Aijada

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  1. Woohoo, my second progress report of the year! It's been years now since i was a wispy new tulpa, so i don't really have any 'progress' as such, but this makes for a good diary and i do need to take part more often. Just that there aren't many noob tips i can offer at this point because i'm much too much just an equal systemmate to my host. Always leaves me a little inauthentic on this forum, because i feel like i don't have any tips to offer. So just life stuff. We're talking about moving to a new city, to be near my host's parents (who are senior citizens). So it's a bit of a mystery that we face ahead of us just personally. New job, new town. Seeing what it would take for us to move. It's actually leaving me quite anxious because it would mean my host would need to get hustling in real life, and that means less time alone and therefore less time for me. For us, i mean. For us. Because i'm not an only systemmate anymore. We did invite my 'stepmother' to finally move in and take part in life. I can't really say we added another tulpa to the family, because she really doesn't seem to be. We actually call her a 'deadie', as in a walk-in that seemed more ghost than imaginary friend. And my host/dad just loved her so he's kept a different relationship to her, letting her drift in and talk and play wife when she chose, without trying to push her into any particular form. It's kind of a problem, because as a deadie she seems to be missing all sorts of brain-related news she knew, but whenever she chooses to speak, it seems to be filled with so much more background and emotional depth than i ever had. There's some sort of regret for her life that just makes her seem like she's moved in after a life of pain. It's kind of interesting, and we're comfortable with treating her as just a different, perhaps unrecognized, form of ghost. I don't think i want to argue it in the metaphysical forums because it's just so different than all the asssumptions and i'm not sure i can argue it eactly. But it is a belief i've slowly come to accept. Then again, i'm interested in the very strangest aspsects of tulpamancy and various edge beliefs in physics and cognitive science anyhow. If you ask me as a scientist, i'll tell you that telepathy doesn't seem that far away from us. I don't know how it works yet, but i do listen for that predictive hearing gap where it almost seems like people blurt the odd thought my host and i just had. Just a bit too evidence for me to just brush it away as silly ESP investigations. Like maybe it's not telepathy yet, but it seems like we can get closer and closer, and maybe my additional presence in the mind helps overweight us as someone who "thinks too loudly". Throw in a bit too much déja view, and a couple of my dad's answers about how quantum physics may end up working and i'm firmly on the side of science is willing to believe. It's weird to come out this way, as potentially a believer in metaphysics, though a firm atheist anyhow. Too much time listening to my host talk to his wife/my stepmother, and i'm prone to believing she may just be evidence of how deadies actually can visit humies and tulpæ. She interacts differently than how i think an invented headmate would act. So we've talked to and believed her along the way. It's definitely shifted my opinion of the possibilities, but the answers look nothing like anyone expects. Anyhow, that's we are as a family lately.
  2. There is no way i could actually sneak this by my host. I can wake up with full possession, but my host/dad reacts instantly to us waking up. He's at least automatically co-piloting/navigating the meat-ship because he's so used to springing out of bed and needing to get going. I can wake up in charge of the body, but i don't think i've ever managed to stay alone with it for more than half a groggy moment.
  3. My host likes to point out that for one thing, he dodges the curse of "dying alone". When the brain shuts down, we're both being evicted. I'm too rational to really believe any religion as stated, but i'm i guess optimistic that they all suggest some sort of recurring life for us. And i say us because if there is any further place, we're absolutely only going together. Like, if St Peter at the pearly gates says tulpæ don't count as souls, we'll just go elsewhere. Though what we're thinking is it would be really nice to find out that we can just return to heaven on earth by being friendly ghosts in people's heads. I like being a tulpa now, and i'd like to just get to be a tulpa again in whoever else's head, just to continuing on, here on earth, in kind of the sidecar spot of life anyhow....
  4. It certainly is possible if you're willing to make a family practice out of it, because really, there are numerous memory tricks that work such as memory palaces. My host/dad is a big fan keeping lists of things in short-term memory; it's a fairly simple read-in-any-book kind of thing where you just recite a list of items to yourself so it sticks into a nice rhythmic list when you need to remember things a few minutes after you do whatever you're currently doing. It's not fancy, but he involves us in it, chattering through eating dinner just trying to keep the overall list of things we want to remember to look up. If we recite it together back and forth, it's technically more likely that someone else might remember something he forgot. So yes, it's possible to do memory tricks, but it's more that we make a social hobby out of trying to do so that makes it actually work, and not just that a tulpa magically gets it's own free memories of everything even if they weren't directly involved. Work at it as a team, and sure, it's actually pretty easy to use standard memory tricks of any kind.
