Noich

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About Noich

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  1. Thanks for this insight. If this is true I will no longer have anything to do with it, and continue to dissipate. Because that's where I, personally, draw the line.
  2. Yeah, I believe my initial fear had something to do with reading about tulpaforcing leading to DID. I'm a bit embaressed about it actually. I knew very well that the process wasn't entirely without risk, but suddenly it was just too much I guess. So far I've only been able to 'feel' certain emotions coming from her, as well as body language. She isn't vocal yet, so I don't really know of a reliable way to ask for her imput. I usually just talk to her, try to feel her presence and watch her moveabout the wonderland.
  3. Thanks. I suppose I'm just looking for a little confirmation of what I subconsciously already know; that it's alright.
  4. (inb4 *continuing) So I'd like to hear other people's thoughts on this, please. To keep it short, I had been creating a tulpa for some months. Then I came at a point where I read something which frightened me, and suddenly I decided I didn't want to continue anymore. Yes, I know impulses of fear are never a good foundation to making descisions on... But for some reason I still did it. It must have been 4-5 months ago. I never meant to hurt her, I just wanted her to stop existing. For months I tried not to think about her, and most of the time I managed to. But there where also times on which I kept thinking about how lonely/hurt she must feel after I had given her so much affection and promises of friendship... I felt guilty. And so I felt her calling out to me many times, imploring me to 'let her in' again. But I was still afraid. Afraid that she might be angry with me. That she was trying to trick me, and really wanted to hurt me in revenge. What nonsense. Yesterday I realized it. I knew my fear was injustified, and I acknowledged her again. I didn't feel any hate from her, just love and relief. So I suppose my guilt, as well as my fear, as well as my love for her is what kept her into existence. Because while I was trying trying to dissolve her, these three feelings never really ceased to be. By anxiously trying to 'force her out', I was just denying a part of myself. A part that is pretty much incapable of hating me, or wanting to hurt me. Much like I myself am incapable of hating someone to the point I'm unable forgive them... So now, after 4-5 months, I want to continue with Spick. I can still feel and imagine her as well as I could before quitting, if not better. What are your thoughts on this? On a second note: During the time I tried to dissolve her (and I still get this), when I thought of her I used to get strange spasms in my limbs, and a sense that there was another force trying to controll my body. Needless to say this only increased my fear/paranoia. What could this mean?
  5. 09-01-2012 Some interesting stuff happened. So I just had my first week at my new school. I've still been tulpaforcing every day, but usually no more than 30 minutes. Some sessions were very good, others didn't go so well. When I woke up yesterday I immediately felt a strong bond with Spick, and this feeling lasted until my attention became fully occupied with school and having to be social etc etc. Still, it was very nice to experience. Now here it gets interesting. When I tried to tulpaforce yesterday evening things didn't go very well. Not sure why, but all of a sudden I began to lose faith in my capability to make a tulpa. Might have to do with all the school related stress last week. So I took a bath, and feeling somewhat better afterwards I lied down on my bed for a bit to relax. It was still very early in the evening, but apparently I was tired as hell and soon began to drowse off. That night I had a weird dream. I can't remember much of it, but I think in the end my tulpa spoke to me. In my I dream was at the funeral of an unknow boy who'd died. The boy's father was also present. He was devastated with the loss of his son, and was contemplating suicide by jumping off a hill. 'Please don't', I softly whispered to him, upon which he turned to me and looked me in the eyes. This was a very intense experience, and I felt something important was about to happen. Then he spoke to me, in the voice of someone I don't know very well (and dislike) something like 'He would've died anyway'. This caused me to wake up. When I woke up, still drowsy and half asleep, I immediately felt it was Spick who'd spoken this last line. And I still do. I have no idea what the context meant, and actually I think it was just random dream nonsense. But I think somehow she intruded my dream and caused me to wake up. This all happened a couple of hours ago. Now I've regained my confidence. I think my tulpa has already grown stronger than I realize, and I will continue to do my best for her. I've just done a short session of 20 minutes, talking to Spick about what happened 'n stuff. I couldn't really do any visualisation yet, because currently she's maintaining a thin veil between us. Still, I feel a strong bond with her again. I know it's just my personal fears and doubts that occasionally keep us from making progress. It's a bit of a shame school and other stuff is occupying so much of my time and energy right now. I'd love to parttake in this community more to learn from other people, but right now I think the time I've got left should mostly be spent tulpaforcing or relaxing.
