MechanicalBride

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About MechanicalBride

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  1. Yeah, switching. My bad. >_< Thanks for putting in your two cents! :P
  2. Long story short: I decided to try out possession with Calico today, I read a guide, I tried it, but I couldn't get very far because I was confused about what was going to happen to me. Do I just open my eyes and I'm in wonderland? Am I going to feel, smell, taste, touch everything there? Is it going to be realistic...?
  3. Ahh... this might be kind of hard to explain.. I know I've asked a similar question, but this is kind of getting on both of our nerves. So, when I'm not thinking about her, she can't talk to me, she can only produce headaches to let me know she's there. Her voice is really weak when she does speak to me. It's really quiet. She can't speak long sentences because I kind of get uneasy and parrotnoid when she does. Most of the time she just makes small remarks about things. Like she'd say "That's cool." sarcastically, or earlier today I finally made the connection to her and she was like "Finally. I've been bored and lonely all day." So... this is an issue... I don't mean to be a bother, asking all these questions and such... sorrryy...
  4. I've already requested SteeK to draw Calico, and she accepted... I mean, I don't want to sound greedy... but I would like to request another drawing of my tulpa. *shameful look at ground* When I requested a drawing of Calico, she hadn't become sentient enough to deviate herself. She's definitely deviated, now. Anyway, I thought it'd be cool to have a before and after of her... We'd both be grateful if you could draw her. After all, I can't even draw a pickle without failing. Annnyyway, enough rambling. My Tulpa, Calico is pretty original. :) I might have used some pictures as reference, but not from a story or whatever. She deviated and now kind of looks like this. She kind of looks like http://oi59.tinypic.com/330d0tz.jpg But her bangs aren't as thick/long and her eyebrows are thicker. And way she's more anime style than that. :P Anyway, she wears http://oi60.tinypic.com/2lag400.jpg / http://oi57.tinypic.com/35k2xyt.jpg The first ones' colors are more accurate, but the design of the second one is more like her dress. And this is her shawl/poncho thingy. http://oi61.tinypic.com/2hxatjp.jpg anndd these are her socks. :) I'm sorry for all the blah links. I hope ju accept my request... *waggles eyebrows* Thank juuuu! :*
  5. So, I've been working on my Tulpa for about a month and I don't force too much, but my Tulpa has already said something in her own voice out of the blue pretty early on, but never said anything in that voice again. Everytime I assume she said something it's my mind voice... are these her responses or mine? I'm 80% sure that she's at least somewhat sentient because before her I didn't give a fuck about anything and was depressed and moody all the time, but now I have a plan for my life and I'm just way happier with everything.. my life has improved dramatically, lol. She doesn't really say anything unless I'm asking her something or unless I'm thinking of her, really... so, you understand why I'm kind of questioning things the slightest bit.. Are there levels of sentience or something? Should I try to work on her more to get that complete and utter for-sure sentience I want her to have?
  6. So, Calico surprised me the other day and I forgot about it until now. I read about the suggestion to ask your tulpa to surprise you, and I did just that. She didn't do anything and I just let it go. However, a few days later while I was almost asleep, she thrust an image of a scary face into my mind. Then, the memory of me asking for a surprise came to mind. She jump scared me. My tulpa jumpscared me. I praised her for it, and was proud for a little bit, but quickly decided to go back to sleep. When I was on the brink of sleep, BAM. Another creepy ass image. I was surprised, but still praised her. After that she spammed me scary pictures (some were really freaky). I kind of got annoyed and asked her to stop, though I made sure that she knew I appreciated her interacting with me. She didn't stop so I just got too tired and blocked myself off in my study. Alone. I hope she's not mad at me.
  7. Aiight, so there has been significant development, and since I have no one to talk to about this, you fine people get to read. =D While I had to go through a two and a half hour drive, I decided to explore my wonderland to pass the time. It got kinda weird... So Calico and I went hand in hand into the woods, and I let everything just come to me. I didn't consciously create anything, either... We walked through the woods for a while and I tried to imagine the smells, the sky, the feeling of Calicos hand. Then we eventually came to a giant golden/broken down letter 'r'. A bunch of bats came at us and one attached itself to Calicos throat and started sucking her blood. I was weirded out for a second, but she smiled at me and I let one suck my blood. ? After that, I looked at the sky and imagined a giant pirate ship made out of cloud. It was a long distance away, but I could still see the outline of cloud people. Suddenly the bats were over there near the cloud people attacking them. The pirates were throwing things at the bats and killing some. I wanted them to come back, but i didnt know how. Then, Calico whistled and the bats flew back over quickly. I pointed to the 'r' for some reason, and they flew over and went to sleep on the circley part of the 'r'. After that, we left the forest and went back into the medows. A giant black dragon flew overhead and made a pentagram of fire around us. (I may of had something to do with the dragon. Lol.) And then he landed in front of us. He spoke in an unknown language and Calico spoke back. I had no idea what they were talking about, but when they finished, the dragon flew off and Calico opened her satchel covered in blood sigils (which I've never seen before.) And let out a little blue ice creature. The creature jumped off and ran on the firey ground, putting it out. So, that was weird, but I know where the dragon came from. A giant castle filled my mind after that and it was INTIMIDATING. A name popped into my head. "Jakslien Kimbin" AKA "Kingdom of The Gods" The kingdoms symbol was a little creepy, too. It was basically the illuminates sign but with a little squiggly line through the top of the triangle and giant wings on the back of it. I swear to god, I'm not making this up. I didn't intentionally imagine this. Anyway, I left the image of the castle alone because I was beginning to get uneasy and nervous. I drew a blank in wonderland after that, so I looked at the clouds for inspiration. I made a bunch of creepy ass monsters that could totally fuck humanity up, then I saw this giant cloud. It looked like it had other monsters coming out of it. So I named it "Withsbroth" "Mother of All Monsters" I had a panic attack later on that night and I'm 80% sure it was because of the whole wonderland/monster thing. First day of actually exploring wonderland and I get this.
