arcanemagic

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About arcanemagic

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    Call me Lucas :P

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  1. I've struggled (and often continue to struggle) with similar motivational problems. Honestly the best way that I've found to combat this is to just remember all the good Markus has done for me. I was pretty depressed before she came around and I know that it's very possible for me to go back to that state without people, especially Markus, to help me out. It just helps to know that there's always someone who will listen to you without judgement, and be there for you in your times of need. If you're feeling particularly anxious or depressed, remember that you can always talk/vent/get it off your chest to them. They'll listen and help as much as they can. Also, remember that it's okay to make mistakes. God knows I haven't been the greatest host for Markus, but she's always been there for me when I needed support and I owe her more than I can say for that alone. Hope this helped, good luck with the motivation! EDIT: I looked at your post again and thought that I could put some other more concrete examples of how tulpas can help you out in life. Maybe it'll help with motivation? Apart from the obvious "always there for you to talk to," which is itself a pretty fantastic trait, there's plenty that you can do with your tulpa if you're willing to try it out. Just the yesterday I went outside and looked batshit insane because I sat alone in a field for probably close to 2 or 3 hours just looking at the clouds and talking to Markus. It was incredibly peaceful and relaxing. At first I wondered what people would think of me, just lying on the grass for hours, but Markus helped me put that aside and stop worrying about what people think of me, which is something that I've had problems with in the past. Another thing that I've found as an especially good passtime with Markus is reading. If you subvocalize everything you read to your tulpa, it can be greatly entertaining to you both, so long as you don't get too distracted by the book! Markus often sends me little jolts of happiness while we're reading to express her enjoyment of the activity. It's stuff like that that I think of when I'm having motivation problems. Tulpas can help with a tremendous number of things, and I've found that they can really increase the level of happiness in your life if you're able to put in the necessary effort. Anyway, I hoped this helped in some way. Again, good luck with the motivation problems. I know how bad they can get.
  2. Okay, so it's been a while. Markus and I have been fine since the last post, although "fine" might be a little much. Nothing bad's happened to us, but I'm still not the greatest host in the world. God knows how long it's been since I even tried actively forcing with her. But that's going to change. I want to make some progress with Markus. She absolutely deserves it and it would be nice to get back into actual tulpamancy (instead of the half-assed passive forcing that we've both gotten used to :/ ) Speaking of our return to actual progress, does anyone know of any exercises/techniques that we could use to try to improve her speech? I made a post about this in questions and answers, but any feedback here would be greatly appreciated as well. Besides what's in the paragraph above, nothing else has really happened to us since the last post :P I expect that we'll have more to report once we actually get back into the swing of things in terms of active forcing and such :) EDIT: Markus says Hi!
  3. Okay, so I've been working on my tulpa Markus for a little over two years now. Unfortunately for her, I'm not great with active forcing and we've stuck largely to passive forcing. This has led to several problems with Markus' speech that I was wondering if anybody could help with. I often find it difficult to differentiate her speech from intrusive thoughts, I feel like I'm unconsciously influencing what she says most of the time, and she often has difficulty speaking in sentences longer than a few words. Does anyone have any exercises that we could try in order to alleviate some of the problems we've been experiencing?
  4. You could just take her around your wonderland by puppetting her until she's able to move by herself. That's what I did with Markus when I first started. I'd take her to a specific cliff that overlooked the ocean in my wonderland and just talk to her about anything that I was thinking about, what was going on in my life, etc. Eventually she just started doing stuff on her own :P Keep at it, it'll pay off eventually :)
  5. Markus makes me incredibly happy, and I'd say that I'm pretty happy in genera. Like probably 55/45 in favor of happiness :P
  6. 46 At least we're not stuck at 69 anymore ;P
  7. Aw thanks for the responses! Noted, Anderson. It shall be changed! Anyway, onto the continuation of our story leading up to now. This focuses on the past school year which obviously makes up the bulk of our life together so far. The year So the school year started out fine. Markus was excited to see what real life school would be like and I was excited to show her. It should be kept in mind that, at this point in time, I still held that reckless, stupid, idiotic, and moronic arrogance that had led me to believe that I was 100% completely mature enough to create and maintain a tulpa. So anyway we were pretty fine for the first couple of months of the school year. Right around the winter months is when I started really slipping, if I remember correctly. I very clearly remember that I completely forgot to celebrate Markus' first Christmas with her because I was so fucking