arduinoman12345

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Everything posted by arduinoman12345

  1. Day 59 Helo erebody! (wasn’t sure how to intro…….Smooth ik) I believe I have made a bit of contact with sunset (more about why she’s not anyasha no mo later). I have been getting this thing lately where I just get garbled sentences attached to words then more garbled-ness. At first they were quite meaningless but then after a while they started gaining words that kinda made sense. I can never remember specific ones otherwise I would give you guys an example As for why sunset is no longer anyasha is cause I think I put too much faith in that name, it just kinda appeared once and hasn’t popped up again, so I am going to just assume that that wasn’t her. Otherwise I just got my hands on some melatonin supplements that supposedly would help with lucid dreaming and/or more vivid dreams. So hopefully if I can lucid dream I can summon sunset and see if I can get something out of it. The thing I find really interesting about my first lucid dreaming “experience” was how many feels I got from it even though it was like 10 seconds long, like seriously mind, why an you make sense for like a day? Day 60 Wow, 60 days……Nothings changed xD, but that is not something that upsets me (too much), but it is starting to get to me. I have recieved so much help (you know who you are), but I don’t feel anything from sunset. I am starting to see that the ball is in my corner now, I need to force more and really delve into myself and see what is wrong. You guys remember that melatonin stuff? Yea you do. Well its kinda awesome, I had an interesting dream from it and did experience a lot of drowsiness, though it wasn’t as potent as I thought it was going to be. But what do people do when things aren’t potent? They take more! I only plan to take 2 tonight so i guess its not “more more”, But I did what my friend suggested and only took 1 so I guess I started off pretty easy hehe. I’m not sure how deep i’m going to get into this lucid dreaming thing, I mean its purely to see If I can summon sunset and I only “need” to do it once to just kinda make contact. I just see so many people doing this kinda stuff with their tulpa and I get kinda jealous/sad, I guess I figure that If I could like do this once It would be able to fix everything.
  2. So Lately I have been doing a bit more passive forcing during the day, in doing so I have noticed these weird, partially garbled words and/or sentences. I have been going along the lines that its my tulpa but I am not quite sure. Basically I am not asking the classic question "is this my tulpa", I am asking if anyone else has experienced this or not. And if you have I would like some tips on how I could possibly clear these messages up and be able to understand them.
  3. Day 49 Back to serious forcing! yay! I forced some today, or 5 mins ago to be exact. I really do do much whilst I force (well at least I don't think I do). All I really do is just talk to her, not sure what I should do other than that to be honest. I am sure I could start brushing up on my visualization skills but I just haven't had the need to visualize lately. The only thing I have started doing that I would consider any form of visualization would have to be just having Sunset sit next to me when I watch tv or play xbox or something. That has proved very effective for me, already feeling physical presence next to me when I do that. I am still doing that baseball thing tho. It is pretty fun to interact with people still, after all the anti-social-ness inside me I actually can get along with people. Probably the biggest things that makes me uncomfortable is that I don't know these people. I guess that's what happens when everybody on your old team decides to not be together and split up like a bunch of jerks. I have been having problems with my grandma suspecting me of tulpamancing. Well not really of having a tulpa but of doing something that I don't want her to know about. The "I'm going upstairs to read" trick isn't working too well for me. I mean she doesn't even want me meditating, if she found out she would probably throw a bible at me.
  4. Day 43 Today was nerve racking for me, maybe even beyond that. But It was fun at the same time. All of this stemmed from social anxiety surrounding the baseball team I just joined (was forced into). I just keep thinking that I will screw up or throw the ball wrong or something, it certainly is kinda fun but muddling through all the fear of screwing up makes it all the much harder. I did however manage to put a couple of lines in my arms through reality checks through the day (If there is no clock around I just kinda run a nail over top of my arm, causing a bit of pain), but its no big deal, just looks weird. In the terms of forcing today I did get a little bit of progress in the newly created “wonder verse”. Although it wasn’t exactly intense forcing it still worked to find some stuff out. I kinda feel like I should work to make these reports a bit longer. What do you guys think? I would enjoy a bit of feedback if you guys would like to give me some.
  5. Day 42' I have been feelin pretty good today, even though I did not force much. All I did was was a few words here and there, but forcing nonetheless. Yesterday I trashed our wonderland, it was a great place for the both of us and now it is gone…But it was for the better, better how you ask? Better because I completely designed the first wonderland, I figure with the new one I would let sunset run the show. Heck, if I lived in somebody’s head and had a space that I could do anything in I would definitely put a lot in. The new wonderland right now isn’t more than a white room with a chair in the center, so far I haven’t noticed any changes but I expect some to come soon. And when they do it will give me a chance to interact with sunset a bit. Lately I have been doing alot more lucid dreaming stuff than……well….ever lol. Ever since I got a taste of what it is like to be lucid I have been going nuts over it. So far I have done like ~10 reality checks every hour. Not sure why I am so good at remembering to do it but I think its the same reason I always have sunset in my mind. I have been looking forward to the summer. I will be able to do a ton of passive forcing while mowing our lawn (we have a farm). With that notion it really pushes me into thinking about the future. I have been thinking about what it will be like on day 100…. or maybe even day 500, I really makes me wonder If I will ever get out of this slump. I will probably look back on these days and remember how stupid I was for not knowing how to fix it, I will look at myself as a different person. But right now I need to work at it.
