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  1. Days 31-33 12/09-11/14 haven't been able to active force since I've been working on a term paper for my history class so I've only been able to passive force. Kalium has actually talked to me while I've been passive forcing, which is a first. Before, I've only been able to hear him while active forcing or immediately after active forcing. Hopefully I'll be able to active force again after next monday since I'm gonna be busy studying for finals this weekend.
  2. Day 30 12/08/14 Kalium is one month old! Sadly we didn't do anything special while forcing because I was feeling kinda sick (still am) so I couldn't focus properly. So we just cuddled for a bit. TheSanctuary: Thanks. Will just wait to see if Kalium starts making sense more often.
  3. 12/02/2014 Day 24: Started tulpaforcing again. Had stopped before because of concerns involving current events. Had a brief depressive episode. Started to get back into the groove just yesterday. Kalium was very talkative this session. He kept talking even after I stopped forcing. However when he talked some of the things he said were just random meaningless words. Is this normal?
  4. I just listen to various sorts of music, but at a really low volume so I can hear Kalium if he decides to mindvoice me.
  5. 11/22-23/2014 Days 14 and 15 2 week milestone! Got SSB4 for Wii U! Spent all time playing so I didn't have time for forcing! Maybe I shouldn't celebrate that... Anyways, the new SSB game is amazing. The graphics are wonderful, the soundtrack is wonderful. It's more smooth and fast-paced than Brawl. The characters aren't all floaty. All in all a step up from Brawl. Also really liking the new game modes (master/crazy orders, new classic mode, trophy rush, 8 player smash). Probably one of the best games I've ever bought.
  6. 11/20/2014 Day 12: Was in a shit mood, couldn't concentrate when forcing. 11/21/2014 Day 13: Remembered to narrate some of my daily life stuff to Kalium. He seemed a bit perplexed by my math homework. I don't blame him though. We also listened to some music together. During forcing, we decided to explore our Wonderland together away from Hat Lake. We hiked through the surrounding forest, making up the terrain as we went. We ended up making Hat Lake into a caldera in the middle of a mountain range. Kalium went off to look around and came back to me with a velvet ant (see attached picture) crawling on his arm asking what the giant fluffy ant was. Told him about how it's actually a species of wingless wasp with an extremely painful sting, but that they aren't aggressive. I got a stick from the ground and put it in front of the wasp so it would get off Kalium's arm and on the stick. Once the wasp climbed on the stick we laid it on the ground and continued exploring. Started to lose focus at this point and decided to teleport back to Hat Lake and call off the forcing session. Didn't practice possession today. Will be getting Super Smash Bros 4 tomorrow! Can't wait!
  7. So I've had some trouble lately knowing if the voice in my head is me or my tulpa, but I think I've come up with a plausible workaround for this. What I'm doing is trying to get in the habit of talking to myself out loud instead of using my mindvoice. That way it's easier to tell whose mindvoice is the one talking. I've had some success with this, but I wanted to know, has anyone else tried this? Is this a viable strategy, or should I try something else? Please share your thoughts.
  8. 11/19/2014 Day 11: Been feeling very sad all day. Didn't know why. Couldn't really focus on forcing because of my sadness. It was not my depression because I didn't feel that sense of hopelessness and emptiness that often accompanies my depressive episodes. Decided to give forcing one more shot late at night. Made a comment to Kalium about my sadness. Told him that lately I've felt a sense of loneliness and an urge to cry. Then I realized it wasn't me but him who was feeling down. He told me that lately I have barely visited him, haven't narrated as much, haven't gone on wonderland adventures, haven't listened to music with him, so he was feeling extremely lonely. I explained to him that it's difficult for me to focus constantly on a single thing and that I sometimes forgot to narrate and do passive forcing due to my absent-mindedness. He recommended that I do multiple forcing sessions but make them shorter than usual, kind of how like diabetics eat like 6 small meals instead of 3 big ones. He also told me to remember to narrate but he won't hold me accountable if I forget for the first few days, but he did tell me sternly to make it a habit. I felt really guilty about it and apologized profusely, which led to him calling me a whiny bitch, which I kinda deserved. Though he did try to cheer me up by playing along with a song I was listening to* and inviting me to join in, which I did. Afterwards, I hugged him to thank him for listening and he kissed me**. So adorable :3 Hurray for tulpa love! Unfortunately I started to lose focus at that point so I had to quit. Special Developments - Kalium is most definitely an anthropomorphic rabbit now, so he has a steady form. - During our heart-to-heart talk, he laid a hand on my lap (while we were in wonderland). At that moment I felt something press down lightly on my right leg (in physical world). I actually felt him touch me! Progress! -Near the end of our forcing session, Kalium used possession to move my head around by controlling my neck movements. Stretched out my neck muscles real good which I really needed since I was rather tense. *NOTE: Song was Space Truckin' by Deep Purple. One of our favorite songs. I found out I can focus much better when listening to music, though I set the volume as low as possible so I can hear Kalium. ** Just a peck on the lips.
