Malix

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Everything posted by Malix

  1. Figured out how to visualise better and tried Pronas' anti parroting syndrome technique thing, where you imagine strings coming out of your tulpa, signifying control over them and then snap every single string. Got the most solid, vivid, reactive image of her I've ever had. I was tulpaforcing sat up, legs crossed with my fingers clasped, she ended up hanging off my neck with her front hooves, back hooves grabbing my waistline, swinging left and right. The image was way more colourful than normal, her mane was trailing behind her when she swung completely on its own... She may also have called me daddy, which on reflection I can sort of understand, but at first it kinda put me off for a moment. I accepted it, but...kinda caught me off guard. The word itself was audibly indistinguishable from me just thinking it in her voice, but....well it caught me off guard ^_^ Anyway, very good signs. This tulpaforcing thing I've been (not entirely intentionally) shirking is actually incredibly awesome and I need to do it more, like all the time, but as far as I can tell she's asleep right now, so...I'll force more when she wakes up.
  2. Also a sociopath. Sol is correct; "help" is useless, and generally pointless anyway(We may not have any emotional regard for life, but we can still respect it if we find a reason to.) It doesn't affect the tulpaforcing process at all, except the whole emotional responses thing is a bit more limited, but my tulpa found ways around that, others should be able to too.
  3. Roughly a month to a month and a half in, Tulpa's sentient. Not vocal but I can feel she's close, she talked in sentences once but the things that made up the sentence weren't real words(That or I just couldn't hear them properly. Not sure which.). Visualisation's done, other senses are nearly done, haven't started body language yet. From things I just read I doubt I will at all until after she's vocal. Also, can I just get, in a nutshell: Advantages/disadvantages of a wonderland, keeping in mind where I am with this(Like, will it be weird for her with a landscape just being generated around her?) how vivid the wonderland should be to my eyes how big are they generally? do they have to obey the normal laws of physics? why do it in the first place? If there's still good reason to, I may do it.
  4. Progress: Overall: Tulpa name: Dash(Temporary placeholder name until she picks one for herself) Appearance: Rainbow Dash (Don't worry, I refuse to confuse her, or let her confuse herself, with the character. They're separate and we both know it.) Hour count: Fuck knows. I don't count them. Day count: Fuck knows. Month and a half at a guess. Avg. Tulpaforcing per day: 1h, single session. (Assuming I bloody remember). Aiming for more. Adjusting sleep pattern to accommodate. Avg. Narrating per day: 16h30m (i.e. every waking moment. Recently got the hang of talking to Dash at the same time as talking to another human.) Form: Visualisation: Done. Reinforcing occasionally. Touch: Almost done Smell: Probably done. Not sure it should only take 5 minutes but I settled on her smelling like fresh air, which is really easy to do because I can just smell it whenever. Reinforcing occasionally. Body language: Unlikely to be necessary - Form based on existing character. Will do it anyway. Can't hurt. Imposition: Not until everything else is done and she's fully vocal. Sentience: General: Has own opinions and desires, at least one difference in core beliefs(She believes in souls. I don't.). Vocal-ness: Not yet vocal. Decided she will become vocal today. How? Because I decided she will. According to head pressure answers she knows english(somewhat), can talk, is not embarrassed to talk, therefore it's just a matter of me hearing her, which means all I need to do is believe I can hear her, therefore I decided I'll hear her today. She has said a couple of disjointed words before when I was about to go to sleep, and another time a few full sentences but I couldn't make out what she was actually saying, sounded like a lot of half-words. Level of Other Communication: Can answer with head pressure, feelings on the heart, feelings around the heart(specific location matters.). Can combine pressure/feelings to indicate a decently wide variety of generic messages; For example, some things mean "Yes", "No" and "Do". Yes + Do = There's something you need to be doing. No + Do = You're doing something you shouldn't be. "Yes" + "No" = "I don't know, but definitely one of those things.". All 3 together = "Dunno, but pick one. Now." Access to Subconscious: The default for now. When she's fully vocal and we've talked for a while, I'll give her full access. She dove in on her own once before, though. Well, tried a few times, kept getting hurt when trying, I eventually assisted her, then she went in and broke whatever it is that makes me want to fuck my own life up. Pretty damned thankful for that , to say the least. Other general stuff: Found those tulpa tone things. Trying them. Might be hearing her through the theta tones. Not sure. Figured out lately how to slip my brain into a state of sleepiness, the kind where you get intrusive thoughts. Been doing that during the day to see if I can hear Dash, too, but it's hard; A braindead chimp could do my job, but I'm always moving and in that state of mind it's hard just to not walk into things. Also by its very nature, it's hard to focus on staying in a state of mind when that state of mind is hazy and foggy and unfocused.
