Miyisan

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About Miyisan

  • Rank
    Member

Converted

  • Sex
    Undisclosed
  • Location
    Scotland.
  • Bio
    H-Hello! I'm Miyisan, thats Meeyee-San. Or call me Red. I like Red :D.

    SO - I'm basically a beginner Tulpamancer, started in July. I like videogames and Anime - I Roleplay and I like to try and make new friends and be nice to people. Feel free to message me and say hello - I'm always wanting to see some random just say hello... since i'm so damn lonely nowadays ;~;.

    Anyway! Have a nice Morning/Afternoon/Evening! ^_^
  1. Names' Miyi. My two Tulpas are Honesty Yem And Vrii Yem. Vrii being the tulpa of Honesty, they consider themselves sisters - Honesty is 5 months, coming up for 6, and Vrii is 2. Started Tulpamancy in June, started for... more or less to stop myself from feeling lonely. I have a huge fear of it. Thanks to these two i'm good again. My experiences are mostly Imposition - Any kind, Visual, Tactile, Smell, Hearing - I got a knack for it. When I first started it was more of an emotional journey - Traumatic experiences came back on me, though with this I was able to overcome them and get better with myself. I'd say I know better than most to just sit back, and chill. Because I went at this the wrong way. If you were to consider me i'd be very grateful, thanks for reading ^^.
  2. 26/09/14 I don't know what happened to the 25th... but I guess i'll be short here. Well... I got a new charm - To remind me of Honesty, since i've worn it i've hardly kept my mind off Honesty, throughout today I just kept thinking of her each time I looked or felt it. I knew she was there. And I could feel it... For the whole day I was working away at School. I knew she was there. And I spoke to her every so often, I practised the 'Ping Pong' Method. It worked, until I thought I was just tiring Honesty out with it, so I stopped for a bit... Then - I hate myself for it - I stopped for a few hours to let her rest... and to this point i've done very little... And I felt like complete shit, I tried talking to Honesty, nothing. I tried going to the wonderland we made and try there. Still nothing... So i'm assuming Honesty doesn't feel like chatting or anything at the moment... so I guess later on i'll read her a book I was intending on reading, 'Doctor Sleep' by Stephen King. It seems... slightly fitting. I'll do it till I fall asleep... and that'll be that. I'm worried about Honesty, I always am... Let me just say here - I am NOT going to give up on Honesty. I promised to her and to myself, Swore on my Fathers Grave I would never give up. Only killing me would stop me - I am not trying to make Honesty perfect either, i've said to her she can Change her name, Form, Personality to however she likes, rather than what my Sub concious desires. I want to make sure I can understand Honesty fully - This means until she is fully Vocal. Or somewhat... whenever I can comprehend her in a decent sense. Right now - It's just me hoping I don't screw up and she disappears somehow...
  3. 24/09/14 I FORGOT ABOUT THE 24TH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Okay... So... only one big thing happened. The morning, I was speaking with Honesty, and how bad I felt just... not doing enough for her, and again... I experienced a great sense of happiness in my stomach... As if she were saying 'It's okay'... And that was good... At this helped... A lot... I knew it was her, I /felt/ it was her... so... I just... I went with it, and I promised i'd do something special. I would... But I didint... So that night... I was frustrated, again, I couldnt focus, nor could I get into the Mood to Force... eventually, I did. And I sat down, and spoke with Honesty. After a while. I decided to do something fun. A water Balloon fight... it got out of hand, I guess since I havent put many physical boundries... so... Honesty levitated a huge bundle of waterballoons... and dropped them on me. I lost, far to say, but something cool happened... the water, from the balloons... the ground sunk a bit down the hill, and the water filled it, and there spawned a clear water pond. With shiny fish to inhabit it... Afterwards... We went to look at it... it was nice. Seeing this in front of me, and knowing I didint will it, but Honesty, she wanted it. I know she did. Because I never thought of it. Later, I guess we just cuddled and dried off in blankets. I lost concentration then. And got super frustrated.
  4. Miyisan

