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About Kayr

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  1. Hello everyone, i have a little problem with the visualization of my tulpa. I started the whole creation process a few days ago and since it is more easy for me to have something visual to talk to i pretty much started there. I am basically doing some Parroting Narrating mix where i ran into some doubts but thats not an issue yet. I mainly have one problem right now, i am trying to imagine a proper 3d appearance for my tulpa, which initially went better than expected, i started out with a 2d reference picture but somehow my mind was actually able to create a 3d version of it faster than i ever anticipated. I can make the form move and turn or make her show facial expressions, there are some angles and positions (this time it was the neck) where things are rather blury but i am sure that can be solved. The annoying thing is that sometimes if i am getting close to those areas to trying to see them more clearly, they start to stretch and bloat, change color and turn into other forms that more than often may could be considered as creepy, or i just plainly get dragged away from it, while this don't scares me or something i consider it as annoying (to put it nicely). Because every time it happens it usually just corrupts the whole form or i loose focus on it and i would have to start again but usually i am just imagining a clean form again and then end the session because my head goes into "lets think about all kind of things at once" mode. I am not sure where this interference is coming from but its also not really new to me, its like some kind of force that occasionally messes with me when i am trying to imagine things, when i let it it usually leads me completely off course from whatever i was focusing on before. My current solution is either to get dragged along and go on some kind of (spiritual ? .. well that sounds strange) journey which sometimes is pretty interesting, i learned to cut some bounds because otherwise i usually get physically nauseous during imagining some places. (higher dimensions ? no idea) while all in all that journey is usually cool it is not what i want at this point. The other solution is to simply toss everything that pops up into a mental black hole, that also works but distracts the * out of me and makes focusing on other things unnecessary hard. Or i just stop what i am doing and do something that doesn't require this kind of focus. What is actually happening sure depends on everyones mind but maybe someone had similar problems and found a way to overcome it ? I would be thankful for any constructive advice.