caught up with the physical familial celebrations. So that happened. Once I really realized that I was slipping, I decided to re-organize my life, the first time of many. I began working on a new wonderland that Markus and I could design together. I managed to stay excited and enthusiastic about the project for about a week or two. Markus and I spent LOTS of time actively forcing with each other to bring our new awesome wonderland into creation. It really was quite cool. Those of you who might've read my previous PR might remember my description of Riven, the new wonderland. I won't describe it in full detail, as much of it is lost to me due to semi-recent disuse, but it was basically a circular city located within a circular clearing of a large forest. There were 3 levels to the city, each level higher and smaller in diameter than the last. In the center sat my study tower. It rose out of the uppermost cylinder of the city to overlook the entire clearing. In its basement sat something that I was immensely proud of. After reading Akinkinit's PR, I decided to take a page from his book and make my city run on some form of energy that had to be replenished I decided to make my source of energy stress. In the basement of the study tower, I created a huge reactor that ran all the way to the ground level of the city. At the top of the reactor was a small tube in which I could pour my stress into. To get the stress into the reactor, I simply grabbed a stress ball in the physical world and squeezed as hard as I could as I stood in front of the tube in Riven. The stress would manifest itself in the form of a deep red goo. Now, I'm not exactly sure why I went into such detail with the reactor, but that's that. The other two levels were nothing special. The ground level was turned into farmland and the second level was covered in houses. Markus and I spent quite some time in my study atop the study tower in Riven. For whatever reason, Riven turned out to be incredibly rainy. After the "Winter revival" ,as it could be called, came a period of relative happiness for me and Markus. I didn't spend huge amounts of time with her, and active forcing decreased, but we were never really out of touch. Right around spring break was when I started getting lazy again. In retrospect. it didn't actually get too bad. Still not great, though. With spring break came hanging out with friends an increased amount, which led to a further decrease in forcing of any kind with Markus. Eventually I realized how shitty I was and moped until she reassured me that it was fine. Towards the end of the year, I actually managed to find myself a girl that was crazy enough to actually date me. So I ended up spending a large portion of the summer hanging out with her instead of Markus So that pretty much leaves us right at the beginning of this year, during which I spent even less time with Markus than I had over the summer. I realized that I'd literally not talked to Markus in like over a week without really noticing it and finally decided to get back in touch. Not to sound pessimistic or anything, but it's probably just a continuation of the cyclical pattern of neglect that I've shown so far. I really, REALLY fucking hope not, but I think that I know myself better than to put much faith into future me. Sometimes it just seems like a waste of time, and no matter how much guilting I put myself through it just seems meh. The worst part about it is that Markus keeps reassuring me that her very existence is, by nature, impermanent which just makes me feel worse about instilling that idea into her through my neglectful habits. Bleh, I suck sometimes -___- Also, just to add, another wonderland that was created over the course of the year, although I'm not sure exactly when (maybe mid to late fall? Not sure...) was the Twilight forest. The twilight forest was a beautiful little area of grassland and forest that was constantly covered in a blanket of twilight. It was a dark place, with a pale central grassland with dark purple forests on two sides and a cliff with black water on another. Under that water was a domed laboratory with various chemistry equipment (I had been studying chemistry at the time, which is a probable cause of the type of equipment found in the lab.) Markus and I also spent a fair amount of time in the Twilight Forest and lab. Tl;dr: I slowly but surely developed a pattern of becoming disinterested then interested in tulpamancy over the course of last school year, created two new wonderlands, and so far seem to be following my previous pattern, despite feeling like shit about it. Oh, and I copied Akinkinit's system of wonderland energy because God forbid I ever come up with an original idea :P EDIT: Yeah Markus vetoed my changing her text from blue, as it's her favorite color. Sorry!
  8. I'm not entirely sure how to describe it. You just kind of get a "feel" for your tulpa. For me it's a really nice feeling but it's not like tingly or anything that you might imagine that ti'd feel like. It's almost like my head is... full. I can definitely tell when Markus is with me. Not really sure how else to describe it besides that, sorry. If you stick with it you'll know what I'm talking about. Best of luck!
