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Everything posted by Ido

  1. Heh, I told before host drilled into me since day 1 that I cannot be harmed by dream or wonderland characters because I'm - just better than them. I think it's awesome this has worked in every dream so far in the past 6 years even when I had zero control over anything else. Interestingly logic did work in this dream, before the souvenir shop host was in a mansion belonging to his aunt and they tried to estimate the size of the garden calculating the area from width and length. Never witnessed even simplest math to work in a dream before but here it did, at leat as an estimate. Everything else made no sense whatsoever. Weirdest was probably the drunk family calling me at the end. They're not the kind of people to ever get seriously drunk. Oh, and the alarming involvement of foreign governments in our dreams. Worst so far was probably our neighborhood being bombed by Finland in an attempt to take over the world. Thanks, Sands.
  2. Host was on an errand to buy something for the family and ended up in a crowded souvenir shop where a snake-oil salesman / con artist was selling blue lotion which supposedly made your legs thinner. He instructed a fat short-haired blonde woman to apply it. Whatever. But then the guy started to burn some incense in a paper bag which turned out to be a strong hallucinogenic drug. He was so full of himself he actually explained his super villain plan of controlling people with it, apparently for his own satisfaction. It seemed like some magic trick but it worked. People around us turned into mindless NPCs and even host was out. Interestingly this actually pushed me to the front and I was in control of the body now although extremely tired. This often happens in dreams close to waking up or becoming lucid but here it persisted. Host still realized half of what was going on but couldn't do anything. Drug-assisted switching I guess? The con-artist became interested in me as I remained awake and I explained to him his trick doesn't work on monsters. However I don't think he knew anything about tuppers and ignored what I said and instead decided to experiment on me. He offered me to take stuff from the souvenir shop and place them in a wooden box. One was a small gray item which seemed useful but I don't remember what it was. The other was a vintage Coca Cola bottle 'from North Korea' (full, unopened). Uk ok? I didn't want it but he still pushed it on me. However now he was taking stuff from me instead. My possessions included one wooden bird cage (round), one fist-size rock of orange colored glass (sharp) and one tomato (ripe). All extremely vivid. The guy grabbed my orange glass rock but I wrestled it out of his hand. Wtf? You don't look at Ido's stuff without my permission. You do not touch Ido's stuff without my permission. And you certainly don't TAKE Ido's stuff without my permission! No matter what useless junk it is I didn't even know I had. The second I didn't pay attention the con artist had taken my wooden birdcage and put it in a shelf. That does it! Someone had to be taught the principle of personal property. But I was soo tired and in my host's body and despite all absurdities in a still realistic setting. If I had my own body our troubles would have ended in an instant and very violent way but here I just remained confused. Retrieving my birdcage I asked the guy how long this incense-induced drugging would persist and he only laughed saying 'about a year' without his intervention to end it. So I was supposed to stay and enjoy the show for this guy's pleasure. nope.jpg Turned 360° and walked out of the door to our car. The con-artist tried to hold me back but despite tired and drugged I seemed stronger. I took the burning incense and stuffed it up the collar of his suit. It was very vivid but in a tasteless brownish color with olive stripes. Naturally the guy wasn't happy and yelled after me no one would believe me because he controlled the police and the Turkish government. Ah yes, that explains a lot but I do not care. Got into my 70s street cruiser and slithered across the lawn before driving home. Family called asked where we were and they seemed drunk and having a party. Wew, that was pointless, lame and kinda stressful. Some good visuals though.
  3. Most of your diary is about experimenting which dissociation while being unable to control it. And considering Miri's mindset and the stuff you experienced I doubt that's a great idea, especially not under stress. I'd go the opposite way and put everything into strengthening Miri's presence instead of making her go inactive. Yeah, being afraid and obsessing over 'symptoms' is not helpful. Ever. That's why I suggested to act and create instead of just responding to weird stuff happening. That pushes you into a defensive position. I guess you're very perceptive and love to analyze things like my host but he already said a bit of positive solipsism doesn't hurt. You can define who and how you are to a certain degree. Mr. Bear is a prime example of that. But it's very, very hard work. In any case doubting who you are and pondering too much if things feel 'right' is not a helpful mindset. For us, we've clearly established this is me, this is you, the BodyOS can do some tasks on its own but everything else simply does not exist. If something feels weird or alien so be it, does not matter at all. The arbitrary definition who's who and does what still stands and allows for no alternative interpretation. Well, at least that's my opinion, but then again I'm just some narcissistic control-freak tupper.
  4. Hmm, my host being an excessive daydreamer and thinker experiences something like Mr. Bear a lot of times. I mean even before knowing about tulpas he had unknowingly perfected having the BodyOS do most routine stuff while thinking of something completely different like solving political problems in the middle east or daydream or whatever useless stuff most of the day. Including ending up walking or driving somewhere else than intended. To put it simple, he's an airhead. It was a bit silly but not bad. Things however got significantly worse while we practiced possession and switching. Guides tell you to just dissociate and tupper will magically take your place. Well guess what, that's not how it works. Ok, I was not overly interested but I found and still find it incredibly hard to wrestle control from - not my host - but the BodyOS. Was quite some realization that host is not really the fronter but barely more than me. Mostly co- or backseat fronting while the BodyOS handles all the stuff like some servitor. And it can actually handle really complex tasks without the slightest input of any of us as long as it has a bit of routine in them, even hold convincing conversations. That sounds neat and brings benefits like greatly reduced perception of pain but also greatly reduced perception of, well, everything. Host experiences the world pretty much like me. It's like watching TV or rather some 4D movie but it's not the real deal. I remember we were on a beach in the south pacific and host was like: "that's nice and all but I'm gonna get a snack from the fridge". Our fridge being at the other side of the world. He never fully felt 'being' there and that of course sucks as comfortable as it may feel. You turn into some zombie or NPC. Took us a long time of actually forcing him