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About Couguhl

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    I'm Couguhl.
    I have a tulpa.

    If you have any questions about myself, Sierra, or anything really, feel free to ask. We're an open book
  1. Oh yeah, some of our fondest memories are during those car rides. And that's exactly what it is. It's a lot easier to accomplish goals and all of that. That's something that's legitimately shocked me. With her help, I'm breaking habits that I've been struggling with my entire life. Speaking of lucid dreams.. I believe I've mentioned that I had one with Sierra earlier somewhere in this PR, but it was pretty minimal interaction. A couple of months ago, we had a real one, and it was a bizarre experience. Talking to her is one thing, but actually speaking with her like that post-imposition style is incredible.We were standing right there in front of each other, vividly face to face, for the first time. It was surreal, and the emotions were insane. We of course embraced and were almost crying and it was fantastic, and when I woke up, we talked about it for a long time. We've had some repressed emotions I guess, for lack of a better term, because of the obvious lack-of-a-physical-body thing, and that really healed our relationship. We're trying to do it again.
  2. We appreciate it, sushi. It's also good to know we've influenced people haha :] Alright, we're back again. So Several years ago, when we were still narrating, Sierra was really focused on self-improvement. She was completely dedicated to trying to break me out of my anxiety and bettering me as a person. She's actually helped me out quite a lot, and I honestly don't think I would be the same person if I would have never made a tulpa. Anyway, she's seemed to dial back on that for a while, but recently she's focused on that again, she says. (Right now she's concerned about my sleep, stress, all that.) But the reason I bring this up is because I can see how her mentality and attitudes have changed over time. (She actually can experience nostalgia now, and that's really cool. Movies and music we watched and listened to years ago bring her memories.) I can see maturity, and that's really interesting. Now I'll let Sierra talk for a little bit: Hello everyone! It's been a long time! I really miss the forums. A lot's happened within the past couple months or so, including the summer. I feel like I've gotten closer to Couguhl (by the way, it sounds strange calling him that, but you all know how that works) in all sorts of ways. I feel like an integral part of his life. Some of our favorite memories are of us talking during a car ride. As we've gotten a bit farther away from the comforts of "home," like someone who travels experiences, I feel like we hold on to each other. We support each other when there's nothing much to stand on. Looking back on all the places we've visited together and all the atmospheres we've experienced, it's been a kind of surreal thing to look over and see Couguhl's face smiling back at me. I can't really describe the feeling. It's inspiring for us both, whatever it is. That's all I can think of to say right now, hahaha.
  3. First off, today is Sierra's 2nd birthday. Pretty damn crazy, hahaha. But because life got in the way and I ended up working 13 hours today, we're going to celebrate this weekend rather than today. More on that later. Sophie, I'm sorry I haven't responded for several months, as my life has literally gotten crazier than it's ever been since I made that last post, and I'm finally gaining enough time to post again. First I'll respond to your post: As for the previous profile picture, no I don't. I figured out her name at one point, but her other pictures look completely different. I guess it was just the angle or something. As for my feelings toward it, I don't see that it would change them because there's no association. It's just an anonymous face. If anything, they're more of an avatar or something like that. I've just used it as a reference from how I wanted her to look and my mind would fill in the details. However, it's interesting that you bring that up because this new model I'm using actually is a friend of mine I met through Instagram, hahaha. It is somewhat odd looking at the profile picture I'm using because it's someone I know, but I see it as more of a resemblance than anything. The point is, it's closer to her current appearance than the previous profile picture. Now, onto what's new. There's quite a bit of a backstory. I was still in High School when the last post was made, and I have since graduated. As of two months ago, I have entered the 'real world.' As someone who has chronic problems with anxiety, social phobia, and is the polar opposite of "outgoing," deviating from a schedule that has been set in stone essentially my whole life is very jarring. While this was happening, I moved in with my father and have not seen him as much as I do now in almost a decade. He is astoundingly brilliant and has so much life and business experience that it's almost necessary to live with him until I can afford some other way of housing and eventual schooling, as I plan to take a few years off before enrolling in a program, but that's a different story entirely. Cutting to the chase, I needed a new stream of income, and began to seek full time employment. I've found that while many people around me complain about not being able to find full-time employment, there are many places, mainly factory jobs, that are understaffed and need people so badly you can literally fill out a form and be working within the next day. While the work is very strenuous and the hours are long, it pays well. If I want money, there are always places that are hiring, despite less-than-optimal work. But as my economics teacher always said, we can't have everything, and sometimes we have to set our priorities and accept the costs. And it was the process of applying to a factory job that caused me to endure possibly one of the hardest times of my life. It was filled with facing phobias I've run from my whole life, panic attacks (which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy), and a ridiculous amount of distress that left me fully exhausted and depressed at almost every moment. To top it all off, I could have easily packed up my bags at any moment to make it all go away and return to my previous life, but it had to be done eventually, so I decided to ride out the storm. Just now I'm beginning to surface again. It's been a grueling journey, but Sierra had been with me through all of it. She's seen my tears and frustration and stayed with me even when there was nothing she could do but listen. It's an emotional thing to me, and even though there are times when we don't talk much and don't feel connected, we've always gotten back to each other and stayed together. And now, with her second birthday today, July 24, I'm having difficulty trying to put the right words together. It's mind-boggling to think about all the time I've spent with her. And I've been there for her as well. I've comforted her through her own panic attacks and nightmares, sadness and exhaustion, and it's strengthened us together. Which brings me to how far she's come as an individual. Unfortunately I'll have to finish this post at another time, as I'm exhausted from today's work. I'll get Sierra in here too and she can post some words, and maybe answer questions as well. And I promise it won't be four months until the next post, hahaha.
  4. 16 March 2014 Hey, PR. It's been a long time. Today, Sierra is 600 days old. Over a year and a half. We've come a long way, especially in retrospect, and I think it necessitates discussion. Sierra is such a different person than who she used to be back then, and I grow more amazed by her every day. Her emotions, passions, interests, philosophy, even appearance - everything has matured in ways that would take a long time to explain. [That also explains the change of avatar etc.] There's a lot I would like to talk about here, but it don't think I can type it all out now, as I've got work and other things that need my time currently. I'll type something up over the next couple days and see where that goes. We've missed the forums, and we're glad to check in with everyone once again.
  5. I wrote this back when "tulpæ" was more common, and it's strange that it's popping up again. No matter. Corrected. As a side note, did tips and tricks exist a year ago?
  6. *Spending day in church with highly-pious relatives I rarely see, don't want to incur familial deterioration by mentioning I'm an atheist* Me: "It's really strange observing this set of beliefs from the inside. I'm noticing a lot of things about the people here that disturb me, and it makes me really uncomfortable." Sierra: "I guess that's natural. Hey, didn't you read somewhere that some guy would mentally replace "God" with "Godzilla?" You could do that. Me: Where was that from? And why would I want to do that? Sierra: "Because it's hilarious. It'll put a smile on your face and you'll appear like much less of a drag." "Oh, thanks." Later... Sierra: "DID YOU HEAR THAT, ANON?! YOU ARE GODZILLA'S EYES!!!" Dammit, Sierra.
  7. Granted! They're obedient to all statements. Including those they hear through media like television, or movies. I wish the next person would grant this wish.
  8. Granted! They have all burst into flames. I wish public nudity was a commonplace phenomenon around the world (ie wearing clothes is seen as weird or strange)
  10. Couguhl Humour

