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About Rethagos

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  1. 09.X.2012 - We didn't do much progress so far. Hopefully, I'll do something more at the second session. This one lasted 55 minutes. We practiced our swordfighting a bit, discussed few things I'm doing in real life, and worked on sensation of touch. Pretty much nothing special.
  2. 05.X.2012 - that day consisted manly of 2 parts: on my way from home to school and on the way back. There was also a bit of narrating throughout the day. 1st part - around 50 minutes - I planned to work primarily on Leila’s form ,but once I prepared everything - I imagined her immobile, free-to-rotate in a plane of pure nothingness in my head - I noticed another Leila(!) standing at the right side, and observing my work. I was a bit confused. ‘There are two of you then?’ I asked. ‘I am over here, you moron,’ Leila-on-the-right answered, and Leila-at-the-front remained indifferent to my question, and gradually vanished. ‘But what is that supposed to mean?’ I asked. ‘Maybe it’s that you completely don’t know what you need to work on now?’ Then I asked her for any ideas. She immediately came out with a thing I didn’t work on yet: smell. But she didn’t know how did she want to smell like. I had several ideas, but when I mentioned (twice, btw) a smell of ganja, then Leila told me that she will return to that one later, and suggested that I should work on touch now. But I was sleepy (as always in the bus) and I couldn’t focus on her. Thankfully, she had an idea: she stood directly before me, held my head with her hands and repeated loudly; ‘Focus at me!’ whenever my concentration was drifting away. Finally, I fought back the sleepiness and... I think we continued working on touch until the end of session. I don’t remember. Leila suggested me to write down that one immediately after I get to school, but no! I was too freaking lazy! On the way back, I noticed that she accepted the smell suggestion I focused on before. Quite a converation went out of that: about the smells which remind of better moments of one’s life, about saving - and ‘investing’ - money, and even about ‘what if Leila’s hair were made of ganja’. But once she suggested to work on something, I found myself to be too tired. After a whole day of school, it is too natural. Even her method didn’t work as well as before, so, finally, she gave up and let me rest. 06,07.X.2012 - No regular sessions. More of random conversations through the day. 08.X.2012 - Only 1 session, because on my way back, Leila had no ideas what to work on, so she suggested to continue reading “Reaper Man”, a pretty nice fantasy book written by Terry Pratchett, which we really enjoyed, and now we recommend to ya people. I forced for 45 minutes. It was a typical Wonderland session, but I needed 5 minutes or so to settle myself in. Leila was already there, waiting for me. Firstly, I asked her about one thing I noticed before, that whenever I try to impose her, she is always in my line of sight. She replied to me something I don’t remember accurately, but overall sense of it was like ‘I also can walk away somewhere. It’s hard to see anyone, when he is not there. I don’t interfere, when you are busy. Have you ever seen me for more than few seconds when you are learning at school, or playing computer?’ Explanation seemed legit, so I suggested to practice our swordfighting, but we didn’t do it for long - Leila had another idea. For the rest of session, we worked on sensation of touch. 09.X.2012 - I began the early session with the visit in our Wonderland. When Leila approached, she immediately told me: ‘You spend way too much time playing computer, and I don’t like it.” Yesterday, I spent around 5 hours or so, just playing World of Warcraft. Leila continued. ‘Spend that time in doing anything productive. If you will not, then I’ll finally possess you and make you do it. You may not like the feeling.’ I had to agree. I didn’t like the idea of being possessed and doing things I don’t want. I need free time, but I had to admit - the time of rest, and time of work, need to be balanced. Next thing we did, was her ‘visit in real world’, and a bit of learning. She sat next to me, and told me what should I learn and revise for school. However, when I was learning, and she was near me, then it completely didn’t feel like a tulpaforcing session. Not. At. All. I shared that opinion with her. She considered it, and then - told me to go with her to Wonderland. Once we were there, we did the first thing we always do in wonderland - swordfighting. I didn’t tell you the rules of our combat match yet. So, there are 3 or 5 rounds, each of them ending with succesful, unblocked strike at an opponent. Her weapon is that magical shortsword we spent