversation there and continued my sprint which was possibly the worst thing I could have done with my core temperature way too high and my breathing not normalized. I finished, barely, and simply kept Vigil visualized nearby but I have yet to re-address this. Up until this point I had the idea that Vigil was just decidedly male. The frame, body, mannerisms, and overall look are masculine. I'm not sure what to make of this. Has your tulpa ever done something like this? Could this have just been the byproduct of my mindset at the time?
  2. This is a good idea I think I could try. I'm not OCD by any means but I tend to notice things that are on me rather quickly, so the ol' "Kick Me Sign" trick doesn't usually work. But I use my hands quite a bit as well, I'll try putting a mark or symbol on me for a while and see how it goes. Twenty-Three Many apologies for the long delay this update. Life has an odd way of butting in at the worst times in order to distract me and I'm just the sort of person to get caught up in one thing as soon as dropping something else. A trait I'm not going to let interfere with my journey. Vigil's cloak intrigues me to no end. It's more of a trench coat really than a large all-encompassing cape. It's a heavy greenish brackish material that repels the elements well and also doesn't flap around like a flag. It's clasped at the neck with only a small space, maybe an inch, between between where the two edges of the cloak fall down the front of him. I jokingly figured he hid demons and skeletons inside of it like the although a part of me also figures he doesn't have anything under there at the moment, literally just enough flesh and muscle and bone to keep the cloth on his frame. He's tall, too. Not gargantuan but I'm 5'10'' and I put his height somewhere around 6'3'' with an imposing width. The only noticeable features currently is the bridge of his nose which extends out of the shadow of his cowl, and his pair of black boots that look like they could be used for combat or mountain climbing. I think the coat he wears interests me so much because what's under it is unknown to me. While I suppose I could just tell Vigil to reveal himself I kind of like the mystery of it and I feel better knowing that Vigil has something of his own. It makes it easier to see him as an actual thing and not just some puppet or servant that I can order about. Does your tulpa ever have things that they keep to themselves? Are there things you don't mind your tulpa knowing without you yourself knowing?
  3. I wouldn't say that I was tired of it exactly, but I felt that if his form no longer required him to shamble then he really shouldn't continue with the action. He was in a whispy / zombie-esque phase for only a short while although that was mostly me plugging flesh and substance into his being. During his creation process I tried to literally build him as if I could conjure his bones, organs, and frame. I'm keeping him in a relatively blank slate until I get the right inspiration from him. He's too young and I'm not entirely comfortable adding or subtracting anything that I don't feel is natural. And to be perfectly honest, he seems quite content with the whole mysterious bit for now so we'll see how it plays out on that front! Twenty-Two There's been a lot of life's silliness attacking me lately and it really tests my ability to keep Vigil manifested at my side at all times. It's easy for me to slip into hold distracting habits, I daydream to get my mind off daydreaming like some weird mobius-strip of mental distractions. When you work with your tulpa, what are some things you do to keep them in mind? What allows you to stay reminded of them?
  4. Twenty-One My work has me in a position that requires me to have a lot of answers with some minor leadership auxiliaries. Its a decent living although sometimes it gets pretty weary always being the "go to" person who's supposed to wave their magic wand and make fluffy bunnies fall from the ceiling. I have found that when you work as a problem solver you start to shove social niceties out of the way in favor of efficiency or logic. This leads to a very beep boop personality for me where I can seem uncaring or even vehement about things although I've learned to tell people that I'm not irritated at them as much as I am irritated at the problem that's created. A small, but important, distinction and not one that I'm always able to convey in a positive way. This mindset that I've developed most assuredly has rubbed off on Vigil, or he has picked up on it. This is both good and bad from my perspective since we'll of course agree on most things although his persistent form of silence does seem to be doing more harm than good. I'm still new to the development process so I won't push the issue past what I'm able to understand. In terms of form Vigil has stayed relatively the same. An encompassing cloak and vague features of eyes, nose, and mouth. He no longer floats or zombie shambles like he originally had many months before and in terms of his evolution it seems I've literally put muscle into his actions. I practiced having him cross back and forth across a room thinking of how his foot falls are (he wears almost like black combat boots?) or how his frame might twist and turn with his body moving. It was a fun exercise and both of us can only benefit from in in the long run. So my question for the reader is: Since you've started working with your tulpa, what sort of major changes have occurred to its form?
  5. This is actually a very important concept that you bring up Cyber, and the answers to the questions I think may be too complicated for anyone to really answer easily. My knee-jerk reaction is to say that an AI is a kind of tulpa. Some may not like the analogy of a tulpa being a computer but at the end of the day they have more similarities than they do differences. If we're practicing with a tulpa then we're programming it and feeding it data and all the while it grows based upon the information we're giving it. When our tulpa is no longer in our mind is the main focus here, for me at least. There's a lot of difficulty in describing what the mind actually is and should we pursue that tangent then we'll end up discussing consciousness or the meaning of life and that's not really a mountain any of us are capable of climbing yet. So back on track, if I were to program an artificial intelligence to appear as and operate exactly like Vigil; is it still my tulpa or do we now categorize it as something else? What if we go the opposite way to where I'm capable of heightening my perception of him through advanced drugs or technological improvements (neural implants etc.) I'm able to visualize and perceive Vigil in such clarity and state of mind that he can be considered nothing less than a full fledged construct. What if I build an android that's simply a shell and I upload my perception of what Vigil is onto it. It's not just an intelligence but now it has a physical body. Personally in these scenarios it all seems that the moment a tulpa leaves the body we can't see it as a tulpa any more since it is no longer an internal thing but now is external. Should ventures like this be pursued? Would it be worthwhile to have your tulpa exist in a physical realm or body? Is it better for tulpas to just stay inside the mind?