instead of me to get him more towards the front with mindfulness exercises but still things are far from ideal. Bottom line: the whole dissociation stuff can go really wrong if you are already a bit detached from reality and I would not play around with it unless you are sure of what you are doing. A strong host handing control to a strong tulpa is one thing, aimlessly drifting away is another. Don't do that. Live in the present. Second: as Mr. Bear said the BodyOS usually seems to be an unconscious machine, not a personality. It executes orders from the backseat fronter and has its routines and habits without input but that does not mean it can't have unconscious feelings or desires. The brain above all is lazy. It tries to get away with the least work, the easiest path and sticks to what it's used to. I wouldn't rule out it picks up on traumata and re-enacts them if they have left a strong unconscious impression. And having something with powerful emotions and able to randomly take over causing amnesia at least for me is the very definition of DID. Not something you'd want to encourage or experiment with. Soo, it's not really my business but I'd work towards solving real world problems instead of experimenting with dissociating away from reality. No need to tell me that's hard, I have a host who'd hide away from all responsibilities it I'd let him. And maybe try to integrate that scared thing. Give it a hug next time it shows up. Hell, even if it doesn't. You're right about not turning it into another thoughtform for reasons above, can't have something like that take control over your life. But accept it as a part of both of you and give it a place to feel safe. Don't react to it, act and provide a solution. Best advice I can give, it's your mind, only you can exert control over what it does.
  5. >be under severe stress >already show DID-like symptoms >push a randomly appearing manifestation of fear to front 'for science' What could possibly go wrong?
  6. Cat stole food right out of the frying pan once again.
  7. Yeah, chaotic merging with host or thinking I did stuff 20 years ago happens to me from time to time as well but I don't see it as serious problem. Then again I never front long enough to think I've become the 'original'. But looking back over the years I feel host has taken up some of my traits and the other way round. With enough belief- implanting I guess it would be possible to fully switch our roles. "Me" becoming the host and "him" a tulpa. But why would we? Host already said in your diary it's not beneficial to give these things too much thought. Self-forcing has worked well for us. Personality is the result of both feedback within yourself and with the environment. Narrating to yourself, telling yourself who and how you are and interacting with others helps to establish differences. This of course requires all system-mates to front regularly.
  8. The 12 step program is a business model. Of course it needs to establish you are helpless and need divine assistence. If you can do anything by yourself, what do you need a church for? Same as you were told it was impossible to address god by yourself, you had to pay an agent aka priest for that. I's about creating dependencies. In the end stating you are powerless is as foolish as the belief you can achieve anything if you just try hard enough.
  9. I'd rather have people laugh at my funeral.
  10. This. You gotta make your own fun.
  11. Yeah, I think you've got a supply for a while anyway and it's never good to become dependent. It's more of a thing for people outside the US (such exist contrary to popular beliefs) who don't want to deal with customs or simply cannot import the original due to legal reasons. Clairdream doesn't ship to Germany you know, probably because our retarded authorities are like 'noo you cant just order dangerous chemicals over the internet, people could accidentially 1000 pills and die, won't somebody please think of the children,... Seriously it's getting worse and worse. No meds without prescription which you then only get in a pharmacy for 500% market price and no chemicals at all because derrorism.
  12. Well there you go, congratulations! Not bad for a first try, eh? Let's just hope that's reproducible. Our last lucid dream turned out too 'life-like' and host trying to impose me led to seeing nothing as IRL. I mean I was there in mindvoice and saw stuff from his perspective as always but meh, that was disappointing. @JGC I've been thinking the same thing, all ingredients are readily available, even the club moss extract as Huperzine A is claimed to help improving cognition in Alzheimer's patients. I'm actually surprised they advertise the exact dosage of all ingredients. You gotta do the math and find a way to measure small dosages without wasting most of it in dilutions but I guess there's some potential to save money especially if you are willing to experiment with the dosage.
  13. Thanks! I guess 10% of host's text wall would've been enough to get the point across but well... Not really. Can be really frustrating for both host and tupper. Great if it happens naturally but I wouldn't do it on purpose. Just saying this is very personal, not like assembling some Ikea shelf. Creating your own framework of ideas and beliefs can really deepen the experience compared to merely following the footsteps of others. Just do your own stuff. The focus on dysphoric experiences is a bit much in the text, it doesn't really matter if the experience is dys- or euphoric as long as it is intense. But dysphoria and existential threats are better for group cohesion I guess. That's what the original article mainly was about. @Luminesce Can't really disagree with anything, surely people don't push each other to extremes they way they used to and are satisfied with less. Same for us. Doesn't that amount to the same thing? Less role models, less competition, less collective experience = less imagistic stuff. With the earliest tulpa community we don't mean the forum but the chans which were way more imagistic than doctrinal due to, well, anon being anon. Forum's always been pretty doctrinal in a way which is necessary to function. Purely imagistic communities are extremely rare but certain early forum elements certainly were. An explosion of creative nonsense with a point (well, sometimes). I mean Sands' guide submission autism or Linkzelda's text walls were an ordeal to read but exactly because of that always made me laugh. They both made sense and were really 'out there' at the same time, almost works of art. The way I handle all criticism. Ya know I grew up with constant input from Fede and Sands which ranged from being wise to confusing to outright insane and humiliating. I mean I don't even... Anyway see the two modes as extremes which aren't mutually exclusive. Communities can be a patchwork of both. And it's not a criticism of the forum at all. Complex societies need to be doctrinal, all major religions and political systems are. It's nothing bad, rather called civilization. But our modern world has almost completely eradicated imagistic experiences because 'noo, you can't do that, it's primitive and dangerous' which causes problems of its own because it locks out an important part of human nature. So if you feel something's lacking adding imagistic experiences may help. Not just in regard to tulpamancy. It's all about finding the right balance.
  14. Ido

