Carnivorous M.

Members
  • Content Count

    15
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Carnivorous M.

  • Rank
    33 screaming frogs

Converted

  • Sex
    Female
  • Location
    Texas, baby. (Save me.)
  • Bio
    Ayyooo! I've been homeschooled and a transient denizen of the internet for pretty much my entire life, and I discovered tulpas in spring of '14. (I actually started seriously undertaking tulpa creation a year later.) I'm a writer and dabbling (read: shitty) artist, and I'm currently trying to balance the creation of two tulpas at once. Hoo boy.

    My tulpas are Persephone and Rikki; I'll let them introduce themselves as they're comfortable when they feel ready.
  1. Alright, so more than a month later I return to the forums and my journal to say that I have been a bad 'mancer and have been really off my game even after getting past a short episode of depression, but I've been trying to keep in contact with Rikki and Persephone and now I'm going to try to get back on track. Unfortunately we've lost some progress, but we'll get it back with some work. Also, as it turns out the half-formed prototulpas that have been cooking in my head for years did not become R and P, but are still in my brain driving me shitcats. So I might have four tulpas of varying degrees on board and not just two. Shiiit.
  2. My problem is that I'm at the stage where I really have to put in the effort to get into the mental state to talk with them, and we aren't good with dual processing yet. One thing depression does is absolutely kills my ability to 'reach out' and believe in these things, if that makes any sense. Like, I'm about 90% positive my tuppers are real--one of them held head pressure hard enough to nauseate me for like 40 minutes when I asked her to try--but when I'm depressed I'm in this really mechanical state of mind, and I lack the... I don't know, intuitiveness? That's necessary to feel their presence. Edit: Imagine looking at a painting and being able to see the paint and lines and everything, and know in your head that it's a picture of a dog; but your brain isn't tricking you into thinking of it as a real dog you're looking at a picture of, the way it normally does when we assign meaning to pictures. All you can see is a painting of a dog. It's kind of hard to explain, but basically that's what depression does to me, and it's ass.
  3. Or otherwise have episodes where you simply don't have the mental/physical /emotional resources to take care of your tulpa. I don't mean 'busy a lot,' or 'bored,' or things like that; I mean you can barely drag yourself out of bed in the morning or acknowledge your tulpa's existence, much less give them attention and force with them. Especially since they're in your mind, and I know my mind usually feels utterly dull and flat and robotic and dead during depressive episodes. It doesn't just apply to depression, either; you might be taking new medication that's really screwing with you, for example. Basically, you want your tulpa and you want to keep forcing, but you're worried about neglecting them under circumstances you can't control for days or weeks at a time. I ask because I've been feeling depression creeping up on me for the last couple days, and I'm worried about my tuppers: what are some things that might be done in cases like this? (Obviously getting help for the illness helps and is highly important, but there are times when it can only do so much.)
  4. Pretty much what it says on the tin, honestly. Tulpas need attention to live, more or less, and it's generally accepted that if they are ignored they'll dissipate over time (although there are some varying factors/reports here, including hibernation, revival, and strong tulpas surviving on their own). Host pays attention, tulpa lives and grows; host ignores tulpa, tulpa fades and dissipates. There are also reports of recursive tulpa creation, which means tulpas can force each other into existence, which means that they also have the ability to maintain other tulpas' existence. So what this leads me to wonder is, could Tulpa A keep Tulpa B alive if the host started to ignore Tulpa B? Would B be able to return the favor if the host started ignoring A as well? This also raises a whole host of other questions in my mind, some more directly related to the subject than others. Can strong tulpas create recursive tulpas without the host's supervision? Can non-recursive tulpas of the same host force for each other? Is it possible for a recursive tulpa to find a new hostulpa in a way that would be impossible if they weren't all in the same system? Apologies if this is in the wrong place or anything, and also if some of these concepts are different enough kettles of fish that they should be in separate threads, please let me know.