  6. Twenty I watched a movie titled Her which starred Joaquin Phoenix, Olivia Wilde, and the voice of Scarlett Johansson. This was an adult orientated film with heavily sexualized motifs and emotional instigators. So it was perfect for me. The film has the main character Theodore (Phoenix), purchasing a new operating system for his computer which advertises itself as boasting the most advanced artificial intelligence on the market to date; capable of intuition, conversation, calculation, and psychological growth. So, Siri, basically. Theodore and his OS named Samantha (Johansson) develop a [somehow sexual?] relationship that's mutually beneficial for them and the movie goes on from there through it's rising action, climax, and falling action. It's a great film despite it's somewhat farfetched plot and sometimes questionable dialog. There's a particular scene later in the film in which Theodore is talking with Samantha, the two have a close relationship at this point and they talk with each other throughout most of the day. Theodore finds himself looking around a busy street that he's on and he sees virtually everyone around him is also talking with their OS's. They're laughing, smiling, arguing, planning, etc. The point being that this product was so incredibly popular and successful that everyone had one. Theodore's co-workers don't bat an eyelash when he mentions that his girlfriend is an OS and they still invite them to dinner, even his closest female friend seems accepting of the fact that her once stable lifelong friend is now basically spending his free time talking to a computer. You can see where I'm going with this. I think it would be a fair assessment to say that most people that are enthusiastic about their tulpas are people who are introvert-shifted and probably wish that they could tell others about their experiences with tulpas but they feel heavily stigmatized or embarrassed because of it. After all if we could drill into someone's brain and get a good look at their tulpa and subsequently design a program that will think and interact just like said tulpa...this community would probably think that that's a pretty damn cool idea. If widespread acceptance becomes commonplace who's to say the kind of effects that would have. I mumble under my breath occasionally when interacting with Vigil but perhaps if others knew about him I wouldn't be so secretive or playing shadow games. Then again others wouldn't be necessarily embarrassed either and maybe you'd get a scene like in this movie where you have a street full of people talking to something in their head. Acceptance is a delicate thing and simply having more people being knowledgeable about tulpas is a thing worth striving for. It doesn't necessarily need to be embraced or welcomed, but simply known. What do you think should happen in the future for people practicing with tulpa? Do you think they should be more upfront about them? Do you think there will ever be a time when you can literally interact with you tulpa? Will they always just be a concept inside your head?
  7. Nineteen I've got my own vices. I drink too much, I don't attend religious functions, I eat like a slob, I have very few interests, even fewer friends, and the list goes on. These put me roughly with 90% of the people on Earth so it's not really some kind of confession more of a validation of the reality I live in. I'm sure most people who work with tulpas are typically introverted, terrible in social situations, and probably have off-color hobbies that aren't mainstream. There's nothing wrong with this. Introverts have the best tools to maintain a tulpa and their sometimes destructive passions can push a topic way past the point people thought they could go. Vigil appears to pull a lot from me although I can tell that there's a definite separation between expectations and observations. He's certainly my spiritual better and so far has kept calm in situations that would normally have me frothing at the mouth in rage or irritation. He's a stabilizing factor and it calms me a bit to know he's at the edge of my vision just observing and taking in the situation. This is part of the reason why I work with Vigil is so I can have this added benefit to my life. What sort of benefits have you noticed with your tulpa since you started working with them?
  8. Eighteen I realized today that Vigil never sits down. This isn't bothersome to me or annoying in any way it's just a thing I noticed. If I'm driving to work he's typically standing on the sidewalk just ahead of me and as I pass he'll teleport ahead again. Typically he'll be facing my direction although sometimes his back is turned or he's looking into a store window. He'll also never move faster than a walking pace even if I'm doing sprints or jogging. I pondered that maybe it's because he's not really designed that way in my head when I think about what he represents. He's a serious personality, a thinker, a calculator, and a watcher. He's not going to be galloping down a football track cloak billowing behind him and hood flapping into his face, nor do I think he would sit with his head bowed and knees together like some homeless person. Or maybe that's just how I think he would look therefore I do not expect him to do so, I'm not blind to that possibility. When it comes to forcing I sometimes feel like a crazy person. I find myself mumbling while I'm talking to him and more than once I've moved to avoid hitting him as I walk by. Thankfully I don't work with too many people but it would certainly look curious if there was someone watching when I did these things.
  9. Raxter

    My New PR

    Try to not over think. It's obvious you know how to go about forcing and you understand what's required of you. The rest is the interpretation that you're pulling from it. You're putting too many targets in the air right now and you're most likely not going to hit any before they fall. I suggest staying positive and focus on one thing at a time without burdening yourself. Things aren't going to go the way you expect (nor should they!) and what you develop may not always be what you were expecting. This is wonderful, scary, frustrating, and perhaps a bit daunting but it's worth pressing and it's worth working on. Just keep on keeping on. Do your research, extrapolate, and focus on one thing at a time. I'm rooting for you! You got this.
