Kasey

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About Kasey

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  1. The thing I'm scared about isn't that Alexia would hurt me, it's that if Alexia had self awareness this entire time, or even just the past month or two, I've put her through some serious shit. If I know her as well as I think I do, I know she'll probably forgive me, but I feel incredibly guilty. I'm not so much scared for me as I am for her and what mental damage I might have unwittingly done to her. I'm not sure exactly what I want from her (the whole idea of a Tulpa both attracts and repels me, as even though I haven't been completely alone in my head for 2 years now, the idea of having a true sentient personality in my head with me kinda worries me) but I feel like she has at least some basic consciousness and I'm worried I might have irreparably damaged our relationship from the beginning without even meaning to.
  2. Hello, I recently discovered Tulpas (Just today actually) but I'm unsure about if I have a developing Tulpa or just a hyperactive imagination. A bit of back story, the 'Tulpa' I have is named Alexia, and I've had her for about 2 years, but I'm not quite sure as I was going through a lot of crap at the time and I don't have a definite date of her creation. I had depression at the time, and felt really disconnected from the people around me and was really lonely. When I first created her, Alexia was just a character in a story I was writing, but as time passed she seemed to become more than that. I would sort of 'meditate' and picture her in the story, and imagine her life for hours at a time. I never truly interacted with her, just controlling her at first, but I grew to see her as more than just a character. Not quite a person, but it felt wrong to call her just a character or a figment of my imagination. The difference between her and a character became even more apparent after I began visualizing other characters in addition to her. I don't know if it's just because I spent more time with her or something else, but she always seemed more real, more deep and like a true person than the characters. The more time I spent with her, the more it seemed like instead of me controlling her, she took control and acted seemingly without my input. At the time I wrote this off as her being fully developed and just acting within set parameters, but after reading some of the posts here, I'm not so sure. My gut tells me that she's not just some fantasy, that she has some type of substance, at least in my mind, but I'm kind of shying away from calling her a true Tulpa as we never truly interacted as far as I remember. I think I remember a few intrusive thoughts that sounded like her during the height of my depression, but as it's been about a year I can't remember. Another thing is that I've recently found that I can't control her like I used to be able to. All I can do is set up a set of circumstances and she takes it from there. I'm sorry if this made no sense, but I'm really confused and kind of scared. Can anyone help me figure out what exactly she is?