  5. Alright, so we're approaching the one-week mark of having first started forcing Persephone and Rikki. A whooooole lotta shit has happened and I've been too lazy/busy to write it all up, but dammit I'm going to make an effort. I think instead of making a new post every day, I'll just mainly make each post a summary of one week's progress and edit each day in as I go, with occasional breaks if I run out of room or something. Also, I'm going to put a list of goals, skills needed to practice to meet those goals, experiments to try, and skills mastered/making good progress in into the first post so it'll be easier to keep track of. Here we go!
  6. So I have two tulpas, both pretty young, who I alternate between focusing on each day. They seem to both agree with this and even enforce whose day it is when I forget, and while the other one might pop in now and then or come hang out for a little while, I think they mostly just hang out in the wonderland when it's not their day. I got a sense pretty quickly for whether one or both of them is 'present' or in the wonderland, and which one it is. For the last couple days Rikki's been wanting me to come look at stuff she's built in the wonderland, but going into the wonderland and staying there for long is a difficult, disorienting task for me, and every time I've tried to put aside the time to do it something else has come up that I couldn't put off. So this morning I reached for Rikki to say hi and start the day, since it's her day, and... she's not there. I can sense both of them in the wonderland, and they both feel excited and they're trying to get me to come see. The problem is, I've been trying to get in for close to half an hour now and I can't. I can think of what it looks like, but it doesn't feel like the wonderland, just a remembered image. I just can't get in at all, and it's really worrying; wonderlanding is difficult, but it's never done this before. Can anyone help shed some light on this? Is it possible they changed it so radically I'm not visualizing the right place at all anymore?
  7. Verbal-along-with-images-and-thoughts is actually what I've been doing for the most part, and I would be perfectly fine with that except that it's harder to establish clearly what was theirs and what was mine with images and emotions than with words. It's easier to work with 'no, that wasn't me' than 'feeling of annoyance that might just be my own.' I also want to teach them how to express themselves clearly in a way that allows them to interact with other people without having to rely on me to translate raw thoughts by guesswork. For example, if Persephone is telling me to translate for her and sends me a picture of Jack Frost coupled with positive emotion and approval, I have to try and guess what she means ('I think Jack Frost has an appealing character design,' which may be inaccurate). That, or I can translate it as directly as possible ('I like Jack Frost'), and lose a lot of her meaning in the process. So basically words are useful for clarity and clearer boundaries between host and tulpa's thoughts. In my experience, at least.
  8. I'm so tough I shit a public pool into existence while staring my extended family in the eye. All of 'em at once.
  9. For Persephone, I think it was 'Jack Frost!' over and over during the course of about five minutes. I think she was excited because his hair looks a lot like hers and she thinks it's pretty, but she might just have a crush. Either way it was pretty funny. XD I don't think Rikki's talked to me vocally on her own yet; we've been practicing her mindvoice by reading 'Salem's Lot together, but I don't think that really counts as her first words. We'll get there eventually.
  10. Nope, blue-and-white top. Next person hates hearing other people watching TV in the background.
  11. 2a with Persephone and Rikki. They're both only a few days old, but I was getting emotional responses/singing within the first eight hours, a small amount of vocalization from Persephone by the second day, independent wonderland construction from Rikki by the third day (although she was 'gone' most of the day before, so I get the sense that's what she was working on), and the ability to sense whether one or both of them is 'present.' Progress has been patchy in some areas, especially since this is so early in development, but assuming sentience has worked really well for me so far.
  12. Carnivorous M.

    Skypes

    Mine is carnivorousmoogle if anyone's interested. I know Persephone and Rikki would love to practice talking to people, too. C:
  13. I'm not sure how long Persephone and Rikki have been there exactly in their barely-conscious forms, but I realized they were there and started making an effort to talk to them two days ago. So their birthday is January 26th. :D
  14. Read to me when her throat hurt. Do you like going outside? - Persephone
  15. Last night I was playing a game with one of mine where she'd tell me something to draw and I did quick shitty doodles of it in a shitty doodling app, and one of the things she asked me to draw was her. It's drawn with my finger and absolutely terrible, but she seems to like it and, what the hey, thought I might as well post it. Meet Rikki, everybody. (Sorry if the image turns out huge or something, mobile is a nightmare with this kind of thing.)