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About mechashiva

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  1. Yeah, that's fine. I was just kind of embarrassed :/
  2. At the risk of sounding vague, let me explain: I've been attempting to force for a few weeks (more like two) and I'm getting mildly discouraged. Since I've started, the changes I've detected have been head pressures into sometimes full blown headaches and dreams that have been a bit more focused than they were before (I said on my Progress Report thread, my dreams tended to jump around a lot) but other than that...I haven't seen or experienced any concrete progress. There are have been moments where I thought I could see my tulpa in a form but it never stayed that way for long. The first time, it was a shifting orange mass and the most recent time I saw a long-eared rabbit made of gray static. I know from the guides I've read it takes a while for the tulpa to respond but I really don't know if I'm doing this right. Two things I think for sure I'm doing wrong: -Having one of my tulpa's (Snowflake) personality aspects be 'shyness', which has made it harder for her to come out -Having my tulpa decide for herself what form she wants to take. I made that decision out of my own indecisiveness on what I wanted her to look like and I'm not sure that was the right move given that she's still nebulous at this point so handing her the reins to decide for herself what form to take was kind of stupid on my part. Another thing I read from the guides is that everybody's experience is different and to just try but I feel really out of my depth. I never know if to take something as a sign I'm doing something right or if I just WANT it to be a sign I'm doing something right. I want to be patient but I also want more sure guide to help me along.
  3. A micro-progression (maybe!) So I hadn't had much time to give Snowflake the time to engage with her. I still have the head pressures but I haven't had much opportunity to give her more than a 'pat' or acknowledge her. So last night I lit some candles and turned off the rest of the lights. The lights flickering were sort of distracting when I was visualizing but it make me a lot calmer and helped me focus. So I went into my wonderland and decided on a change of pace: I went mentally exploring. My wonderland is sort of based on a place I know in real life but I thought maybe changing the environment and going somewhere else might draw Snowflake out a little so I took her exploring. We went along the forest path to some rock cliffs and sat on the ridge listening to the wind rustling through the trees for a while before continuing along to some caves. I was basically experimenting and visualizing it as we went along, trying to imagine some things that Snowflake might find interesting and it was fun coming up with different areas of the caves like crystal and rock formations and waterfalls. The pressure on my head seemed to switch from right to left and then to the top of my head. Then I saw the sparkle. The sparkle seemed to appear a few months ago. I'd close my eyes and see this white sparkle out of the corner of my eye that seemed inexplicable. It sort of dawned on me then what the white sparkle meant and I asked "Is this sparkle you, Snowflake?" and then I saw these white flashes that seemed to bounce around my vision excitably. I feel like I'm going at a snails pace. Besides the headaches/head pressures, my dreams since I've started tulpa-forcing have been more vivid and less jumpy. What I mean by 'jumpy' is that a lot of my dreams have been jumping around from scenario to scenario or are too convoluted to be interpreted.
  4. What progress have I made? I think Snowflake is orange. So yesterday I was in a...let's just say 'elevated' state of mind and I was laying in bed listening to Boards of Canada. I went into my wonderland and was walking along the path and I saw something swinging in the periphery of my vision, like someone swinging their arm as they are walking. After seeing it a few more times, I turned and there was this vague orange mass standing beside me. I asked "Snowflake? Is this you? Is this your form?" And the form sort of smiled at me: I could see teeth or a mouth but it was shifting and reforming so much I couldn't really tell. To be honest, I'm not sure if this is progress given I was stoned at the time or maybe Snowflake took that opportunity to try out a form as an experiment in my woozy state. I'll try forcing tonight to see if I engage her and I actually have a lock on her form or if last night was a fluke.
  5. I wanted to save making a progress thread until I got some tangible progress but maybe tracking each little change will make the bigger breakthroughs that much...bigger? So last week I started the tulpaforcing in earnest. Technically, I started last Monday even though I found Tulpa.info on Sunday but took a day to really think about it before starting. Maybe I was in a kooky mood when I addressed her as Fishflake and attempted to force her but I decided to change it to Snowflake thinking maybe she was embarrassed/annoyed by that name. She's still kind of a vague shape so I said it was up to her to find her form. I've attempted to engage her in a wonderland I created based on this bike trail near my house (its not entirely like it but I wanted to have something to base the wonderland on like a creek with turtles and ducks) I've mentioned in another thread that the only signs so far are headaches and forehead pressures. I haven't corresponded them to any side (right for YES, left for NO) because I wasn't sure if the headaches were tulpa-related or not. Now that I know its part of the progress, I'm not as worried, though and I'm ready to keep pressing on.
  6. Okay, thanks! I don't want to jump to conclusions or worry needlessly given I'm about a week into the tulpaforcing but knowing these headaches and/or pressures are a good sign is one less thing to worry about. :)
  7. I'm still pretty new to the whole idea of Tulpas (about a week into the tulpaforcing) and I'm still trying to find a method that works. Meditation has been a bit hard for me: I get distracted easily and I can maybe keep focused for a couple minutes. So far I haven't heard any voice but...about a year ago, I had terrible migraines that were getting so frequent I had to start taking medication and they are much rarer. A couple days into the forcing, I started getting them again: not migraines and not super painful but pressure against one side of my head. I was on the IRC chat one night and listening to music talking about when I usually get headaches, the pressure is one side of my head but that day it had switched from one side to the other. When I logged off, my library shuffle started playing Kanye West and the pressure just went away, feeling like something was resting on my head just slid down my face. Even when I'm writing this post, the left side of my head has pressure on it and behind my eye. I'm not off my medication (though I'm not consistent on what time I take it :/ ) so I'm not sure if that's my tulpa or if I'm just hoping it is and its just something else.
  8. Ha, I hate introducing myself. I never know what to say XD But yeah. My name is Amanda. I ended up on this site from TVTropes, of all things and this is the one week anniversary of me finding the site and reading up on the guides and articles. I've been trying to force my tulpa Snowflake (originally she was Fishflake but I changed because I figured she was embarrassed/annoyed by that name :/) since Monday
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