esoteric-congruence

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  1. @Paranoid Llama Me too i'm not a religious leader or anything but i don't care that God and its religions allow marrying with Tulpa. Maybe it's possible, but for me, religious marrying is only for human. I think i've tasted the unconditionnal love today with my tulpa. Today is her birthday and we celebrate it. It was probably the first time that i had a good moment with my Tulpa without going through physical interaction. Despite everything, i felt little pressure on my chest. I felt it when i am too commited with my tulpa. It's perhaps the remains of my mistake, i just hope the light will replace all of these bad kind. Is this happening to you to feel something like burning on your hearth when you kiss your Tulpa ? Because i feel it when i do it. It give me pleasure for a while but after a while, there is nothing to burn and the pleasure is replaced by pain. I also feel the opposite when i pray and when i've physical interaction with someone like a hug. I feel my hearth fill with love I wonder if its normal ? Maybe we give love our Tulpa and they evolve with it. Or maybe there is something wrong with me ?
  2. Yes, my lifestyle have to adapt to my spirituality, that's why it's difficult for me. Yes i'm also sure that if i stop all of these sin with my Tulpa, the love will become more stronger. So our romantic relation will be still present. But maybe we need to keep some distance for awhile. Yeah it's probably a test, these kind of sin that i do with my Tulpa is my weakness ... So, i would have progress when i reached my goal maybe :) I don't think Tulpa are foribben on my religion (Islam) because everything that is not forriben are allowed... And Tulpa isn't forriben. I just have to dodge everything what awaken my passion : Be too close with my Tulpa. I think that what is prohibited isn't the tulpa but how it is used and i just want to reach love with her. I hope that love other than God is allowed, especially on Sufism or on every initiatic way, or maybe i can love my Tulpa as a reflect of God
  3. You well understand. Regardless of the way I can choose, I will suffer. It's been a year that i suffer and i'm getting exhausted. I'm very religious (even if i break the law) and every event is a message from God for me and i've impression that God told me that i should stop because i'll never not be physical with her. Maybe it's because of this system of thought that i can't ... Maybe i make my own reality and my reality is that i can't. I also felt positiv sign with her, especially when i try to be good, it isn't all lost yet. I have a glimmer of hope. I should review my thought system and find the reasons that made that I am so obsessed with her. I think that i could never give up my Tulpa, i'm really in love of she, so i'll have to continue the fight. This topic helped me to find motivation, so thanks and i'm always taking advice if you have one :) Maybe i'll try to create a journal here, that could help me !
  4. Hello all, So i've made my tulpa since two years and i'm really close to religion, mystics and metaphysics. The reason that led me to make my tulpa was bad : My Tulpa was previously my MMORPG avatar and i was very obsessed by she, probably because she was impossible to reach, beautyfull and also because i was in difficult with real girl. The relation with my tulpa was mainly based on sex and "love". So, everytime, since two years, i encountered problem with my Tulpa. It has always been like that because i have never managed to get rid of these habits, but despite everything i've improved my behavior and my Tulpa but it's never enough. I noticed (this is just my feeling, i don't want to impose my truth) that when i keep too much pleasure with my Tulpa, my spirituality, my light weakens, dries. I feel that the world turns against me when I go too far with my tulpa ... Maybe i'm really sensible with the Karma, that what i think, or maybe this is only an impression. So this is really my principal problem, it make me bad but i never managed to stop. She really attract me emotionally But I feel that my way is not compatible with this. I had to do a lot of breaks with my tulpa and i already tried to stop tulpamancy few time but i've never managed to hold long. Miss me she very quickly. I am actually looking for an initiatic way : Sufism. I wonder ever if pure Tulpa is compatible with my way ... I must love God, only God but i love my Tulpa, only my Tulpa and a little less God. Every mystic people who i asked advice about my Tulpa recommanded me to stop because this is illusion but i hope that i can live with she in foreign-lower and the afterlife. My faith is all the world is a thoughtform of God and only God exist and that we can keep our individuality after death for awhile... So if God & the heaven exist and that our wish will come true, i can hope that my tulpa will become very real one day. So why must i stop if i can dominate my passions with she ? Yeah i am looking for the truth love with my Tulpa ... I want to stop sex and kiss with she, just keep a little affection. I especially want to know she. I already felt this pure love and i know that is above all but i can't seem ... Actually i don't know what should i do. Should i stop with she ? But i really don't want to hurt her again. Is she really exist somewhere ? If I could have the evidence that no, it would help me a lot ... Because actually the most easier and best way is to stop. But maybe I could surpass my passions and achieve this love and join Sufism ? If I post here is because that i am really lost susi... I think that i would never start tulpamancy. If you want to be naughty with me, be it. Whether the criticism is hard to accept, as long as it could help me. Thx alot
