ClianthaMiura

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About ClianthaMiura

  • Rank
    Member

Converted

  • Sex
    Female
  • Location
    Finland
  • Bio
    Nosy, are you? ;) jk, hi.
    Since you're here, I'm an art student, amateur writer, gamer, wiccan, and almost predictably, gay.
    I have five tulpas: Desmond, L, Nevira, Misa and Roska.

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  1. Well, we have Roska, who's turning 10 in a few weeks. Deciding to give him a child form was on us at first, it's something that worked well with an earlier tulpa to let her "grow into" an age and shape they wanted to be, so more of a symbolic thing. She grew up until she had the body of a 16 year old and then stopped aging entirely and has decided to be ageless with a childlike happy attitude. But with Roska, he really did start to identify himself as a child when he got that form, but he grew up really quickly starting from a little tiny baby (when he was too young to be considered entirely sentient) to where he is now, at around 9-10 and then stopped, but decided to keep aging and growing up. His mentality and attitude towards everything is very childlike but not like a typical boy of his age (based on what I know of kids that age), he's a bit naive, just fails entirely to understand homophobia as a view probably due to growing up with two dads lol, just cannot grasp the concept. He really does see Desmond and L as his parents, and myself as this cool aunt that buys him chocolate on every shopping trip I guess. (I do buy him chocolate on every shopping trip, we're trying to find the best chocolate bar in his opinion (so far it's twix), I guess I see him as a child as well.) I'm not sure if the limitations of a child-like mindset bother him at all. But knowing him, probably not. He's excited to grow up but doesn't want to rush it, he identifies strongly with his age and appearance.
  2. I sketched kisses I wanted to wait until I have something else to post with this 'cause it's kinda nothing, but it doesn't look like I'm gonna draw anything else for now, a bit of a break. (I haven't slept properly in well over a week because of meds and I'm too exhausted to finish anything lmao)
  3. Roska thingy, not necessarily accurate in anything but color
  4. I like that you comment on my art 😄 makes my day I'm thinking of starting commissions again, just on a light scale so I won't burn myself out. Doing stuff like sketchy full body drawings or a simple painted portrait for like $5. So if you wanna support me for some reason or just want art of your tulpas in this style, DM me and we can work things out. If you want something more complex, like a painted full body thing, or something with proper background well... gonna have to figure it out later. Anyway here's Roska and Nevira as convenient examples.
  5. I painted L again, I have to do it every once in a while to see my progress haha. I guess nothing too dramatic has happened in terms of skill, but my style's changing. The newer picture looks more alive than the old. Then there's Misa, our resident nudist, censored for your convenience. I don't draw her very often and I don't know how to do her face yet, but I really like her appearance, all in all. I'm glad I'm finally getting back to art proper, and it's even kinda fun again. Hope I didn't just jinx it lol
  6. I have a playlist for Desmond! His music taste is like my music on easy mode, stuff that's easy to listen to and sing along to, calmer, cleaner and simpler stuff. Currently on his playlist are; "Six Ribbons" by Jon English "Lady in Black" by Uriah Heep "Make Me Wanna Die", "Heaven Knows" by The Pretty Reckless "Don't Let Me Go" by Symfonia "Over The Hills And Far Away" by Gary Moore "All Night Long", "Rainbow Eyes", "Can't Let You Go", "Long Live Rock n Roll" by Rainbow "Dream On" by Dio My own playlist is more intense with mostly power metal but also most of the songs on Desmond's lol
  7. Heh, Roska just really, really likes birds. So he wanted to fly, too. And eh, it's not worth the hassle, I'll just have to get used to it : P
  8. Your host has a very nice art style!
  9. A quick doodle of Desmond and Roska I did a while ago but never put on here. And another quick sketch thing, Roska has wings now. EDIT: I really hate how this thing shows pictures now : P I preferred when I could have them at the bottom in the attachment box thingy
  10. Got a WIP Desmond that I don't think I'll ever finish so I'll just post it as is, and a silly doodle that came to mind one day while hanging out with Roska and Desmond.
  11. A lot of tulpamancers in Finland are minors, too, I was too when I started. I'm not really in contact with the newer tulpamancers anymore, (aside from ones that find their way to our very inactive discord server with older tulpamancers I've known for years,) but I think a lot of them are around the age of 15, youngest I knew was 11. A lot of them stop practicing tulpamancy after a while, and a lot of them probably didn't do it seriously to begin with. I even knew one that dissipated a tulpa the moment it started to show independent thought, because they thought it wasn't supposed to do that. Some of them are simply roleplaying, even claiming that their tulpas bring them physical objects as gifts, which is obviously impossible.
