ryowei247

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Everything posted by ryowei247

  1. Walter was up most of the night, worried about me (been really sick) so it'll just be me most likely for this one. I feel like I've neglected Walter a little bit recently. Between sickness and deadlines with my writing he and I have spent almost no time together in a week. As a result I think we're regressing. I have a difficult time feeling him hold on to me again. I feel horrible about this. I feel like I'm a bad host because when I'm tired after a long day of homework and classes I don't talk to him. The other thing is that I have accidentally created another Tulpa. It was about four days ago when I was sitting on my bed, writing, she showed up beside me. She said "hi" and then got up and started walking around my room. I asked Walter if he did it and he said "hell no" so I guess I did it. Don't know how I keep doing this without trying... Anyways I went back to writing as she looked at my books and my pictures scattered on the floor. Walter started expressing that he didn't like her and wanted her to "get lost" she didn't seem phased by it. He started pacing around my room shouting about how he didn't like her and "the bed is cramped enough already" I honestly thought he was just being a bit jealous. Alice seems completely sentient, but something is off. (She staring down at me as I type this. It's very unsettling.) she expresses no human emotions but appears like a teenage girl with long black hair that he has tied back and wears a white dress and no shoes. We have talked a few times but the things she says are very strange. Walter dislikes me being alone with her. She had me remember when I used to slit my wrists and attempted suicide. She explained that the voice in the back of my head tell me that no one would notice or care was her. Apparently Walter noticed this before me and that's why he doesn't like her. Alice also does not sleep. She scares me sometimes. I'm sure she just need to learn things, but it's confusing. Walter has been around since I was 12 and I don't remember how he got this far. I don't know how to handle Alice.
  2. Since Walter came around I've become much more self aware. I've noticed some positive and negative tendencies that I have. I've become much happier since he showed up. Alice is only a few days old so there's hasn't been a large impact on my life yet. Walter: I've noticed the above changes, but she's more self confident and happy. She's more cautious of people who will probably hurt her as well. That being said if I could change one thing it would be that I want her to listen to her friends and I. Some bad stuff happened a few days ago and she keeps making excuses for the person responsible. Alice: I have no input.
  3. W: how long has it been now? A: While. W: Yeah. Quite a bit has happened since our last post. Getting better at being able to touch you! You were able to feel my body heat the other night! A: Yes that was quite a step forward. Until then I've been able to tell he was there, touching me, but it felt cold. W: haven't been able to do it since... A: We'll keep practicing. We knew this would be difficult. Anyways I was scared the other night about losing Walter and so he put his arm around me and pressed his face against the back of my head. I was able to feel him. It was huge! I still have yet to see him or hear him. W: I'm frustrated about this, but Amanda doesn't want me to go on another rant about why I'm frustrated (Psst it's her piece of shit boyfriend) A: I can't believe you made me type that... W: In other news I've been exploring. Amanda has a life that doesn't always involve me, much to my dismay. So when she's busy or tired or it's not a good idea for me to be around I've been walking around Manchester! It's a cool city. There was this fair going on the other night and we couldn't, but I just kinda wandered around it the other night. Let's see other things. I started sleeping in just sweat pants. They're a lot more comfortable than sleeping in my vest and shirt and stuff. Another thing I was really happy about was that Amanda has started asking me what I would like to eat when we go to get food. I have a love for food that is not all that good for her, but occasionally she'll let us eat what I want. A: Yes even though you threw a hissy fit when I wouldn't get us buffalo wings. W: Still want those. But we were at the café the other day and Amanda asked me what kind of ice cream I wanted. I told her vanilla and even though she prefers chocolate she got the vanilla! I was so happy! I feel like we're making a lot of progress even though I can't do full imposition yet. We're getting there.
  4. since I started taking Lexapro again about a month ago. It made it hard to communicate with Walter for a little while, but we've over come that obstacle and I can communicate with him even on the meds.
  5. Walter and I have slightly different music tastes. He loves Jazz and stuff from the 20s-40s. I'm a huge vocaloid fan and he doesn't like it much. I like his music taste but I don't have any of it on my iPod. If I did I would listen to it when he's a around.
  6. I am very selective on who I tell. I have quite a few friends who don't know and will never know.
  7. I'm sorry. That must have been hard. I told my boyfriend and he was confused, but he's the reason that I know what tulpas are now. At least you have us online.