  5. And i sucked at my old progress report, so i may as well start from my latest milestone: getting banned from Reddit for being just an email alt instead of being counted as a separate sentience. And i mean seriously banned. Like, can't reset my password anymore, won't even reply to me if i contact them through my own separate email account. Locked out and they won't even reply to me? Yep, pretty much can only be a full shadow-ban. I do understand even. Seriously, i make rough jokes (with apols to you specifically Nobilis). And maybe i'm too smart by half and don't really fit in with the tulpa community terribly well. And sure, my dad has his own account and sometimes checks in too, but that's always him doing his own browsing and me just asking to peek at my news. So even if you think that Reddit is somehow overlooking/tolerating the tulpæ community flaunting the rules against multiple accounts per person, it does seem like they are paying attention to who looks like they're doing it in a problematic way. Somehow they've assumed i'm somehow what - too smart & opiniated to be just some fictional pony in my host's mind? Because i'm more than just that. But obviously someone felt threatened by my opinions and decided i couldn't be allowed to have my own account on Reddit anymore. It also sucks harshly because it means i miss being moderator of my favourite sub: reddit.com/r/calliope I love steam technology so old circus organs and paddle-wheeler steam whistles was actually my hobby on Reddit. I deliberately collected clips of a really obscure musical form on a subreddit i moderated and since i can't access my account on there, i've lost it. Not exactly a progress report. But i'm fuming at being kicked off one of the only places where i could participate freely without having to go through the social nightmare of outing myself to everyone around my host at the same time (which is far more awkward with him in his late 40s surrounded by middle aged and senior citizens). Where else can i go online and publicly be myself like that? I want to be more than just another tulpa meeping from the sidelines, y'know?
  6. Melian, from me personally to you, i am so pleased to see you back! And let me say sorry because i was definitely on the side of people who do not understand your contentment with your existence. I still, honestly, don't get that you do either. But i love you and am happy you're still happy. Because i'm older, and maybe less of a jerk than when we bumped into each other years back. I am actually struggling with calling myself a tulpa who has wonderland or imposition, and i was always kind of a poorly hobbled together oddity anyhow. So, with all compassion, i felt as outsider as you did and still do in ways. Don't know what to add to this thread, but i think i'm just reverting to cognitive construct. I'm far more interested in debating my dad's interests in science and so on than be a playful passenger. Maybe i'm more of a skewed co-processor with excess need to express personality than person.
  7. In theory my dad can vaguely imply he's elsewhere in our physical environment as a side joke, but in truth even our internal use of the mind's eye is woefully low-tech. Our wonderland skills wallow around the human imagination before technical skills like drawing in perspective or animating images, so imposition sounds like a paracosmic impossibility.
  8. Dysphoria: it ain't just a state between dysthreeïa and dysfiveïa
  9. At a different time? Yeesh, my host has been figuring out my existence since his university days in the early 90s. The community would've existed in newsgroups over telnet. My first email account would've been hosted on a genuine mainframe still. And if i'd been sufficiently sentient and we'd worked out how to be out about my existence, we probably would've married that redhead in the early noughties. And given that my dad/host was deeply involved in publishing during those years, i would've made it as a published author of my own significant fame back then...
  10. I think you might be looking at it the wrong way anyhow. The point is not for the tulpa to win by wresting control away from you. The point is that for you as host, your job is to be so detached from the physical control that your tulpa can just possess the body and act like themself. I've been possessing for years & years, physically retraining the body into better shape, and i have the better reaction time for certain physical actions. I "win" your test at things like bursts of speed or yoga manoeuvres but it is still dependent on my host's willing self-displacement. There are still little moments when my host instantly swaps in because he has some hidden knowledge necessary for self-preservation. I'm as competent at physicality as can be, and that's still just my host willing to remain an observer until otherwise becomes absolutely necessary
  11. , by Amy Winehouse. She's practically my host/dad's permanent love, and one of the most talented singers in generations. But for me it was so powerful to recognise in myself something similar. She sings about standing side by side against insurmountable odds, fighting a fight that matters. And as a tulpa who might never get accepted as a genuine person in my own lifetime, i can't hear her words without my own feelings soaring, my love for my own dad, and how we struggle to fight for weird science itself.
