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fennecgirl

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About fennecgirl

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    back from the dead

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    Madrid
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  1. It depends on the system and the type of switching. For us, I never fully switched out to the point of entering the wonderland or whatever. It was like I "became" my tulpa. Or maybe like my tulpa became me? I took on the identity of whoever was fronting. Often there was some degree of blending, as my personality could not be fully suppressed, though there was a definite shift in identity. A particularly weird aspect was the shift in preferences, like Laine would listen to rap music when they were fronting, which I dislike normally but somehow enjoyed so long as Laine was in front? And Vicki li
  2. I had tulpas who began as imaginary friends of sorts. I basically "promoted" them to tulpa status, which simply involved labelling them as tulpas and giving up any conscious control over them. Kinda ruined the whole imaginary friend thing, but what's done is done. If I'd tried to create tulpas based on them instead, that would've created a duplicate situation which would've just felt weird. That said, you mention a sense of accountability for things she did as a character. I don't know how severe these things are, but I realize having memories of, say, murdering scores of people co
  3. More on my old daydream worlds and other nostalgia (quotes taken from my old progress report, which is no longer public): (5 Sept 2012) When I saw the "four, five years ago", I was like, hold up, I've had that world since 2007?! Of course it turned out I was just talking about its history. But I've got a more solid idea of when I created it now. Early 2011, it seems. (So, wait, does that mean I got bored of the Portal world before my Portal-themed birthday? That was July 2011, I'm pretty sure.) I'd forgotten where Survivors' Town was located (besides "som
  4. @Matsuri I experienced SO much doubt back when I was still into tulpamancy as well. I tried so hard to push that doubt away in those days, and that caused me a lot of stress, too. I don't think doubt is a bad thing nowadays. There are some tulpas who recognize themselves as illusory. I never used to understand how they could be okay with it, but they and their hosts seem to be quite happy both believing their experience is, well, imaginary. It's just subjectively real. Regardless of whether you believe your tulpas are real or not, I can't help but think the systems (okay, not sure
  5. Yeah, you could call it a paracosm. I've always been a daydreamer, and as a kid/preteen I used to make up stories (mostly fanfiction) that could go on for months. I didn't originally do self-inserts, but whenever it was that Speed Racer: The Next Generation came out (a.k.a. forever ago, pretty sure I was in middle school), I started a self-insert mindfic for whatever reason. I don't remember much about that one except that the school had this go-karting program for students who were too young to drive (a.k.a. me) and I think I shipped myself with the main character. I may have had
  6. @FiveFiction Now there’s some names I recognize! I don’t think anyone really knew the full extent of what we were going through. Our system drama got aired on IRC every now and again, but I carried a lot of guilt and shame over being a “bad host” that I kept the more personal (not interpersonal) side of things to myself. I also didn’t understand the core of our issues at the time, just that it was one thing after another for us and I never knew how to fix our issues or fix myself. Now that my perspective on tulpas has changed so drastically, I can’t help but wonder what was really
  7. Sounds like you're on the right track so far! You'll definitely get used to directing my thoughts at someone else. (I took a long hiatus from tulpamancy and still caught myself directing the occasional thought to my tulpas. It truly becomes second nature.) Do you have an idea for the form Ava will take later on? Or do you plan on letting her decide for herself?
  8. Hi, I'm old. I joined tulpa.info way back in 2012. Some of you may remember me/us as the local resident train wreck (well, one of the local resident train wrecks). Unfortunately, tulpamancy really screwed me up, and in 2019, about 15 months ago, I finally left my tulpas behind for the sake of my mental health. (I've outlined the negative side of my experiences with tulpas/the tulpa community here, if anyone's interested.) However, it seems my tulpa journey did not end there. I've realized that this journey ends not with fearful avoidance but with peace. Whether that peace will take
  9. Mm, sort of. Interactions in wonderland were definitely easier and more vivid at night due to the lack of daytime distractions, though some of my tulpas were also quite involved in "real world" activities during the day.
  10. One of my tulpas reacted similarly to my (now ex-)boyfriend. I chalked it up to my tulpa being jealous I was giving someone else more attention and repeatedly dismissed their concerns and chastised them for causing a fuss and trying to interfere with our relationship. Fast-forward a bit, the relationship gradually turned sour, and we broke up after a few years. Reflecting on the relationship after it was over, I realized I'd overlooked a lot of red flags over the years. When I told my closest IRL friend we'd broken up, she confessed she'd had a bad feeling about him all along as we
  11. Yikes. You make my story sound sane. Glad you're alright now!
  12. Sure. I get that. Having a romantic relationship with someone outside our system WOULD be tricky and I'm not sure it's even something I would want myself. But there's no reason why we can't at least be friends and form an IRL friendship as well as being online friends. And honestly I'm concerned about my host butting in intentionally if she ends up becoming friends with the OP. Accidentally shouldn't be much of an issue; we already have long phone conversations no problem. I know her, she tends to jump in on conversations about anything she finds interesting. I'm pretty sure the only thing
  13. I share dreams with my tulpae on occasion. Whenever I see any of my tulpae in a dream, though, I make sure to ask them the next morning if they remember it so I can know if it was likely them or just a dream character that resembled them.
  14. I think the main underlying cause in all cases of a tulpa supposedly dissipating despite getting attention from the host and not wanting to dissipate is the belief that the tulpa is being dissipated somehow. I don't see any other possible explanation other than the belief that that's what's happening. Belief has a huge effect on tulpae, after all.
  15. Tulpae are people too, so of course they can and likely will dislike some things about themselves*. Sure, they can change their form, so they have no reason to be discontent with their appearance, but personality flaws are not so easily changeable for a tulpa who's well-developed, and a tulpa's skills and abilities rarely surpass the host's to any significant extent. *Note that I'm not saying they likely will dislike themselves. Even people who are happy with themselves typically still dislike some aspects of themselves to some extent.
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