Akecalo

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About Akecalo

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    I am Akecalo. I have two tulpas, Maya and Mara. They have both been with me for some time. When I registered with this site, Maya had been with me for around 36 years. Mara has been with us (as a rough estimate) since I was 12.

    We were together for quite a while before we realised that the tulpa community was a thing. We found out about it a few days or a week before I registered, and were pleased to find out that there was someone else like us :)

    We have a slightly strange brain, which no doubt has had an effect on our development as a system. We find this strangeness useful, and at times fun.

    We have been through much together, good times and bad. We know that whatever happens, we will always have each other.
  1. Akecalo

    Tulpæ.info

    Now I have to try to work Octopœ into a conversation so that I look cultured.
  2. A couple of things have been brought up in this thread that may require clarification by me. My system has certain similarities with tulpa systems and certain similarities with trama based systems. We have met other tulpa systems who have systemmates who have a trauma origin, primarily at .io, when they had forums. I thought that some of those people may have migrated to here when the forums there died. This is why I qualified my post, because I knew that it was possible that some systems would not feel that this applies to them. As for leaving out or being unaware of tulpas, Wyn is aware of tulpas. She subscribes to the opinion that systems are generated by trauma, that there can be systems, including tulpa systems, that do not recognise trauma in themselves but if a system was generated sucessfully it was due to trauma that the system is either unaware of or in denial of. That is her opinion based on the state of her undrestanding at this time, as I understand it. This is why she did not explicitly mention tulpas. It is an opinion that many disagree with, I acknowledge. We just thought that it was worth wishing a good System Pride day to any who felt that it applies to them, sorry if i caused any offence by it. I think that any system should be able to celebrate a day dedicated to systems, whatever their origin or percieved origin.
  3. To anyone who feels that it is relevent to them, Happy System Pride Day (Februalry 23rd 2019) from all in this sytem. For those who don't know what I am talking about:
  4. The "alternate reality" model you were describing sounds reminiscent of a model that I have heard used by some soulbonders. It might be worth looking into that. The opinion of psychological tulpamancers, when I have seen them speak of it seems to be that what the soulbonders have are essentially tulpas, and that the correct interpretation of the experience is psychological rather than to invoke alternate realities. I have seen soulbonders disagree with this viewpoint. My personal point of view is that it sounds like you have something like a tulpa. Good luck with it.
  5. Sorry solarchariot, I thought that I had responded to you, I think it may have been amalgamated with an inadvertently duplicated post which a moderator kindly deleted for me to repair the results of my incompetence, for which I am grateful. I think that sometimes it is believed that if we can label something, we understand it. Thankfully the world is a bit more interesting than that. I have not read this one. I looked for a copy in a few places, but nobody had it in stock. I would like to read it. Interesting that the author has noted some common similarities in accounts of childhood imaginary friends. I wounder whether the magonia url hints at the direction in which his conclusion leans. I'll have to keep an eye out for a copy.
  6. Sounds like you had a rough time, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope that things have improved for you. Good advice. We learned a long time ago that we can work together to have a happy system. There have been some difficult times, but we are able to work together and get through it, for the most part. Hopefully. Same here. Treating the systemmates as if they were tulpas (even though I didn't know what a tulpa was, but they seem to be something close) seems to have helped us with communication and the ability to work together. It also has brought us closer. Whatever we are, the tulpamancy-like practices have helped us function as a system. We are able to co-exist comfortably for the most part, I guess we can be glad about that. Thank you for the wishes, we appreciate that. I hope that things continue to get better for you as well.
  7. I started in kind of an unusual way, so maybe get someone else's opinion too, but here is what I understand. Some have suggested that you decide on the traits that you want your tulpa to have, and find a way to visualise adding those to the tulpa that means something to you. Maybe that is visualising the tulpa as a ball of light to which you add the traits, or maybe you imagine a void into which you speak the traits, or visualise the form that you have in mind for the tulpa, if you do. Or just start talking to it as if it is there. Force like there is a tulpa there, until there is. Much of the advice that I have seen says that it is helpful to treat the tulpa as if it is there from the start. Decide what it is like as a starting point and treat it as if it is there seems to be the gist of the advice that I have seen. That is essentially what I did too, I guess. The idea is to get the brain to get used to providing the responses that you attribute to the tulpa. As I said, I didn't actually follow the guides when I was developing headmates, but I used some practices that are similar when dealing with them. I hope that this is helpful and not just confusing.