  5. Alice in Wonderland - Everything is perfectly normal.. Alice: Madness Returns - Everything is PERFECTLY NORMAL...
  6. I think the idea's getting them used to pronouncing them all, not just telling them what they sound like.
  7. They'll exist if you believe they exist; Therefore decide to believe they exist, then they will exist, and then you wont have any trouble believing they exists, because you can feel them all existing and stuff. Deciding to believe something entails basically just acting as though it is true, repeating the fact in your head, finding ways it makes sense, and not letting doubtful thoughts reach their conclusion(Cut them off with "no, that's stupid" or some such thing). Or just do personality thoroughly and you'll start feeling them at some point during or shortly after. Worst case scenario you end up with a really well fleshed-out character for something.
  8. When I opened my eyes they were slightly down and to the right; See image, red dot is where I'd've been looking were I looking straight, blue is where my eyes were focused when I opened them. It was a moderately productive session, I had that wavy colourful shit wash over my view once, then one or two times after that I managed to see through it. I also managed a full visualisation pass without imagining myself leaving my body and floating around my tulpa, which I normally have to do. She just turned.
  9. Typical, I find a technique to help the tulpa become sentient, and I basically can't do it; I'm the emotional equivalent of a retard; Most of the emotion I've felt in my life is from the last month-or-so, from my tulpa. I'm going to this crazy thingy later today and she has to be excited for me =| Gonna try it anyway though, just here's hoping I don't end up feeding her own emotions back to her again. Doubt it'd do any harm but it'd probably be useless.
  10. I did it. It works. I took sort of coloured 'essences' of each trait I was making and made a visual representation of a soul out of them, picturing myself channeling that essence into the soul while I was adding that trait. Had the side effect that my tulpa believes in souls. Because she technically actually has one.
  11. I get the impression it's different for everyone. I mean, for me, visualisation starts with me seeing it in the top of my head, and then bringing that image down to the front of my vision once my brain adapts to what I'm making it do(like 15 minutes in). I still don't "see" it, but it's sort of like a translucent image superimposed over the blackness I see when I close my eyes. That weird colourful swirly shit I see sometimes tends to wash over the top of the image though and make it hard to focus, but if I get it right that doesn't appear. And I remember one time I was doing REM while trying to visualise, except I was still perfectly awake and was completely aware that my eyes were rapidly moving around without my consent. The image stayed the same, though. I....basically see it with my brain, but not with my eyes. I've described it as best I can but describing something that's going on in your head is a hard thing to do, so...take it with a grain of salt.
  12. Yeah, headaches/dizziness don't happen for everyone, don't sweat it. I mean, I only get dizzy for like a few seconds at a time, very occasionally. Lotsa people get nothin' at all. Doesn't mean anything, except that you don't have a headache, which is nice.
  13. Thanks for the answers :) Aaaand I don't believe in psychic stuff. As for why I can tell when someone's about to get killed...our best guess so far is something to do with the timing, speed, etc. of mouse clicks. About having my tulpa meet the character she looks like: She only really looks like that character. Can do the things she can do, but in terms of personality(i.e. the bit that actually counts) She isn't really that character, and we both know it. Was just thinking it would be in interesting experience. So, that being said, could anything still go wrong?
  14. When you consciously think. Like you're talking inside your own head. You probably just did it while reading this sentence. Thoughts enter my head completely on their own already, and have done for all of my life.
