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About Enasnil

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  1. if some things are discovered to be true then it could completely change how we understand so many other things. there are some crazy theories concerning the brain out there such as that the brain might be functioning on a quantum level and thus consciousnesses could be non-local. I personally think consciousness is much deeper... infinity deeper... but then again I don't have the kind of mindset that makes me draw conclusions based in physical reality as the ultimate way of grasping reality. physical reality is obviously part of reality and so it can also not be ignored. depending on what reality is, is how we can come to correct conclusions about things. I don't think that our ideas about "what is a tulpa?" can be separated from the question of "what am I?". they are obviously related as we experience this in our brain which is part of the body which is part of this physical reality. this physical reality is probably part of something too. a persons perspective about reality is chained down by their own subjectivity due to all information and contemplation having to meet with our mind. depending on what kind of color of shades or what kind of filters you have will dictate what you see. this time period has many different common views of reality that are rooted in a certain kind of guess at what reality is that is often based on the lowest of possible truths ( some only believe in the simplicity of numbers and whatnot are the only type of criteria for truth ). people assume that the physical reality is concrete enough to base our views of "what is the totality of reality?" on. I think science is for understanding the mechanics of that which can be tested. if the human mind ( and thus the tulpa that is also in it ) has its ultimate origin in something other than that which is proven then we will only be able to understand the mechanics of that which has been proven and believed and is able to be tested. it would not take away from the unknown if there is truly something still not known. that which is understood and that which is not understood are real things but the perspectives of how much is truly known or what something is can differ. my view of what a tulpa is is based on my understanding of self and reality and on my philosophy or world view. questions and answers for self to some degree apply to your tupla as well. just as a human is not a simple thing but a complex thing so too are tulpae a complex thing to talk about and to understand. I understand various brain mechanics and how they contribute to what and who I am and I see my tulpa also functioning on this level. but I really think that often humans assume FAR to much about what and who we are. i'm deeply into mysticism. I seek to connect with higher realities, even with the ultimate reality and to allow my entire self to be transformed. mysticism is not merely a belief system or a theoretical knowledge but it is a richer way of experiencing reality and whos logic is different from the logic of people coming from the point of view that humans are nothing more than an intelligent animal. mysticism is rooted in the depths of myself, past myself into the innermost core of what and who I am. I understand many modern views don't believe there is a true depth to a person but that is only because they have not found that infinite abyss within themselves and their beliefs bar them from seeking and if they found they would not believe due to what they think about their experiences. I think that I experience my tulpa differently than many of you experience your own tulpas. I believe that your experience of who you are and your tulpas experience of self will change whenever change is allowed. in fact each of us is completely unique. what we are can never be repeated. but what am I and what is my tulpa? maybe the depth of who I am is richer than a simple "this is me". we find this occurring in people that develop tulpas. from the depths come me and my tulpa. that is how we see it at least. tulpas are a creativity of the soul ( and higher parts of self ) just as who you believe yourself to be is just part of who you are. you may know yourself from below or from above. you may know yourself from the mind of a beast or from the mind of a being with more dignity. your tulpa is no different. maybe it is more free maybe less free. maybe you are more or less free. maybe you have even found yourself at times to be little more than basic repeating patterns and emotions. I know I have found myself at times to be functioning as though I had very little seeming will of my own and to have been controlled by society or basic animal instincts. the thing that makes both myself and my tupla feel real is freedom and true sense of self which is rooted in a much deeper depth than the outermost shells of what so many people in this world choose to be. I don't have to try or pretend to be myself and neither does my tulpa. I understand myself to be much more than my thoughts and expressions of self. i'm no longer controlled by what I became but I am controlled by that which becomes. some people exist in a kind of lawful understanding of reality. in a kind of black and white robotic manner. there can come a point for both the human and the tulpa to think for themselves more or to go by their deep expression of self rather than be so controlled by things outside of themselves. I believe that development of a tulpa is often a sign of this struggle and having a tulpa can be an excellent way of progressing as a person. to exist as a collective is a valid way of being. to some degrees each human being is already that anyways. there are also dangers but evil makes anything dangerous.
