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About Cjboy1111

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    Me and (Vinyl!)

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    Canadian in Canada, eh?
  • Bio
    Discord: Frosty#2744

    -Current bio, 2019-
    Hey there, I like to keep it simple but also log changes and archives, much of my information listed links up to my to my MOST up to date, accounts and more modern. I'm all ears and an open book, feel free to ask any questions.

    -Old bio, from 2017-
    Hey there, my name is CJ, an old name I used to go by but on here I'll remain with it c:
    I'm on here for purposes unknown, I guess I'm more curious and want to look at old things I used to look at a few years back, all grown up now, as I'm 20 years of age. You can contact my Steam but don't use Skype anymore as I moved to Discord a long time ago, came from MLP forums but no longer reside there nor own an account.

    -Old bio, from 2015-
    Heeyoo I'm a 16yr old male which discovred Tulpas around summer of 2014 in which currently (02/28/15) I'm developing her, shes great, no really! :D

    You can add me upon Steam if you want or you can ask me for my Skype, I'm looking into making some new friends :)

    I've kinda came here from the Tulpa tread from mlp forums, but that's small compared to here. I prefer it here now.

    I'm trying to post more often and become more active. eh?

    Funky beat funky funky beat, dun stop movin to da S club beat, dun stop movin to da funky funky beat.
  • Discord
  1. We're still here and very much alive! So, this is very much different to me, since I'm used to being depressed but its different because I'm not alone (I just love this goofball), I'm trying to get more used to the idea of proxying for her but anyways, she really loves cats, like really does, I love cats too but she loves them so much lmao. I guess I wanted to post an update on us two, due to my past and I guess and just letting you all know we'll both be very much active, also we have movie nights too, I don't know if I posted but she once wanted to watch a scary movie and now other movies too, like Star Wars lol
  2. Yet again another post. Me and Vinyl are making GREAT progress, she's more vocal, her drives are increasing a shit ton and we can parallel process more easier and better. Me and her have a fun little system going on, a point system. She deviated her voice a bit but its great, we're both active in a Tulpa Discord Server however. I sometimes proxy for her but I'm hoping to get more time and active with her, more and more. She wants to get a little, more open and intimate with me. I guess, you could say we both love each other very much, she seems more mature than me, silly and very loving/caring of others. She's very selfless, I guess since she's not mad about me "leaving" I guess, she's more so happy I brought her back, discovering other tulpa's on Discord, me being so much mature than when i was a teen, she's happy and proud of me, heh. I'm very happy with her and I'm very proud of her, myself. We like to snuggle and cuddle a lot and she still finds new ways to make me laugh and I find new ways to make her laugh too.
  3. Update two, and thanks for the posts <3 Me and Vinyl are still going strong. I guess, some old feelings are resurfacing, romantic feelings I suppose and I'm really glad to have her back and it seems she really came back with a lot of force and seems much more mature than me sometimes and she's begining to be much more vocal and has a lot of body language. Something happened that sorta almost made me cry, I was having one of my mini panic attacks and if i was doing something wrong and she told me to quiet and focus on her, then she kissed my forehead. It's really, wonderful that she came back after all and still is amazing to me, i guess i sorta believe i don't deserve such things but she tells me not to worry about it and distracts me sometimes, we're practicing a LOT of things, redefining her. Textures, details and touch, however sometimes when she talks her sentences fall apart but that's okay I suppose because I can still understand the intention or meaning behind it. I've proxy'd her a few times in Discord tho, which is nice. Tho with my new found "personality" or split/tulpa is causing me some trouble lately, I'm still not sure what to make of him but perhaps I should make another thread for that progress, anyways, i just wanted to drop a, i dunno, a "better" post, not that i expect things to be that way. Also @tania I tried asking for help back in my younger days but I was told I was being lazy, making excuses and its just a phase, brushed off it seems. All from my parents too *yikes*
  4. What's the difference between a split or tulpa? I'm fully aware, I brought Vinyl into existence and she was made from scratch. I however, deal with a different "personality", a split or tulpa, as some call it. The thing is, I've been dealing with this split for almost my entire life, almost. Started becoming more involved in my younger teen years, during my depression. I started having a second train of thoughts around 2011-2012, I first discovered tulpa sometime in 2014 so that's out the question. Others say its a split and some call it a tulpa but what IS the difference? I started recently looking at it and accepting it instead of just ignoring and rejecting it. He's aware of me and he's aware of Vinyl (my tulpa) and sometimes mocks me and Vinyl, or used to. Thing is I'm not really sure of what the difference is and other people seem to give me mixed input, I don't lose memory or "lose control" over my body or have memory blankets. So I'm not sure if he's a split exactly but I don't really exactly have 100% control over him, so I'm not sure if he's categorized as a tulpa but I'm really curious as to what you guys think, Vinyl is NOT a result of a split and she was made from scratch.