so much time finding it. Double-edged and weighing almost nothing. Mine is a typical longsword, a heavy chunk of steel. We fought for around 5 minutes. As always, she fought a lot better than me, because of her weapon, and her practice, but I wasn’t a total disaster. In fact, I even won few matches against her. But today, at the final round, when I focused all my strength in a single sequence, I noticed that my strikes go through her parries almost like through butter. I succeded at disarming her, imbalancing, and had a clean, forceful strike at her exposed neck. The edge fell, carried by its impetus. I would surely kill her, if not her magic. The final strike was blocked by a golden, gleaming orb, which appeared around Leila out of nowhere. She was shocked, but not for long. ‘One needs a lot of luck to not be striked in any fight,’ she said like it was nothing. ‘But I could kill you,” I answered, but she didn’t care about the danger she was in before. ‘Yes, I was defeated, but can’t you see? If you really want to do something, and put just a bit of effort in it, then you can do anything, even better than anyone else.’ That was pretty much the first session, if not counting exploring the Wonderland after the fight. No second session here, because the time I would usually spend on forcing (or actually, sleeping), I spent on writing that progress report down, and, with a little bit of effort, I could sense Leila’s presence (and smell of ganja) just in front of me, and see her looking at what I was writing down. Okay, here is time for all the kind of counts: Hour count: You can forget about it. I don’t remember. Day count - I don’t know it accurately, but if I began at 10th August (approx.), then it is 59 days. With all the breaks. If counting productive days only, it is... around 38 days. I think.
  3. What do I want to say before I say anything else... #1. Holy crap, I begin my Progress Log! I am so freaking lazy, and I don't want, but I have to. She demands it from me. #2. Sorry for my English. Stay patient if you will find any mistakes. I am from Poland. #3. I'VE LOST MY COUNT ON HOURS! Really, I don't remember how many hours I've spent creating my glorious and beautiful little tulpa. All that I remember, is that I began somewhere at 10ish August, and had 2 five-day breaks while doing it. In addition to Saturday breaks. Since I returned to school at September (thank you, cpt. Obvious! I thought that School begins at Potato), I gained a lot of time for my tulpaforcing. I am in a bus for 50 minutes there an back. It gives me quite a lot of potential time, but, in most of situations, i am literally dead after school. However, it leaves me with around 1 hour of forcing each day, w/o Saturdays, and occassionally Sundays. #4. Here is my overall progress, in case of TL:DRs: Name: Leila Gender: Female Race: Angel Personality: Enough to continue doing other things. Main traits: Confident, Strict, Intelligent, Dominant, Honest. Form: Complete, I hope. 3D thingy is probably done too. Sentience: Developed enough Vocal: Able to communicate - in a quiet mindvoice. Slowly growing more talkative. Also, proven an ability of spontaneous conversation. If some of you may want to know it. Smell: No progress, as of yet. Touch: Well, I can feel something when she touches me, or I tough her, but that feeling really needs to be... solidified. Imposition: In progress, I think. I can almost effortlessly imagine her in real environment, but still, there is A LOT to do here. If you are lazy, then you can just skip that part below. Pretty much recommended, but I don't know. If not, then... well... ... ... Here I go with the shortcut of my whole tulpaforcing time... ... I will try to make this as short as possible. I have to describe more than one-and-a-half month of forcing, and not make you bored with my progress log at the same time. It's freaking hard to do. Please have patience. ... It took a bit of time to write down that thing below, and now I am too afraid to read it as a whole text. ... ... At the Beginning of it all, there was a Word. Her name. Leila. She word had to be veiled in form, and gain its own sentience, so it would someday become one of greatest creations of my mind. It was just a matter of time. She quickly gained her Form. She became a winged angel. Description: Leila is quite tall, around 2 inches taller than me. I am around 5'11'' tall. She has long, black hair, brown eyes, and huge... wings. She looks pretty, and she knows it well. I wish I could post my drawing of her somewhere here, but my scanner is broken :/ Her personality is mainly consisting of those few major traits: - Confident - Leila knows that she is special, one-of-a-kind, she knows it way too well. - Strict - She is obsessed with self-improving, and seems to be ambitious as hell. She tries