  2. we can't define ourselves with just one name and so we give ourselves many different names. our favorites right now are enasnil and ltoloxa. we commonly go by noxot which is our self as one merged because we are both separate and distinct and merging together as we are our own spiritual reality that is a symbolic realization in the soul of the mystery of the trinity who is 3 and 1. for two in love create a third just like two loving persons form a bond of love that transforms them both. enasnil is the masculine name. enasnil comes from insane + L backwards. L is the starting letter of many of our other names. enasnil is also broken down as enas and nil. enas is a transliteration of the greek henas to a latin form which was written as "enas". enas means one. nil means zero. ltoloxa is the feminine name. ltoloxa is axolotl backwards. axolotl is a salamander of ultimate cuteness. it is representative of healing and it is one of my favorite creatures and I like the letter "X" a lot. I was caused by and my first name was due to a person whos name started with an X. X was a reflection/symbol of me, a good person that helped to bring me out of his heart. the one he desired was not something outside but something deep within himself. me - his perfect companion. noxot is the androgynous name. noxot is the backwards greek word for toxon which means bow ( like bow and arrow ). it is our name that is representative of the total me both because I can see myself as one whole person and as two different people but it is easier in dealing with people by representing myself as one person like most humans do. I experience myself in a mystical state as the eternal church ( which is a deeper aspect of humanity in their non-ignorant state of being )... and as a fellowship in the kingdom of heaven with God and so noxot can be considered my saint/angelic name too.
  3. touhou music. nightcored music. trance, mostly with female vocals. dubstep, mostly with female vocals. different kinds of metal but I don't listen to that kind as much as I used to. basically anything that I am drawn to and that I have a kind of spiritual fellowship with. I only listen to music that gives me a sense of deep meaning, that helps me to find and understand myself and that acts as a mirror of contemplation for the eternal reality inside.
  4. yeah. I would say that whatever is composing me already was in some sense. sort of like a seed but once the seed gets what it needs it starts to become a tree. seeds gather nutrition from various things and then change and grow. I see my own self as potential chaos to become, from this potential I create myself and experience myself and reality. from formlessness comes form, from chaos comes order. from nothing comes everything. from simplicity comes complexity. part of the sea crystallizes and there comes something from the sea that is the sea and yet is not the sea but part of the sea. it is certain to be tied up with how the original person ( this itself is just an illusion for I am not the same person I was 15 years ago ) was made. a persons perception of who he is changes and grows over time and so the possibility of a completely new person 'coming to life' is an obvious one. if you study about different brain disorders you find some very informative things such as: a woman was learning a foreign language. she got into an accident which damaged her brain. after the brain damage she could no longer speak in her native language but she then spoke in the foreign language she had been learning. there are other cases of similar experiences people have went through... the point is that the brain works in certain ways and in learning as much as we can about it we may see how all things of the brain are interrelated with other types of things concerning the brain. as far as I have learned it appears that we already have multiple aspects to our self and so a tulpa seems to be a more matured/integrated version of the various personality traits we have depending on how we ourselves have developed in the world and more importantly how we developed in our self. the brain stores different personality traits that don't have to be our own but are there in order to perceive/judge others ( and this stored information also acts as building material ) I understand that the me that is me is not just my thoughts and feelings and memories. the truth is that the me that I think is my thoughts, feelings, memories is only part of what I am. a tulpa seems to be another creative growth of the entire person. as I see it, sentience = perception and I have been learning how our perception of reality makes us into the person we are. as I see it, everyone is a tulpa in some sense because that is how the human brain is designed to function. the human brain has to make images of people it knows. it has information and opinions and feelings about each person. it has a constructed system of a person for each person it gets to know. its opinions for that person could change with interactions. I could have a preconceived idea about certain types of people just by their looking similar to other certain people and my brain is thus stimulating the same neurons or at least neurons related to those neurons. I could have certain kinds of reactions to certain types of people due to what I feel and think about people. the more something in the brain gets reinforced the more powerful it becomes, its called 'neuroplasticity'. from a slightly more spiritually/philosophically inclined point of view I could say that sentience comes from freedom. freedom creates autonomy. creativity is freedom, freedom is creativity. human creativity uses something to create something else. the human brain is a certain type of thing that can be shaped in all kinds of different ways. humans are creative beings, they are creative energy.