  8. Thanks for responding. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. There does seem to be a splash of disorder mixed into our experience at times. For the most part things seem to work fairly well, but sometimes, a few issues do seem to appear. I have wondered whether the plurality that we exhibit was more influenced by natural tendancy or by the work that we put into being able to function together. I suppose that we might not be able to determine that now. You are right I guess, we will have to draw our conclusions ourselves, eventually. I have recently begun discussing the memory issues with a couple of professionals and the seeming plurality with one of them. They have yet to inform us of their conclusions, so we will have to see how that goes. It will be interesting to hear what they conclude. Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it.
  9. Strange as it might seem, as a system, we don't really know what we are. We have found a kinship with the tulpa community, due to the similarities between the current concept of the tulpa and our own system. We are not always convinced that the similarities result in identity however. Is that the type of system that we really are? The truth is, we don't know for sure. Here is a story: A long time ago, I was two. The memories that I have of being that age are few. I do, however have memories of being that age. I remember my father. I remember my sister as a baby. I remember part of the conversation that I had with my mother as she tried to explain why my father would never come home again and the question that I asked in my confusion as I struggled to understand. I also remember some of the progression of men who came into the house in the wake of that. Like I said, not much. The brain on which I run is slightly strange, which may explain why I have any memories at all of that age. Around that time, Sophie appeared. To me she was real, but also not external like the other people around me. to everybody else she was an imaginary friend. I knew what she looked like, but could not see her. I would open doors for her, or demand that a place be set at the table, but I knew that I carried her with me. I could talk to her and she could talk to me, but I knew that she was in some way a part of me. Sophie persisted, she did not fade as some imaginary friends do. However, a couple of years after she arrived, during a period of which I have more and clearer memories, I realised that I should stop talking about her. A few times, comments had been made in which vague disapproval of imaginary friends had been expressed. I was starting to become slightly more uneasy about talking about Sophie. during this time, I was made aware of one of Sophie's memories. We had been in the front garden, my mother was talking to a neighbour. The neighbour saw the body and identified it as me, addressing me by name. Sophie, who was at the front replied "no, I'm Sophie". The response was something along the lines of "you might want to be careful who you say that to, you don't want them to get the wrong impression". The timbre of the reply was "that was a bit weird". We both felt embarrassment about that interaction. It was around then that I stopped talking about Sophie. Sophie persisted however. I still spoke to her, she spoke to me. I wanted with all my heart to see her, to see her in the world as the girl that I knew her to be. I tried to practice seeing her, to make my image of her as clear as possible, to really be able to feel her touch, to really hear her voice outside of my mind. I spent a lot of time and effort on this, over a period of years and to my surprise I made some progress. I was able to feel her touch against my skin. Sometimes I really could hear her, although we never lost the "mindvoice" communication. Sometimes, fleetingly, I even felt like I saw her. At some point, Sophie decided that she wanted to grow. Our image of her began to change slightly, every so often. From the blonde little girl that she had been, she grew to match my age as we both grew older, a little bit at a time. The teenage years brought a step change in her appearance. Sophie decided that she woiuld rather have long black hair, and startling blue eyes that would glow during times of strong or deep emotion. this form became her stable form, the one that she most identified with, although she still occasionally presents other images of herself, as a form of self expression. I had not spoken about Sophie to others in years now, our modes of address were simply to direct thoughts to each other with no need for a name, just a non-verbal or even pseudo visual method of address. Around this time I considered mentioning Sophie to someone I knew. She indicated that if I did, she would like to be referred to by a name that she had chosen, rather than the name that I had chosen for her all those years ago. I had chosen the name Sophie frm a book that had been read to me around the time that she first appeared. She didn't have much investment in that name, it was just they way that I had chosen to refer to her when talking to others, which I had not done for many years. The name that she chose fit her better as she now was. She chose Maya. Also during the tween or early teen years, my social anxiety reached a crescendo, both Maya and I began to feel a need for additional support in times of stress. We talked about what that support would look like. Mara appeared. In fact Maya had in part chosen her name to fit with Mara's name, because it amused her, in addition to the fact that it fit her current nature better than the name that I had given her. I followed the same