  10. Seventeen I overheard two women at a restaurant discussing how America was the "Modern Roman Empire" and that if the United States doesn't adjust its foreign policy and retract it's assets it will suffer a systematic collapse from over extension and over speculation. They then shifted to how America has it's thumbs in everyone else's pie and how the populace is divided on literally every issue imaginable etc etc. Things like this get me into long daydream modes though now that I have Vigil piggybacking on my inner dialogue it doesn't feel so solitary and weird. It's true that America does seem to be a bit scatterbrained and divided but you need differing opinions in order to allow for ideas to flourish. Any time a new product, thought, or concept is thrown into a vat it will either rise to the top or be eradicated by stronger and better things. It's a kind of Darwinism although that word is trending on having such a negative connotation that I'm hesitant to use it in an objective way. The tulpa concept is no exception. We need trailblazers, people cutting through the jungle machete in hand and determination in their eye as they take roads less traveled. There are some things I believe that people who practice with tulpas should be united on such as agreeing (unanimously) on certain definitions and practices. But, for the most part, we need all sorts to ensure a healthy stream of discussion and new ideas. Unfortunately the western world is adopting a very politically correct stance on things that frustrate me to no end. The phrase "that offends me" is thrown around all too often and should anyone's toes get stepped on they simply cry "oppression" or "minority hating" to justify their undisciplined outrage. Working with a tulpa is no exception. People are going to have different ideas and some of them I don't necessarily agree with but that doesn't cause me to foam at the mouth and I certainly won't start fires that I'm incapable of putting out. Vigil is not vocal in the sense that he talks with a personalized mind voice that I hear. Currently, and to my preference, he uses concepts, feelings, or mental ideas to convey what he's trying to say. It makes for interesting dialogues and reinforces my idea that a tulpa is more comfortable communicating this way than it would be if we stuffed a voice box down it's throat and told it to sing. Vocality is not a particularly big goal of mine as I feel I'm doing just fine with how we're getting along right now. However, visualization and imposition are of great interest and what I've been focusing on almost exclusively. I can keep Vigil in mind during roughly 70% of my waking day and this is a somewhat drastic leap the past two weeks where I feel I may have only been able to maintain his form near me for about 30% of the time. Form wise is very much the same as I've described previously. The simple cloak and silhouetted body let's me visualize easier and I think is why I'm able to improve my concentration like I have and is not an idea to overlook. Personality wise he keeps himself serious. Though this could be because we tend to have serious dialogues. I'm considering trying to inject some humor into things nonetheless, you can't always have super serious thoughts all the time. Progress is progress.
  11. When 4chan's /x/ board started a fairly massive witch hunt against tulpas back in 2011 / 2012 it displaced a lot of the "bandwagoners" who, I believe, felt the need to continue to be vocal about their tulpa practices. Recently /x/ had to do this again when the board was flooded with tulpa related topics (peak number of topics with the name "tulpa" in the title reached 28 before the mods got it back under control) so it's still an ongoing thing. /mlp/ was a convenient (and somewhat welcoming) community that harbored these displaced people and sparked an odd pairing. People with tulpas had a "home" and bronies now had the vehicle to Play Pretend and run off to Imagination Land with their pony friends. This isn't to say that everyone with a pony tulpa is "wrong", but the vast majority don't take it very seriously and are typically the ones perpetuating the negative stereotypes. Or they're ones that post nonsense about their tulpas trying to kill them, possess their dog, or are rampaging around their immaculate wonderland. The connection came during /x/'s dismissal of such a large volume of tulpa related topics and /mlp/'s curiosity in finding a way to connect further with their pony friends.
  12. Sixteen I've found we live in a world of two truths. We have something called the "Real Truth" and the "Supposed Truth." The Real Truth are the events that occur despite what people say. The Supposed Truth are the events that people claim happened and will always be open to dispute. Most of what we may think as being the Real Truth is typically the Supposed Truth remaining unchallenged. This is particularly true concerning pretty much all the ages before the Gutenberg Press, mass produced media, and research procedures. We cannot dig up an ancient tomb of a body clutching an 800 year old manuscript describing the events of Jesus' resurrection and claim it to be Real Truth any more than I could forge an ancient document using old writing techniques and claim the same content. Nor can we accept writings or accounts of people who were illiterate, uneducated, extremely despot, and unmotivated to do anything other than shoot claims in the dark and hope they would be widely received. So, if that's the case, how do we know anything is for certain? For one we cannot accept something simply because it's widely assumed to be "true". This goes for all fields of study and life. Something that's accepted does not make it true, and just because somethings true doesn't always mean it will be accepted. This shouldn't be grounds for us just blindly following something though. However, if we have multiple instances from a wide range of sources all claiming the same thing then it's safe to assume that whatever is being claimed is the Real Truth and not some made up story or forged information. We can almost unanimously agree that Pythagoras was indeed a real person and a mathematician who authored several hundred books and having several valuable mathematical proofs. But, we cannot unanimously agree that the biblical version of Jesus was ever a person that ever literally existed, or the events of his crucifixion as having ever been taken