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About Sheesta

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  1. Hey everyone, I thought I'd ask for some advice, and haunt here for a while, because I discovered the concept of tulpas while reading a bunch of creepypastas recently (don't hate me). I am generally one of those grumpy sort of skeptical people who outright laugh at the idea of anything "superstitious" or generally out of the ordinary like this - in fact half of the reason I like Creepypastas is that while I enjoy being able to feel the story yet be outright skeptical, I want to have my beliefs challenged. Of course, the creepypasta didn't, but as I began to read more and more about Tulpas, something came to me about it - I can't quite describe it. Something about it made sense to me, as someone who believes quite strongly in the complexity of the human mind on a psychological level, rather than anything occult. I couldn't quite pinpoint what it was, like a pressure, like a lure drawing me to the idea where I spent hours and hours reading about it. It wasn't until I was rereading some old stories that a friend of mine and I wrote years ago, and chat logs of our discussions about them, that it became apparent. I think my friend and I made, or began to make Tulpae without realising what one even was. In my teens, I went through the general teenage angst, misanthropy and overhwhelming bouts of adolescent narcissitic egocentrism as most do of the "outsider type" during that period. My friend and I used to write as a coping mechanism for our issues, a lot. We'd try to do National Novel Writing Month (and often fail) and roleplay with characters we'd imagine. It started out very fictional, and we'd write back and forth to explore our characters' thoughts and reactions to the situations we'd put them in. At one point, we used the same character set for months, and we spent so much time with these characters (her more than I did, admittedly) that I began to got an odd feeling that my character, Ethan, was more than just some words on the page. Let me just put it out there - Ethan was blatant self-insert, but represented many parts of myself that I try to hide, or I try to compartmentalise away. Fears and thoughts, joys and interests. He had a distinct personality, view, set of interests and opinions, and it's why I've rarely ever been able to write about anything as vividly as I have written about him, and it kind of killed my ability to write. When I realised that I was actively feeling his emotions, and actively thinking about him even when not writing, I got scared. My friend suffers from some mental health issues, and I do too, and I thought I was going insane. I tried to not think about Ethan for a while, as my thoughts and feelings on him became more pronounced, and in a non-romantic way, I realised how much I cared for, and perhaps you could say, loved him. Being the rational kind of skeptical mind I am, I pushed it away, stopped writing, and tried to get on with other things in life. I do occasionally think about him, but try to keep him mentally as a fictional character, but now that I'm beginning to learn about the concept of tulpas, I'm a little dumbfounded. Okay, I'll be more direct. I'm a bit terrified now, because as I write this, I'm getting this sort of strange feeling of, almost, enthusiasm and encouragement from somewhere and I am kind of convinced this is Ethan. Sort of feels almost like "Yes, yes! Go! Post! Learn!" Even typing that sentence drew a smile from me with this overwhelming feeling of jubilation. Can anyone who has experience in Tulpas here possibly advise me and help? Is this, what my friend and I have done accidentally? In terms of the creation process, it feels in the creation and use and development of these characters, it's the same concept. I cannot speak for her experiences, however, from conversations we've had less than sober in the past, she has admitted that she felt very strong connections to her "character" also. (This has also been posted to /R/Tulpas, I think I'll pop it here as an intro, and possibly make it its own thread)