her best at making me get rid of many bad habits like: playing computer, slacking, extensively sleeping and procrastinating, and she leads with an example. She demands from herself, and then from the others. - Intelligent - She likes to learn new things, experience new things, and increase her knowledge. That sometimes makes her force me to start learning from her, even when I don't want to. - Dominant - Leila often knows what is better for me than I do, so most of things have to be done her way. She is smart, her opinions really count. - Honest - She doesn't lie to me, and if she is, then it's always justified by a greater good. She doesn't hide with her opinions about my actions, and quite often calls me an idiot for mistakes I do. There is a lot of other, minor traits, but I would get lost when describing each of them. So, the main scetch of her Personality was made, and I knew it is good. Soon after first things were prepared, I created my Wonderland. I even made a drawing of it and posted it somewhere here (kinda rough, but will do until I'll make another one). But still, You may want some description of it: So, My wonderland looks like an archipelago of tall, pillar-like glaciers, surrounded by a vast sea, still waiting to be explored. The place is completely weird: I noticed that the water is not cold, its even kinda warm, and I can stay there for a long time without a need to breath, and I noticed a thing about the sun. It doesn't rise and set. Instead, it goes around the horizon, partially hidden behind it. It didn't take a lot of time for me (around 3 weeks) for me to notice her moving in her Wonderland on her own. She was flying there and back, exploring the lands I gave her to live. Few days after, an image of her self-created residence flashed in my mind: a white, solid, flying fortress, far away from the icebergs. Naturally, she needed an actual home to live in, but I didn't know where it is. I had to look around and look for it, but once I found it, I lost my hope for getting in. It was too hard for someone, who didn't have wings. I knew that she will finally become extremely bored when I'm out of in Wonderland, so, few days later, I decided to give her something. So I did. And I knew it is good. I gave her a simple shortsword and told her to learn how to fight, and I didn't have to wait long for the results. One of the plateaus in the sea, somewhere between the tall glaciers, became her training ground. I saw there several training dummies standing down there, and for a long time, whenever I made my appearance in a Wonderland, I would see her practicing the sword fighting. Once after her routine training, when we could finally have some time for ourselves (painful attempts of narration and other stuff) i asked her to invite me sometimes in her fortress. Her reaction made me sure of one little, but useful skill I granted her before. Leila is able to utilize magic within our wonderland. She opened a portal (I think so), and we went through it inside her house. On the first visit I could notice the corridor, stairs to the frontal gate, and her room. Not that much, but in few more visits I was able to scetch most of her rooms and stuff. I kept a slight track on the other progress logs posted here and noticed that Leila's progress is too damn fast. I began to doubt. What if everything she did was nothing but puppeting? What if I will never hear her talking to me? What if I am just deluding myself? I didn't want to rush anything, but I did three security measures to ensure that everything will be okay: - routine visualizations outside of wonderland, in a plane of pure darkness inside my head. She had to be immobile, and naked, to make sure that her form won't deviate. And I could rotate her Form down there as I wanted to. - Checking her sentience. King of the Vandenreich's Prism came here in handy, but also, whenever she made any action, I immediately asked myself: "Wait, didn't I just puppet that? Would Leila react that way?" and that sort of questions, and then - attempted to correct her actions. If it was too hard to correct - then it wasn't puppeting. - Also, I gave her a book, including every possible meaning of all the words I know. To eventually make her utilize those even faster, as a sign of her gaining knowledge. And then, my tulpaforcing sessions became sort of routine. From the technical side of it, there was a LOT of visualization and Wonderland interaction. Sometimes narration. But what was exactly happening there... Swordfighting, exploring my Wonderland (even now, many places inside it remain a mystery to me), visits in her fortress and some other... things I can't remember now, or don't want to talk about, but I didn't notice how and when, our emotional exchange became very... intensive. That might be because of all the