  5. A revision and a revival of Vinyl, Hello 2019. Summary, - I've made Vinyl on December 5th, 2014 and stopped posting on November 2nd, 2015 Went to be "missing in action soon later" - August 28th, 2018. 3-4 Years later I came back and I've stopped working on her due to clinical depression and a failing mindset, I suppose. Looking back on reworking on her and reviving her but didn't end up to. - October 22nd, 2019. I came to light on a tulpa community on Discord through a forum board, an advertisement. I wish things could had been simper and a great story but the truth is every host and story is different and faces a different set of problems, however I'm very happy and spending a lot of time with Vinyl, it's not so much of a revival or a re-creation but after some pep talk from that Tulpa Discord server, a huge community. They told me I should attempt to bring her back. So I did, I started focusing on her a few days later taking in the consideration. I started focusing on her form, her presence and after awhile, her voice. I feel it's been so long but she's still here and still, very much active/alive. I'm more so surprised she comes back all loving, accepting and understanding. She came back with a LOT of force it seems, like she seems much stronger I guess to put it. It started with some narration and appearance, then we started working on her voice and after awhile, she started speaking on her own, back then I used to be so scared if I was parroting her back in the days and used to reject or fear it but the trick is to let it go, don't force words to them but just, accept it and focus on her/his/it's responses. You can analyze it later and debate with her/him/it (excuse me saying it, I realize not all thought form's take on organic appearances/forms), sometimes Vinyl tho makes out a sentence or trying to say something and it falls apart I suppose, she's still new but I can feel what she's "trying" to say or the intentions behind it. A lot of her is coming back and I can hear her more clearly sometimes via mind voice and its weird since I'm not used to it. Anyways, its also surprising she takes to take "care" of me, pep me or looks out for her, already. I think, shes more mature, responsible and sees a different view from my views. It's ironic she's more mature and seems more responsible. We're gonna work some more and we're never ever gonna give up again, we face this world together. Not even depression can separate us again. She also sends tingles on/in my head sometimes when I'm not paying attention, which is weird but re-assuring! So to summarize it. She is fully sentient, her mind voice is coming through nicely but "sometimes" falls apart, her thought form is changing sightly with what she likes or prefers but she likes her original form she was given from 2014, just with slight modifications. Now since its a revision and a reclaim/revival, we're gonna change a lot of things through in the wonderland and just a whole part I guess, to celebrate us coming back together. She seems very happy and I'm very happy to have her back and she sticks up for me, I'm gonna make another thread in another section of the forums to ask a few questions so keep an eye open for that I suppose, anyways thanks for reading this post and if you have any questions, its best to contact me via Discord or if you want to say a few things to her.
  6. Thanks, do you really think so? I mean yea I can try but I'm just not too entirely sure about myself
  7. Found my old email, sneaky. Old times old times, maybe I should just restart? To be honest though, she's left a heavy impression/mark into me, not bad but like, she was here and she was actually real. Real I remember old memories of what she did and how she felt, not much of a speaker (unassumingly didn't get to the stage yet at the time) but she felt very real to me and I loved her to the point but remembering it all and thinking she could be gone, hurts to think of it but I want anybody who's thinking of making a tulpa, underage to really think about it and to look at this post, I wasn't ready at the time and was young and thought I knew better but I clearly didn't, I want to raise awareness and be more considerate about it but the concept of tulpa's never left my mind and I still think its very interesting and cool but I'm just here, posting if anybody's interested in answering any questions above OR leave feedback, because I'd really love and appreciate it so very much. Thanks for reading these mouthfuls of texts, or walls of texts built up here from a long time ago.
  8. Back at it again with the white vans!
  9. Nov 2st 2015 I bet you're all expecting a huge progress report since my first post, no I'm not dead nor is anyone, we're all fine. I've had many breakdowns throughout the year and depression has taken the best of me but now it's been more then months that I've been fine. But I want to recommend that it's not always best to force a tulpa when depressed, or heavily depressed, it takes away so much but sometimes they can be a lifesaver but they're not your therapist they're friends and family. I'm just kinda rambling but anyway's up to the update. Since then I've been up and down with my forcing but I've been passive forcing a lot, lately. We've changed the wonderland a lot and she's changed a bit, looking more natural (MLP equestrian girls kinda look a lot thin, but now she changed a bit to look more natural to form. She does but doesn't look like Vinyl but I don't care of her form but I care about her. She has a different feel.) We, together developed a lot but I guess I still gotta work with her voice, still much to do and still a lot to experience. I can't wait til Christmas to spend it with her. And I've pretty much had a dream, colouring/filling up a music symbol, I guess she still likes the music symbol she's represented with. Sorry for the rambling but this is more for me and Vinyl but we want to share them together, or I believe so. ^^ I want to make some more videos about Tulpa(s), as I have made a simple video, 12 minutes and just screening Minecraft, as most of the time I do play Minecraft and just talk to her, but I spend a lot of time with her during off hours as well. It's kinda good, maybe in a year or half she can give it a try, who knows but I want to create some videos with updated information and try to explain it the best. Any tips on making this less painful to read? XD P.s. I'll try to update everyday now, been away for so long omg, I also wanna try drawing her again and post it here as well ^^