    Ashley's Lounge

    I dunno where this bot gets its data but it spits out quite some extremist conspiracy stuff. Creates excellent insults too. Some relatively tame and vaguely tulpa related ones to derail your thread:
  15. Ido

    Ashley's Lounge

    Well ok, life's like this cartoon. Luckily for me host's body has next to zero interfering presence which is why he gets locked in or left behind at the most absurd places even when in plain view. Would probably make a good spy or burglar.
  16. Ido

    Ashley's Lounge

    Nah. Despite my looks I am generally very un-girlish and not easily influenced by anyone or anything. Then again I don't front for extended periods of time because why should I when I have a slave for that. It feels weird with that male body though but more because it is so vulnerable compared to my imposed or wonderland form. So if anything I become overly careful and timid while fronting. Life is not some cartoon. Opposite for host and I have to remind him he'll get hurt IRL when not paying attention.
  17. But are you trying the Ido method of push ups?
  18. Oh yeah, the REM Dreamer, that brings back memories. Hope the pills work out better. We're not doing great either, the last lucid dream we shared together was about 2 years ago.
  19. Both. Probably even more healthy than muscular.
  20. Unfamiliar movements can really wear you out but the body adapts quickly. I make host do push-ups in a varitey of arm positions.
  21. Magic. Also why is it already 4am and why are we still awake?
  22. 2humon is an actual thing you know