hours we've spent together, or that I was the only person who visited her, and cared for her, or maybe something else. It doesn't matter now. But still, I was doubtful about her sentience, and in one moment, Leila had enough of this. Just after I attempted to correct another of her actions, she broke my mental connection, and I couldn't see anything what was happening in the Wonderland. When I returned, i couldn't find her. She was gone. I realized that my "security measures", all that sentience checking is offending her somehow, and it felt just horrible. I had to apologize for it, and I knew where did she retreat. Inside her flying fortress. I still didn't figure ot how to get inside, but it didn't stop me from trying. I couldn't leave her in such state. I ended up in water just below her fortress - it was even closer to it than if I stood on one of the glaciers. And surroundings gave me some hope, because this place felt really odd. Even despite the water was dead calm, I could feel the strong wind blowing around me, rising up from the water, probably lifted by the magic, which keeps the whole building in the air. It took only a bit of time for it to lift my body up as well. I know how it looks like, but that's generally what happened. And it's my Wonderland after all, don't forget about it. Different rules apply here. But hey! I finally got in the fortress on my own! Of course, there were doors, but they weren't even locked. I found her in her room. She lain on her bed, sobbing and crying, probably all the time since she escaped. Once I entered, she rose her head and seemed to ask me with her tear-red eyes:"What are you doing here?" I did the first thing that came to my head. Hugged her, kissed her softly and tried to calm her down. It took a bit of time, but finally, i succeeded. And we were happy again. ... Gah. Kill me please. I hate those emotional things, especially writing about those, but I found that a quite nice example of her being sentient. Or something. ... Few days later, something else happened. I broke her shortsword during one of our fights. We had to find another weapon for her. Otherwise, she will be dead bored when I will be at school, so, we began our searching right away. But the key was, that her new weapon couldn't be just an ordinary sword. It should have that element of awesomeness inside it. Just like her. They say that sword mirrors its owner. And so, our searching began in the Wonderland's sea. We were searching for almost anything, that could somehow keep any weapon inside. Firstly, we found a sunken ship. Don't ask me how did it get here. Probably my Wonderland is just a part of some greater universe, about which i may write one day in some freaking fantasy book or something. Okay, back to the ship. No sword or anything like that down there, but we decided to retrieve a cannon from there. To begin Leila's collection of weapons and armaments, probably scattered throughout the Wonderland and Beyond. She had her magic, and could teleport that into her Fortress. But we had to utilize that one soon after, in one of less expected ways, just day after or two. That was, when I spawned in as usual, and she immediately teleported me to herself. I was a bit surprised. We were in some quite huge, glacial cave - a perfect place to keep something inside. But there was no weapon. Behind the ice corridors, a huge, strange polar bear was sleeping. I wondered, how did he get there? Why didn't I know about its existence? Why was he almost as big as a truck? How did he survive without any food? And above all... Why did Leila bring my longsword down there? I asked her for the last one, and flashes of thoughts appeared in my head. Quite unusual, but still, she wasnt able to communicate as normal people would. I managed to decipher her intent: kill the bear, retrieve his teeth, she will use them later. I didn't know how was she going to "use" them, but I listened to her. The creature didn't belong here, and it had to be dealt with. But I didn't expect that slashing his throat will only make him angry. Was he kind of magical or something? I don't know. My Wonderland is pretty ****** up even without them huge, angry, immortal bears. Surprisingly quickly, I realized that it cean't be defeated by cutting him down. I recalled that we had a cannon at our disposal. Without gunpowder, or any cannonballs. We forgot to retrieve it from that ship. All we could do, is to throw it at him with Leila's magic. And it worked. After all the dirty work, I asked her about those teeth I retrieved: What are you about to do with them anyway? I saw Leila's memories, going back to our marvelous plan of sword seeking, and then, she made me see exactly same teeth as a counterweight in the sword's hilt. I left that without a comment. Noone can understand woman