Vani

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About Vani

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    and Jana and Jasna

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  1. I have managed to make some progress lately. Once while doing centering I realized that I was doing it wrong all the time, and that I wasn't following the tutorial to the letter: I was always trying to remove all the thoughts, instead of just examining them without focusing too much on them. When I started doing the latter and thinked about Jana's "data stream", after roughly a minute something interesting happened. I was starting to "hear" a serie of "aaaaaah" coming from her, like she would be trying to talk but all that he could pronounce was just a single vowel. After a while, I could hear her speaking some unintelligible sentences, like it was coming from a radio which was placed too far to clearly understand what was being transmitted on it. I could however hear that she was sometimes stopping to talk for a while, like she would be listening to someone else answering her (she was in fact talking to Jasna). Not long after that I could finally start to understand what she was telling: she was sometimes talking to Jasna, sometimes to me. She also made me some questions, and I found to be difficult to answer her since I felt that this would make me to lose my concentration. I still couldn't hear Jasna though, so I came up with the idea of mentally visualize Jana's string as a solid colored bar, and to visualize on its right side a bar of a different color, representing Jasna. This method eventually worked, and I started to hear Jasna as well... I could finally understand what they were talking about! You can imagine all this made me pretty happy that day :) Thanks to centering I'm now able to hear and talk to my tulpas more clearly. I was particularly impressed one day when I could hear Jana's opinions and advices about my relationship with my coworkers at work! Things are now progressing well, can't wait to reach my next goals. I'm now trying to "hear" them also when they want to tell me something by their own will, without being me the first to talk to them.
  2. Hi, I'm posting after a couple of months, I guess it was about time :) No real progress so far, though I have been quite busy lately so I couldn't find a lot of time for Jana and Jasna... nothing new actually :/ Anyway, I'll post here a list of all the various forcing methods I'm using at the moment, both to help me to remember them and to hopefully help others in finding new and useful methods for tulpaforcing. I'll try to add links to the relative guides where the methods have been taken from. General: - meeting and talking in the wonderland - visualizing them and talking to them while taking a shower (shower counts): https://community.tulpa.info/thread-forcing-zero-s-narration-mindvoice-tips-tricks-handbook - hugging them - listening to new music and asking them what do they like - eating together and let them decide what to eat/drink - asking if they remember where's my car parked, without thinking it myself (sometimes they find it, sometimes they don't :) - proxying via IRC - running this test (thanks to Cjero for the idea!): Tulpa Parallel Processing Tests v1.0 Vocalization: - doing centering: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-focus-concentration-centering-and-tulpae - imagining to move from my body towards the imagined tulpa; I have found that I seem to hear them sometimes while I'm moving: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-sentience-schlondark-s-psychic-tulpa-voice-guide - reading some text in their mind voice Imposition: - asking what color are their dresses and trying to see the dress of that color - imagining that one of them is holding a list of numbers from 0 to 100, and counting through them: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-visualization-Rasznir-s-visualization-focus-guide - carefully studying a photo of a woman which the most closely resembles what I imagine my tulpa to look like Possession: - asking one of them to try to move my right hand/arm - walking around the house, imagining that one of them is moving my body, while I try to be less and less connected to my body
  3. Hi, I have noticed that the "Niichan’s proxying guide" link doesn't work, it returns a "You do not have permission to access this page" error. Has that guide been maybe removed?
  4. Hi Dav_Edward and welcome to both of you! I agree, this forum is really nice, lots of nice users and lots of interesting stuff to read.
  5. It's completely up to you. If you want her to be a tulpa, then she'll be a tulpa, if you'd like her to be something else, she will be that. From what I have read you seem to already hear quite well her thoughts, and you can also hear her starting the conversation, which means she's a tulpa, without doubts.