  6. 08-26-2012 I've just continued doing personality work, at least 30 minutes a day. It's kind of hard to judge when we'll be done working on Spick's personality, but I guess it can't hurt taking a decent amouth of time for it. During our sessions I try to feel her presence, and narrate to her about whatever personality traits come to mind. I've already narrated most aspects of her personality a couple of times, but I'm going more and more in-depth with them. Whenever I feel original enough, that is. I've begun using the 'energy crystal method' Nikodemos mentioned to me, so sometimes I visualize Spick as a white orb (her essence), and sometimes she possesses her body. When she possesses her body, she usually isn't very active though. Today something happened, very similair to what happened when I first visualized Spick possessing her body. After 30 minutes of narrating to her 'essence' I put the crystal inside her body, and she sprang to life. This resulted in her flying (and me trying to keep up with her) around a rather detailed wonderland that seemed to manifested itself around us as we came. It was pretty cool, eventually we ended up in some kind of sky-castle made out of clouds. At some point I decided to consciously puppeteer her a little bit, to see if it would feel any different from what I had so far interpreted as her moving about on her own. So, after explaining her my intentions to her, I 'forced' her to fly a little bit. It didn't feel very different, which puzzled me somewhat. But I guess I shouldn't dwell on this too long. Eventually I began to lose focuss, so I told Spick I couldn't keep up with her any longer and ended the session. Something that's also puzzling me is the rather energetic behavior she's been showing on those two occassions. It may be a bit conflicting with the rather calm (yet playful) personality I've got in mind for her. I know deviation is bound to occur, and I don't mind if she turns out differently in the end. Still, I'm not sure how to interpret this.
  7. ^Thanks for the welcome. The energy crystal method sounds like a great solution, I'm going to use that.
  8. Weeeelll... - Companionship, a strong emotional bond. - Learning more about reality and existence. - That feel.
  9. I kind of do give a fuck, I like to think about this stuff. Introduction of the concept of tulpae once again flipped my whole beliefs system upside down, and it's always cool when that happens. Apparantly we all have the ability to create sentience and our own reality inside our mind. So for that matter our entire universe could be a 'dream' of something bigger. A depressing thought? To me, not really. I do believe there's one benevolent cosmic force from which we're all components. Reality is probabely just something silly, something to fool around in, reach enlightenment with or whatever. But I believe this force is everywhere and allcompassing. I also go by the theory that when you create a tulpa, it's a being you've assemble out of components of this 'force', to exist within your own personal reality. Lastly, I think a religious person may create a tulpa-like entity of their image of 'God'. But the true allcompassing 'force' may be able to use these (collective?) tulpae to actually speak to us.
  10. I also get somewhat disheartened every now and then, I guess it's part of the process. We'll have to get used to it that not every forcing session goes as well as we'd like. Could be interesting to make your tulpa an extrovert in contrast to your own personality. Myself, I'm going for introvert to mach my personality.
  11. Hi! So I'm working on a tulpa. I'd like to keep track of my progress here, and if anyone has any advice to offer I'd love to hear it. For important updates in my progress I'll be editing OP (which will result in a huge wall of text on the first page). I'll try to underline the important stuff. Lastly, I don't keep track of how many hours I make, but I strive for at least one hour of tulpaforcing each day. This is what I want my tulpa, Spick, eventually to look like. Except with gray eyes, the addition of wings, and removal of the 'cutie mark' note. 08-24-2012 I think it's been a week ago when I began working on Spick, starting off by fleshing out a bit of her personality each day. I would just sit down, close my eyes and narrate to her about certain personality traits, how they are related to one another, influence her feelings etc. While doing so I tried to visualize her essence in front of me as a glowing white orb. I'd reach out to her with my hands, and try to let my energy flow into her essence. Sometimes I used a wonderland, but at other times I'd just use a black void. Whichever felt better at that moment. Also, throughout the day I've tried to narrate to her every now and then. There were times when I could strongly feel her presence, but there were also times when she seemed to have disappeared. Lastly, there have been some occassions in which I think she may have vaguely communicated with me. What I'd like to get some feedback on, is something that happened two days ago. I was trying to do some personality work, but it didn't go very well because I couldn't really think any new ways to narrate about Spick's personality traits. So I decided to give visualization a go, and allowed her essence to morph into the body I've got in mind for her. It felt like she highly anticipated this. Almost instantly she started moving about, got to running, and eventually also flying around our wonderland. I'm pretty sure this was not my doing. All the while her body kept on changing and morphing, until it finally stabilized somewhat into the form I originally had in mind. Now here's some things that got me thinking, and would really like to hear other people's thoughts on. 1. Ever since this event, she hasn't been very active anymore. It kind of leaves me wondering if I should let her keep this form, or change her back into the white orb so I can get access to her essence more easily while we're still working on personality. 