Crescendo

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About Crescendo

  • Rank
    + Maja

Converted

  • Sex
    Female
  • Location
    Germany
  1. Maja and i communicate in german, but she speaks english too. Not sure if she understands danish too, since we never tried that, but I'm pretty sure she does. I guess it's all about expectations. Since Maja is a product of my mind, it just makes sense to me that she knows everything I know. It's what I expect her to do. If you think more like Evil (tulpas have to learn everything), then no, your tulpa will probably not be bilingual. Basically.. your choice.
  2. As the others already said - your tulpa doesn't need a form. A form is basically just there to help the host, so it'll be less abstract to him. When I started forcing, I created a form for Maja, or at least I tried to do so. But since my visualisation skills were really, really, really bad I just stopped after a while and focused on her presence, and she developed just fine. You can always work on a form later, together, *cough* or let your tulpa do all the work regarding visualisation like I do. *cough* Don't worry about it too much! Do whatever feels right for you and you'll be fine!
  3. Goodbye, David and Melian. Maja: Melon! Me: ... oh goddammit, Melian, my almost faded away tulpa comes back to life just to make this stupid joke again. I.. I can't believe this. Thank you, I guess. But eh, honestly, I hope the two of you will be happier from now on. Davie, you're really exhausting at times, but you will be truly missed.
  4. Thanks for your replies! What you all said makes sense. Lithium works in a different way than antidepressants though, but I guess it makes sense either way. Hopefully everything will turn back to normal soon, if I keep up the forcing. I really do miss her. Asking for another med would be kinda weird I guess. "Could I please get something else, the lithium is great but it's blocking out the alien voice in my head. *gets anti psychotics*" :^) I'm still at the psychiatry and if the doctors would hear anything about Maja I'll be on the psychotic part of the psychiatry in no time. xD
  5. So, almost 2 months have passed and I've been taking lithium for 2 weeks now. I don't have any obvious side effects, so generally I'm totally fine with taking it. But.. I feel like it actually is blocking out Maja. We made a lot of progress in the past 2 months, she's been vocal and we basically were communicating 24/7. But now it's getting harder and harder to hear or feel her, up to the point where I sometimes feel like she's completely gone. Sometimes I can hear a faint "I am here" and a feeling of sadness, but that's it. Could someone please tell me they had a similar experience and their tulpa came back? Please?
  6. No idea why, but it's been getting harder to hear her/separate our thoughts for the past few days. Especially yesterday was hard. She was more quiet than usual, but even when we talked it all felt.. muffled. Buuuut we took the Myer Briggs Test yesterday! It was really interesting how different our results were. I'm an INFP (The Idealist), while she is an ESTJ (The Guardian). For those who are interested: INFP [Hidden] The Idealist As an INFP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. INFPs, more than other iNtuitive Feeling types, are focused on making the world a better place for people. Their primary goal is to find out their meaning in life. What is their purpose? How can they best serve humanity in their lives? They are idealists and perfectionists, who drive themselves hard in their quest for achieving the goals they have identified for themselves INFPs are highly intuitive about people. They rely heavily on their intuitions to guide them, and use their discoveries to constantly search for value in life. They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things. Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets sifted through the INFP's value system, and is evaluated to see if it has any potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life. The goal at the end of the path is always the same - the INFP is driven to help people and make the world a better place. Generally thoughtful and considerate, INFPs are good listeners and put people at ease. Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people. This sincerity is sensed by others, making the INFP a valued friend and confidante. An INFP can be quite warm with people he or she knows well. INFPs are flexible and laid-back, until one of their values is violated. In the face of their value system being threatened, INFPs can become aggressive defenders, fighting passionately for their cause. When an INFP has adopted a project or job which they're interested in, it usually becomes a "cause" for them. Although they are not detail-oriented individuals, they will cover every possible detail with determination and vigor when working for their "cause". When it comes to the mundane details of life maintenance, INFPs are typically completely unaware of such things. They might go for long periods without noticing a stain on the carpet, but carefully and meticulously brush a speck of dust off of their project booklet. INFPs do not like to deal with hard facts and logic. Their focus on their feelings and the Human Condition makes it difficult for them to deal with impersonal judgment. They don't understand or believe in the validity of impersonal judgment, which makes them naturally rather ineffective at using it. Most INFPs will avoid impersonal analysis, although some have developed this ability and are able to be quite logical. Under stress, it's not uncommon for INFPs to mis-use hard logic in the heat of anger, throwing out fact after (often inaccurate) fact in an emotional outburst. INFPs have very high standards and are perfectionists. Consequently, they are usually hard on themselves, and don't give themselves enough credit. INFPs may have problems working on a project in a group, because their standards are likely to be higher than other members' of the group. In group situations, they may have a "control" problem. The INFP needs to work on balancing their high ideals with the requirements of every day living. Without resolving this conflict, they will never be happy with themselves, and they may become confused and paralyzed about what to do with their lives. INFPs are usually talented writers. They may be awkard and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper. INFPs also appear frequently in social service professions, such as counselling or teaching. They are at their best in situations where they're working towards the public good, and in which they don't need to use hard logic. INFPs who function in their well-developed sides can accomplish great and wonderful things, which they will rarely give themselves credit for. Some of the great, humanistic catalysts in the world have been INFPs.