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Posts posted by TheSanctuary

  1. Tewi! Oh my god it's been so long since I checked in with you guys! I'll have to read up on your latest exploits when I can. My keyring collection is growing. Still trying to find a Lucilyn Keychain then I have all of you! (At least your avatar forms. I know you aren't the literal characters).


    Thanks saylin! Sure we will at some point- good to know you experienced similar stuff XD

  2. Good lord it's been a while. So this could use an update. Probably ten actually but Fuckit.


    So IRC keeps insta-crashing on my phone so I migrated to discord and then up to the two run by Lyra and vampires systems. It's been great and a lot of fun but typical for me I tended to be 'that guy'. The one who has a tulpa or claims to but just posts as himself 99% of the time.


    Huh. Didn't think this was gonna go into self-reflective way it is but I'll just continue I guess. I think I kinda used it as an excuse in a way- our progress has always been painfully slow and I'm pretty sure I'm mostly responsible for it. Always have been lazy and not put in the time for it, instead fantasising about how awesome it will be WHEN I get there but doing nothing to reach that goal.


    So there I am, convincing myself for months now that 'this makes it legit' and whatnot. It's true it kept tuppering and Vixen in my mind a lot more and in that regard it certainly helped, but I used it as a crutch to avoid doing anything significant. Lyra, ponytail, saylin and vampires systems have all commented on this at time to time in different forms- many of them light hearted and perhaps intended as encouragement but I never really acknowledged them. It was stupid really looking back on it. There I am watching all these systems converse with eachother an I'm just joining in alone for the most part.


    Well that changed last week when Raven properly called me on it- not in so many words but basically ordered me to make an account for vixen. I don't know why exactly but something somewhere clicked. Perhaps it was how Ravens own lazy nature mirrors my own in some way made me feel like I couldn't say no? I don't really understand it myself.


    Since then I've mostly refused to use my old TheSanctuary account on discord, and vixen has got the voice she's deserved to have for a very long time now. It's been a really great experience.


    Most of her conversations have been random questions, and a few direct conversations with the aforementioned groups. Specifically Raven, Ivy, annabell and Tula though. Huh that's interesting. Mentioning Tula i felt .. A desire to protect? I won't explain why because that may be too much intimate information for the public forum but that's something I'll look into tomorrow.


    She talks with others completely differently than she does with me- when we talk there's a lot of bravado and aggressive language/actions but with others she uses very different vocabulary. I must admit we still blend and mix up who was really talking occasionally, but when it happens she usually just says 'eh it's close enough to what I think leave it' unless it's bollocks then i correct it or tag myself post message.


    We also have found that since giving her a real voice things have become even more vivid in wonderlanding. She is more unpredictable now, also faster and more creative. Plus seems to have upgraded her polygon count and shader model XD.


    From her point of view she said it feels like she can move more freely and openly now. Does that make sense to any fellow tups?


    We also tried basic hand possession and at first nothing but then got a really weird finger twitch for like two seconds that i can't even emulate if I try. We are counting that as our first success.


    Yay word wall. So I guess we will just keep cracking on with it and whatnot! Onwards and upwards etc. Thanks again to all those who pushed us towards this. It may have been intentional or perhaps not, but either way we thank you all for the support so far!

    ... .. Oh!

    Shit almost did it again. I'll see if she wants to say anything.


    I'm here bitches! By that I mean hi! Talking is nice every once in three years. He has stuff to work on but it's better than ever now. There's so much to keep track of in the real world! I dot think I'd want to take control in the future.


    Rollplay language in chats is really embarrassing! Like describing actions and appearances is eww. I don't want to describe how my wings move. They move. That's it. I found out that others have their hosts do it for them which is what we were doing so maybe it's ok?


    I'm done for now.

  3. If ya get some of those do not walk around outside in them. Several fuckwits have been killed by trains here because of that. Walking slowly- staring at phone with 95% cancellation headsets on. Barriers come down. Train comes through. Person goes away XD.


    That said though I get the premise- I find sometimes if I stare hard enough through the dark I can catch sudden high quality glimpses of vixen imposed on my vision for a split second. I don't know if it's imposition, imagination or very powerful visualisation though. Still. It's cool.

  4. Yes. I was 17. Had no partner at all my whole life then two come along at the same time more or less. They didn't know eachother and had zero chance of meeting.. So yes for a month or two it was a case of 'which one do I choose?'