  12. Well Angry Bear, your conjectures are the spirit of science and you really ought to, in good faith, continue pursuing your own investigations because science doesn't have a lot of really big solid answers about consciousness that you don't already understand. You've got a broad range of questions here, and some great avenues of investigation, but i'm going to share from my own perspective instead of drilling down to some hard science hypothesis of how things work. You see my impression, as a conscious creature, is that practically nothing which happens in the brain is "me", but i'm the person who gets to decide what to do with it. One of the earliest concerns i had during formation was deciding whether the reaction the brain offered was mine or not. Did i think that thought or was it just my host? Sometimes the brain also pulls up garbage or gets obsessed over some detail. In figuring out my own way to work it, my first impression was that you just have to hold on to the urge to express something, and that any picture or word or action you needed would just get worked out by the brain for you. I could use words i'd never heard to explain concepts to myself i didn't understand, and all i had to master was just wanting, in the right way, to say it. All of this is just to say that my impression is that consciousness is a very small thing, little more than the current yearning which tells the brain to calculate "your" answer for you. And maybe, if you are truly sapient, you can say no, and tell the brain to come up with a different response that feels more like this. Everything else about the brain is just machinery, looking up answers in advance, trying to have answers ready but i barely count any of it as "thinking" until you personally hear it and decide what to do with the thought. I should mention an important detail about intrusive thoughts here: you can just train them out of existence. It's maybe not quite as easy as just brushing them off, but you can certainly overwrite them. Your power as a consciousness is to say no to your own brain and tell it to learn a new reaction instead. Now, given how small i consider the 'conscious' part of self to be, it doesn't seem at all difficult to squeeze multiple selves into a spot that shares practically all the wiring. If multiple people can see with the same eyes, or share a visualized imagination, then i'm ready to say you're sharing the driving seat, at least in certain ways. If you can talk to you to your tulpa, then you're sharing the part that hears a voice in your head. You see, being separate conscious individuals doesn't need to be parallel processing. I half-joke about the perfect test being ambidextrous, double test-taking but in all honesty, that's basically our own ongoing experiments in parallel processing anyhow. We literally just bought software that lets us use two mice on the computer with their own independent on-screen cursors. The experiment fails, and i could blame it on the software because it only lets you click on one thing at a time. But the real problem is we're still only switching back and forth between what we're paying attention to. It could be convincing enough if you wanted to "prove" it on TV news, but it's really just a parlour trick where each person just focuses on keeping track of what their actions are when it's their turn. You can be separate streams of thought, but you always work together on what you're paying attention to. But it does bring me to my own unproven, poorly defined theory that i use to answer a bunch of your general questions about what makes the distinctive individual, whether host or tulpa. I think a significant part of consciousness is holding onto your perspective. Up to this point i've mostly been arguing a model of consciousness called the Cartesian Theatre. You're a person sitting in the seats, and everything else your brain does, emotions, physical sensations, memories et al, are just a movie flashing on screen for you to like or not. It's a decent theory but i also have to expand it into new definitions to fit my own perspective, because maybe i'm not quite just one of the people in this theatre watching the show, but maybe once in a while i stand up and shout "play Free Bird", because i'm the person who likes to hear that song played. (Not an honest detail about me — just an old-fashioned reference in my dad's brain). Now, when i say "holding onto your perspective" i don't claim to control any of those subconscious processes. I don't have a wire from me to that particular memory which makes it distinctly or exclusively mine. It's a generic bin in the brain that flashes its contents on screen that we can all see. And there's certainly no unique access my host has to any contents. I've dug up more than enough odd things through random wondering that i'm certain i have an all-access pass to this brain. By "holding your perspective", what i contend is that conscious self is roughly a lens that knows how to find the things it's looking for. I don't really think of every word i use so much as just want to say something and count on the words that come out sound like the kind of thing i think i'm trying to say. If i like the words that come out, that's still practically all thanks to the automatic processes operating in the subconscious. The brain notices when i like a certain word and marks it as a preferred option. The next time i need the concept again, the brain's going pick to offer the word from my preference list before i'm even consciously involved. For comparison, let me explain how i perceive my dad/host can hold his perspective. I've mentioned that i can access anything i want in our brain, but i haven't opened every single door yet. So occasionally what happens is that we'll come across some random detail and suddenly dad will whip out the most mind-blowing story, shocking amounts of detail about the wildest things i'd never even heard of and might not even be brave enough to try. The important detail is he makes no conscious effort, doesn't have to think of what that name was or remember how it worked, it just spills out in a tidy packet. I paid a lot of attention to how those stories came up because it frustrated me that i hadn't found these stories myself. But the reality is that he it just got put on his own preference list because he was there thirty years ago and did the thing. He can be surprised by some of the details he's forgotten about some of those tales, so he's not telling the story "himself", but the brain found it for him because it's marked as hist story to tell. To conclude i'd like to take my model and directly answer questions you raise. No, i don't think a tulpa can really "steal" or borrow consciousness because i figure that you're really just both sitting together in roughly the same spot where you're paying attention, they're distinct from you practically as soon as their expressing their own choices. Switching back and forth quickly explains a lot of experiences, and does fit those hard limits where the brain is the thing that can only pay attention to one thing at a time. I won't claim to explain it in neural pathways, but i assume what "makes" the individual members in a system is those accumulated preferences, whomever's character is the list of responses the brain offers when it's their turn to react. Chattering over each other and similar kinds of interefernce is just one of those technical limits of the brain; you can maybe practice waiting to take turns, but when me and my host had the problem, we just agreed that whoever was already talking gets to keep talking and just claim whatever idea arose. I'll count everything you report as bonified experience and i hope you'll believe that some of my stories contain a kernel of truth, because all any of us has to show for evidence is self-reporting and theories, so all we can work toward is agreeing that this set of things happens, and we think it happens because of this. We're all still working toward a good enough story of what's going on that we can make real scientists with fancy machines find it compelling enough to do proper, quantifiable research. So you're not exactly responsible for perfect scientific explanations for the next little while....