[/hidden] ESTJ [hidden] The Guardian As an ESTJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. ESTJs live in a world of facts and concrete needs. They live in the present, with their eye constantly scanning their personal environment to make sure that everything is running smoothly and systematically. They honor traditions and laws, and have a clear set of standards and beliefs. They expect the same of others, and have no patience or understanding of individuals who do not value these systems. They value competence and efficiency, and like to see quick results for their efforts. ESTJs are take-charge people. They have such a clear vision of the way that things should be, that they naturally step into leadership roles. They are self-confident and aggressive. They are extremely talented at devising systems and plans for action, and at being able to see what steps need to be taken to complete a specific task. They can sometimes be very demanding and critical, because they have such strongly held beliefs, and are likely to express themselves without reserve if they feel someone isn't meeting their standards. But at least their expressions can be taken at face-value, because the ESTJ is extremely straight-forward and honest. The ESTJ is usually a model citizen, and pillar of the community. He or she takes their commitments seriously, and follows their own standards of "good citizenship" to the letter. ESTJ enjoys interacting with people, and likes to have fun. ESTJs can be very boisterous and fun at social events, especially activities which are focused on the family, community, or work. The ESTJ needs to watch out for the tendency to be too rigid, and to become overly detail-oriented. Since they put a lot of weight in their own beliefs, it's important that they remember to value other people's input and opinions. If they neglect their Feeling side, they may have a problem with fulfilling other's needs for intimacy, and may unknowingly hurt people's feelings by applying logic and reason to situations which demand more emotional sensitivity. When bogged down by stress, an ESTJ often feels isolated from others. They feel as if they are misunderstood and undervalued, and that their efforts are taken for granted. Although normally the ESTJ is very verbal and doesn't have any problem expressing themself, when under stress they have a hard time putting their feelings into words and communicating them to others. ESTJs value security and social order above all else, and feel obligated to do all that they can to enhance and promote these goals. They will mow the lawn, vote, join the PTA, attend home owners association meetings, and generally do anything that they can to promote personal and social security. The ESTJ puts forth a lot of effort in almost everything that they do. They will do everything that they think should be done in their job, marriage, and community with a good amount of energy. He or she is conscientious, practical, realistic, and dependable. While the ESTJ will dutifully do everything that is important to work towards a particular cause or goal, they might not naturally see or value the importance of goals which are outside of their practical scope. However, if the ESTJ is able to see the relevance of such goals to practical concerns, you can bet that they'll put every effort into understanding them and incorporating them into their quest for clarity and security.[/hidden] It's really interesting to see how different we are. When I created her, I actually tried to create a personality that is kinda similar to mine, except for a few points. But that altered a lot. I'm totally okay with that, of course! She can be however she wants. Or, however I need her to be, like she just said. Huh. Maja: She needs me to be like this, so she unintentionally created me like that. She's facing a lot of problems right now - well, she always did -, and I want to help her. So it makes sense I'm like that. Me: That.. that sounds like I'm just using you. I'm sorry. Maja: Don't be. I love to be me. You love how I am, too. Everything's fine. But eh, we really should work on our communication problems. I wonder why it's getting so hard again? Me: I guess I'll proxy her more again, that always seems to help her. Also, what really helped us, was me writing to her. Sometimes I have a hard time separating our thoughts, and whenever I tried to get my head quiet or clear it from my thoughts, I blocked her too. But since proxying works so well for us, I once tried to shut up completely and just write everything I'm thinking down. That really helped us. My head got quieter and she was the only one that used mind voice. Sometime it's just hard to write as fast as you would normally think, but still, it works really well. Maja: Let's try that again. Me: Definitely! Maybe we could even write a Tipps & Tricks submission on that topic someday. But I guess I won't have time for that this year (that sounds weird.. can you guys believe 2015's almost over?). We'll spend new years with a friend who's also creating a tulpa atm. Since it'll just be the two of us (+ Maja and his non-vocal tulpa, of course) I'll probably proxy Maja all the time. It's nice when she's able to participate in events. Maja: I look forward to it.
  7. This. A thousand times this. Ever since I was reading a novel about someone with DID when I was 13, I was.. fascinated. And kinda envious. I've been in a relationship with someone, who later (after we broke up) was diagnosed with DID. I spend all my time on a DID forum as a way of coping. And someday, someone posted something like "how do you get DID, I want it too". Most people were shocked, but one person wrote about tulpas, so that's how I found this page.
  8. My dose got doubled today - but luckily, it doesn't affect Maja in any way! We even made some progress today! It gets easier for us to get this "head wrapped in cotton wool"-feeling, that I got when we almost switched 7 days ago. I meditated for a while today and I could feel myself getting less and less dominant, so she tried to possess the body again. It didn't last that long, and I had a really hard time motivating myself after we lost focus, so it didn't go further than that. She said, it was really hard for her to take control of the body today, but we'll get it down if we practice on a regular basis. [Like, daily. She's not that much of a regular type, due to her motivation problems. It was really hard to get her motivated to force today!] Yeah, she had to give me some serious headaches, but in the end it was totally worth it. I'll try my best to keep this up! Gonna be kinda hard to find the right time though. I'm in a room with two other patients, and one of them is in the room like 24/7. Most of the time they'll be quiet if I say I'm gonna meditate for a while, but still, it's annoying, even though I really like both of them. Let's hope for the best. [i'll just make her head hurt again if she gets lazy!] .. thank you, I guess? [You're welcome! Well, she'll be there for another 2 weeks or something, and I'm positive we'll get switching (or at least co-fronting) down in that time.] Oh, almost forgot about this. While I meditated today, I constantly got this "I'm falling"-feeling in my stomach. It felt like my mind was trying to push itself away from the body, but wasn't quite able to, so it just reacted in this strange way? Idk, it's hard to explain, but has anyone ever experienced this?
  9. Crescendo