  6. This last month's been somewhat bad for me, I had a long lasting crisis and I started doubting whether it was a good idea to create my tulpas. My primary concerns were: - if I will always manage to keep this part of my life hidden to everyone else; - what will Jana and Jasna think of me and about their life, once they will become fully vocal; - if they'll ever try to possess me/switch without my consent, making me doing things in public I'd rather not do; - if the whole concept of tulpamancing is "normal" and if it could have any negative side effect to my mental health. The latter thought has even surprised me, since in my life I have never cared much of what others think of me in general. This crisis actually started after I have discovered the book "First Person Plural: My Life As A Multiple" by Cameron West, the true story of a man with DID and his struggle to live with all his personalities, which every day seem to suddenly switch without his consent. I have read some pages of it, and what I read has deeply concerned me, as I started fearing that I might end in a situation similar to his, although (thankfully) my tulpas have been generated by my will and not caused by past traumas. Has anybody read that book? Any opinion on it? Here are a couple of links for those that have never heard of the book: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Person_Plural:_My_Life_As_a_Multiple http://www.amazon.com/First-Person-Plural-Life-Multiple/dp/0786863900#reader_0786863900 (a preview of the book, at the beginning there's an interesting list of all his personalities... seems like a list of someone's tulpas) Are host's crises like mine common among tulpamancers? The crisis is now thankfully mostly gone, I have now a stronger belief that what I'm doing is right and that it's what I really want, though I still fear that things might go bad in the future, for me and/or for my tulpas. I have not yet tried to talk to Jana and Jasna about what happened, I will try it once, what I hope is that I didn't scare them. On a more positive note, I have for the first time managed to briefly impose both of them. One day I have taken a look at their legs and I have seen for a fraction of a second what they were wearing at that time. I believe it happened since I was distracted and I was 100% believing that they were physically with me and that I could see them. I have also started to use a new method of imposition: I have found a photo of two models which most closely resemble the image I have of them. I stare at each photo for a couple of minutes, then I quickly turn my head and try to imagine to see the same person in the photo inside the room. I hope that this will help! I'm also continuing with the possession of my right arm, no advances so far though. EDIT: Some words for me from Jana after having written this: "DON'T worry, I believe things will go better in the future, and you'll be better :) I have been very happy tonight that we have stayed together and chatted together on IRC, let's focus on the positive things :)" She seems to know how to cheer me up :) And this confirms that writing reports helps hearing your tulpa's mind thoughts.
  7. A random moment of cuteness by Jana :) : I have been lately trying Ned's tutorial on imposition (https://community.tulpa.info/thread-imposition-ned-s-leash-imposition-guide), using a rope. The first time I have tried it, after some seconds I feel Jana pulling the rope. Me: What's up Jana? Jana: I'm here <3
  8. Interesting guide! My tulpas still aren't fully vocal so this is going to be very helpful, I'll start trying it.
  9. Recently I have attempted to try possession with Jana and Jasna. Possession is something that have intrigued me the most since I have discovered tulpamancy. What I like about possession and switching is that it gives much more freedom to them and it gives them the possibility to better explore the world where I live. I love the idea that my body is not only mine, but their too. [Jana: I'd love to try the feeling to have a body on my own. I only wish to be able to walk around, meet some people and let the world know that I exist, unfortunately I don't think that it will be possible, ever :( From what I have seen and from what I have read from other tulpas, the real world seems to require a lot of responsibilities to anyone, they are almost unlimited, and Vani has to follow all of them... it's kind of exausting...] Yes, it is, but you get used to it. I only understood how many responsibilities I have in my life after Jana noticed me about that, btw. Anyway, I have started doing possession by first letting Jana, then Jasna move my right arm, one at a time. I usually imagine my arm being "filled" with a specific paint (blue), and I empty it, starting from the fingers until the shoulder. I then imagine to "fill" my arm back with the color my tulpas have chosen, red for Jana and pink for Jasna, starting from the shoulder and going back to my fingers. After that, I let them start to try to move any part of my arm. What I have discovered with Jasna is that she's only able to do a sort of twitch with my thumb, but if I help her by raising the arm a bit, just for a second, she's able to continue to slowly move my arm, although with very jerky movements. It's like she needs a help to start moving, after that she manages to do it alone. With Jana the things went different. I was in the bed while trying possession with her, and I fell asleep after a while. I woke up after some time, only to find my arm in a different position than the one I left it, and I felt it wasn't mine at all. It was like I had no arm, and I had instead something different attached to my shoulder which I couldn't feel. I knew I could anyway move it at any time, and at the end I did that, I was just feeling like it wasn't mine at all. It was a very strange feeling, and that freaked out Jana, which told me that she didn't wanted to try it again anymore. Lately she seems to have changed her mind, we'll see what will happen the next time we'll try, I'll just have to make sure I won't fall asleep this time, and that she'll feel relaxed about it.