  9. 11/18/2014 Day 10: Did multiple active forcing/meditation sessions today. First one was after my calculus class (doing power series, awesome shit). Went back to Hat Lake (that's what I started calling that lake we went swimming at a few days back), now our new wonderland. Kalium decided to add some mountains in the background to improve the scenery. We didn't do much at first, just hung out. Laid down by the shore and looked at the stars. Started thinking about outer space, and all of a sudden we were floating through space, just like that. No transition, nothing. Somehow we didn't suffocate, freeze to death or anything considering we were in space wearing nothing but street clothes. We conjured us some jetpacks so we could move around, but it was extremely difficult to maneuver so we just spun around and got real dizzy. Kalium took us back to Hat Lake where we laid down until we recovered. At this point, something interesting happened. I opened my eyes for a split second while meditating and caught a glimpse of my laundry basket. When I closed my eyes again, the laundry basket was now in my wonderland. So now I have a copy of a physical object in my wonderland. Has this happened to anyone else? Cause this is an interesting discovery. Seems apt for some research! For my second round of active forcing (around late afternoon), we went to Hat Lake as is usual now. Got us some of the hats that washed up on the shore, including one of those weird floating crowns. Decided to practice possession instead of going on those weird-ass adventures. Kalium moved my arms, one at a time in the usual slow, clumsy manner. He was also able to manipulate my fingers a bit better than before. However, he managed to do something which I didn't see coming. He somehow managed to pull my face into a smile. Didn't expect him to pull that off using possession. Other stuff: Started playing foldit. It's that one puzzle game where you fold proteins to assist in scientific research. I really got into it lately. Surprisingly fun to figure out how to fold those proteins. Stayed up past midnight playing it.
  10. Thanks man. Just recently I was meditating, and Kalium came back! =D We had a wonderful time. Gotta remember to keep calm when he leaves again.
  11. 11/16/2014 Day 8: When I woke up, Kal wasn't there to greet me as he usually does. Felt rather lonely and sad all day. Was missing his company, his cuddles, and rocking out with him whenever I listened to music. I called out his name from time to time, seeing if he would respond, played some of his favorite songs, but nothing. That is, until tonight. I started meditating at about 10:00 pm to get into the mindset for active forcing. As soon as I entered my wonderland, I started looking for him. I couldn't find him anywhere. Then, while I was forcing, the fingers on my left hand started moving of their own accord, like when Kalium practiced possession. Kalium was back! It was so wonderful. Like being reunited with a long-lost friend, even though he'd been away for less than 48 hours. I immediately hugged him and I started to get teary-eyed. I missed him so much. To celebrate, he took me to a secluded lake in the middle of a forest. We went skinny dipping there (no lewd stuff happened though). Started swimming and playing around, we had a great time. Started laughing in real life. Went swimming to the deep part of the lake. Then Kalium spawned a bunch of hats. Yeah, there were hats floating everywhere. I found a gold crown floating in the middle of the hats. We were both puzzled by it. The crown was incredibly heavy when I picked it up but it still floated on the water. I tried not to think too much about it. I decided to finish and started swimming to shore, but Kal teleported us to the shore immediately. Then he teleported me back to the middle of the lake while he dried off and I had to swim back to shore alone to meet him. Active forcing session ended about there. He's still hanging around somewhere.
  12. So Kalium just left for the very first time. Now I know that tulpas generally leave for a while and then come back, so it's not that I think he abandoned me or something. Still, I feel really lonely and honestly a bit depressed with him gone. :( Really missing him. His company, his cuddles, rocking out with him while listening to music. What do I do until he returns? Should I keep forcing even though he's not there? Should I just wait until he gets back?
  13. 11/15/2014 Woke up in the morning, heard Kalium's voice in my head. He requested I put on some music, which I did. We played along with the music in our wonderland. After that, we practiced possession, we cuddled for a bit, but then he left. He hasn't come back as of right now. Feeling kinda lonely and bored. Dunno what to do while Kalium's away.
  14. 11/14/2014 Day 6: Events: Though we didn't do much forcing or spent much time in our wonderland at first, Kalium kept messing around with my left arm, flopping it around randomly. Guess he's really excited about possession still. Had to keep focus on my arm so I could use it to work in class and Kalium wouldn't flail it around and cause a scene. Anyways, later we watched the USA - Colombia friendly match on livestream, but he didn't seem too interested. Didn't get that headache that usually announces his presence. After that, he kinda went away and I did my own stuff. Kinda started feeling guilty about ignoring him, so knowing how much he loves music, I invited him over while I played Rocksmith. My head pressure started flaring up, so I knew he was interested. While I played I imagined him singing along with the lyrics or playing along on guitar while I played the bass. Felt the head pressure get stronger as we played and was filled with a sense of happiness similar to when we listened to John Lennon a few days back. He's still here in my wonderland. Progress: Getting better at visualizing my tulpa. He has a more consistent shape in my mind and I can focus on his form a bit better now. Still doesn't talk much. He seems to be developing into a rather quiet individual like me, but when he talks he can be a complete smartass.
  15. Not much so far. Our wonderland is pretty small and it's just the two of us, so rather safe as well. Only two weapons we have are the medigun from TF2 and a portal gun (not like the one from Portal, but the one from the show Rick and Morty). We created the medigun to heal ourselves after our boxing match a few days back. (Long story short, I tried to get him to respond to me, I lost my patience, got mad, we got in a bit of a disagreement. We decided to settle it in the ring. 3 rounds. Kalium knocked me out in the 2nd round. Though to be fair, I'm not good at keeping track of time so the rounds were a little longer than the standard 2 minutes.) Oh stop making excuses. You lost because you kept leaving yourself open. The rounds were fine in length. maybe a few seconds off, but nothing game changing. - K Anyways, we came out pretty hurt, but feeling good overall, so in order to speed our recovery up, I created a medigun. We had a good time overall. Especially me cause I kicked your ass - K Anyways... The portal gun I gave to Kalium so we could travel to different worlds and explore far-off lands with minimal walking. We like to explore, so I thought I'd make our lives easier.