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About ChaosBeing

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  1. Thank you all for your wonderful responses, I'm glad I seemed to have managed to get my point across when I wasn't even entirely sure what my point was. ^_^' I'll try to go through and respond to you one by one, so forgive me for the immanent wall o' text inbound. I'll do them in order, all except for epicureanatlantis' comment, because they manged to phrase my current feeling to a T. That right there is exactly how I feel right now; like an observer. I can't think of anything off the top of my head that sounds like a more interesting adventure/experiment than literally messing with your own consciousness until another one sprouts up. But, to use your own example, I wouldn't feel right about adopting a child just because I thought it might be an interesting experience. But then I get to thinking that, hey, that child would probably like to be adopted so it's not like I'm doing anything too terribly selfish, and I just devolve into a spiral from there. Oh well, I'll just continue sitting on the idea for a while; continue being an 'observer' if you will. Nope, it's all completely new to me. (Short of, you know, fiction.) And that's really not a bad idea. As I think I mentioned before, I do lucid dream from time to time, so I may be a bit more... Well adapted(?) to this approach. (That probably makes no sense, but oh well.) And this is my biggest concern that keeps popping up time and again. I mean saying "Oh yeah, and there's someone else living in my head" isn't exactly first date discussion material. To be honest, every time I've seen a post about people who've told their SO or similar, I almost feel a little anxious FOR them. It's something they've already done, it's happened, it went well, but I still feel that little stab of worry in my chest. Haha very true, very true. And don't worry about anything like that, as long as you're involved you have a valuable perspective. Hear that ladies? He's single. ;D But seriously, yeah, I kept feeling like that was probably the case myself, as it is with many long-term commitments. Life changes so fast and so unexpectedly that you just can't predict some things. That's why, after a little while of just going back and forth by myself, I finally decided that I'd never get anywhere by myself, and that I should at the very least reach out to those who might be able to help me along, even if they couldn't simply show me which path was mine to take. As for you, Reisen, I'll break my response up into parts. I'd like to say that I was confident this wasn't something I was worried about, but I'm not comfortable telling that that kind of a lie. I was probably ~90% sure I'd be fine on that front, though hearing this does still help to assuage that remaining 10%, if not get rid of it. Ah, sorry, I didn't really mean to make it sound like I thought it was a 'mandatory requirement' or anything at all like that. They just seem like the most clear cut reasons, you know, 'A' because' B'. They're more along the 'need' line - everything else is just a 'want'. I'm sorry, I don't know if I'm making myself any clearer. If curiosity and an abundance of free time are the best conditions, then I think I satisfy both of those fairly well. And I think you've just stumbled upon one of the cornerstones of my personality - I don't like fake friends. Those who you have little interest or connections to, and they in you, yet still somehow feel like you should be friends. Maybe that's just an introverted way of thinking, maybe some might even find it a little cold, but it's not like I dislike them or anything - I just don't see the point in spending a lot of time with them. And as for that last part, I feel like I should congratulate you for some reason, like it's a great personal accomplishment. Hell, maybe it is. I know I sure couldn't go out and find 10 people who wouldn't be completely freaked out. Make sure you take a moment to appreciate them from time to time; not everyone's like that, and it's easy to forget. I'll certainly keep that in mind. It sounds like you have a lot of fun, and that's exactly what I'd hope our relationship would be like. (And as a side note, it's nice to have a tupla's point of view represented in this thread, too.) I've always loved coming up with ideas and brainstorming over storylines and seeing my creations come to life, but I often got so... I don't know, it's this weird, irrational uncertainty mixed with a total lack of confidence that just quickly drains my enthusiasm away. Having someone to talk to, brainstorm with, and pretty much just remind me that I'm not shit always helps out 1000%, but being that I don't really have anyone wiling to do this with me, that's usually a moot point. Well, I'm just rambling now. I guess all I'm getting at is that I'm a bit envious. :P (Also, you should totally take a shot at serious writing. There's no harm in doing it as long as you love it, and if you can wind up selling it, all the better.) Once again, thank you all for taking the time to offer up your perspectives and opinions - I haven't reached my ultimate decision yet, but I don't think that's such a bad thing, anymore. It's not like there's a time limit, and I doubt I'll be forgetting about all of this too soon. I might lurk around a bit, and maybe one day you'll see my first post in the progress report section. Who knows? (I certainly don't.)
  2. I first found out about tulpas ~1 week ago, while sifting through the lucid dreaming subreddit. I initially understood talpas as something along the lines of a dream guide, but able to exist while I was awake. Then I read more. Then I read MORE. My interest was then piqued as as a fantasy author, who uses the concept of familiars in a lot of my stories, and there seemed to be a shockingly strong resemblance between how I'd always written the mechanics in my universes and how a tulpa is created. All right, getting too long winded. Basically, I've read a butt-load of guides now. If I wanted I could probably get started tonight. (In fact I already have a few personality traits and a basic form.) But I haven't started forcing yet, because I still feel uncertain. Not about committing the time or effort - I have a lot of free time, and I like to think of myself as being better disciplined than your average Joe. I just don't want to wind up being one of those guys that sees tulpas like the new shiny toy under the Christmas tree, who plays with them for a week then moves on to whatever the next shiny new toy is. Let me rephrase that: I don't have a strong, clear purpose or reason for wanting a tulpa, so I'm afraid I won't be able to keep it around. (I strongly believe in the theory that a tulpa needs a purpose to exist.) I'm not the most social guy around, but I'm not really lonely either. I don't have a lot of depressed days - at least, not more than normal, I don't think. I do feel like having someone else sharing my head, and giving me their opinions on my ideas and my writing and whatnot would be absolutely invaluable, but I don't know if that alone is enough to justify creating another sentient personality to share my body with. They won't want to just sit around and listen to me talk about my writing all day, after all. (Hell, I wouldn't even want to talk about my writing all the time.) So then... Where does that leave me? Blegh, there I go getting all wordy again. (Maybe I need a tulpa to help make me more decisive? (<- 90+% a joke.)) TL;DR I'm struggling to decide on whether or not I should make a tulpa. Can you, just as a third party, give me any reasons why you feel I should or should not go through with the creation process? (As a bonus question, do you think it would be easier to start out by creating a servitor and then 'feeding' it a personality, or would that just be reinventing the wheel? Or is that how things work out regardless?)