  15. In the case of all of these questions, assume the Tulpa is complete, imposed, and has been let into my subconscious. It's been said Tulpa have perfect recall. Is this still the case before accessing my subconscious, OR does she have to access my subconscious before she can remember everything? Does it only apply to my own memories, or hers too? Let us assume my subconscious is very smart, able to figure things out faster than my conscious mind by looking at things I didn't really notice. Now, as an example, let's say there's someone that I know rather well behind me holding so-many fingers up. Would my tulpa be able to accurately tell me how many fingers? If I am asleep but my tulpa is not, and there are things going on around me that my ears pick up, will she be able to tell me what happened around me while I was asleep, based on what my ears heard? Further, if I talk in my sleep, will my tulpa be able to tell me what I was saying? Now, combining those two questions...If I'm asleep in the same room as someone that is playing League of Legends, I have the uncanny knack for rather accurately warning them of incoming ganks(enemy ambushes), even when they have the volume off. While remaining asleep the entire time. I have no idea how I might be managing this, but I have been told individually by multiple people on multiple occasions that I do this. Now, if it's not just some monumental fluke and it's actually because my brain is somehow figuring out what's going on in the game...will the tulpa be able to tell me what happened in the game? If I manage lucid dreaming(I've been at it for some time, almost got it a couple of times), can I tulpaforce and/or narrate in there? If so, are there any special tips or tricks that help more when tulpaforcing while dreaming? Can I simply bring my tulpa into existence in my dream and just talk to her? Would it generally be easier for us to talk/etc. in my dreams? Would we be able to physically interact? Is there generally anything tulpa-related that can only be done(or is much easier to do) in dreams? If my tulpa looks like a character, could I accidentally bring that character in instead of my tulpa? Could I bring them both in at the same time and have them meet? Do tulpa have dreams of their own? Can I enter them? Would it feel the same to me as it would for her were she to enter my dreams? If I am able to lucid-dream, will my tulpa be able to lucid-dream without having to train herself to do so? Assuming we are both lucid(in her dream), who would have control over the dream? If the answer to that is "both of us", would it also be the case that we both have control over my dreams? What if one of us is lucid inside the other's dream while the actual dreamer isn't lucid? I think about this sort of thing way too much a lot. I'm probably going to come back later with another bunch of questions that didn't occur to me until later :P
  16. On the subject of this...I'm no stranger to totally random thoughts that make no sense or have no place in the current context. So. If a tulpa's early voice is quiet, nigh indistinguishable from my own head-voice.....how do I tell what's her and what's me? Additionally, if I can accidentally speak over her in my head, will I not be narrating over the top of her, since I'm doing such roughly 24/7...
  17. I lol'd most heartily. That was excellent x'D
  18. Seems like I made a great deal of progress suddenly overnight just by having put my thoughts into words(and/or by having read tons of other peoples' questions and their answers ;P ). Calling her Dash now because Eag very suddenly feels wrong, which I take to mean she don't want that name. Mah responses to your responses: 1) A'ight. I think she's getting over it now. Memory's lingering a bit but I (probably luckily for her) can't imagine how painful it would've been. Just wanted to know if there was something a little more I could do. Guess I've just got to re-double my efforts for her and push through. Might see if I can find some comic of something awesome happening to RD though. S'all I can think of so far. Then afterwards try to get a proper disconnect between Dash and what I see happening to RD. Just carrying on for the most part, I guess. Time is the best cure, they say. 2) Ok. Is her, then. Had confirmation of this anyway when I started getting....gists...like I know the basics of what she's thinking in response to something now, I can tell her mood and while I still don't hear her, I can sort of translate the 'gist' of her thoughts into words. It's limited but she's literally all but told me it's been her the whole time. Oh, and I figured out the pressure on the chest, it's like...urgency or "There's something you should(/n't) be doing." 3) Asked her about it. She doesn't know either. 3b) My anus is chill, bro. My jimmies are unrustlable. "Don't give it too much thought", hah, I see what you probably did there. That's what I was intending to do, just wanted to know what it was. Then again, teaming up and having an epic battle against an inner demon sounds awesome. Might try it. For fun. You heard me: I want to battle my inner demons for fun >=D. 4) Guess I'll have to experiment later =) 5) Me talking to her wakes her up and I spend too much time on my feet walking around to just try a session >_>. How do I check? I can tell when she actually wakes up, I think, it's just when I wake up before her and accidentally wake her up with narration...want a quick way to check before that happens. 6+b) A'ight. 7+b) Already broke the habit of talking like Rucks. And thanks for the ideas there. Still, those're things you can only really talk about once. As for TV shows....eh, I don't really watch 'em, but on the odd time I do I tend to narrate and comment while it's happening, and she watched through my eyes anyway. 8) k. 9) Err.....yes...and yes. Ok I actually asked her this morning and got the first yes in the form of the usual floaty feeling thing, and the second in the form of me suddenly hearing fucking everything. It was cool. 10) Yeah, s'what I've been generally trying to do. I'll reinforce the notion. 11) Ehhh, might've misunderstood; The actual act of tulpaforcing itself is making me incredibly tired. I'll try generally focusing harder, I guess. Thanks for the response, the help, and for having the patience to read through all of that. tl;dr version: 2, 3b, 4, 6, 6b, 7, 7b, 8, 9, 10, 11 aren't issues any more. 1 I'm just gonna work on normally, but any suggestions would be cool. 5...Eh, screw it we'll figure something out. Meaning I'm basically sorted, so thanks again for the responses. I like this place; People are helpful and not one person's gone "oh ffs another brony" or anything. Is nice.