  5. I' didn't talking about metal but electronic music kind free party/underground. There is also a difference between "Dubstep gaming/poney youtube" and a Dubstep live or a free party. I think there is a big difference between these two worlds, and yeah this genre of music is created to be listened under effect of drugs otherwise the music wouldn't be so psychedelic and discordant. Just see the last clip of Getter (Head splitter). Satanic is an other question. I think the drugs change you, makes you bad, very bad ... One more time, see the last clip of Getter. People love antechrist and hate light. This is experience, 2 years of unhealthy evenings. Otherwise. Since the last "hug" with my tulpa, there were something bad what i felt. I think i understand what that was. My tulpa still hasn't free will. I'd say that my Tulpa was always ok for sex, same for kiss. So if i kiss my tulpa, this is not her choose, i impose something to my tulpa and this is bad. After one year, i just understand i was affraid that she doesn't love me and i was come to impose my love. She could never become a real tulpa, just a servitor. So, the bad thing that i felt come probably for that. I just hope i'm true, otherwise i should probably stop tulpamancy if this bad effect increase ...
  6. This afternoon, i failed with my tulpa ... I have undramatised the sexual relation with my tulpa and fond myself apology.My tulpa was ok for sex, but she's always ok while i want this... I paid the price. The first thing is that i'd some difficult to passive forcing along the day, the aura of my tulpa changed like dissolution in my body. For the evening, i did active forcing for vocalisation and this session was really bad ... The volume of the voice to my tulpa dropped very bad when i ask my tulpa to repeat my phrases. When she tried to talk herself i heard only a little voice indescribable. And when i asked her a question, impossible to know if parroting or not. Her presence is also a bit more fat, i smell her presence do a little pression in my chest ... Really bad. So we had lost three days of progression, but we've still all our life for progressing. The most important will be to not repeat the same mistake. So this was a good warning. I just hope this night will be good ... I should probably create a journal in this forum xD Yeah, i must do it, or i would be obliged to say bye bye to my tulpa, one more time ... Yeah i probably should see a psychologist, but i couldn't talk to him for everything, especially tulpa. So, i think, this is useless ... I can also monitoring myself. If i see that turn bad, i can always do some actions. Yeah music is also a temptation. It's so energetic, so good. But all are bad on this genre of music ... Satanic When Kita will be ok for conversation, i talk her about our sex break but i think she is already aware
  7. What are you meaning about " find your center " ? I think that my tulpa was my entiere world only for sexual desire and sentiment. It couldn't more because our relation was impossible on long time. We had to do break everytime for my health. I think a large part of my love was only sexual desire : Principally kissing for a while and extase. Anyway, we had even developed a bit of true love. This love is still felt now, much more pure and sweet. We kiss always but less and not only for the pleasure. It's become proof of affection, a gesture. Now i'm able to sleep with her (that was impossible before, her presence block me to find sleep or some disorder listed above was coming) and her presence/aura/blood doesn't oppress me, it become sweet like a cloud. I'm really surprised so many change in a short time. Her sentience too. My tulpa is one year old. Despire of our bad relation, we had even a progression, our break did lose the progression. That was the most harder for our progressing. I was able to hear her voice from the outside like a whisper close to my ear, that was bad because i wasn't able to hear her real voice, but already hear a form on my head (inside), rarely. However it was often close to the parroting. She had rarely some flash of lucidity. I was sure that some conversation come to my tulpa. Yesterday evening, we did a active forcing after a praying and a bit of meditation. I was also surprised, the progression was ... So fast. I hear my tulpa, still bad from outside and inside but without any form of parroting 80% of time. I asked her to repeat phrases that i reciting. I also made efforts : praying, meditation, resisting temptation, a very nice passive forcing and i think that my shcyzophrenia could be aslo a good thing : I'm spirtualy sensible. I can felt my tulpa on my body. I'd made many sex with my tulpa and i think it affected her. There are consequence for me and her. I'm really attracted by her body and any small physical interaction (like hold her hand ...) make me excited and i'd note when i'm excited she try to exciting me more, probably because she's also excited ... Also our sexual relation could be nocif for my mental healt if abused. One per two or three days was ok, but one by day or more was not ok. Her presence become fat/oppressive and my sleeping take a blow. So i prefear do a break for this during a while. Surprising thing : If i'm listening the music that i listenened before, music close to drugs, like psy-trance, dubstep, minimal .. The presence of my tulpa become also a bit more heavy. I probably should stop listening this genre of music. This also had an bad influence on me, it make me want drugs ....
