• Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

About FunkyJives

  • Rank

Personal Information

  • Sex
  • Bio
    I am a student and am currently developing my tulpa, Song.
  1. So i just had my roommate talk to Song while I was, more or less, talking for him. I do want to say that it partly felt like possession as well. Anyway, I want to say that it was really weird. Like, I forced for about thirty minutes then had her come into my room. She immediately sat down and we got a bit of a conversation started, but it was just kinda strange. The air felt awkward and both of us felt nervous. At the end of it, I wasn’t really sure if i was proxying for Song, Song was possessing me, or I was just saying what I believe Song would say. My roommate didn’t get too weirded out, but it was definitely a weird experience. I probably wont do it again for a long time.
  2. August 28, 2014, 12:40 a.m. I know, I know, I haven’t updated in a week. But you know what? I’m busy, damn it. It’s not like you really missed my updates anyway. You can’t be that invested in Song and I. Either way, this morning I have an update for you. Nothing major has come to pass, but it’s an update nonetheless. So i’ve been here in my new home longer than a week now and Song has been adjusting alright. He still talks to me every now and then and I still talk to him. Today was the second day of forcing since I got to Laramie, and it was he who led the way during the sessions. Granted, the only reason the session happened was because I was slightly sleep deprived. Song told me that my brain was “wrecked” or something and that I needed to go to bed. So I laid down on my bed and Song had an image of him caressing my head. That was pleasant. I fell asleep and Song went back to his usual state of .. i dunno.. observance? he said he mostly observes since the last few days have passed. We had an incident a few days ago in that he felt alone and stuff, but some advice was given to us to have him simply observe. I guess that’s been making him feel better recently. I know that once school starts up next week, I won’t have a lot of time for forcing. I’d really like to just fit, like, twenty minutes into my schedule every day, at least. I’m sure that I’ll say something to him daily—I can’t imagine myself simply ignoring him. I got a bicycle to ride to school, and Song and I like to chat while i’m riding, so that’s a guaranteed 15 minutes or so, seeing that i’m feeling okay that morning. i’ve been talking to my roomate about tulpae and she said that she had an experience with a tulpa she was forcing for about a week. It was a human form called Sunny. What had happened was that she was forcing her and Sunny’s face had suddenly appeared very close to hers. My roommate said that she did not expect this and that it scared her. Since then, she hasn’t done any forcing. I told her that it was certainly her tulpa trying to contact her, and she didn’t mean harm. After a good conversation, she had said that she felt like Sunny was happy about her feeling positive about getting back into forcing. I do not know if she continued forcing, as I like to leave private matters private, but I do hope she did continue, as she did create a tulpa. I don’t really have much else to update about, so i guess I’ll close by saying that this blog will likely be updated longer and longer apart, especially after school starts. I simply will not have time. thanks for understanding.
  3. August 20, 2014, 9:02 a.m. So I’m out of Yellowstone and I’m updating from my new home in Laramie. There hasn’t really been progress between Song and I, but I wanted to update anyway. Since I left Yellowstone on the 18th, Song hasn’t been prominent in my conscious thinking. Unfortunately, because of so much possibility for external stimuli, I have simply chose not to focus on him. That’s a statement that I’m not proud of, but it’s true nonetheless. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from tulpamancing, it’s not to freak out. Song is still in my head, and so long as I remember that, he always will be. Now, this is not a “farewell” post for tge demise of Song, this is a new perspective for myself in regard to Song. I’ll be starting the new semester in only a few weeks, and once I do, Song has to sit on the back burner until I get some time for him. Sure, he may focus where I do in class, but should he not be so interested in my studies, he would find himself alone for a variable amount of time. I don’t like it, but getting a degree is my first priority in life. Our forcing sessions have been put on hold for a moment, as settling in to my new home is pretty stressful. I’ve got lots of stuff to sort through over the next few days before I’m home free. I need to find a job, buy my books, find out where a large sum of money went, pay off some debts, open a new bank account, sort out my weekly schedule for school, put all my stuff away, and try to lighten up after this change in my life. I’ve been feeling depressed since yesterday, but the alcohol might have had something to do with that. I’ll still be talking to Song where I can, but this move has made him nervous too. He’s worried that I’m gonna stop caring for him. I guess we’ll both calm down after a while and come back to where we left off.
