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Everything posted by King

  1. masterrace4life Next person would destroy the world given the chance.
  2. I both sympathize and agree with that statement. Bleargle.
  3. Well then why would you want to wi- WAIT I DON'T WANT TO WIN THIS TAKE IT BACK TAKE IT BACK TAKEITBACK
  4. Only now? I thought that was required to be known once one enters the forum.
  5. Hey, no fighting now. There's plenty of my soul to go around.
  6. You won the chance to lose again! Yaaaaay!
  7. Ah, alright, I guess I see what you all mean then. I've been expecting it to be something just really different and weird, as that's what I've read in almost every guide. Sorry for the question that's been asked a million times, it's just a confusing topic for me, even after all the reading I've done on it. And Mistgod & Melian, please get out of my head. I have important things in there. Secret things.[/i]
  8. I've been working on this for a little bit now, with no luck so far. I'm assuming it takes time to learn how to do so, but how would you describe it? So far from all the guides I've read, it seems to amount to an unexpected/"alien" emotion, or a type of feeling you get from when they try to communicate with you. This concept seems so bizarre to me, so I'm hoping that maybe having a few people here describe it could possibly help me to do so myself.
  9. While I don't personally share your philosophies on Tulpas Mistgod, I definitely can agree with you on that last part. There's definitely many mind skills you can learn in the creation of a Tulpa, even if for some reason you fail to make one.
  10. It does depend on mood for me as well. I generally sleep better during my periods of it whenever I go to bed with a good mood. Try seeing if you can make her happy somehow before bed to test it out?
  11. It's been a while since I last updated, but not much has happened beyond me simply trying to erase doubts and open my mind for communication. I'll sum up the events of days 11-14 here. Days 11-14 - September 20th-24th, 2015 -------------------------------------------- I've really been working on eliminating doubt and changing my mindset through rationalization and just thinking deep about what I feel and why. Doubt and fears do still exist, but around 50% less than during my last panic. Mostly it's just from me frequently expecting the worst case scenario, which is very hard to fight against. I've been messaging with several people who have been a great help in this regard. I've focused hard on trying to open my mind to vocalization. I've had a few "conversations" with Kalinga, but the responses were fluid and felt like I was making them - Nothing alien or anything that truly surprised me. I'm pretty sure that it's my mind not necessarily parroting but speaking for her. I did it a few days anyways, just to hopefully give Kalinga some idea on how to speak, but I've started going cold turkey since this morning. I can "feel" her when I think about her though. I haven't received any thoughts or emotions that have surprised me or felt alien yet as well, but I'm sure with time we'll get communications down. I'm excited for when we finally do though - I know doubt will be my biggest issue with Kalinga, but having some basic communication at least will go a long way. And that's it really, beyond average standard forcing for things such as visualization. I've stopped personality forcing, as I generally get the picture of who she is. I never really went in depth to her traits, mainly because that's not how I think. I have a hard time analyzing people in depth, and rely on what I generally know/feel about them, and I have that already with Kalinga. Visualization, wonderland creation*, and vocalization practice are what I mainly do when I force, with maybe some talking to Kalinga thrown in. Parallel processing is definitely going to be a focus once we have at least decent communication/visualization skills. *It's still a work in progress, mainly because my visualization skills are bad and I can't keep it from changing or gaining any real clarity beyond a mushroom in a field. I'm considering changing it to something else, but for now it stays.
  12. King

    [Game] Break-a-wish

    Granted, but you cannot control the ability. Anybody who sees or hears you now think that they are you, and also gain your ability. However, whenever they see somebody who has your power, they go into a bloodlust and rip the other Influenced apart. You, the original, can only watch as the world enters the apocalypse - the apocalypse of Kudwafu. After months of hiding and living off scraps of food, you meet your demise when one of the Influenced come up behind you. I wish for an Exterminatus.
  13. You better keep on passing then, cus this is my win.
  14. Let me preface this by saying I am in no way a professional on any aspects of Psychology/Tulpas, and can be completely wrong in my post. The most likely answer that comes to mind to me is definitely the depression. I go through periods of it, and whenever I do my sleep schedule just falls apart, and I find myself either ending up in your shoes where I just can't sleep for more than a few hours, end up staying awake till it's almost morning and end up with only an hour or so, or even go for a few days without sleeping at all. Honestly, if it IS the depression that is causing it, the only thing that you can do is what I've read that you've already done/are doing - make sure she knows she's loved, stay with her, and try to help her cope with it.
  15. Are you new to visualizing in general still? I had a very similar problem when I was first starting to visualize - I'd see disturbing creepy shit, such as Kalinga's face distorting to fucked up poses, or stretched out beyond normality, stuff like that. In my own experience as a fellow novice, it starts to go away bit by bit. You start to see less and less disturbing thoughts, and more of what you want to see as you focus more and more.
  16. Day 10 - September 19, 2015 -------------------------------------------- Fear and doubt is a bitch. I've been focusing so much on not paying attention to them that I let them control me. The past few days I haven't been narrating or forcing nearly as much as I should have, all because whenever I felt doubt I would try to ignore it, which lead to me procrastinating, to just ignoring the problem alltogether. This has led to a regress of progress, I believe - I can still see Kalinga, but any sense of autonomy that we were building is gone, and she feels more like a puppet again. I'm both pissed and ashamed with myself right now. I'm generally lazy, but this is just bullshit. I feel like a terrible host right now. That said, it has lead to me getting more productive. I'm narrating a lot more than even when I first started, and while I haven't actively forced yet today due to a lack of any peace and quiet in my environment for a long period, I'm making sure I at least try for ten minutes before I start to settle down for the night. That said, I do have a new change to her form now. I started seeing her with her hair done in a ponytail, and can't really stop now. Sorry again for no real progress and a general blog feel, and all this emotional bullshit going on right now. I swear I'm normally not like this, it's just been a stressful week beyond Tulpamancy.
  17. King