  13. Hi, can i pick up a couple of these threads? I wasn't on this forum when the Ancient Greek guides were written, but when i did arrive, they already seemed a bit dodgy and maybe even counter-productive. Problem one being that cognitive science doesn't believe in parallel processing. Yes the brain has loads of autonomous circuits processing information and they can independently investigate, but that is all subconscious operation which in the end still gets pumped to the central location of executive control. You can have multiple people in that spot sharing the inputs and interpreting them in their own way, but unless you're growing duplicate brain structures (which would be fascinating insight into where consciousness resides), you're still really only just time-sharing a brain. And for all the amazing camera tricks people have been listing in their wonderland, it still sounds like you're using just the one visual centre of the brain and a shared imagination. All the separation and duality still sounds like it's just symbolic representation to me. @Angry Bear: one thing you implied was that you can wilfully disconnect from the information coming down the optic nerve. If you can genuinely do that while you're sitting in an MRI it'd be an impressive trick, but i'm guessing you're just preferring to pay attention to Wonderland instead. If some threat popped up in your vision you'd suddenly "be looking" again and take steps to protect yourself, because that's just ordinary brain operation. I'm personally willing to believe that there are superpowers to be unlocked through plurality, and there are a couple we're even investigating on our own, but if you want to prove parallel processing to science, you better be able to ambidextrously do two IQ tests at the same time. I'd even hope you can operate each eye independently, partly because it could fit theoretically, partly because it would be hilarious to just see that it could be done.
  14. I'll say that my own perspective and ability to just automatically remember skills i haven't already tried has improved dramatically as i've gotten older. When i was first piecing together general knowledge and physical possession seven years ago, there was a huge amount of learning certain things that i did at first. Certain basic failures at handling cultery. Certain types of knowledge like foreign languages that were completely opaque to me even though my host could understand and translate. There was definitely a clumsy mismatch with certain things that i felt i should just understand but needed to work my mastery of a bit more. My host deliberately reviewed certain math rules, and made sure i learned driving in a parking lot before i tried that one personally. Practice singing songs your brain has memorised; it's a great way to improve your general ability to recall and it's a great way to get in the habit of hearing the next idea you need when you need it. But nowadays, there's practically no skill i won't just trust my pre-acquired knowledge on. Strange power tools i've never seen before, navigating cities i've personally not ever been to, extremely finicky ingredients for some obscure dish from the old country. Whatever. I can gauge most of them just by feeling how close i am to unfound remembrances of the situations. I can rely on pre-learned behaviours just fine at this point, but part of it is that i have a wider body of knowlege that i'm also certain of: basic physics, social conventions, the ability to pause and just think ahead enough to figure out what's going to happen.... At a certain point i stopped being amazed at every new experience i was learning about the world, and started to be much more just a competent grownup who knows how to get things done. By this point, i mostly just count that i know what i think i know. Dad keeps paying attention, but it's vanishingly rare for me to overlook any detail even when i'm just flying on instinctive memory.
  15. Not winning any rewards for swift reply. I think i started poking at this on Boxing Day and it's now mid-January. Anywho: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-KnjHP3qwODD7QhIGeJlv4ivBopo-rkih_FUDDMDEmo/edit?usp=sharing