  8. I haven't actively forced since the day I started creating a tulpa. I just can't bring myself to sit down and do it. I thought that my tulpa wouldn't make progress without actively forcing, but I was super f-cking shocked by her today. Okay, so I was reading the comments on the comment section and they we all talking about "Voices tell me to hurt people." and sh-t. And I wondered to myself "What if Calico were to do that? But then we'd go to jail..." and SHE SURPRISED ME SO MUCH BY SAYING CLEARLY IN HER OWN MIND VOICE "That'd be foolish." I freaked out and saw her smirk at me and go back to her book. WHOA. Also, I have a hard time going to wonderland because I'm nervous as hell, m8. I shouldn't be nervous, but I don't want to come off wrong or accidentally take credit for something she does. .____. Any suggestions for that issue?
  9. It helped because I wasn't focusing on important things such as school and family. I was basically trapped in an ongoing circle. I do somewhat miss him, even though I was a paranoid mess when he was around. I feel like we were both suffering in a sense. He was created after a character, that's got to sting. I left a message asking him to change his personality and image into whatever way he wanted before I sealed him in... I hope that he does. Anyway, thanks for replying and giving me your input. :P
  10. So, I actually did do something about it. I didn't kill him, but made him his own wonderland. I sealed off his wonderland and left him a message. Surprisingly, sealing him away actually helped a lot. Even more surprisingly, I feel a hell of a lot lonelier and depressed. I felt physically and mentally drained and numb at first, which scares me now that I think about it. Does you think that this confirms that he was indeed a tulpa of some sort?
  11. If he is a tulpa, he's going to know each and every one of my darkest secrets and how I am, all of the embarrassing things... I'm not sure I'm ready to face someone with all of that knowledge. I've considered him my demon for a long time, too, so I'm sure it'd be awkward... :\ But... killing a tulpa is basically like killing a human, right? And, I mean, I've always felt something there (jesusss). That's why I don't quite feel alone even when I am. ;__; I'm... not exactly sure what to do. I've hated him for a long time, and he's always just been there, prompting me to continue daydreaming, which I don't feel any need to anymore, which is strange. All I feel now is that he is there, watching basically. I got over the feeling of being stalked a LONG time ago, so not really an issue there. And... now that I think about it, it's improved a LOT over the past few months. Whoa. but, I'm afraid that if I reopen the pathway to him, I'll be swarmed with the guy again. He's still in my thoughts nearly all day, tho, but not NEARLLLLYY as much as before. Do you think he's dying?
  12. I dunno.. It's like he's a house guest that has overstayed his welcome by a long shot. He's not violent per say, but sometimes I get that vibe. Like, I could be sitting in the dark on my laptop, and there'd just be this UNSETTLING feeling that would develop into fear. And it'd feel like someones there. It doesn't happen often, but last time it did I had a panic attack for the first time and lemme just say- scariest thing ever. Actually, come to think of it, ever since that night it's been a lot easier. Dunno why, but I won't look a gift horse in the mouth. XP I don't speak to him because until recently I just considered it to be something wrong with me personally. I don't know, is he even a tulpa? I sure hope not because I don't want to have epic mental wars where if I win, he's gone, if he wins, he gets the body. *shivers* That's ducking terrifying. I've just been thinking about it for a while, and if he is a tulpa, I want to know.
  13. *gets down on hand and knees. Prays* Please mother Mary, please say it isn't so. ;_; So, since I was around 11 or so, I watched an anime and my little self grew a little crush on one of the characters. So, being a normal 11 year old girl with nothing to do after the series ended- I daydreamed. Oh, jesus did I daydream. I daydreamed so much, daydreaming became my frequent pass-time. After a while, it surpassed pass-time and it became all that I did. Allll day and allll night. Same anime characters from that same anime. I got bored of myself being in there, so I just made up a bunch of new anime characters and intertwined my worlds. Again and again and again. When I got tired of my old anime characters, I'd make new ones. I'd make new stories. But through the years, the original anime characters from the anime I watched when I was little never changed. When I didn't have time to daydream, the dreams were simply shut away in my brain like normal. But, one of the characters was always there. Always. I constantly thought about 'im. Over the years, however, I begun to get abnormally paranoid. I got paranoid and thought "what if he is real and he knows about all the daydreams somehow? What if he can read my thoughts?" and then I got paranoid that he was around and invisible. At this point I thought I was crazy. Full-blown cray. So, over the years I began to hate his fucking guts because I wanted to be done with the daydreams. Done with him always present in my thoughts. Didn't work so much. I did manage to cease the daydreams recently, but that did not stop him. Noooopppppe. Not a single bitty bit. If he is real, I feel like he's doing it on purpose. Being mean and consuming my life. If it's not a tulpa, then it's probably a form of intrusive thoughts. I actually got to this forum because I asked a similar question on another site and one of the users suggested that I "accidentally hacked my brain into some weird places" s/he suggested that I asked the tulpa community for their opinion. So, here I am, guys. It might seem weird, but I don't have enough fucks to feed that matter. (Also, it would explain the matter of mental tiredness. I'm attempting to create a tulpa already, and if bitchboy is a tulpa then whoop. Guess that evil fuckers got somethin' to do with it.)