    [Game] Break-a-wish

    Granted, but you cannot figure out how to break it still. This leads you to a spiral of depression and insanity until you end up shouting at schoolchildren from under a bridge. I wish I knew of Jean-luc's famous wish breaks.
  18. Day 9 - September 18th, 2015 -------------------------------------------- Today has been a day of major introspection so far. Now, I'll be honest - when I first started creating Kalinga, I didn't really truly think of the consequences of having somebody else would entail. Sure, I gave it some thought, but not nearly enough as I should have. But today I just really gave this whole thing a lot of thought, especially after watching Ruby Falls for the first time. Do I regret my decision? No, absolutely not. Sure, she may not be vocal or maybe even sentient yet, but I still feel a lot of love and affection for her. Sure, there's a bit of stress this has caused me, and further down the road there's possibly even more. Sure, the headaches from training my mind are annoying. Hell, there will be moments where we might be mad eachother down the line. But to me, it's worth it. Not to be sappy, but to quote the ever famous Bon Jovi, "We got eachother, and that's alright for love" Now, do I regret making my decision so early without the proper thought beforehand? A bit, yea. I rushed into this after what now feels like a small amount of reading, but whatevs. Anyways, getting way off topic of a progress report. Sorry, I'm genuinely not intending to make this a blog, but it's just helpful to write down what I'm thinking a little. ------- Progress today has been slow. I tried relieving stress and anxiety from real life by using a punching bag and working out to hopefully help clear my head easier. It worked a tiny amount and helped with doubtful thoughts. Clearing my head is getting easier. Still not 100% able to clear my head for even half a minute, but small baby steps. Visualizing is getting easier. I get flashes of scenes or things I imagine now where everything is bright and in good detail. It's frustrating sometimes, as the more I concentrate on that detail the more it fades, but I'm starting to get the hang of it. Haven't gotten anything truly from Kalinga today. I tried a few methods today to help her vocalize, but didn't get anything that wasn't me parroting her that was her, though I think I felt the intent to respond. I've also decided to try and work on her personality again. I decided once I started getting the head pressures to not work on it as much to hopefully let her do her own thing, but I think I let that go too quickly. I feel like I'm too controlling of her body/responses on accident, so I'll try to do my best to let her do her own thing, but for now I dunno if she's developed enough yet to really do so. All in all, not a truly great day for progress, but baby steps.
  19. Anderson - That's really deep and sweet. Honestly, I knew you guys loved eachother, but damn, that's more than I was expecting! (Meant in a very non-offensive way, realized as I edited this that that could be taken out of context) ------- Warrior - That's very interesting. Do they talk you through your problems to help you solve them, or is it more moral support? ------- Mistgod - I don't even know what I was expecting. I knew something was going to come about from mentioning you at least! : P But that's also sweet in it's own unique way.
  20. That's a cool way to imagine a wonderland. I myself have far less imagination and chose a giant mushroom in a grassy field, which to this day haunts me as both being really freaking easy and really freaking tough to "see", and much harder to "feel" or "smell". But hey, glad to see it's working out for you! Out of curiosity, have you given any thoughts to her personality yet, or are you mostly focusing on form first? Also, I like the different colors you did in your post to show how each idea "felt". Good luck!
  21. I'm curious, how/have tulpas changed you at all? I'm talking things like your beliefs, the way you think about things, your outlooks, even your personality, etc.? I see a lot about how you must rewire your brain to accept somebody else is inside it (or, in the case of people such as Mistigod, to rewire your brain to include a thoughtform as he puts it), but I haven't seen much about how it's affected them beyond possibly increased happiness. So, how has your Tulpa/experiences with Tulpas changed you? Edit - Makes topic so everyone can share their experiences, fails to remember to share their own. Le sigh. Personally, I'm still very new to this, (8-9 days now?) but I've noticed that it's made me more thoughtful so far. I'll look at things such as ideas, or books, or movies, or things people say, and examine them to see if/what hidden messages or ideas lay in them, and how I agree with them.
  22. It's alright dude, questioning things and ideas is important, and if you feel like calling out something, that's fine too! I myself would probably just use less harsh wording next time to do so - after all, we all may be crazy people talking to other crazy people in our heads and on a public forum, but we're all crazy together!
  23. Oh nono, you're fine bud! Trust me, I started off taking everything as 100% fact here because I was still thinking of it as more of a science than it actually is. It's just your post happened to make sense in my head, that's all!
  24. Personally, I feel that was bit harsh Dave. I understand where you're coming from, but I don't believe Anderson meant it in the way you're describing - I think he was just sharing his thoughts and own experiences to hopefully give the OP a different perspective. It didn't come across (at least to me) as an attack on the OP or as trying to sound like he was an authority on the subject. And to be fair, there's not really a whole lot anybody can say on the subject of Tulpa's that's concrete (at least yet), as they're products of our minds that work different ways for every one of us.
  25. I gotcha. Then it's probably me then - beyond head pressures that I got from her when we started*, I've only had one "alien" moment where when I was falling asleep during a forcing session she woke me with a loud crashing noise in my head. I just gotta figure out how to get back to that "blank" state then, I guess. Thanks for the advice! *We've quit doing those as I got the feeling she was extremely annoyed with them - She even sent me an annoying ear tingle that never ended until we started practicing to let her actual speak)