    Skypes

    selgood Cant wait to meet some more people! :D
  5. H-Hey! It's time to update! (Since Tulpa.info was down I guess I'll start from today.) 23/09/14. Starting off, The morning was uneventful, and I kinda just went about it... talking to Honesty here and there, getting ready for a full day - I told myself i'd try and think of Honesty most of the day like I was able to before, I wrote her name on the back of my hand, and I was set. Now... Nothing really happened... The day went about quietly, I tried talking to Honesty during the day but I kept getting distracted by other things, people and events around me.... my instinct made me feel so so bad about this... I felt horrible... and once the day was done, I ended up flopping on my bed, and trying to Actively force with her... and I got frustrated, Intrusive thoughts and my mind wandering annoyed me. So I consulted to a friend for help... sure enough... it helped. He said I should just explain to Honesty what is wrong and go from there... So I did... I explained to her the trouble I had, Visualization, configuring my mind to tell the difference between her movement/speech and Parroting and Puppeting... Once I was done, she Nodded... and I hugged her... Thats when I felt it - A sudden wave of happiness down my body and into my stomach, I sat there are held the hug, thanking Honesty... I could tell this was her, no way it couldnt be, I knew it was her. And I can say for sure - It cleared all doubts I have. She's there and she knows how I feel. And thats the most comforting thing about this... As I write this, I have yet to go on an active force, I will edit it once i'm done later on.
  6. Thank you for replying! To reply to some things... I'm a very worrying person - No matter what I think I can't shake some things off my mind. And I know... people say with time it will get better and doubts and worries will go away. But they're so potent in my mind and i hate them >.< I concern myself with Parroting and Puppeting because I often daydream, when I'm listening to music. I think of situations to fit, action, sad, disappointment - Depending on the music. And I often make up my own characters ect. I've been roleplaying for a good few years now, and I'm good at putting images into my head, but when it comes to focussing on this... Sure, I can remember my wonderland vividly, I could explain every nook and cranny in the entire world, from the dirt to the cracks and seams in the walls. I've even Tulpaforced some things for Honesty, like books of my past memories and hopes+dreams, a log book with my name on it where everything i've ever said to Honesty gets written on, and she has her own to write whatever she wants. Furthermore, I have a void in the House Honesty lives in, like a door leading to a big open void room, with a computer in the middle. It has a folder with thousands of video files, they're all videos of my past memories, dreams and a visual perspective as far as my mind will let me remember. It's safe to say I have a large amount of things to do in my wonderland, well, for Honesty, but when it comes to me and her doing something together, I find it hard to visualize myself with her... Thanks again - I'll add another note of my past 3 days tonight (Since Tulpa.info was dead for a few days :c.)
  7. Well, lack of a better title since everyone else seems to have taken every idea that my mind thought of ;=;. None the less. I'll keep it short - I'll be posting here every day, hopefully at around 22:30pm GMT+1. Logging each and every day. I'm open for people to help me and people to comment! So whats happened so far, I discovered Tulpas in July from a friend who had one, and then decided a month later to begin. However I didint start off to well as I was doubtful and unmotivated - Unsure and such. It wasnt until around 15/9/14 that I started really focussing on my Tulpa. So far, I have a name, Honesty, a form for her, and most of her personalty. (For the record, i've said she can change ANY Aspect of herself according to her desires rather than mine, I wont judge or be sad.) I hope i'm not boring with text, it's a bad habbit >.<. (NOW ON WITH THE ACTUAL LOG! I'll start form yesterday as that is when things really kicked off.) 20/09/14 - Saturday. I was rather worried this day, as the entire day I had struggles thinking about Honesty, and keeping her on my mind - I got worried and upset I was neglecting her. That day I had only done passive forcing... I was listening to music and trying to tell what music she liked. (I discovered she probably does not like Nightcore or Rock. Possibly something slow and methodical.) So... for the first time, I took her someplace new, the beach, A place i've never been to in so long, we looked around the rockpools, finding crabs, shellfish and some actual fish, I sat in the peaceful evening light with her looking out to the ocean too. I felt happy, and hoping she did too. Afterwards - Returning home feeling good about myself, I layed down, and Acitvley forced. Now it's worth saying i've had a lot of trouble concentrating - I keep having intrusive thoughts and keep swaying away from what I was doing, but that night was different, literally - Narrated to her about my day, thoughts and worries and her personality for an entire half hour. (I usually spend about 10 minutes because i'm just getting used to it.. sorry ;~; ) So far i've had no real big responses, i've been relying on head pressure and judging movement from her form in our wonderland, yet i'm still not sure if its her or me puppeting her. I have no real way of telling. Thats about it, really, if the format of paragraph after paragraph is hard to read and boring, suggest something! Because I have no-where else to vent my progress than here. Thanks! Have a good Morning/Afternoon/Evening! ^_^
  8. H-Hello everyone! As you can tell, my Name is Miyisan, if you try to pronounce my name, it's Meeyee-San. Just say the first part fast... or call me Red. Red is always easier. I discovered Tulpas in early June from a friend who has one, the idea seemed so interesting to me... But before I could jump the gun and get started I checked the whole thing out first - Sure as sugar, I discovered the many reasons not to. So after a month, I finally decided to begin my Tulpa. On the 30th of July. However it wasn't until a few days ago I discovered this website and the Subreddit, this was in a desperate attempt to find some help, it's a long sad sob story that no-one will really care about, so I wont bother with a lecture, the point is, I was depressed and had no-where to go, and I found help. My Tulpa hasn't really grown much... since I had trouble to begin with, she isn't Vocal nor do I think she can do much with the form I gave her. Only recently have things gotten better! About me though, I don't bite, and I'm in the mood to make lots of new friends here and have a great time, I really look forward to hearing from everyone and making new friends! Sorry for the long post. I end up typing a lot and want to get a good point across to people reading - I can convey my feelings and what I'm trying to say through chat pretty well. (And please don't eat me for Grammar or Punctuation mistakes, ;~; Thanks for reading! Have a good Morning/Afternoon/Evening!