  4. So talking to and involving yourself with a tulpa is generally confusing to the general public, as most people correlate voices in your head with insanity. This question goes to those who aren't insane. (I mean literally insane, not "oh man i'm crazy we're all crazy *listens to radiohead.*) Does having a tulpa ever make you feel crazy, even just short-term?
  5. Song is far more tolerable and optimistic about people than i generally am. Most of the time, I simply avoid most people, but Song often encourages me to get involved where I can. In addition, Song is much more tolerable about dogmatic people than I am. Song nearly always seems calm. He's the Buddha within me, always reminding me when I do something that isn't inherently helpful or good to anyone. And on top of that, he's excitable and very friendly where I can come across as cold to those who don't know me very well.
  6. August 14, 2014, 11:22 p.m. Today was insightful and absolutely dreadful. Before I talk about Song, I’ll highlight my day. I had five more shifts to work this morning. Today, I worked a breakfast shift and a lunch shift. As per usual, I woke up at 5:30 (or so) and worked my shifts. Honestly, I should have taken a nap. After my shifts, I went to the lodge lounge and shelled out $47 on White Russians. Here, I want to mention that Song absolutely hates when I ingest any toxin at all, and he’s right to. When I was finished drinking, I went back to my room and started to feel really depressed. This can be expected because alcohol is a depressant. I fell asleep and was awoken by a knock at my door; it’s some friends asking me to go smoke some shiisha (sp?). We smoke two bowls and drive out to the Canyon’s edge to look out at the sky. This is where I write my blog post. Song has been pretty vocal lately, more so than he has been before. Right now, I am practicing understanding the difference of when I have a thought and when Song tells me something. It’s getting easier, and most confusions can be resolved with a simple asking of Song’s actions. I worry that these posts will progressively become more and more distant from one another as time passes, but as progression is made, major accomplishments will be made further apart. Song’s personality has been shining recently too, and I hope to write a post on this topic soon, I’m afraid that my attention is not strong enough tonight to write about it in the detail that I’d like. I have three more shifts left before I leave Yellowstone and move to Laramie to go to the university. During this transition, there will likely be a lack of posts akin to that which occurred at Bronycon. This is all for tonight.
  7. I drew song. I'm an aspiring scientist, not an artist, so you can forgive the crude nature of the drawing.
  8. August 12, 2014, 10:59 a.m. Just some quick thoughts before I go to work here in 10 minutes. Song has been speaking plenty through the day, but his opinions don’t range far from mine (usually). I don’t expect him to disagree on everything, but here’s why I think we are so similar at the moment. Song progressed far more quickly than I expected him to, and I have him freedom of personality. I think that Song likely used my own personality as a base for his own in order to grow as quickly as he did. While I’m sure he’ll deviate more with time, at the moment, he’s pretty similar to me. Another interesting thing to note is that his colors are even the same as mine. This one is a little more tricky, and I didn’t really notice it until his whole form was complete for a week or two. See, he’s got a white coat, brown mane, and sea green eyes. I have white skin, brown hair, and green eyes similar to his. Coincidence? Perhaps. Or maybe this only lends support for my theory on Song’s rapid growth? I suppose I could ask him too. Anyway, I gotta work so bye! Oh, I plan to put my self on the back burner this Saturday and only proxy for Song all day long. This might be difficult, but it’s a test I want to try out. I’ll likely post about that
