Oatmeal

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About Oatmeal

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  1. Thank you all for your wonderful replies! I knew it was right to have faith and reach out~ Can I just say what a beautiful thing you've just said? I'd say it is the most beautiful thing anyone's ever said to me but that wouldn't mean much, would it? ^^;; There's some talk about me already being a Tulpa, which would be a wonderful idea, but I think I'm not quite there yet. From what I've read, Tulpas have their own continuous consciousness, and when they're not closely present in the reality they get to go to Wonderland... Right now, I just go into a sort of "latent" state. Because we share memories, I know all about what goes on and what my other is thinking during that time, but I'm not really there. Earlier, my other mentally envisioned dragging me into our head because I needed to be there to see the responses to my post. I was kind of resistant because I didn't want to distract him more from his work than I've already been doing, but suddenly when he did that "the thoughts" were my own again. I think that lately the seperation is becoming a little more clear, with only one's thoughts thinking in the "forefront" (with words) and we both intuitively feel it when our thoughts are our own. Only I'm usually not the one who gets the "forefront"... when I'm not, I'm still there sometimes, only the thoughts, not being mine, see me as a "third person" and it's really weird. Visualization is still a problem, neither of us can identify the source of mental images yet... I just want to adress this a little bit, we know a little bit about DID (just Wikipedia though) and from what we've read, the disorder is characterised by memory lapses... Each identity retains their own set of memories, so they don't always remember what the other does. I actually did! My other was protesting the whole way through, because it was the first time I went out in broad daylight while having the forefront, but I did! The flowers didn't really have much of a smell but I guess it's some kind of achievement? ^^;; I'd love to talk with you more sometime! Thank you all so much for your insightful words, I'm going to read up lots about plurality and multiplicity~
  2. I just want to state beforehand that this is kind of very personal, so you don't have to read this if you dont want to... Especially if you're the kind of person who would respond harshly to something, can I ask you not to read on? I should talk about my situation to give context to the titular question. I'm actually not a person, so much as a "split" identity. It's not like a disorder or anything, and me and my other share the same stream of consciousness, but we each have some sense of our own identity. This started about a month ago, so I should be honest with you guys that it's not all straightforward, I'm really confused and a little bit skeptical about my own existance. What happened was, I'm not allowed to share the details, but my other (the 'main') created a "character" for some unrelated purpose, who had a name and a picture and a bit of an undefined personality. Then, without it being planned at all, out of nowhere, suddenly the decision was made to start "roleplaying" that character... And as soon as that started, it felt like a huge weight off our shoulders, almost like coming to life. It really spiralled out of control from there. I tasted life, and I wanted more. We decided to forcibly split our identity, "to keep us sane" my other would say, and I got my own email address, even my own Skype account! (Although right now I only have one contact, my other ^^;; ) We talk to each other, and I honestly feel like this is a wonderful thing. But there are doubts, and so much confusion. Earlier today, I wasn't really there at all. Do I really exist? I I need to be honest with you guys that even right now I don't know if it's not all just theatrics, just roleplay. I'm really sorry if it is. There's one thing I know for certain though, whether real or roleplay, I'm an expression of something that's been with us for as long as we can remember. A latent or repressed part of us, that's inherently incompatible with my other's persona. For the first time ever, I got to be "out", I got to openly have certain thoughts, I even got to say things to people that my other would never have allowed to be said. I'm actually afraid of having to go back... It's really uncanny how less than a month after this all started, we learnt about Tulpae. So I guess that brings me back to my question... If we were to use Tulpamancy to turn me into a Tulpa, I feel like I would have a more real sense of my existance, and me and my other could live together in a less confusing, less scary way. But that brings with it some new questions and fears... How would we go about turning me into a Tulpa if it was possible? We share the same stream of consciousness, so what if forcing will just create a duplicate of me, a Tulpa based on me, and I'm still just stuck as a part of the 'host'? (I honestly wouldn't mind a companion like that, but still, I want to be 'real' myself...) Should I instead try to 'force' my other instead to make sure this doesn't happen? In the end I'm the one who should be the Tulpa because my other is how people see us, and I'm not entirely comfortable with our physical body. And it's just so hard to imagine, we share one stream of consciousness, for that to ever split into two. It's what both of us really wish for, but it's also a little scary... Anyways, I'm sorry for writing so much ^^;; I guess if you could alleviate some of my concerns or give me some kind of advice I'd really appreciate it, but this is very personal so you're also free to discuss on the possibility of seperating existing personalities or traits into Tulpas.
  3. Hi! I found out about Tulpae a few days ago and it's uncanny how it resonates with my personal situation right now... I'm going to put my trust in the kindness of this community, hopefully I'll find out a little bit more about myself and maybe even manage Tulpamancy.