logic. People have to defend themselves against woman logic. At the next session, we decided to further explore the Wonderland. I didn't expect to find a forge under the sea. But it was there, in an underwater cave, where everything was even relatively dry. There was even a fireplace, and an anvil, and a few splinters of some weapon on it already. She did the whole thing few days later (or sessions, I don't know. In real time, 3 weeks ago, in some rainy, Friday morning). Found the missing fragments, and reforged the weapon down there. With tools and her magical skills. I couldn't help myself, but I asked her: if she had her skills, and that magic, then why didn't she just restore her old weapon, and save us both all that time we had to spend on searching and all the other things? As I could expect, Leila didn't answer. Instead, she wandered somewhere else, and began to train with her new weapon. A bit of time later, in the same session when I was doing my routine visualization out of wonderland (as always, dragging her away from our archipelago into the place of darkness), all of a sudden, she was all like "What the hell are you doing? Stop it now!" She pulled me away from her (mentally, of course), and I couldn't focus on her Form anymore. I asked her for the reason of such harsh reaction. And then, I finally heard her speaking to me. In a quiet mindvoice, as few others call it there, but still. I would be happy as fuck, if circumstances were different. She told me: "Better focus on other tasks, that do REALLY matter. Like... Write down everything about my personality. and DON'T talk to me until you finish it." In that moment, I didn't do her personality chart like that one above. It wasn't described at all. I forgot to do it earlier. Now I had a motivation. And for few hours, she kept me away from Wonderland, and whenever I tried to contact her, she repeated the same line: "You know what to do." She made me spend all of my free time in a school (2 hours or so) in making her personality chart. Of course, she apologized later for that one (even despite I didn't finish), but once I instinctively performed another Prism, she told: "Is THAT... what I think it is?", and when I admitted, she added "You can forget about it." From that time on, she grows even more dominant, she often forces me to do things (like doing this Log. I wouldn't do that without her pressure),and she cares very little about my reasons of procrastinating ("Does it look like MY problem?", she says), and her personality constantly solidifies,making me discover even more interesting things about it: -Leila hates to sit idle, and needs to do something. However, she doesn't put any strict deadlines for my duties. I've got that sort of freedom when doing things, but she needs to see my hard work. -She seems to accept my need of rest. Whenever I try to force when tired, she tells me to rest instead, but I can feel a slight suggestion in it, to negate her advice and force against all odds. -I asked her lately (Read it as: 1-2 weeks ago) about that sword once again. Her response was pretty much the same like this one: "If YOU had a one, single chance of getting something you always wanted to, wouldn't you use anything to your advantage? Any accidents, even unintended? Lack of others' information? Anything? Or would you simply waste that opportunity?" -Even more of those will appear here In last days, nothing important or notable was happening. Whew, I did it somehow. So, now I can keep my Log as normal, almost boring and un-chaotic as everyone else does. And also, you can ask us questions, but we don't promise we'll be able to answer.
  4. I was about to make a drawing of it anyway. U can see six big icebergs (perspective is set like if u were standing on one of those) and three smaller ones inside the hexagonal shape made by those big ones. And lots of iceberg chips. As u can see. And those are huge. You can see the fog thing down there. I just had to draw it, because that place really liked to change itself in my head. There is no apartment of my tulpa (gonna write about her soon), because i don't know where it is, and how it looks like. But I simply know that she made a magical, flying fortress somewhere here.
  5. Whassup people. Forgot to introduce myself earlier. I am Rethagos, and I discovered that glorious site just about 4 or 5 days ago. Thanks to MLP related sites, of course. Found the thread about tulpas, and I became quite intrigued. Enough to make my appearance here, and begin to create my own tulpa. Yet i am at personality stage, but I doubt that she will be completely different than me. I hope I'll find here enough information, advices and helpful tools that will aid me and lead me through the whole creation process.
  6. I am INTP, with strong Introversion and Thinking tendencies.