place. This is because the tale was written 200 to 300 years after the events had taken place, and in a much more Christian sympathetic environment where many Christians were seeking any sort of leverage against the Jewish population, they accused the Jews of having killed Christ when it was indeed the Roman ruler Pilate who ultimately (and begrudgingly) sentenced the supposed man to die. Even today there's this hanging Supposed Truth galloping around as being Real Truth when the circumstances for his demise was ultimately far different than what many Judeo-Christian sects may think, assuming said circumstances ever happened at all. This Real Truth vs Supposed Truth is an important topic. It's a distinction that we have to make as individuals if we're ever going to be able to advance. Anything that doesn't have overwhelming (or at least convincing) evidence to being the Real Truth is simply the Supposed Truth until proven otherwise. No matter how clearly an eyewitness may remember a crime taking place, or how detailed a writer's description is, it is still only a telling of events through the filter of a fallible man. - So what does this has to do with tulpas? Quite a lot, really. Specifically concerning the ultimate origin of the tulpa concept and how they've been received by western culture. Remember that a tulpa was originally designed to fool the God of Death into taking the tulpa to the underworld instead of it's host. At least if Tibetan folklore is to be believed. Later on this folktale somehow survived by piggybacking on the concept of "thoughtforms" and "daemons" by being viewed as the same as them. Still later it's found it's way to the modern age in the form of some silly creepy stories circulated by the internet and it still carries the negative connotations attached to it. No where (at least from what my research has shown me) is a tulpa seen or described as anything but what it was in the original folktale. The view that a tulpa can help you with the path to enlightenment and understanding is a western ideology tacked on haphazardly as a way to gain wider acceptance. Most of the guides on here and those surviving off of pastebin are proof enough of this. I do not mean this as an attack. I only mean to separate that the tulpa that "we" create are not the same as the tulpa that the Tibetans created. Our Real Truth cannot be matched with their Real Truth, nor should it. Tulpas were originally made for selfish reasons but have evolved into something far more useful, and far less sinister. Vigil is not a tool that I am using but more of an accomplice I'm consulting. I do not try to burden him with many troubles and I don't push any overbearing expectations upon him. He's technically not any more equipped to deal with things than I am, but he is a third party that's as close to objectively motivated as possible and for that I respect and value him greatly. All these drama episodes and odd situations people find themselves in leave me flabbergasted at best. I will never say that someone is doing something wrong when they find themselves in these circumstances because many times the solution is to simply look at what's happening and correct some ways of approaching it. I think that's what draws me to tulpas the most. The ease in which problems can be addressed and the discussions that can occur surrounding them. My tolerance for nonsense and obvious attention-seeking is nil though, as I think it should be for anyone who's a seeker of Truth and it's up to us as a community to better our image if we hope to continue surviving as our own entity and not as some tumor tacked on to /x/ or /mlp/.
  13. I have been researching the visualization guides that have been posted and practicing my imposition for the past few days. My feeling is that these two concepts are the biggest steps forward when working with your tulpa. No longer is the tulpa just a thought inside your head but is now a ghostly entity that is present in the real world in the form of a self induced hallucination. It sounds calloused to refer to them as such but I don't have any better way to describe it. Form Vigil stands ~5'9'' and wears a simple brown (sometimes black) heavy cloak that covers much of the face and nearly all of the body. The cloak makes his body appear bulkier than what I think he may look like underneath. He stands and walks with his head slightly bowed and hands covered in each others' sleeves across his waist very much like a monk or religious person attending a sermon. He appears to wear heavy boots but it's difficult to tell exactly around the stained lower edges of the cloak. I refer to Vigil as "he" since the exposed chin and mouth appear somewhat "maleish" but the cloak make things difficult to tell. Androgynous wouldn't be a terrible or bad thing, or if he were to exhibit both male and female traits opens a lot more doors in terms of personality and mindset. I'll see how that line of thinking develops as time passes. In the meantime when I'm not practicing on visualization or imposition I've been narrating sub-vocally when in public and vocally when I'm alone. It's not difficult for me to often times talk to myself when trying to sort out problems or see things from different perspectives so having a running commentary on what I'm doing isn't a terribly difficult thing. I do my best to turn my head slightly towards where I think he is and to talk loud enough (when I can) so that he can "hear" me and understand what I'm saying. On the other hand, he remains quite reserved and quiet. The way we've been communicating so far has been with me talking and him using images, concepts, or ideas to get the point across. If he uses words it's usually only one or two at a time and he's yet to have a clear way of saying things except for the first time I "heard" him convey a word. Of course this was also during a time that I was exercising and reaching a runner's high so my mindset was altered quite a bit. Other than that I also read quite a lot. My job is not terribly demanding and I have an ample amount of free time that I can use so I fill it with books, almost to the point of nerdiness but knowledge is important I think even if I sacrifice a bit of social time in order to learn a bit more about the world I live in. Attached is the picture I could find that most closely resembles what's in my mind's eye at the moment. Progress is progress!
  14. Raxter

    Count to 10,000!