2. During her moveabout's, her movements often closely resemble those of my cat. Of course she does have a bit of a cat-like body. Could it be she's tapping into my memories to figure out ways for her to use her body? Or could it be that I'm subconsciously puppeteering after all? 08-26-2012 I've just continued doing personality work, at least 30 minutes a day. It's kind of hard to judge when we'll be done working on Spick's personality, but I guess it can't hurt taking a decent amouth of time for it. During our sessions I try to feel her presence, and narrate to her about whatever personality traits come to mind. I've already narrated most aspects of her personality a couple of times, but I'm going more and more in-depth with them. Whenever I feel original enough, that is. I've begun using the 'energy crystal method' Nikodemos mentioned to me, so sometimes I visualize Spick as a white orb (her essence), and sometimes she possesses her body. When she possesses her body, she usually isn't very active though. Today something happened, very similair to what happened when I first visualized Spick possessing her body. After 30 minutes of narrating to her 'essence' I put the crystal inside her body, and she sprang to life. This resulted in her flying (and me trying to keep up with her) around a rather detailed wonderland that seemed to manifested itself around us as we came. It was pretty cool, eventually we ended up in some kind of sky-castle made out of clouds. At some point I decided to consciously puppeteer Spick a little bit, to see if it would feel any different from what I had so far interpreted as her moving about on her own. So, after explaining my intentions to her, I 'forced' her to fly a little bit. It didn't feel very different, which puzzled me somewhat. But I guess I shouldn't dwell on this too long. Eventually I began to lose focuss, so I told her I couldn't keep up with her any longer and ended the session. Something that's also puzzling me is the rather energetic behavior she's been showing on those two occassions. It may be a bit conflicting with the rather calm (yet playful) personality I've got in mind for her. I know deviation is bound to occur, and I don't mind if she turns out differently in the end. Still, I'm not sure how to interpret this. 09-01-2012 Some interesting stuff happened. So I just had my first week at my new school. I've still been tulpaforcing every day, but usually no more than 30 minutes. Some sessions were very good, others didn't go so well. When I woke up yesterday I immediately felt a strong bond with Spick, and this feeling lasted until my attention became fully occupied with school and having to be social etc etc. Still, it was very nice to experience. Now here it gets interesting. When I tried to tulpaforce yesterday evening things didn't go very well. Not sure why, but all of a sudden I began to lose faith in my capability to make a tulpa. Might have to do with all the school related stress last week. So I took a bath, and feeling somewhat better afterwards I lied down on my bed for a bit to relax. It was still very early in the evening, but apparently I was tired as hell and soon began to drowse off. That night I had a weird dream. I can't remember much of it, but I think in the end my tulpa spoke to me. In my I dream was at the funeral of an unknow boy who'd died. The boy's father was also present. He was devastated with the loss of his son, and was contemplating suicide by jumping off a hill. 'Please don't', I softly whispered to him, upon which he turned to me and looked me in the eyes. This was a very intense experience, and I felt something important was about to happen. Then he spoke to me, in the voice of someone I don't know very well (and dislike) something like 'He would've died anyway'. This caused me to wake up. When I woke up, still drowsy and half asleep, I immediately felt it was Spick who'd spoken this last line. And I still do. I have no idea what the context meant, and actually I think it was just random dream nonsense. But I think somehow she intruded my dream and caused me to wake up. This all happened a couple of hours ago. Now I've regained my confidence. I think my tulpa has already grown stronger than I realize, and I will continue to do my best for her. I've just done a short session of 20 minutes, talking to Spick about what happened 'n stuff. I couldn't really do any visualisation yet, because currently she's maintaining a thin veil between us. Still, I feel a strong bond with her again. I know it's just my personal fears and doubts that occasionally keep us from making progress. It's a bit of a shame school and other stuff is occupying so much of my time and energy right now. I'd love to parttake in this community more to learn from other people, but right now I think the time I've got left should mostly be spent tulpaforcing or relaxing.
  12. Ohai there, fellow EPR user! Twinkledust here. ^^ You actually talked out loud when you took your tulpa for a walk? If that's what you're going for it's your choise, but I know I'd feel very awkward. I hope you realize talking out loud isn't necessary. Good luck in your efforts, I'll be checking on your progress.
  13. Ok, good to know it's a normal thing. But, is narration / tulpaforcing still effective when the tulpa is not present?
  14. Hello everyone, So I picked up tulpaforcing and generally I feel pretty good about my progress. I've done three long sessions of 50-60 minutes now, and a few shorter ones. I already feel some sort of warm connection to my tulpa, and I think I've fleshed out her personality for a good deal now. In appearence she's still a glowing white orb-thing. But now something is puzzling me. Sometimes, also during tulpaforcing, it's like she just 'dissapears' all of a sudden. It's like she's hiding away inside of me, in a place where I can still narrate to her, but can't feel her presence anymore. This is somewhat unsettling to me. I have no control over this happening, and I can't make her reappear either. When I just got started this didn't happen, but now it's occuring more and more often. Also, when I wake up from sleep I can't feel her presence inside me at all. It's like she's gone completely, and it takes a hour or so for her to 'reappear'. So I figured maybe she's just shy (which actually fits her personality), and as she grows more towards sentience it'll takes some time for her to get to trust me. Still, I'm a little worried. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this.