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Stevie

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About Stevie

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Converted

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    Massachusetts
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  1. Resident wrestlefag reporting I've read through Chris' entries in the old stylometric survery. It was interesting to remember him for how he was at the time. Throughout the entire thing there's a heavy theme of this guy watching me unwind, and I was unwinding, and wanting to help but not really being listened to. He refers to his entire purpose being to help out and advise me. Ultimately, when things got bad with hard drugs, when I "grew up" and got colder, he went away more and more and then there was really nothing left. I can access him, I really don't get a lot out of him. The feelings there are what you would expect- maybe at some point I'll put in the effort to mend things. For now I think just keeping things as passing thoughts is better. __ The relationship between me and Brock Lesnar tup seems to be dominated by my caring for him. I believe this is a manifestation of my inclinations in other areas (hint hint). He's kind of quiet. I probably already mentioned he comes with me to work, I only project and interact during breaks. He says "I don't know." pretty often, I'm not sure if this is a vocal ability issue or just his personality. Soft dude. Constantly in sweats. With Chris it was like he was the harder dude, I'd go to the wonderland and he'd be doing shit, working, and then Minnesota happened and I started to prefer my more escapist maladaptive daydreaming over him, but either way he was the tough guy, the voice of reason. With Brocky it's a different type of deal, I'm kinda working with my hands provider type and he's the one that needs like, care and understanding. In return I get companionship and someone to put mental energy into. On a personal level I have missed this community. Reddit kinda always sucked, 4Chan has its charms but there's no real connection, no sense of being known. I spend time with real people (living in a house of 12 for going on 2 years) often but I think the age difference and lifestyle differences (normie vs failed normie) means we mentally miss each other a lot, even though we're all living there for addiction issues.
  2. Stevie

    Chat Thread

    I gotcha Enny. I'm gonna shoot you a pm.
  3. I experienced something similar. Time went on, I saw more of life, I felt pressure to conform to what I thought I was supposed to be. The whole tulpa deal left me, and for 2 years I didn't do much with it. Don't feel forced or compelled to deal woth your companion. You'll see em again and if necessary do the work to get em active again if that's what you want. I do think it takes some work to get into the ability of being able to hear and have a conscious tulpa, I don't think it's an on off switch. I stopped talking to my first tulpa. When I returned to the idea, he's around, but only with very pointed conscious perception, and his vocality isn't really natural or all there. If I wanted to regain what I lost with Chris I would have to put in work. Don't spend time doing something you don't want to. There may come a time when you value tulpas more than screentime.
  4. A lot of "I like it." or "I don't like it." from Brock. We're maybe 5 weeks in. Very simple sentences and he can't really maintain anything without conscious attention toward him.
  5. Preferance. I have a PR if you're intetested. He's his own dude.
  6. Fucking Kane huh? That's cool man. Im working on a Brock and have a Chris Benoit floating around. It's just my thing, no medium really pulls me in, I think part of it is the fact that you've got the ability to see the wrestlers in the same enviorment over a number of years, it's like, you kinda get familiar. There's something about seeing the same person for an extended period of time in the same context.
  7. I get into industrial, more like late 90s early 2000s industrial metal though. Got any track recommendations outside of that?
  8. I had stopped forcing for a long while and was under the influence of a disassociative drug, and my tulpa, Chris, who I had not seen, thought of, or talked to, came to me in a very vivid closed eyed visual, he looked maybe 15 years older than he ever had before, and was smiling.
  9. Two years since my last post. In real life, I moved to Maine to live in a sober living house while I got my life back together. I became very aware of how I came off to others, and dumped wrestling and Chris in favor of trying to blend in and become unassuming. I didn't want the guys I was living with to think that I was gay for liking wrestling and wanted to make myself into someone I thought was respectable. I got interested in tulpas again after I got my wrestling kick back and remembered Chris. I had only thought of him after around 11/16/17 with embarassment and shame, really. After getting back into the tulpa kick, he's around still, but doesn't seem interested in existing in the same capacity as before. We pass each other. I've been working with a Brock Lesnar tulpa I've dubbed Brocky. My visualization is decent. He speaks in short sentences but on a personal level isn't very talkative. He hangs out, projection wise, while I chill at home or during breaks at work. I don't feel the need to explain very much to him about who I am, what's happening, every stray thought that comes to my mind that doesn't have context verbally just slides by. I do think that he somehow understands. I don't feel heavy seperation yet. The forced narration always felt like verbal diarreah. I just give him some attention. It's been roughly a month since I brought him into the picture. Chris has been seen around. I like to think that he operates independently of my conscious perception, but I doubt it. Brocky is kind of quiet, kind of a softer dude despite appearances.
  10. Dropping a line and wandering around here after a while, figured I had to see if I could still win
  11. youre a goddamn liar and you know it
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