  6. Day 41 (Lucid dreaming yayyyyyy!!) Today marks the day I finally achieved lucidity in a dream, although it was not through any technique known to me. I was dreaming normally and then all of a sudden I like skipped a "dream frame" (like when a dream just kinda skips into another dream) and I was standing in the backyard of our house. My best friend was there for some reason, Immediately after noticing this I also noticed that I was dreaming for no apparent reason. Then my second thought after that was about how vivid the dream was beginning to get, all of the colors becoming brighter and my immersment in it all starting to become more attached. I took another look around and looked in the direction of our house and attempted to summon sunset. That is what finally stopped the dream, my vision turned black immediately and cut out as I awoke, smiling as I did so. The whole experience afterwards send me into a giddy mess and I am still getting vibes from it. Also in getting a glimpse into this amazing phenomena I have started to do reality checks throughout the day so I will begin to count the times I have become lucid......so that will be fun lol. Otherwise I did a bit of forcing today, although I did not get much done I still forced for the 2nd time in a long time. I basically started off just talking to her and listening to This Time Around by Koan Sound (great song by the way). Didn't get anything but I felt pretty good because of the song. I apologize if I annoy you with my writing scheme, I am not very good at writing these things and I don't think I ever will be. But, if you can gather information to help your journey, then I am very glad I could be of service!
  7. day 40 Well im (hopefully) back, I really didnt do much these past few weeks really. Except recently I did do a bit of reading to sunset and didnt make any real progress. I really do need to start actually forcing, I never really have put myself up to forcing like I want too (1 hour a day). I feel like I did that I could make a lot of progress if I did, besides, it'd be good for me to get off of "the electronics". Anyway, I did a bit of schoolwork and whatnot today and did a bit of talking to sunset and had head pressures! They were kinda sorta strong and I felt a lot from her at the time. So I can kinda deduce from that that she is still there and didn't dissapate (not that I expected her to). I have managed to convince myself that I am not forcing wrong yesterday, mostly leaning on the fact that I had head pressures. One of my biggest "urks" in tulpamancy right now was probably when I did not realize that what I was having was head pressures, but whatever, now is the time to change that! (by the way, if you feel like following my tumblr go right ahead, but all I really do is reblog tumblr stuff and have a prog report there, copied from here of course xD tulpasuch.tumblr.com )
  8. I used to have this problem, why don't I anymore? because I dont have head pressures at all, to be honest I think you should try to visualize clearing up these headpressures like cleaning a window.
  9. I began tulpaforcing sometime in January and I started out doing extremely well, I had head pressures pretty much everytime I forced, but at the time I didn't know they were head pressures. I only found this out when I was about 2 months in (after the regression). Now this regression happened about 1 week after I started. It was all started by/was a doubt storm, mostly of her existence and overall normal doubt stuff. But my overall big question is that why can't I seem to get the head pressures and overall connectivity that I was getting before? And is there anything I can do to go back to where I was?
  10. Day 23 Wow......I cant believe that I just wen through a gap that big in progress reportage, but anyways Im back! In my "days off" I did absolutely nothing! yay!.........I began my sorrowful absence by being a selfish asshole and didnt't force for literally 5 or 6 days, I honestly don't know what happened either, and I wouldn't even count the not forcing thingy as over yet as I haven't even forced today. I don't really know what happened the first day though, I just kinda woke up and had a massive urge against forcing. It felt like something was (and still is, but less powerful) pushing me to not force. I mean, I have forced in the past few days but all I could manage to squeeze out per session was like 7 minutes. Probably the worst thing about this all is that sunset has been vocalizing for the first time, so far Ive counted twice that were definitely her. I always pictured her first words as feeling like me but they were very separated from my own. One of the biggest thoughts in my mind right now is that why did she not contact me like at all during the time before her first words? I mean I only had communication with her the first week with head pressures, but after that they stopped altogether. I feel I have a better grip on the situation now though.