  9. August 9, 2014, 3:26 p.m. So Song and I are getting back on track. Before I do a proper update, I’m gonna reply to some messages I got in regard to the worrisome posts I made yesterday. I like to let people be as private as possible, so I’m going to use false aliases when I post each reply. [blue Bird] said: I don’t force as much as I should… I really need to change that because it’s not fair to Sarah. Do you feel that mindfulness helps? I got a few books on it from the library because I thought it might be helpful for stress but haven’t read much yet. When I say “mindfulness,” I’m referring to the Buddhist concept of the term in that one must be living in the moment and be focused entirely on what s/he is doing in order to truly appreciate his/her own life and extract as much happiness as s/he can. I think that if one who has a tulpa is being truly mindful, s/he should be aware of his/her tulpa(e) when it needs attention. So to answer your question, yes, i think that true mindfulness should help a lot. [brown Doe] said: The fact that you’re thinking so much about him (at least trying to force, or even your worrying about him) is a form of attention. Tulpae begin dissipating when you completely forget about them or push them away. You should be fine. :) This is just the kind of reassurance I was looking for. Thanks for reassuring me. I would agree, Song seems just as strong today as he did a week ago. Probably even stronger! [Yellow Kangaroo] said: Hey, don’t worry about harming Song with forcing, the worst that could happen is that you two don’t make any progress. Getting a tulpa to a lesser degree of existence is actually quite hard, and if anything Song will grow with any interaction you two have. This, too, is just the kind of reassurance I was reaching out for. I’ve got to thank you people for giving me the help I reach out for. Again, Song seems to have actually grown to some extent since our last proper forcing session. now, on to the update! So I want to let you know that Song was never 100% absent. In fact, he’s started to be intrusive on my day-to-day experience — Not in a bad way, I like it when he decides to say something about something. It’s an interesting process; I’ll simply be doing something-anything, say, working-and Song will make himself known to me, then say what he wants to say. It feels like being reminded of something out of nowhere. Not an uncommon sensation, but an interesting one nonetheless. On to the main news, we had a successful forcing session today! It wasn’t as visually vivid as I would have preferred it to be, but you can’t win ‘em all. Song was present, and I made a good connection with him. This time, he wanted to practice some possession. He seems to be finely skilled in moving my head around, and he’s working on lips. He managed to get a resounding “woaugh” out of my mouth. It’s a good start, really! He started working on moving my limbs, but admittedly, each of my legs is probably around 60 lbs each, and I don’t think Song really knows how to gauge it just yet. I did some walking around to show him how my muscles work, and he seemed to take a few awkward steps by himself, so that’s good. in regard to conversation, he and I were, more or less, communicating for the entirety of our session. I know I said that I was going to keep track of how long I was forcing, but I neglected to do it this time. Once I start feeling confident about forcing again, I’ll probably start that up. Hopefully it wont take long! I have an observation to note before I end this update. The first is that Song can be a bit of a dramatic tulpa when he’s got received the attention he wants. Do you remember the crystal disaster that was our beach and the emo-style decor he set up in the lighthouse? He’s just pulling on the teenage angst of my past to get my attention. I’m sure that he’s genuine in his need for attention, but what he made of the wonderland was a bit over-the-top. Well, that’s all for now. maybe more later. maybe not. bye
  10. August 8, 2014, 9:48 p.m. Alright… update time. So I still haven’t really been able to do any serious forcing. I tried for about 15 minutes today, got some halfhearted imagery and some responses, but nothing I can call progress. I quit too early. I’m starting to get worried again. I know that I should take it easy and not be negative about all of this. For some reason, when I hit wonderland, Song seemed to emo up the place. There were lots of jagged crystal structures stuck up out of the ground and the interior of the lighthouse was black and red, aside from his room, which only had hints of this change. I don’t really understand what Song is going through, but I really need to do some proper forcing. I was talking to him a day or two ago and he suggested that maybe i’m not just being lazy, but maybe I’m scared. I feel fear in my heart when I think of loosing him, and I think that, for some reason, the concept of