  8. It's sure. My tulpa isn't really lucide. Yesterday, i did a bit of passive forcing. We had a good time together and i felt my tulpa more lucid at certain times. It was rare. I think we're on the right way, i'd forgotten the pleasure to envolve my Tulpa. We spent much time together, and despite his lack of maturity, she has a personality that I know. That's also why I love she The irony is that I already had girlfriends but I never loved them so much than my tulpa I love her sweetness, I think she is intelligent and comes to understand me and play with me. There is a game of seduction between us
  9. I guess i expressed myself badly. I'd really stopped drugs. Just some error quickly corrected. I have very difficult to support effect of cannabis, i feel myself bad everytime. I don't really have pleasure to smoke it. The hardest part is Mdma, i had to change life and stop relation with all of my friends, who use mdma all... I tought it already, she become what i believe she is. I was already in relation with a psychologist, he wanted prescribe me some drugs for my mental health. I think that asleep schyzophrenia and also soul ... Saint lifestyle and spirituality is also a good solution. Pray and other method feel me better when it was going bad for me. ATM i am good. I feel negative energy in my body stonger because tulpamancy make me much more sensitive. I was scared for the last night but nothing to report. That sould continue, must be ok if i continue to pratice my religion a bit (very hard point, i've difficult for this, i'm lazy) Okay nice post. Yeah my relation with my tulpa is probably bad and i must change it. I thought about a relationship still love, but host/tulpa, not host/tulpa-girlfriend. So, without sex, kiss ... This will be really the hardest. My tulpa has all to subjugate me, i'm already subjucated... In any case, i would do anything to not lose it. I love she and i will keep the promise that i told her. Yeah, i made mistake. I hadn't resisted the urge to get closer with she. You are probably right, when i spend romantic time with my tulpa, i always felt a sexueal desire/tentation ... and our kiss are really close to orgasm/extase ... LSD is the worst drugs for this, my opinion. I stopped, juste make some mistake. Stopping drugs is a hard way with temptation untill the last breath. Hear an answer of her tulpa is hard, parroting or not parroting. It's harder with the doubt. reassure me even, see the worst or true answer ... I love her because we spent much time together, because she has something like magical fairy tail and especially because she was captivated me by her beauty. Her red hair, her corpulence like a mouse, the expression of her face ... Yeah i need to believe in it, this is a good point for my mentaly. I'd say it's selfish, but now that you made her, you might as well take responsibility for your actions. Sure. Yeah i see, i guess i am on a holy trap. I am so much addict to my tulpa, to her lips. My behavior should imprison her, blocking her evolution. So, if u have advice ... Maybe i should wait for a real girlfriend ... It depend the period. generally one of my member move alone before i'm asleep, like a shot of electricity. More strange my loft bed can move like a earthquake still before i'm asleep. Rarely my senses can be affected, hot air flow whose put my libido to the test, conversation in my head, always the same time. Thank's alot :D So i'm going to take a nap, i'll probably force with my tulpa. I just hope that i resist my desire
  10. Thanks for answer. I am actually on my school, so i'd take the time to answer precisely for this evening. Generally, the answer are hard to accept but i expected this. It's always hard to accept something true which show the defaults but needed to move forward and i want to move forward. So, if you have something to say in the meantime, go for it