    36 is the minimum to cross the river styx
  15. Fourteen Throughout this past week I've been studying on western paganism and African shamans. Tulpas can, in some ways, be included into this concept if you think of a tulpa as a actual entity that is conjured instead of a concept (or "vehicle") that a human brain just manifests through "thinking about it a lot". There are common themes that I notice with many fringe religions, such as Wicca, that puts much more emphasis on the plane of existence that we're currently experiencing rather than what occurs before our life and after our death. To put it in layman's: There's the Underworld which is where souls go after they shed their earthly form. This is not a "bad place" or some sort of punishment it's simply the place where dead souls travel to. It is in no way concerned or comparable to the Christian Hell or Muslim Jahannam. Interpretations can vary but typically this is also the "place" that familiars and spirit animals reside as well, hence the "spirit of the bear" or "cleverness of the fox" attributes that shamans seek can be found within the underworld as deceased souls being given "new life". Above the underworld there is, well, our world. The land of the living. Of course this plane is what we're most comfortable with and we understand the laws of our existence quite well. Something that may seem "magical" or without explanation we know deep down has some sort of origin in natural law. Should we travel to the Underworld we would be subject to a new set of laws but our experiences there would appear magical and without explanation at the time and we would not be able to apply what we know to what we saw. We would have gone on a "spiritual journey". Above our world there is the Upperworld. It's the least "understood" plane and its inhabitants are what most western cultures would describe as Angels or higher beings of immense power. I should break here and explain that most of these fringe beliefs do not have a singular concept of a "Grand Designer" i.e God. Indeed this Upperworld is the source of our middle plane of existence although interpretations again vary. We either receive our consciousness and plane FROM the Upperworld (in the form of a gift). Or we're some sort of bleed-off by product from the Upperworld which is why we don't seem to be able to experience anything about it except from out of body or near-death experiences. (Both of which are also required by some before being able to "travel" to the Under/Upperworld). Of course this is just a small snippet example of what one might believe. The key points here is that they don't claim that life is some sort of holy test and there are not a set of "The Creator's Rules" that you must abide to in order to get a divine reward after your death. Circumcision is not a "gimme" to males, females may keep their labias and clitoris far far away from scapels. Masturbation or sexual intercourse is not some shameful or disgusting act that's not to be talked about, or mentioned, or discussed, or even addressed. The Earth is not seen as some arena where human souls are placed to see who can score more "good deeds" before their "sins" condemn them to eternal damnation. Instead the Earth is a thing of power, a vessel on which we are being flung through the cosmos upon. We may use her power to do great beautiful things or we can create terrible atrocious. Either way the choice is ours to make and there is no Father Christ or Mother Brahma looking down upon us chiding us silently for when we make war, or throwing their favor at us when we plant a tree. No indeed, we are here and this is now. These trains of thought allow the individual to make their own moral decisions and decide their own ethics without the burden of a Book being slapped across their faces every time they wish to make a decision. In fact, many of these "heathens and naysayers" promote only one rule although I would say that it is the Universal Rule and it comes in many versions: Treat others as you would like to be treated. or: If it harms none, do as you will. or even: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Unfortunately most of these "fringe" ways of thinking were all but eradicated starting in around 360 B.C when the Holy Roman Empire began passing laws against Paganism and these ways of thinking were soon prosecuted with such vehemence and ruthlessness that the only way they could survive was in the jungle tribes of Africa or silently inside the minds of those unfortunate enough to think them during a time when anyone who said that the Earth was somehow more "sacred" than Jesus or Muhammad or The Flying Spaghetti Monster, or that they felt better when they had a feline companion next to them since they inspired them, was instantly cast at the stake as a witch. Even now should a Wiccan place a grounding stone upon their forehead, and be asked to explain what she was doing, she may still be thought of as a witch. In year 2014. When scientific evidence overwhelmingly agrees that a person who practices what they believes in has higher self confidence and boosted immune system from lowered stress. A witch. 360 B.C mindsets are hard to break. It is...debilitating for me to think of someone as somehow "less" than a human because they simply have a different world (universe?) view than my own, but this is how history goes and this is how people acted. But we are here, and this is now. So, as always, how does this pertain to tulpa? Why the rant? My view of tulpa is that they are a belief that I am more than just myself and I have the evolutionary tools to create (conjure?) something that won't just assist me in my day-to-day but also can help me become a better person. They aren't just a companion or imaginary friend but instead they're the spiritual manifestation of whom I may be someday. Like these other beliefs I think of consciousness as having three forms (or planes). Unconscious, conscious, super conscious. Like the Upperworld we find this super conscious to be incredibly hard to understand or conceptualize but I also think that a tulpa is capable of operating on this higher field of thought and can "dumb-down" things for our consciousness to understand in the forms of insight, focus, or clarity. Now, do I wish to be some sort of relatively silent cloaked man somewhat skulking near the wall of a room and only speaking in simple one or two word sentences like Vigil does? No, of course not. His form is just what's working for me right now. He's somewhat monkish really, like an initiate who's not quite taken a silent vow but seems to be practicing for it. He does not have some terrible pessimistic world view (from what I can gather), but he does seem to care more about the present than the future or past. That helps to keep me grounded in the here and now instead of wringing my hands together from anxiety or regret. With his form somewhat sorted out I've been practicing imposing him and flexing my visualization muscles. Is he affected by wind? Can he manipulate objects? Does he avoid walking into people or objects? Does he smile or frown or gesture? These are all questions that give me ideas on what to work on. It's what I'll update on in my next post. Progress is progress.
  16. I don't really think there's a way to take advantage of it as much as simply have it happen "more often". I'm not of the opinion that this is a way to have some sort of super power or extremely intelligent moments of focus and clarity. Instead I see it more along the lines of being in touch with your surroundings and what's going on inside your head in a more intimate way! Thirteen A college professor (back when I had the motivation, money, and patience for college) once explained that persistence was the only true omnipotent force on the planet. Persistence is the one quality that can overcome literally any obstacle we face as an individual, group, or species. Our ability to persist, spitting in the face of opposition like tyranny, radical religion, and disease is an incredible trait. It's seen no where else on the planet or in any creature upon it except for us. I'm all about empowering the individual and I'll have immense respect for anyone that will raging-bull their way to what they want or desire...as long as it's within the limits of the law and isn't violating into anyone else's basic human rights. There's plenty of avenues to do this, of course, but it's also a different topic for a different night. Vigil is an empowerer. Almost like he's the mentally visual representation of what I see as my spirit. He appears to be very serious in a sort of draconian mentor kind of way. If he were a parent I would imagine he'd let his child stick a fork into a wall outlet so they can experience why they shouldn't do things like that, but also stay close by to ensure there wasn't too much damage occurring. He's certainly my better. A strong silent type, preferring to work with the minimum needed to get the point across. Our "conversations" are not necessarily with us exchanging mindvoices and instead more along him presenting concepts and me discussing with my own voice to them. It's interesting exchanges and he appears to know more than he's letting on, or I'm just not understanding exactly how much he knows. Either way it's an exciting thing to think about! I'm three weeks in. I have a long way to go. Persistence is the only ally I can count on during this, it's the only thing that allows us to maintain thoughtforms in the first place. Progress is progress.
