Okay so first I'm going to describe a probelm I'm having and then the question that will hopefully get me an answer to solve it heh.
So I've been working over a year on my Tulpa and I am not really feeling anything or I think I feel something and then doubt. Yes the tulpakiller, doubt rears its head. Generally I'm skeptical of most things, hence why I'm not very religious and such. Now I feel like I'm subconsciously doubting the existence of my tulpa. See consciously I believe in Tulpa and I've been trying hard to breathe life into mine and yet it feels like I'm just wasting time because I'm doubting all the time.
I'm actually going to end up asking a few questions out of this. First, how can I stop this constant doubt? This subconscious doubting and don't say "Just stop doubting herp derp." I'm tired of hearing that, it isn't easy to 'just stop doubting' When you're as skeptical as me of just about anything, yeah its hard to not doubt until I see the facts. So how do I stop?
Now my second question kind of builds off the last one as I said I doubt until I see the facts. I'm a very visual person. When I'm taught something I can't just read out of a book, I need someone to show me or at least see pictures of whatever it is being done. So could I work on say... imposition first of my Tulpa's form even if its a cloud for example and then work on personality and such? I'm kind of picturing this like the art of necromancy. Bringing a corpse to life in a way (I know kinda morbid, but I'm not wrong am I?) Restoring or bringing a spirit (In this case the thoughtform) into it's 'body' Though the body wouldn't be a real body it would be imposed on my sight. I hope this is making sense. So basically, could I do imposition first, create the form to where I can 'see' it, and then work on breathing life into my Tulpa or would that not work? If so, can you tell/teach me how to impose? or at least give me some methods editted to work with this way of tulpa creation?
I recognize there is a lot of symbolism here and that might be what I need. I'm getting a bit desperate with trying to get my Tulpa to live. Now I may be doing something wrong in the active forcing as well... I usually active force before I sleep, should I not do that? Also, I usually have a fan on in my room because it gets waaay too hot if I don't have it on, could the sound of the fan be interrupting any connections I might be trying to make with my Tulpa?
Thank you for reading and for any help you may offer.