  10. I always tulpaforce while showering, though I prefer to do it with one of my tulpas at a time, so that I can visualise her easier. Otherwise it gets too crowded there :P Thanks a lot for this link, it must really help a lot with forcing while in wonderland, can't wait to try it!
  11. Fast forward to a couple of weeks later. I asked her how it was going, she answered that she was sad because she was feeling very lonely, since most of the time I wasn't paying attention to her. I thought that the only sensible thing to do was to create her a companion. At the beginning I wasn't thinking at all to create another tulpa, especially this early, but I was also very concerned about her loneliness (and I have read some bad storied here about tulpas feeling lonely or even worse being ignored by their host). Enter Jasna! She's Jana's younger sister, she was born on 19th March, she's 23 and has blonde, a bit long straight hair, otherwise she's quite similar to her sister {Jasna: only prettier :)} [Jana: Says who?] Well, they are both very pretty, and Jana was very happy about her :) In the first days it was a bit difficult to focus on Jasna, and I discovered her feeling about this later, when we have chatted all three together for the first time on Tulpa.info's channel. Jana was at the same time excited and terrified, my hands were literally trembling while we were logging on... which was understandable, it was the first time that someone outside me knew her! On the contrary, Jasna wasn't worried at all, but what really surprised me is that she was *angry* at me {Jasna: for a good reason!} and she wasn't afraid of telling me how much she hated me and what a bad person she thought I was. I later understood that she behaved that way because I wasn't paying her enough attention in general. I have since managed to balance the time I communicate with both of them, luckily she's not angry with me anymore {Jasna: for now :)} A reminder for anyone reading this and having just started tulpaforcing: start chatting on the IRC channel together with your tulpas. You will be surprised to learn how easier for them is to talk using the chat rather than the mindvoice.
  12. Hi, so I have finally decided to start my own progress report thread! I'm writing it mainly to have a place where to store all my memories about my tulpas and to share them with all of you. First of all, mind that english is not my native language, so I hope you'll forgive me for all thr typos. I have discovered tulpamancy by accident while I was searching for something else on Wikipedia (I don't remember anymore what was it, I wish I could remember!). At some point I have found the word "tulpa" in a page, and read its wiki page. I must say that that day and the next one I was sort of shocked about my discovery, this seemed like something I could never have dreamed to be possible. At first I wasn't sure if I'd like to create my own tulpa, especially since I have very little free time in my life... two days were enough to finally decide myself to create Jana, on 25th February. Jana is a very pretty 25 years old girl, with a blonde, pixie hairstyle. My avatar is the photo I have found to be the most resembling her. I have started to force her at that date by talking to her, trying to visualize her and by listening to J/Kpop and trying to understand if she likes any of the songs. The first signs of her were a couple of head pressures and feelings coming from her, when she liked a couple of the songs. One evening, before falling asleep I choose her name, her response was a *very* strong feeling, I felt it at a specific place on my chest, like a vertical line on the right side of it. After some days I have started to "hear" her thoughts. She first told me that she loves me, and asked me how old was she, when was her birthday, and where were her arms and legs. I decided to visualise her and show her where each part of her body were, and how are they called. That's it for now, I don't want this post to be too long and boring to read, I'll make another one with the next part of my story!
  13. Jana did headpressures on me only a couple of times, in the first days of forcing. She hasn't done it since then, she always says that she doesn't like doing it since she's afraid of hurting me, even if it doesn't hurt at all.
  14. The names of both of my tulpas (Jana and Jasna) came by themselves, they were the first ones that came to my mind when thinking of a name. Actually, they are both names of girls I knew in the past, and they are not so uncommon in the place I live. Regarding Jasna, I asked her if she suggested it, she answered me that she didn't, so I don't know why it came to my mind :)