    Picked one of them and broke it off cleanly with no real harm done to either party.


    It all worked out well for 7 years until I couldn't hold that secret anymore and let her know. Almost didn't survive that but we're good now.

    Caused some trust issues though ^^;


    Question. Hmm.


    What will you do if you end up in a serious relationship regarding your headmate(s)? Are they involved too? Is it none of their business?

  5. Absolutely- I think it's likely that almost everyone has had that fear at least once, but as Lumi once said somewhere (not an exact quote) 'if it's not doing any harm and it makes their lives happier what does it matter?' So I try to remember that whenever that spark of doubt arises.



    What is your worst ( even if irrational) fear regarding tulpas?

  6. I guess I know you guys are based on but not the same people, but of the 4 of you Reisen, Tewi and Flandre even have the same names and still hold attachment to parts of it. Like the moon for example or your love of certain hoppy green fellows.


    Sometimes it's not so easy to seperate you all from that at first thought, with the form or name similarity. I myself am aware you are all unique in your own right by the way you talk.


    Tis a pleasure to know all of you. ^^

  7. How do you plan on taking responsibility for embedding all those damn tohou tracks in my mind that seem to just play on repeat now? Ever since those videos of Osu you posted I've had them playing on loop damnit XD

  8. Well I can tell you that all anime stores here have a Touhou section of key chains, badges/stickers and themed stuff like folders and notebooks. I imagine he gets a reasonable sum of money from those.

  9. Wow it's been a while since the last update huh? You can't have everything you want? Well I hope you're getting at least mostly what you want then ^^


    I also second what Enny said .. Half a year ago approximately. Glad you're still around sir.

  10. Exactly. See I'm a pretty skeptical person when it comes to stuff like this. I won't go near the meta board with a barge pole as a general rule and whatnot- but still can't help but wonder if that whole 'you believe you're gonna get better so you do' thing applies here. Ultimately I guess I'll never know.

  11. So an update of sorts.


    So a few years ago I was diagnosed with Hepatitis C. God knows where the hell it came from given its a blood to blood transmission and most of the cases are drug users sharing needles. The others are usually people who have had a shitty tattoo done that wasn't properly sterilized- alas i've had neither so figure that shit out.


    anyways- for those that don't know Hep. C is a virus that likes to reside mainly within the liver of an infected individual causing trouble. The vast majority of peoples immune systems fail to kill the virus and it becomes a chronic infection, lasting for years until the liver finally suffers and starts to fail due to the constant battle between the white blood cells and the virus.


    A cure does exist, but its rather expensive and most healthcare providers wont even consider prescribing it until you are already in that final stage of "ok my liver is dying now. can I perhaps have that goddamn cure?" so this has left me basically waiting until complications develop. The hospitals here therefore call me in every six months for a blood test to check the Virus' progress. It was sometime after my second checkup I think that I remembered my father once telling me of this story about a kid who had some inoperable tumor and imagined killing it over and over and it worked. I was little when he told me this story and of course it could have been complete crap, but hey, i'm forcing anyway right?


    So I did just that. Pictured the virus as this swarm of monsters in the wonderland and me and Vixen headed out and slaughtered them daily, for about 20 mins a day perhaps every day for 6 months. Finally it started to feel weird - like the monsters were less aggressive or weaker somehow and eventually we just called the battle won and went about our business. Well I just had my latest test results back and there's NO TRACE of the virus in my system.


    Now I don't have any evidence to back up my claims, and I'm pretty sure Vixen was just as in the dark about this as I was- There is also the chance that i'm just one of those lucky few who naturally beat its ass with a stick and the forcing sessions did nothing, but I cant help but think that perhaps on some level this helped. Was this just the mother of all Pseudo effects?


    Regardless, somehow I feel that this process MAY have just massively extended my lifespan and quality for life, and for that I am eternally grateful.


    Vixen herself is becoming slowly more clear to talk with, still going with just mind-voice and occasionally I get an emotional spike. We'll get there eventually - and now we have even more time in which to do so.

  12. Aw man that's pretty heavy yeah. Glad you were able to at least separate Samuel and whoever the now dissipated one is. I don't know what I'd do in that situation I'm very much in the same boat you were with Ivy at the start 'one tulpa only plz' and am not sure at all what I'd do.


    Still. Will cross that bridge if I come to it I guess. Glad you're all doing well now though.

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