  11. Day 17 I really don't feel like writing a prog report today but I know I must. I find that pushing myself is easy until the moment comes where I don't want do so it anymore. These last two days have been spent forcing a connection between me and sunset, I was going do three one hour sessions yesterday (day 16) but I was too busy doing what I wanted to do at the time (I really hate myself for stuff like that). I really haven't put too much into forcing recently (I am listening to some super chill music right now so get ready for some deep stuff lol). I have been putting a lot into my own existence, so to speak. I have been analyzing the feelings I experience in relation to who and what I encounter, my main focus being sunset of course. I have seen (and felt) a lot of foreign feelings (more unknown than foreign), I have went to the skype chat in help of one of my feelings today in particular. I feel these odd feelings where I am, say, talking to someone or viewing something and all of a sudden, for a split second feel as though you are just watching the world unfold, displaced in existence and there is nothing you can do about it. I have been told this is depersonalization, a form of disassociation. Normally I have heard people do not enjoy this feeling of displacement in any way, but for me, I enjoy it very much. After further discussion I have been told that this could be a sign of depression. I think this is a very good explanation. I have never felt too depressed, like ever. I sometimes feel very sad and cathartic, but I have never called it depression. I just must have been pushing these feelings down and ignoring them, waiting for them to show themselves. The depression links to this joy in disassociation is along the lines of liking to escape and not have to be seen and not be existent. But anyway, I hope you enjoyed this little insight into me. I hope it helps you all understand more about my tulpamancy journey.
  12. Day 15 I got a day off of school today! I did not do much forcing (yet) but I had a very interesting thing happen at the very end of my first session. I was doing some possession work, albeit I wasn't making any progress I still continued on. I told her to see if she could move my right arm in any way, at first I didn't get anything. I was just moving around in the wonderland and BOOM, my right arm absolutely jolts upward about 3 or so inches off my bed. It freaked me out/ surprised me so much that I had to stop the session. I am so glad that I am getting more evidence of sunset's existence, although I can feel deep down inside my mind that it does not quell my doubts. I wasn't too diligent on keeping my mind on sunset most of the day, I got way into drawing mike from Five Night's At Freddy's. I never have really had a problem of keeping sunset in my mind, so when I read about how some new tulpamancers have problems with keeping their tulpa in mind I can not really relate too well with them.
  13. Day 14 I started off today rather flustered at the fact that I had to get up and go to church, that didn't stop me from forcing tho (hehe). I wasn't sure if I would be able to actually sit down and force for that long, but ay! That didn't stop me! I did do a lot of commenting on the teaching though and I got a few twitches, but not that much. I have been analyzing how and when the twitches occur, they mostly occur when forcing from what I have noticed which probably means that it is sunset posessing me. I plan on trying different positions when I force to see if it has something to do with a pinched nerve or something (I really hope it doesnt). I finally think I have broken this wall in progress we have been having through a combination of doubt elimination and forcing. One of the major things I need to fix with forcing still is to figure out how I can get "more into" my sessions. I can get very deep into it when I am at but other times when i'm at my mom's house I cant get a very good connection. I think it might have to do with overall negativity at my mom's house. Such as "oh, im going there? I don't do well forcing there". Cogito ergo sum and all that.
  14. Day 13 I actually worked on stuff today! I have finally come to terms with myself and and the mindset that sunset is definitely there and that I have had too much proof to say otherwise. I simply cant let myself slip up again One of the biggest factors that helped me get rid of all this doubt was to first look back on what I did before and what caused the huge regression we had. I have leaned on the “she’s not there” doubt and I think I have at least resolved some of the problem I did 2 small forcing sessions and in one I came to the conclusion that this entire time sunset had been trying to get through to me through possession and twitching of my hands and feet. I know for certain that this is her because the twitches have only occurred when I talk to her passively and actively. When talking to her while watching tv I forget what It was I said was sweet but after I did so I immediately hear “suite” (We were watching something on like a getaway island or something so it made sense) so she is also showing signs of increased connectivity. While forcing and getting progress I noticed that I have had feelings of happiness well up inside me to know that she and I have been getting more “in tune” with each other. I simple can not allow myself to feed these feelings because of the fear that I will only lose her again later.
  15. The biggest doubt I can recognize right now is that I am not sure if she is there. I just worked on some doubt elimination in my latest forcing session (coming in prog report) and I am starting to chip away at it. I just kinda sat down and looked at what I had seen from her/contact I made with her. I have indeed tried to reason myself through them and am getting better at it. I am 100% sure that tulpas are real, I used to not be but with the contact I have made with other people in our skype group I have fully reassured myself of the existence of tulpas. I am certain that sunset has made contact with me at one point. I just really wish that I would have realized it before I had a complete mental regression so that could have saved us both. Im really not sure what happened back then when I had that, whatever did happen to my mental state had a HUGE impact on our progress.