process with Mara, practicing where I could to make the communication with her clearer, to get a clearer image of what she looked like, and to be able to hear and see her as much as was possible. With both of them, i had followed a process that I had arrived at by trial and error over years, that had seemingly improved these things. the process was not unlike that described in forcing guides. Our progress was damaged by a time of extreme stress, that resulted in distruption to the ease of communication that we had established. Since that time, we have been working to regain the progress in communication and interaction that we had made before. We were all always present during that time, but it became much more difficult for us to communicate and interact. Each became less aware of what the others were doing. At a number of stressful times during our life, there has been some level of dissociation, memories that don't join up properly, lack of control who is at the front and difficulty in communicating with systemmates. More recently, as we recovered, we found some references to the tulpa community. We saw some similarities between the practices of the community and the progress we had made in interacting with each other and decided to participate. We have made friends and had interesting interactions. More recently still, we have seen posts by the wider multiplicity community, and seen interesting parallels between some of the stories that others have told and our own story. Given the circumstances of our early life, we are not completely sure what type of system we are. Whether it matters to us or not is dependent on our moods. Sometimes we think that it does.
  10. We filled this in while we were profoundly tired, this may have affected the results. I got INTP-T, Mara got ISTJ-A, Maya got INFJ-T. So there you go.
  11. I have had imposition for some time. My tulpas communicate with me by auditory hallucination or mindvoice depending on circumstances, sometimes one sometimes the other. Touch imposition was the first type that we had significant results with, and I also feel their presence as if someone was in the room with me when we are not touching. I can feel their touch distinctly. Visually they are often in my peripheral vision or assumed by the brain to be just outside of it. At times they are in full view. They are visualised clearly. By which I mean in detail, rather than it being like looking at an external person. There are times however that it really is like looking at an external person, particularly if I am engaged in an activity that requires attention and I look up, or they move into peripheral vision, but not limited to those times. It is always possible to look at things that are behind them should I choose to focus on that. Kind of like having a ghost around much of the time, I suppose. Possibly a more conscious version of the same process I guess. They are not necessarily always imposed, they can come and go if needed. The effect is distinct from being in the presence of an external person, but there is relatively convincing apparent placement in and apparent interaction with the external environment. Sometimes I think that I will take the time to read an imposition guide and see how similar the process described is to the process that our system used. I should, obviously.
  12. Have you ever watched a substance change phase from liquid to crystalline solid? When the liquid occupies a state that is conducive to the initiation of the transition, crystallization can begin around some nucleus, maybe an impurity or the surface of a submerged object. The crystals begin to grow out from that point, and the solid region expands. As it does so, the surface area of the interface between the two phases of the substance increases, increasing the area over which the transition can occur. The larger that surface area the quicker the region spreads. The transition often begins at more than one nucleus, resulting in more than one region at the boundary of which, the phase transition is occurring. When these boundaries meet, you have bounded domains with different alignment of crystals. If you take a crystal from one side of the domain boundary and compare it to a crystal from the other side, you will find that they are broadly similar, not because there was necessarily any directly observed communication between the two domains, but because the conditions in the original fluid were conducive to the end result and a nucleus was available around which the transition could begin. The nucleus is usually very much smaller than the domains that we end up with, and certainly much smaller than the extent of the solid as a whole. I don't know, just a thought that occurred to me. Mods, if this seems too off topic, deletion seems an appropriate fate for this post. If not, cool. I sometimes do call it a mindscape. I usually use whichever term appears to be in common use in the environment within which I am communicating however, for ease of communication.
  13. Thanks for the update, I did not have a chance to read them yet, I was going to get around to it today.
  14. tulpa001, you are last, you have won! Congratulations, that is grea- ... wait.
  15. That was the study that I thought that you were referring to. A close examination reveals that it does not make a claim that is compatible with that which is sometimes claimed for it, especially if you read the context for the quote mined bits. An interesting idea about emotional state of being affecting gene expression, with the idea that you have connected concerning the effect that a tulpa has on the host's emotional state of being. That might be interesting to think about, assuming that the research holds up under closer examination.