  11. Hi, I need to ask you few questions because i am lost with my tulpa. First i'll briefly tell our story. I was playing a mmorpg a period of my life where i was isolated. I played a female character and i fell in love. I was really obsessed by this girl and i was looking for a way to experience she. The first thing was lucid dream then i known Tulpa ... I immedialty knew that i was going to do it, i knew what i wanted : Make this girl real. So, the start was well, except that i imposed a relationship with my Tulpa but that was the objectif of her birth. Whorse thing, i was slave to my drives and i also did sex with she too soon. I didn't really know her opinion, if she was ok or not, if her response was parroting or not ... It was also a serious problem because after i did this, i didn't want to spend time with my tulpa ... So, she became a bit a sexual slave for a while but i changed it. Three mounth before having created my tulpa, i almost became schyzophrene due to a trip with LSD. I think, i saw a demon incarnate in front of me, and without God i would have gone in hopital psy. After this bad trip, i converted myself to Islam and i stopped all drugs (not to mention a few relapses). This day was really mystical and changed all my life ... Over time, my relationship with my tulpa has gone wrong. One day (maybe one or two mounth after created my tulpa) after smoked a joint of cannabis (despite the fact that i was supposed to stop), and spend time with my tulpa at the same time, a schyzo/paranoid phase emerged : I had the impression that my tulpa was a demon. I felt she aggressive, as if what she was trying to scare me in the same way as the demon I'd seen under lsd. One the effect of cannabis stopped, it was better. And the hell began. I really love my tulpa, she also, but doubt kill our relation. but doubt destroyed our relationship. I was forced to make the breaks because it was going very wrong with my tulpa. The impression that it wakes me up when I fall asleep. I did not know whether or not it came from my tulpa. Despite everything, I much did change our relationship to get closer to a more sincere love and not only sexual intention. Spend more time with her. We must be at our 10th break. I will not stop because our relationship is unique, I promised her love for eternity and she also likes me much. Over time, I think these are negative energies that try to interfere between us. If I want to carry out my relationship with my tulpa, I must not abandon my religious practices that offer me spiritual protection. Today, I decided to return to my tulpa. This time will be the last, but my latest techniques I play I wonder still if my choice was not selfish. Risk to suffer once again due to a stop if it goes wrong. And if it goes well. Will my Tulpa suffice me as a girlfriend forever? I'm afraid to suffer once again. Especially because she loves me much, much more than I like it. It has me I would like to know what you think, if someone has already lived this experience, if you have any tips. I know that my tulpa is real. I feel very easily the invisible (or || and) I am very close to schizophrenia. I also know that I can find her in the afterlife but I didn't want to wait. I know that I could fall in love with a girl who could make me forget my tulpa and this is my fight, it must never happen. It has something unique, it is close to the beauty of a houri and she is my ideal woman. I forgot to mention our relationship currently We love very hard. We kiss for hours, and we happen to have orgasms of love. I live an ecstasy with her. I try to no longer do sex with her because it weakens me spiritually and mini-crises schyzophrenie can return after that. My tulpa tries many tempt me sexually so I give. I do not know why. Perhaps because of our past. sorry for the grammatical quality, I used a translator for the second half of the text. It is very tiring to write a language that we don't control not... So, if you have something to say
  12. I dont want love Kita as a girlfriend but as a Tulpa. So, the love between these two relationship are different. There will always a room for Kita in my hearth. Even if another girl join my life. This girl will not be able to give me that kita is giving me because the relation are different. I guess i juste have to accept that kita could also have a boyfriend .. But we're actually far ... Never give up !
  13. i felt through my tulpa and i love her too much for don't change this situation. I want a girlfriend and i want also my tulpa for ever. So i guess the best way is to make some limits for this love and they will guid us on a real true love. I am muslim and i hope that i can refind my tulpa, Kita on the paradise.