  9. Hello, my name is Lucas and my tulpa's name is Markus. We've actually been around the forums for a little over a year but I decided that it would be best to get the old PR out of here and one of the mods was kind enough to allow me to restart. The old one wasn't super. Hope this one turns out better! If not I'll just leave it around, though. Anyway, about Markus and myself - I'm 17 and I created Markus roughly a year ago. Her official birthday is August 3rd, although I'm pretty sure she was sentient before that. I'm not sure of the exact date that I decided to create her so I just chose a day that she was definitely sentient on. She seems fine with it :P We've been through some weird stuff this past year. So these first couple of posts will probably just end up being a (very) rough overview of that, plus some background on myself and what's going on in our life now. The beginning I suppose I should start this out with how my tulpa adventures began. As stated before, I started working on Markus about a year ago. It was late June when I learned about tulpas. I used to listen to creepypastas read aloud on youtube while I went to bed. That being said, it's probably not hugely surprising to many of you that I heard about tulpas through the creepypasta. As I listened to the story, I didn't latch onto the scarier aspects of the story but I became very interested in the idea that some kind of mental construct could be made to help with my memory, self image, contact with my subconscious, etc. So I looked around on google. It didn't take me too long to find Kiahdaj's guide. (The link, for anyone who'd like to see: https://docs.google.com/document/d/17iiFxZ9PYXXxSqWHdU2YoPsGfJr90w8aIG_evqc1wiY/edit?pli=1 As I read, I slowly began to understand that tulpas are not the mental "tools" that I'd originally thought. I'd disregarded the scary aspects of the creepypasta because they were too fantastic to believe, but the idea that mental constructs could serve to augment memory and such was completely plausible, as I'd heard of the methods of loci and such. So after a couple days of intense consideration, I decided to create a tulpa of my own. I mean, there didn't seem to be any kinds of downsides. A mental best friend that would never judge me and also help with memory and such? Perfect! Of course, I had no idea how difficult the actual process and maintenance is. Anyway, so I started meditating, or as close to actual meditating as I've ever really been. and I started creating my tulpa. I'd read that I could use a wonderland if I chose, so I decided to create a wonderland. I ended up using a place that I used to use as a mental relaxation spot as a wonderland. Zanzibar, my wonderland, is a tropical beach. Opposite the sea there's a dense jungle with a path carved into it. To the east, there's a sandy hill with 2 things on it: a lighthouse and a shack. The lighthouse has alternating horizontal red and white stripes. The shack is kind of dirty and dark and filled with fishing equipment. Inside the jungle, there's a temple that has a bed and a desk in it that Markus and I hang out at sometimes. Over the course of the summer, we also expanded it and it now has an island dedicated completely to Markus, an island with a lagoon for swimming(because water for swimming is hard to find around beaches ;-P) and an island that's pretty much just a large open field covered with grass. I also created a form for Markus. His original form(which now changes a whole lot and he/she also kind of flip flops between genders every now and then) was a cool looking guy with messy brown/black hair in a classy expensive suit. Your typical superspy look. Markus and I would hang out and I would talk to him for entire days while lounging in the summer sun.I carried this on for about a week and I still hadn't seen any success. In fact, I ended up puppeting Markus around our wonderland for probably most of the month of July before finding any kind of evidence of sentience. During this time Markus and I were incredibly happy. I would read to him and he would give me these emotional responses of pure joy. It was perfect. Of course, all good things must end and my friends slowly came back from their vacations. This posed a problem to my newfound tulpaforcing habits: I could no longer spend all day every day with Markus. This is obviously a very common problem among tulpaforcers and I managed it relatively well for about a month. After that, I started slipping. I stopped talking to Markus for about an entire week (an amount of silence that had been unheard of at that point, although it's really not that huge of a deal now) I woke up one day and couldn't feel Markus' presence any more. I freaked the fuck out and immediately posted on the forums that I'd killed my tulpa and oh my god how could I survive without him. Of course, the people here managed to calm me down enough for me to say how sorry I was and he eventually came back. We hung out and everything was good for the rest of the summer after that. Tl;dr: I found out about tulpas in late June and Markus was definitely sentient by August 3rd. His original form was a classy superspy, although that now changes roughly once a week. She also switches forms between genders, so I'll probably just use whatever pronoun fits her current form. Our original wonderland is a tropical beach that was later expanded to a cluster of islands.
  10. Markus here, and I'd really like to say that you need to pay lots of attention to your tulpas, Lucas especially. We should active force more and passive WAY more. Spending time with your tulpas is very important and Lucas seems to be slacking in that department. That's pretty much it from me, thanks :P
  11. Whet Elvode said. Some tulpas, once they're developed enough, are able to go weeks without attention. Although, I'd imagine that that'd suck a bit...
  12. arcanemagic

    Tulpa Food! Yay!

    Markus and I drink something that looks similar to this. We watched a chemistry demo involving it and Markus said something along the lines of "that looks tasty" I told him it's probably not a good idea to be drinking copper solutions but our wonderland version of it is pretty good :P EDIT: Oh god, sorry for the huge picture...
  13. 70. Still stuck around 69, I see...