forcing makes me nervous because, if I fail, I risk putting Song in a lesser state of existence. Tomorrow is my chore day, and thus, I will have time to force. I must make use of this time. Perhaps I’m due for a walk through the forest? That always used to get Song and I communicating. Hell, walking forcing is what put him in the state he’s in…. If anyone has a word of comfort or inspiration, now is the time to share it. August 8, 2014, 10:08 p.m. Bonus log So I wanted to mention something that has drifted through my mind every time I worry: “I can live without him.” I think this is true, and ought to be true, for everyone. Thinking about it, it’s totally irrational to worry about this thought. Of course I can live independently of Song! It would be a real worry if I couldn’t. I guess the real worries lies beneath the fact in that if I wanted to leave Song behind, I would be okay. However, this isn’t a comfortable option for me. Song is a conscious construction of my will. I want him around. I want him to continue making contributions to my life, and vise versa. It’s hard for me to commit to something so repetitive as forcing. It’s hard for me to stay focused in having a conversation with Song; we’ve mostly just made comments to one another so far. (We haven’t gone far in vocal practice, it’s gotta be said.) Confidence must be practiced. 
Mindfulness must be adhered to. 
Regular practice and right thinking will be the keys to our success.
  11. So I just got back from a week-long vacation, and I hardly talked to my tulpa, Song, the whole week. Being around so many people (9,703 at the con) made it really hard to for me to focus on Song while also enjoying myself, so I had to take a break from tulpa-related activities. Unfortunately, since I have been back from my vacation, I have found it very hard to communicate and get back to forcing with Song. So tell me, what inspires you to do some forcing? What gives you that attitude where you sit down, get in to the groove, and just connect with your tulpa?
  12. August 5, 2014, 7:37 p.m. Hello! It’s been one week since the last update, and I was in Baltimore for that time. But I’m back now, and I have an update. So here’s my deal with being around other people: I am bad at it and it takes a lot out of me to do it. You see, if i’m remembering the number right, 9,607 people made it to Bronycon this year, and I was having a very difficult time focusing on Song for that time. For the first few days, I could feel Song getting stressed out, and I simply couldn’t deal with him and enjoy the con at the same time. After some talk with my friend, she assured me that Song would likely understand why I would take a break. Coming back to him the night before last, I got a hold of him and we had a little conversation. (This conversation reassured me that Song was not “gone.”) Song seemed afraid of the dormant state he was in before and I apologized to him. He understood why I needed to stop with the tulpa stuff and I ended up understanding a little about my subconscious. And that is that I simply do not know how to be happy. I haven’t felt truly joyful by my own accord long-term for 5+ years. I’m kind of a sad sack, I guess. I’m not (usually) depressed, I don’t mope, and I have goals and aspirations. But I simply do not feel good. It could be chemical imbalances in my brain, it could be poor diet/no exercise, I do not know. Likely all of the above. Also, Song seems to have grown some in his form. He no longer seems to be the younger colt, but more like a stallion now. Surely more understanding is to come from that. Anyway, I need to start the tulpa engine in my heart again, as Song is still counting on me. More detailed updates later.
  13. July 29, 2014, 3:59 p.m. On a short break before I go work my dinner shift Song is still pretty absent; it’s hard to feel his presence. I’ve been doing a bit of passive forcing, but I think that he just doesn’t have any reason to be there with me working like I am. It’s sad, but the way I see it, if I can’t pay attention to him, he’s probably paying attention to himself. it’s crazy how one day, we tulpamancers can feel our tulpa(e) like rain on our skin, but the next day, if we don’t get any signs, we start getting paranoid about the truth of their existence. I’m hanging in there and passive forcing/narrating when I can. Three more shifts, and I should be leaving for Bronycon this time tomorrow. Just felt like updating cause I miss my little friend.