  17. Twelve We have mammal brains of 100 billion neurons, 1 quadrillion synapses, and a memory bank as large as 100 petaflops. The brain, in essence, is a computer. This statement incites anger in some who see that statement as being somehow derogatory. They claim short term memory is not RAM, that computers are digital and our brains are analogue, and that the brain's systems and wiring are far more complicated and advanced than any current or near-future machine. That doesn't change the fact that, other than maintaining bodily functions such as organs, muscles, and hormones, the brain is there to simply think and so it is a "Thinking Machine" in essence. A computer. And a gloriously bad thinking machine at that. Its by no means a perfect system. Not by a long shot. The brain must translate photons of light through the cornea of an eye, through the lens, aquaeous fluid, blood vessels, ganglion cells, amacrine cells, horizontal cells, and bipolar cells before they even reach the light sensitive rods and cones to transduce the light signal into neural impulses. The signal then travels to the back of the brain where it takes longer still to translate it into meaningful patterns. Oh, and along the way, the electro-chemical image is upside down and backwards. So not only does the brain need to do all this just to be able to visually see our surroundings, but the time it takes to do so also raises a lot of interesting notions about our perception of reality. The brain can "recognize" an image in around 13 to 14 milliseconds. By the time you realize that you're actually looking at something takes around 100 to 140 milliseconds. At least, according to this study. So, by the time we can assert that something is indeed visually existing, it has to have been existing for at least 100 odd milliseconds already. So what of other sensations? Vision is just one way in which we perceive the world, and arguably the most beneficial as it allows us to avoid obstacles, read body language, capture food, and a slew of other useful tricks. Well, here is where I came across interesting research: Daniel Dennett conducted a study in which patients would receive skin stimulus, usually in the form of a gentle electrical tingle, at various times and at various places around their body. He was testing to see how quickly a person can react to outside stimulus, especially when two stimulus were felt on different (and relatively "far away") parts of the body. What he found was no less than astonishing. If a patient received a stimulus on the side of their head, they would obviously feel this stimulus "faster" than if they felt a stimulus on their foot. This is because it takes a shorter distance for the signal from the nerves in the head to reach the brain than it does for the signal from the foot to travel up the body to the brain. But, when he stimulated both at the same time he found that the patients were consciously aware of both stimulation as occurring at the same time, despite the obvious physical limitation of a chemical signal needing time to travel the length of a body. A process that can take up to 500 milliseconds to achieve in it's entirety. This means that the brain recognized the (almost) immediate stimulus on their head and then waited for the signal from the foot to reach it before telling the conscious brain "Hey, you're feeling something." So from an outsiders' perspective, these patients exhibited a form of mental precognition. The patient's nervous system "knew" there was a sensation being felt and the brain "knew" to wait until it gathered all the information before presenting it to the patient's conscious brain even though the sensations were technically not recognized until several hundred milliseconds apart. - So, how does this fit into the tulpa world? This "gatherer of information" inside our mind is my basis for belief in a tulpa. It's the background investigator on our sensations and will filter out unnecessary information. After doing this it will present our conscious brains a single and fluid "mental picture" of what our reality is, even though technically we're sensing all sorts of things at all sorts of different times. This means that we are right now having experiencing things up to two seconds in the future. We just aren't consciously aware that we are as our mind needs time to regulate them. As you practice with your tulpa and your bond grows you may find these regulations happen quicker, or you're given single sensations slightly faster than others. This is why you may sometimes find yourself "knowing" when the streetlight is about to change color, or a person is about to walk into your office, or your phone is about to ring, or indeed who actually will be on the phone (assuming you weren't expecting a call of course.) These are moments of clarity that should be appreciated in it's fullest. Have you ever had a moment like this since you started working with your tulpa? As for development I'm continuing almost exclusively on form. Adding more flesh and a bit of color other than inky black on to Vigil. The attached picture closely resembles what my mind's eye sees at the moment.