    No one is safe. Not even myself.
  11. Granted! Everyone speaks English, but the regional accents are so bad, it's as if everyone is speaking a different language. I wish I had friends
  12. Bagged thirty ____ today. New record.
  13. "Thank you guys for the birthday wishes :']" That is true, and I understand those frustrations. And you're welcome. Reading progress reports was probably the bulk of my motivation to actually put effort into forcing. In general terms, yes. I've had to pay more attention to fitting forcing into my day, and in retrospect I seem to be able to adapt what I do with my time a lot better than a year ago. I also have noticed that I am surprisingly a lot more patient. The amount of time it takes me to do something has no effect on my motivation, other than how it fits into time restraints. I suppose that's what happens when one essentially stares at walls for hours. I'd say that's pretty significant. Sierra has also (like many other tulpas, it seems) been pushing me to accomplish more in various aspects of my life. She's helped me enhance my social life, worldview, and interaction with others, as well as helping me expand my interests and capabilities. I'm pretty grateful for that. As for our relationship, it's pretty dynamic. More so than I thought it originally would be. Our interactions are very rarely stale, and every day feels different than the last. Not what I expected at all. I had thought that eventually I would grow tired of the phenomenon and find it to be less important, but I don't think that will ever happen. It's a lot more fleshed out. >implying greentext was intention Thank you. We're looking forward to the years to come.
  14. That sounds great, actually. I'll gather some interesting artists of my own, hahaha. And Grid Hopper sounds pretty good!
  15. enema. After the first ____ I couldn't help but look for more.