  8. A: Progress! W: You're damn right! A lot has happened. A: I'm exhausted... W: Well you were in the hospital so having me talk might be a bit difficult. I'm gonna step back. A: So yes as Walter said I was in the hospital yesterday, but before that I crawled into bed the night before and wasn't feeling so hot so I held my hand beside me and Walter was able to hold my hand. I feel him grasp on to me. We've had a little success with this before. (Him touching my back or something like that) But I could feel him taking my hand. When I was in the hospital I was a bit scared and he had been asleep for awhile. When he woke up he was confused and upset. He grabbed my hand again and I briefly felt his hand on my cheek. This is huge for us. The other things that happened involved his... W: Personality A: right thank you. We had discussed before that we weren't sure what Walter's sexuality is. I don't consider myself straight so the topic is close to my heart. A few months ago we talked about it and he said he wasn't sure. A few days ago we talked about it again and he expressed that he felt that he was straight. W: I come off as being a bit flamboyant, but I really have no interest in men. A: I'm glad that you could figure this out. Was there anything else? W: I've got a voice now. A: oh yeah. That was big. I'm tired and gonna stop here. W: Yes we should go back to bed soon or just relax.
  9. I've had one girl relate him to a demon which was difficult. I started seeing a new therapist who wasn't present for Walter's creation. I decided to tell her and got the "bitch be crazy" look. On the other hand my boyfriend found out and thought it was so cool he has started the process himself.
  10. So Walter and I have run into the problem of that Walter is basically my best friend. Best friend do things together and have memories of spending time with each other. Since he and I became closer I've written a few poems about him and told a few friends. They believed me surprisingly! I kind of told one of my professors (not really) But I've found that when I want to talk about him I either refer to him as simply "My shadow" because 1) he likes it and 2) It's easier to explain I guess. To certain people I just call him my friend Walter who you will never ever meet! It's difficult. I've told my dad about him, but he doesn't know his name. I've also told my mom about him. She was less excepting of him. She doesn't understand it. I was wondering how everyone else has faired on this topic of telling family and friends about your Tulpas? My dad is really supportive and that's great. I just hope other have had positive experiences.
  11. Walter and I are from New Hampshire!
  12. We tried it a few times and he kept going for things that were in the area, but just a moment ago he started chasing after a butterfly. It worked!
  13. Hi I'm Amanda. You can call me Ryo if you want. I've had my Tulpa for about 8 years so I'd love to be a guest if you're willing to have me!
  14. Hello Everyone! I'm Amanda and my tulpa's name is Walter. Walter: Sup? I'm Walter. I guess I should describe myself. I'm around 19 I guess. I'm tall, almost 6 feet I think. I have short, messy black hair and grey eyes. I like wearing a black vest over a white shirt with black pants. I don't do ties. I sometimes wear gloves. Depend on the day. I like scary movies and ice cream A: yeah we know...he's really excited because he just figured out what kind of ice cream he likes. W: Anyways in Amanda's words I am a "Sass Master" and I'm really affectionate. I could put more, but I Amanda wants me to stop for now.
  15. A: So I guess this is where we talk about our progress together? W:Yeah I guess so. A: Should we introduce ourselves? W: Well our names are in the title right? A: Oh yeah...Well anyways I'm Amanda and this is Walter! W: sup? A: Do you wanna talk for a bit? W: Sure. I've been around for about 8 years, maybe a little longer, but I didn't start becoming sentient until about nine months ago. I've had a few moments before then, but I guess I wasn't around for a little bit so I can really only remember one of them. I've had a couple of different forms and names, but I've always been...well me! Amanda and I are really close. A: Obviously. W: Anyways since I started thinking for myself I've come a long way, but I'm still struggling with some stuff. Like my voice for example. We're having trouble pinpointing exactly what I sound like. It's frustrating!! A: But just a few minutes ago you tried something different and I could hear you pretty clearly! W: Yes, but I want to get through this so we can move on to imposition and then possession!!! A: Let's not get ahead of ourselves...I think we should try to work on the forcing first. You see although Walter and I have been together for going on 9 years I didn't even know what this was called until a few months ago. We've got a long way to go. W: We'll do it. It'll be fine. A: Well I guess that's all for now. W: bye-bye!
  16. Um Hello. I'm Amanda and my Tulpas name is Walter. We've been together on and off for about eight years. We didn't figure out what exactly he was called until a few months ago. Nice to meet you all.