  18. Eleven Humans are powerful beings. Though concentrated effort we can create miracles. Through brotherhood, unity, strength, and honor we'll eventually conquer everything that stands in our way. But we need to learn to not fear. We fear the unknown so we distract ourselves from it with pathetic squabbles. It's frustrating to see and it's stifling our ability to see clearly. Nothing compares to us, nothing comes close. We have love, joy, anger, and even hatred that all allow us to be human. This is our nature but it need not be used against each other. Why can't we just take pride in who we are? I truly believe that inside every breathing human being there is a spark. It's a spark that is always present, no matter what the circumstance. It does its best to banish the shadows of defeatism and gloom. It's this spark that makes you a genius at something, a brilliant mastermind. Resist what corrupt individuals tell you otherwise. You are not your few employable muscles being rented out by a corporation so you can use your fleshy vehicle as means of transport for those 3 pounds of flesh inside your head. No, you are the final product of millions of years of strife against the elements, creatures, and disease. Your ancestors braved hell on earth for several lifetimes so you could be here. Do not waste your brilliance so easily on producing a product, or squeezing half a percentage point on your stocks. It's becoming harder to empower the individual. We're starting to fall asleep in the comfort of lies and chosen ignorance. Your world view is valid and it does not make you a sinner, or a fool, or an unenlightened idiot to be a human being. No, it means you're breaking the shackles of fear and superstition. This is a glorious thing, if only you have the eyes to see it. - I have had to adjust my way of thinking heavily within the last two weeks of working with Vigil. It's almost a full time job between narration and forcing. I often times find myself "trancing-out" during my daily routine as I actively force. I try to think of Vigil as my spiritual better, rather than as my mental inferior. It's easier to stay motivated when I think of Vigil as being smarter and quicker than me since my research tells me that a tulpa technically is always with us and that we can teach one another things that will benefit the both of us. We worked on form a bit. Adding some more substance to something that looks ethereal. I imagine Vigil now looks a bit more like a hooded figure instead of some shambling ghost-like mass of smoke. I haven't forgotten the brief moments of clarity I experienced during my exercise routine but I haven't had a similar experience since then, and Vigil has remained "silent" since that time as well. In the meantime I'm still flexing my mental muscles to keep the form in mind at all times, and it isn't easy. I'm not used to needing to have this many mental "resources" devoted to simply keeping something in mind. But, I'm doing my best. Progress is progress.
  19. This comment I may pm you about later since I'm interested in knowing the reasoning behind one part of it. Let's keep it humble, CH666. Conflict and opposing ideas are what let us know that our opinions are valid and worthwhile. Sometimes we need someone to be a bit poignant about things to keep us from going too far down the rabbit hole of our own mindsets. If you don't think you need to see a psychologist / psychiatrist about your mental state, then don't. If you want your tulpa to help you improve your mood, then be upfront about it with them. Maybe they would actually want to help (and not feel like they're being pressured into responsibilities) if you go about it tactfully. Post note, what specific books have you come across? I've only been able to collect 4 nonfiction books on the topic and it's becoming even harder to find information about tulpas outside of this community. Send me a pm when you can. Depends on how good your memory is, I think. Vigil is currently quite easy to impose since he's basically a phantom or a spectre so it's not too difficult to think of a black wispy mass in a vaguely human shape. It's your tulpa. Make a decision you feel is about it's form and then go from there, if you're not content or become wishy-washy about it then take steps to remedy it. It's not like you have to make a permanent decision right now and be "trapped" with a certain form. Obviously the simpler the form the easier it is to "remember" what it looks like. I would suggest not having an anime character unless you want your tulpa to actually BE that character. Start easy, then add things like earrings, hair style, clothes, whatever. There's no rush or anything so you can take your time with it. You SHOULD take your time with imposition.
  20. Ten I exercise. A lot. If I'm not exercising I'm either reading or working. Normally I just exercise cardio so it's running, isometrics, swimming, full body stuff. It's to exhaust myself since it's sometimes the only thing I can do to clear my head which is usually full of thoughts and frustration. Of course Vigil is now present with me during this. Keeping up with my strides or swimming strokes in whatever tulpa way it can. We've been having conversations, well, one sided ones. While exercising I try to listen to music and stay in a trance to keep my mind off my body, especially while running. I have a set route and I know my pace throughout so as to not tire too early from it. Halfway through my route and while in the middle of my runner's high a single conceptual meaning came to mind and had no context as to what it was for. Tame An odd thing to think of when running, yeah? Tame? What does that mean? As I neared the end I slowed at my marker and prepared to start my cool down cycle before heading home. I experienced another feeling. Domesticated I slowed from a jog and started walking. Vigil at my side and giving no sign that it was it "talking" to me. It's keeping itself upright a bit easier, or perhaps I'm getting better at "materializing" a frame in it? It still looks like an anorexic ghoul and still no defining features yet so it was kind of hard to tell if it was the source. At my street happened a third time. Weakness That was when I stopped. My key almost in the door, my body just wanting a cold shower and to rest, Vigil at my shoulder. These were strong feelings of conceptual words. Strong enough to make me freeze and think about them. They obviously meant something, otherwise I (Vigil?) wouldn't be conjuring them up. I remember I had these two images in my head while I thought of this. The first was an image of a silhouetted human body like in an anatomy book, it had the word "Mind" over the head and the word "Body" across the chest. The second one had the same silhouette except the "head" portion was separated from the "body" portion. "A separation of mind and body. So what does that mean?" Vigil and I stared at each other for a while "And 'tame', 'domesticated', 'weakened', what are you trying to say?" Again just me staring at the air where I pictured Vigil as being. By then my breathing and heart rate had returned to normal. I felt like I could go for another sprint if I really wanted to although I wanted to be out of the heat and under a fan more than anything else. I made for my key again when Vigil shifted to the door. Weakness That feeling repeated again and that's when things clicked: My body wanted to rest and I was just slaving to what it wanted. My mind was willing to continue running but my exercised body was telling it no, and I was letting it call the shots! Vigil was "telling" me that I was weak, tamed, and domesticated by my physical body and that my mind was greater than that. I did another routed run as soon as I realized this. Sprinting most of it and walking when I needed to. But I did it, a full circuit. Vigil (me?) stayed silent this time and I had no weird feelings of concepts or ideas during this second run. On any other day I don't think I would have been able to complete two circuits but with what I had just realized had fueled me more than any energy drink or chemical ever could. I'm typing this now while still dripping sweat and throat ragged from gulping air. This could have been something that I simply realized while coming off an exercise high, or something I would have eventually concluded. But just the projection of Vigil being next to me made me think of something I normally may never have thought of. THIS is the utility of a tulpa, THIS is why they're an interest of mine, and THIS is why I continue being amazed by them.