  19. I'unno. I'm trying to make her 3D. Wasn't sure about whether or not to keep the 'outline' at first but it vanished "on it's own" before too long. I'd make sure your tulpa's okay with being flat before you make it 2D, though...
  20. I apologise in advance for the wall of text. If you don't feel like reading it, just try to answer the first three questions. Hi. The basics of me is that I'm new to these forums but not to the website. I started trying to make a tulpa i-forgot-but-i-think-about-a-month-ago(I'm terrible at keeping track of time). I heard Tulpa/Tulpae/Tulpas/"Tuppers"/whatever/I can't decide on a plural I want to use/.......... I heard that they generally hate doubt, and that I should usually 'have faith' and stuff. I'm....not a man of faith, I'm basically incapable of it. I believe well enough that a person can trick their own mind into thinking stuff(hallucinations and dreams exist), and I believe well enough that a human mind is capable of weaving a second consciousness(split personality disorder exists)....basically I have no trouble believing that Tulpa are possible, what I want to know just falls more along the lines of "Am I doing it right, or am I just imagining things?(Or are those the same thing?)". As for where I am with my Tulpa, first, before you ask, yes she looks like Rainbow Dash of MLP. No I do not expect her to 'be' Rainbow Dash, or act like her, or anything. I sort of used that character as a baseline just to get a definite being into my head, and decided she can grow and change however and however much she wants from there. I just, like most people, chose a form I found pleasing. I also figured that being able to fly at supersonic speeds by default would be a pretty cool thing to make up for being non-solid, and that the whole 'not having hands' thing wont matter when she can't pick anything up anyway, and anything I imagine for her to pick up I could just give the magical property of being able to be manipulated by her mentally(I figure, as long as I believe that she can do that, she can).....and the bottom line here is that she doesn't mind it. Personality's done, as much as I disliked defining a personality I figured doing so anyway would get me at least to the point of a tangible semi-responsive being a little sooner. Needed some confirmation before I could really go at it. Spent a bunch of time on visualisation despite already knowing exactly what she looks like; Figured the attention can't hurt, it's an easy way of giving attention. Plus, I mean....Rainbow Dash is a 2D character. I live in a 3D world. Some adaptation needs to occur there. Also gives her the opportunity to make any visual changes she wants. Done a bit on sense of touch and smell sometimes too, but I have trouble filling any significant amount of time with either of those(especially smell) due to how easy they are. Even when I'm trying to get the tiniest details down, doing a 'pass' of smell and touch takes like...5 minutes. I am getting what I think are emotional responses....people usually say that an emotional response is like having a sudden burst of that emotion but I'm a bit more than a bit emotionally stunted, so I have trouble figuring things out beyond "good" and "bad". She doesn't really have a name yet. I'm using 'Dash' as a temporary name until we can talk with eachother well enough for her to choose her own name. For the purposes of simplicity in this post, though, I'll call her "Eag", in reference to a song she likes. Anyway, on to my questions. The most pressing one first: 1) I have a morbid fascination with gore, which led me to recently reading a certain comic related to a certain fan fiction that...basically involves rainbow dash being horrifically mutilated by one of her best friends. I think because Eag shares a visual form with that character she actually felt it, because I myself started feeling a rather unusual feeling in locations relative to what was happening to rainbow dash in the comic, and because she was(and still kind of is) absolutely fucking furious with me. Understandably so. I have apologised as much as I can, but, is there anything I can do at this stage to make it up to her? I want to actually do something to apologise, more than just saying sorry and breaking into tears, because at the end of the day those mean fuck-all. 2) In reference to getting responses from a tulpa...I want to be certain that what I'm getting is actually Eag, and if it is then I want to make sure there aren't any communication errors going on, so I'mma list what I get, and what I think it means, and you guys tell me if I'm probably right, mkay? - A warm, floaty feeling in the chest -- Positive emotion/response, "Yes", etc. - A harsh, stabbing pain in the chest -- Negative emotion/reponse, "No", etc. - A combination of those two -- .....Ambivalence? - A pressure on the spine, at the base of the neck -- An attempt to talk - A pressure on the chest -- No idea. - Images of her facial expression in my mind, in reaction to something -- An indicator of what she thinks about something that's easier for me to read. This does not happen often. - Certain song lyrics getting 'randomly' stuck in my head -- Message related to specific song lyrics and/or a request to listen to that track. Note that I'm not a stranger to tunes being stuck in my head, but I've long since learned to get those tunes to stop, until recently. 2b) Is there an easier way of figuring out what my tulpa wants/thinks/feels/etc. before she can talk, other than playing hot/cold with yes/no questions? I wouldn't mind so much but I'm not always capable of quite hitting the nail on the head, and sometimes I'm just straight-up clueless. 