  12. 17th May 2020 I've seen a psychologist to get a better idea about my depression and to check for personality disorders and see if my "sense of reality" or whatever is intact. She said that based on the results of those meetings I can be diagnosed with schizoid and schizotypal personality disorders. We talked about tulpas some, she had some questions every now and then after I explained what they were, and she did her own research as well. She didn't make a big deal out of it, but accepted it into the discussion with an open mind, something that Desmond was very appreciative of. She noted that I have dissociative symptoms that shouldn't be present with tulpas, according to what she had read, but we didn't find any trauma to explain the "structural dissociation of the mind", like she put it. Stuff like minor amnesia, derealization and depersonalization. She wanted me to continue that discussion at a psychiatrist appointment I have almost a month away. We tested my cognition and stuff, and unsurprisingly to me, I have a shit working memory, difficulties staying focused and bad math skills, but my visual processing is well above average. She wrote: "The challenges with working memory are surprising, considering what it would take to constantly carry around tulpas and the imaginary world around them, for it to be fully conscious." According to her, schizotypal disorder plus my depression are enough to consider retirement, but due to my young age (23) they're not likely to grant it. I'll have to go along with rehabilitation plans and treatments, possibly several medication attempts, until they believe there's nothing to be done. I've already given up a while ago. I know the doctor who first gave me antipsychotics is probably trying to treat tulpas with them, but the psychologist agrees with me that they're not likely to have an effect. Nonetheless I'll probably have to try another brand, I quit the earlier stuff because it really didn't do anything aside from making me sleep too much. I'm kinda forced to seek out new information about stuff because of Roska and his childlike wonder. Stuff like "do bugs breathe", "how do birds decide they're a pair, how do they know", "what causes hail". We had a fun day outside after my last psychologist visit, we went to watch ducks by the river. Thanks to the whole corona business, public transport is so limited that I had to spend the whole day in the city just for that one hour-long appointment, so we just got some food and sat on the ground watching great crested grebes doing their mating dances, and duck pairs just chilling and diving around. It's kinda sad how he seems to be experiencing the whole world for the first time and realizing what it means to be a tulpa and unable to truly interact with everything without controlling the body. He wants to pet everything and talk to the birds and he's a bit bummed that they can't hear him. I've picked up some rocks for him when we walk near the shore and he spots a nice looking one, and left bread pieces out for birds to snack on to sort of make up for it, and he seems happy. Desmond and L have thought about possibly having another kid at some point in the future, though not anytime soon. Roska is the main focus right now, and nobody wants to rush things, but having him around and being called "dad" every now and then has really softened him to like the idea. I'm not against it, as things are surprisingly stable and every tulpa has found their place and their preferred amount of activity, but it would have to be later because Roska is still very young and very new to everything, and I want him to be able to experience things properly before any potential sibling comes around to suck up attention and complicate things. So that's far future stuff for now. Other than that, I suppose we're doing fine. It's late spring, which almost always means I'm in a better place mentally. I'm doing ok but no major changes, but I've been able to properly play video games again.
  13. So, long time no see. I honestly just didn't feel like checking the forum even mattered, been feeling super depressed in a sense that everything is just pointless and I get nothing done because of it. I still probably won't read through anything that's been written since our last visit, but I thought I'd update on how our system's doing. As for me, I had the most horrible Christmas time since never, it was afwul. The antipsychotics caused some instability in my mood if I took it in the morning, causing me to be fine one moment and then suddenly feel so empty and miserable that I legit could not see in front of me. I had some sudden attacks of "mania", just intense anger that made me want to chop my own fingers off. Since the morning dose was stopped I've been more consistently grey and passive, which I frankly prefer. The highs weren't worth the crashes that came after with those meds. I still take them in the evenings, and they also make me kinda sleepy, and every time the dosage is upped my sleep schedule does a 180 'cause I sleep like 16 hours in one go and still find time to nap. I don't know if they're doing anything besides that, I guess the doctor doesn't either since they keep raising my meds. At this point I'm only eating them to prove them that they don't work, I've long since given up on the thought of getting better and it doesn't really matter to me anymore. Desmond and L had the best Valentines' so far. Somehow, because they started planning the day ahead of time, the build up to it was full of just this dumb romantic, loving, cuddly warmth. They've both been sleeping a lot due to my own inactivity, and the rest of them don't really do anything either. Desmond had another short insecure and depressed phase recently, but I seem to only remember it because it made L stick by his side 247 taking care of him and it was kinda really sweet. The rest of it is completely slipping my mind right now, which is a mild inconvenience I guess. Misa or Nevira haven't really been active during recent months. They've made some appearances, but for some reason it's the menfolk in my head that get the most activity out of it. Roska is doing pretty great. He's decided that he's turning 10 next summer, so he had a very small growth spurt just recently that he was very proud of. He still sometimes sneaks in to sleep next to Desmond or L. He's been getting some pets in wonderland, most notably a white duck named Marmeladi (marmalade). He also has a bird cage with sparrows in his room, and he's upset that he can't just have every animal as a pet at once because they're all awesome. So far he's wanted a snake, bats, a baby kangaroo, and one other thing that I can't remember anymore but it was large and I think something he wanted to ride. Not a horse lol. He still absolutely adores birds of all kind and likes drawing bugs and collecting pretty rocks.
  14. I doodled a lovey dovey Desmond and L to get past art block. Then there's a "sexy nurse" Desmond, from a conversation we had with our friends who are currently sick. Inspired by the halloween costume style nurse outfit. And just a random Desmond with a slightly different style from my usual drawing style.