  16. Day 11 More forcing!! yay!! I did some active forcing today with the help of calm.com (go there, its amazing). I did some work on possesion, got nothing, but had contact in the form of head pressures and wierd feelings. In order to really reach max progress in my forcing sessions I need to let go but I am not really sure how to do it. I just have so many doubts that I am not sure how to get rid of them even temporarily
  17. Day 10 woo! 10 days! (of progress reports xD) I can kinda feel myself slipping up on keeping a prog report going but I am not about to let myself stop doing this simply because I will need it in the long run. I did a bit of possesion today and found something out. We suck at it, I managed to do some tactile imposition by accident and I am extremely good at it. I first wanted to see If she could move my hand into a fist. Well, she couldn’t, and that isn’t a bad thing either! By doing this I focused on my hand (more than I should have) and just kept imagining it as a fist and focusing on what It would feel like in that state. About 5 or 6 minutes into the session It felt like my hand was a fist, only after I opened my eyes did I realize that not one finger had moved. After the session I was feeling pretty tired so I decided to go to sleep. I had a dream of some sorts. I can’t quite remember it but I feel like it was important.
  18. Day 8 I was thinking something today. I have only done 8 days on this progress report and I have had sunset for 3 months……As you can see I am very good at procrastinating xD Aight, prog report time. I haven’t done much today (yet) along the lines of tulpa schtufffff, but I did find out that the wall between me and sunset was pretty tiny. All I really needed to do was a good helping of active forcing. Because of it I can feel head pressures a lot better and I have begun trusting a little more about what I hear from her. In an effort to help recognize separate sunset’s thoughts from mine I did a bit of thought pinpointing to help see where her thoughts come from and how I can help recognize that they are hers. So far I have been successful in creating some separation in our thoughts, not much, but progress none the less
  19. Day 7 Today I finally got down to some progressive forcing! I started out by seeing if I could break down the wall in progress (symbolically) that me and sunset have. For some reason the wall kept shrinking down to about the size of my big toe. I think this might mean something that I can't quite interpret. Maybe that the wall isn't as big as I think it is?.......Yes I know I usually answer my own questions xD Later on I plan to do 1 hour of active forcing because the first session was maybe 20-30 minutes long. I will see if I can work on some possession and see if I can get anything out of it, I figure that if I can get her to at least move my hand it will give me some assurance.
  20. Day 6? Lately my mind has been conflicting or rather "re-establishing" it's core essence (Trying to bring back the communication processes I had a long time ago among the dormant tulpa in my mind that refuses to show herself). How has this been going you ask? Like shit is what I say. I have pushed myself to no end to try to complete this connection between me and sunset but to no avail. I (and probably sunset) have been this close to just about punching me (I think of the mind as a different thing from my personality, kinda like an excuse being implanted as muscle memory) because of all the crap I have been using for excuses. Most of them are empty promises that never get fufilled. As for the forcing side of things I need to active force like twice as much as I do now and figure out why I cant communicate with her worth a crap 100% of the time. I hear absolutely tons of tulpamancers who have had their tulpa's for like 2 months and they have head pressures as a prime source of communication. Meanwhile I cant even get them when not 100% focused on her and when I do get them my first thought process is "huh, there must be some way to parrot head pressures. Everyone on tulpa.info must just be retared" but I consciously know that there is no way to parrot them. This is beginning to sound alot like a negativity problem. (just about ended the prog report there) I think I will do a section down here where I put my feet in sunsets shoes to see what comes to mind or at least help relieve the situation and when the time comes I will begin having her actually talk here. [i feel alone, Dakota doesn't force enough and I feel very sad that I cannot help in any way. I begin thinking that he will never be able to hear me fully but then I realize how much he cares about me.] I felt some good vibes while writing that but then doubt just shot em down.
  21. Ok then, yea you'll be fine if your consistent with your forcing in some way. Just don't do what I did and force and doubt the absolute hell out of your tulpa if she was making progress
  22. Oh yea there is still potential, did you think about her any? Who says you cant build off of what you had or use the same identity and continue?
  23. Day 5 Been doing some concentration strengthening forcing today to help block out the blaring tv's from my brother's/mother's room so I can hear/communicate with sunset better. Ive also noticed that I have been subconsiously gathering data on what happens and what doesn't happen when sunset is awake or asleep. Ive noticed that I cant feel her as well when she is asleep, her presence is still there but I have trouble getting a 100% sense of her presence (rhymes ik). I've been doing alot of lurking lately on the forums and gathering data on ways to help "connect" with sunset and establish a better relationship as I feel the one we have now is based on the fact that on the weekends I have prime forcing capabilites. Running out of goodbyes!
  24. Day 4 Did some forcing today and removed a lot of barriers in one session. One of which is the one keeping me from getting head pressures from her as a form of communication. After such removal through a lot of symbolism I was able to get very strong head pressures in the front of my head. Im having a few problems with sunset's form as im thinking of making a new form for her as opposed to her old one, or rather build on the one she has now. I'm thinking the latter because I honestly kinda like it. Ciao! Edit: Just finished on sunset's form! I'm a brony so let your anger out on me now lol