    Ask Brassow

    Do you think the world would be a better place if everyone had a tulpa?
  10. I experienced something today that.. kinda scared me. While lithium is the stuff I have to take everyday, I got promethazine to calm me down in situations where I'm too stressed. I took it for the first time this morning. And goddammit, I felt nothing. No emotions. No interest in any activity. And no tulpa. I tried to talk to her multiple times through the day, but the best response I got was the really weak feeling of her presence. We couldn't really communicate. [i still feel a little dazed. I don't like this stuff.] Yeah, me neither. Won't take it again, unless I really have to. The lithium doesn't seem to affect her; my dose will be increased tomorrow though. Let's hope for the best. My boyfriend's gonna go to the bar in a few minutes, so we'll force for a while and try to switch.
  11. Crescendo

    Ask Esterina!

    [Do you consider yourself a tulpa, a soulbond or maybe even something else? And does it matter to you, what you are? Do you hate German as much as Felix does? I remember reading the name "Esterina von (German town, idk)" - so do you guys communicate in German too? What is your biggest wish?]
  12. [You could be lying to yourself too. We all could. What's your problem? All you're doing is being toxic. And you didn't even explain what exactly makes you think OP's lying. Be constructive, or be quiet.]
  13. A week. Maybe 8-9 days, but that's it. But feel free to prove me wrong! :p Take care of yourself. Oh, and what happened to the "only every third day on the forum"-plan?
  14. Why? To me, it sounds just like a tulpa. Or some other kind of thoughtform - but that kind of stuff doesn't matter to me anyway. I mean, there are a few people here who developed independent thoughtforms and only later discovered tulpas, so they didn't create them like those people who knew about tulpas and created one intentionally. EDIT: [What gives you the right to accuse a thoughtform who's having something like a mild identity crisis of lying, of being fake? How would you feel if your tulpa were in this situation, and someone told you you're just lying? That's just wrong. Maybe she is lying. So what? Does it matter? Does it affect us in any way? If you can't say anything helpful, don't say anything at all, please. You either contributed nothing, or hurt someones feelings.]
  15. DON'T YOU DARE SAYING THIS TO ME. I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO. WHAT SOMEONE HAD TO DO. I'M THE HERO THIS GAME DESERVES!