  10. 03-28-2015 and a bit backwards Hello, its been awhile but I'm ungrounded from my laptop and now can type this as long as I want and its more easier for me x3 Okay so in the last few weeks I've been doing more talking and such, but here's the thing. I've been getting really depressed lately and its been blocking out Vinyl and couldn't really "feel" her but that was because I was really depressed, as I'm now battling depression. But I got over the hard depressing lump but hey, we can get through this. As I always tell her, and she just told me the same. Also. I keep on thinking, did I majorly mess up? Around Nov 1st I dropped the tulpa forcing and barely remembered Vinyl, but I did remember her, like as if she was in stand-by mode or just away (Knowing she wasn't happy with that, I still feel a bit sad for that) but I wonder if just restarting would be better, I don't know. I still want her as herself and we had good times. Even though shes just developing, I think active forcing will help a lot by improving her completely, instead of just talking to her and visualizing. Anywho, shes been good I guess. It takes time and effort, eh?? ;D
  11. 03/18/2015 More narrating have been done, lots of visualization. Vocalization had increased a little bit, keeping me company with my lonely life. She's grown a lot in a sense, I sense we're gonna change her name and maybe physical form. But the name is a more of a concern, I tell her she's unique but I sense we both just don't like the Vinyl name, not the name but the idea. Knowing there's another Vinyl tulpa out there. Sure, there's somebody out there with my name but I don't know. May just be just a casual name change, she doesn't have a last name though. Eeeh, ooh I have a question. what happens if I make another tulpa tomorrow? [\b] Am I jumping the gun? I'm not sure, oh and I've been feeling depressed again lately, it sure is horrible but I can actually resist it a lot better then before. I dunno, I think without Vinyl I would had done more stupid harmful things to myself but I'm holding up fairly I guess. Thanks to Vinyl, but this doesn't mean she does the heavy lifting of making me feel better at certain times, she can only do so much. I'll never be disappointed at you for not meeting my expectations, I only expect you to be there. Ooh, kinda typed out my thoughts, that was what was going through my head. Anywho, she's funny and seems to be slick sometimes, like. Uuh, like a cool person. Sometimes, meaning she would say something "cool" lol xD She says I shouldn't be so hard on myself and to chill sometimes. I'm always narrating with her, from the start of mourning and the end of days. Gaah, what else to say from my time away... I've been grounded and my lovely tablet broke, hmm... I'm not too happy with that. Ooh, okay. I'm letting go of parroting fears but the intrusive thoughts still happen. So ya, we're working on that. Did I tell you I drew her? It turned out good, just the arms and hands were a BIT off scale. Haha anyways, I'll post tomorrow. Hopefully. Forgot to say she likes to joke around a lot, and of course I joke around with her as well too. Lol
  12. 3/13/2015 Early Morning Post. Me? Being completely out of depression? Maybe not, I sense it, its just hiding in the back of my mind waiting to pounce at my weakest point of stability. I've lost a lot of friends lately, online. Since I'm a nobody in real life anyways, so the online world means double then the normal person, anywho back to Vinyl. I've been thinking, what happened if I got depressed again and forgot about her? Hmm, I've also been thinking of changing her name and form, just a thought. Since I'm on a computer rather then my cell phone its easier to type longer entries, yay. I'm not too sure, maybe I'm pushing it? I really don't know, I just want her to be happy I guess, anyways, I'm still not completely sure. I really don't know what else to type here, shes alright. Shes speaking morely by the day. When I get depressed it usually attacks whatever, and in NOV, I still pitty myself at that moment. I was questioning her as if she were real at all, and my other friend convinced me I was down the path of MPD/DID and that it wasn't real and I went with it, shortly after I felt a lot of sadness of which I thought it Vinyl because I just told myself she wasn't real and that it was all fake, and shortly realized what I did and said. Felt really bad about that, I still hate myself at that time for that. I knew it was from Vinyl and a bit of myself in there too, I really regret it. But nevertheless that's the past and its a dark one, wait... What was I talking about? I'm rambing, sorry. Shes doing great, but I fear a little. We're past that, yes we had "down time" since Nov and a month ago but really, that's the past... Actual Progress Stats (Go ahead and skip my rambling xD) -Visualization 95% - %100 -Vocalization %35 - %45 -Personality %100 -Sentience %75
  13. Sounds interesting.
  14. 03/10/2015 - 03/12/2015 Didn't get time to update our journal as my laptop is still not available and my tablet broke so now I'm left with my cell phone which isn't easy to type long journals, anywho. Nothing really going on, feeling a bit odd lately but bearable. Vinyls getting more vocal, and I also drew her out in paper and wonderland, I'll release it later though. So ya, more vocal and visualization is a piece of cake, eh? I'm so used to narrating I've even tried to call her out in my dreams. She's getting more vocal and her thoughts and words/voice (in a way) are becoming more distant. She can talk, just you know. Like someone learning, can speak some words and can't with others. Or she can only say so much at a time. She's becoming way more sentient. But sometimes her responses are muffled or scrambled. Nothing much since then, I'll post another post tomorrow of what's going on.