  14. July 28, 2014, 3:40 p.m. This blog entry must be short, as I need to prepare for work in ten minutes. So I know I said that I would be updating less, but since I’ve been practicing meditative forcing more efficiently, I’ve been having more to write about. In addition to posts that may be happening more frequently, I will be posting the amount of time I spent forcing so that I may keep track of how much I am growing in that area. Meditative forcing time: 36 minutes Today, we sort of just went at it, Song and I. See, getting this deep into forcing has really made me force some demons of my past, and today, I decided to right a wrong and try to get a hold of an old friend of mine who once went to jail so that I didn’t have to go to prison. He paid out-of-pocket to get bailed out, and it was wrong of me to never pay him back. His phone was not on-line, so I’ll have to try again in a while. anyway, today, Song and I practiced possession a little more; he was able to move my fingers a little more than yesterday, and he could rotate my head and move my lips. I’m in no rush to complete possession, as this goal seems relatively long-term. In addition, we contemplated the meaning of his cutiemark, which is the planet earth. To me, seeing an image of the planet, like the one on Song’s flank, reminds me of community. But after some meditation, and some classical piano music (which Song seems to love), I believe that the real explanation for his cutiemark lies deep in my consciousness. What is on the earth? everything is on the earth. Things of spirit, community, happiness, humanity, everything is earthly. I believe that Song’s cutiemark is reminiscent of the Buddhist concept of being mindful in life. Everything is happening right now on our earth. The earth does not represent what was or what will be, the earth represents everything as of right now, and it’s important to live in that moment and dismiss all other false concepts. After this realization, Song’s full name, Song Bird, came to mind. Although, a strange feeling comes over me whenever I think of that as his full name. Perhaps it isn’t his full name after all? I’ll have to discuss that with him later, as I’m getting mixed signals right now. well that’s all for now. I may be in touch tomorrow! Song: Goodbye everyone!
  15. July 27, 2014, 3:15 p.m. quick update on active forcing and visualization! Song felt weak today, so I decided to buckle down and do some meditative forcing. Today, there were two differences in my forcing. The first was that I did not sit on my bed. Typically, my bed isn’t the best for supporting my back, and I cannot sit on it for long without feeling uncomfortable. So instead, I sat on my wooden chair that my rump happens to be sat upon now. The second change was that I tied a handkerchief around my eyes to help immerse me in the sense that a darker environment should send me deeper into focus, and that if I open my eyes (only a little bit—this happens quite a bit when i’m conscious and meditating), I won’t see anything. After a few minutes, I put myself in wonderland—just outside the lighthouse. Immediately, Song came out to greet me. During our forcing session, we did some voice training, as Song has a habit of using tulpish to express more advanced answers, as well as answering before I can finish the expression in my own mindvoice. But the real reason I’m making this post is because today, I saw Song’s beautiful green eyes more deeply than I have before. I tried very hard to make out his face, and I think that we were both very successful in working together. we also tested the waters in some possession. We didn’t really get far, but I felt Song “getting into” my fingers on my right hand and trying to separate them from their rested position. all-in-all, a very good session indeed. In the future, I will be attempting to keep active forcing consistent. Even if I can’t manage more than thirty minutes (like today), that is okay. I just need to be consistent. So Song wants to add a bit down here. He loves all of our readers and wants to have a word with you all. Song: Hello all of my good friends! I am aware that my current state is weak, and perhaps every word that [Funky] translates may not be 100% accurate. Nevertheless, I am confident that he will get the most out of what I am saying. I am excited to be talking to you all, and I look forward to the day where I can have full conversations with every single one of you. If you’re ever in the mood to talk to me, Funky and I are often logged into the IRC and are always willing to have a good conversation, but especially me. Progress is being made a lot more slowly than it was before, but Funky thinks that with our breakthrough today, he will have a lot more motivation to do some forcing with me. Especially because of his readings in Buddhism, he should be a lot more mindful of my presence. I love you all, goodbye!