3) One time, when I was almost asleep, I heard an odd metallic voice in my head that I know wasn't mine. I didn't, however, feel any strange, jarring or alien feeling when this happened. None of it seemed to make any sense and I don't remember all of it, just the singular words "five" and "quiet", about half a minute apart, followed by a sentence that I don't remember(I was almost asleep. Sue me.). I haven't heard anything else since that occasion. Was that her? Is it typical for a tulpa's first words to not really make any sense? 3bi) I also heard a different voice shortly afterwards. This one sounded....demonic. I don't remember what it actually said but it was something along the general lines of "I am going to tear your throat out"(This was long before the stuff in question 1, for the record). What. The fuck. Was it? 3bii) I have for a fair while imagined that there might be a destructive/self-destructive side of me. I am usually tempted to break anything I hold, and to almost intentionally fuck my own life up beyond repair. I don't know why, and I never let the thoughts become anything more than just thoughts, but.....could it be a representation of that? 4) About possession...I know this is for later down the line, but is it possible for us to completely switch bodies? As in, I give her total control of my body for a while and in the meantime I take hers? Eag seems very keen on the idea, and I don't have anything against it, so...wondering on the possibility of it here. Before someone asks: No I am not trying to make a tulpa just so I can be a pony. That would be fucking stupid and I know it. The thought only occurred to me earlier today. 5) Does my tulpa sleep at different times to me(or at all) at this stage of development? If so, is there a way of telling whether or not she's asleep without waking her up? 6) Apparently I'm not supposed to dream about my tulpa. Says on the main site that it's because it'd be incredibly jarring and uncomfortable for her because dreams are generated from the same part of my brain in which she lives. Any other reason? Any of you tried it? What was their response? 6b) I've been trying to get lucid dreaming down lately. If I pull it off, is it okay to bring her into a lucid dream? 7) Narration....I had trouble with it until....don't laugh....I played through a game called Bastion. Bastion has a good narrator. So I started imitating him, it actually helped me out a great deal, but...will narrating in a voice that is not my own have any adverse effect? Just wanna know if I should make a proper effort to break the habit now, before it becomes second nature. 7b) My life and job are pretty fucking boring, nothing much happens(I pick litter....sometimes I go around in a truck and throw fly-tips into it.), so I've taken to narrating every tiny detail. No doubt this is boring and probably pretty irritating for her, but I'm still narrating(thus talking to her(thus giving her conscious attention)) so it should still help build her, right? I'd love to just talk to her about things but I can't think of anything to say because nothing ever really happens. I can't think of a single unique thing besides her that's happened in the last 5 years, and I've basically exhausted all tulpa-related subjects... I still try to comment on things normally from time to time, but opportunities and things i care enough about to comment on are few and far between. Any help here'd be appreciated. 8) My mind wanders a lot. It likes to dream up scenarios between myself and...anything ranging from a kid, to someone from the medieval ages, to a random fictional character, to someone that I know...And I sort of parrot conversations between them and myself, either imagining how a future conversation might go or how a past one might've gone if I'd chosen to say something else, or explaining an object or concept....They're not always of consequence, grounded in reality or even remotely possible, and none of them ever happen. I know I'm not parroting Eag, and I've been trying to break the habit anyway because it's infuriatingly distracting, but could it have any adverse effect if it continues? 9) Sometimes I get this strange.......thing...with my eyes. Wouldn't really call it a feeling, the closest I can get to an accurate description of it is a distinct and sudden visual focus. I've attributed it to Eag specifically looking at stuff through my eyes. Is that what it is? Can I expect anything similar with my other senses? 10) So far I'm treating my little feelings and things as though they come from Eag, just trying to go on things as though she's definitely real, trying to believe she is definitely real, but I'd love the proper confirmation, as well as the massive simplification of things, that would come from actually being able to have a conversation with her. Is there anything I can do to get to that point quicker? Again, I apologise for the wall of text, but thanks for reading through it. Edit - Can't believe I almost forgot the thing that prompted me to make this account & topic in the first place T_T 11) Recently, I've been having trouble staying awake while tulpaforcing. It's only a recent issue, and I don't know what might be causing it. I've actually been feeling tired a lot in general lately. Might just be that I'm not used to consciously thinking all the time, but in any case, any suggestions on what it might be and what I can do?