  21. I'll tackle the first 3. The last two I don't have enough information on to have an opinion. This is dependent on why a person is negative to begin with. Most people that devote time towards making a tulpa are typically lacking in a lot of social areas. That's not to say that they're some hermit living in a proverbial cave, just that they don't really seem to do well in groups larger than 2 and that they lean more towards the introverted lifestyle. Today's western society puts a lot of pressure on the individual to be charismatic, outgoing, respected, well spoken, and a slew of other things that don't necessarily come naturally to some. We all know from our high school (or school equivalent) of the kids that kept to themselves, spoke little, and perhaps had an off color hobby that alienated them further. But they were also probably well liked by your teachers and they maintained good grades, if not the best. Should they develop a tulpa it could help them flex their social muscles a bit as they're now "forced" to interact with something(someone?) other than their own thoughts. It might also be a somewhat healthy distraction and give them passion they may have been lacking before hand. These things might lift them up into a positive mindset although there are other ways of doing this other than with a tulpa. This is tricky because we don't really have the means to do what we would have to in order to prove how a tulpa affects the host. Brain mapping and EKG's can only go so far as determining a person's physical state of their brain, not necessarily what is going on inside a person's head. Studies we could do right now would probably involve memory recollection, speed of decision making, chemical (im)balances, and perhaps IQ. Single witness testimonials would raise scientific eyebrows so until we're able to crack open a person's mind and visually see what's happening inside of it, we're stuck with what we can test: Physical states. Happiness is one of those terms that everyone has a different definition for. Typically a tulpa will mirror whatever particular mood you're in regardless of whether you wish it to be otherwise. So the easy way to do it would to simply have the host be happy and the tulpa will follow suit. Happiness is a worthy goal but remember, happiness is just one end of the spectrum and making decisions based upon your mood will have as much effect on them as whether you're happy or sad. (See question 1.) To give an answer, make your tulpa happy by acknowledging it and spending time with it like you would any other close friend or family.
  22. This is a major issue that needs to be addressed soon. A guide being accepted should be heavily peer reviewed and critiqued to ensure that people researching this site aren't being pulled in two directions. It's okay to have simple conviction about things as long as you're open to new ideas and evidence. Examples of topics that need more definitive stances: Is hour counting helpful or harmful? Is assuming sentience from the start helpful or harmful? Is developing a wonderland worth the time? Too many guides say too many different things on these. I'll forgo citing specific passages (to keep this post relatively short) but I can read Guide A that tells me a wonderland is ultimately something that's not needed while Guide B tells me it's almost an absolute necessity for a developing tulpa. Both of these guides have been accepted so someone had to read this and say "Okay, this is approved for people learning about tulpas and creating them." If the people moderating this information are working on this on their own part-time that's fine but that doesn't mean the quality of the information should suffer because of it. I'd rather have 2 guides on here that will steer someone down a relatively "safe" path for developing a tulpa instead of 23 guides that all say different things. It's just not consistent. Give me someone who's able to piece together evidence into some semblance of a theory that says something is helpful or harmful. Give people yes / no answers and then explain why [you think] this is so that the user can make up their own minds based upon the information provided. It's really the only way to make decisions about this and it's not being addressed, or it turns into a slug fest of name-calling shit-posting while the actual substance of the argument is tossed into the bin.
  23. Nine I've named my tulpa "Vigil" . It seemed appropriate for the circumstance I find myself in. I've taken to keeping it manifested near me throughout most of my day. It seemed content to sort of hover or shamble along next to me. This was as much an experiment to see how long I could concentrate on it as it was to see how it handled certain things. Obstacles like people or furniture it simply dissolved through as if they weren't present. If I moved to a different room it would "teleport" to my side the moment I lost line of sight on it. Later on I'll see how wide this range is. It's been a watcher of my actions for the past two and a half decades so I can only assume that it uses the same ranges as my senses to monitor my surroundings. Addressing it's form I'm taking it slow. The attached image is somewhat close to what I'm seeing, with some differences. If you were to see it on the side of the road you would think of it as something weak or crippled. I (we?) know a bit better than this. Ultimately the form will come into it's own and I'm quite sure that a thought form cares more about its substance than it does what it looks like. After all, it only truly exists in a thought format. The form of it is simply for the ease of the creator. Today was a dry run to see how easily I could keep something in mind without getting distracted for too long a time. I had minor success for my first time. Obviously it's easier to keep something just in mind rather than focusing on keeping it projected onto the backdrop of reality. Did minor reviews of traits although it seems like double explaining as I'm sure Vigil already knows what I expect. Still, practice isn't harmful. Progress is progress.
  24. My suggestion is to keep in mind that slow is smooth and smooth is fast. You're ultimately on the right track across the board, it's obvious you've read up on guides and done some research. Now is the time to keep things deliberate, easy, and simple to achieve. Do your best to keep Rose in mind as much as you can without burning yourself out. Develop the mental muscles you're going to be flexing for the rest of her development process. Most of all, have fun with her. Even if she's a blob, she's still your tulpa. Keep staying persistent and you'll get results. Best of luck, I'll be staying up to date with your progress.