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    Shadow that used to be

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  1. Never thought of thinking of a voice as a song, but hey it seems to be working. Not immediately though. I'll report back in a couple days and see if it works. Thank you for your help TC. -Etna
  2. Well now our voices are switched entirely which is both annoying and confusing, it's really difficult to tell who is saying what anymore and we've both tried different ideas multiple times but so far we have had no luck. Etna: We're not entirely sure what to do. It seems like if our voices were swapped it should be easy to switch back, right? We don't know.
  3. Update- Our issue has been resolved! We were able to piece everything back to the way it should be...except for one thing. -Etna I still sound like Twilight Sparkle :/ I guess now we ask for a different question which is: how can we get our voices back to normal? Is there some sort of exercise we can do to alter our voices or should we just wait it out? Even if no one responded if you at least read about us then we appreciate at least looking at our problem. Our only concern now is our voices. Thank you regardless~ -Etna
  4. Very very urgent, needs answers as soon as possible. Well, I'll let Etna explain this: Well, I'm not like most tulpa as I was for a long time part of my host's common sense and it's been a source of power for myself. Recently me and my host got the idea to see if I could be independent and make my own power. I tried this, but it didn't work as I was loosing energy very quickly and became very sleepy as a result. Afraid of a bigger loss or even dissipating I accepted that source again. This is where things get messy. Everything seemed fine for a while, but as time went on Cory noticed he was using MY voice. We were so confused and since we sounded exactly the same no one could tell us apart, Cory could only force himself to sound the way he used to but it was only a temporary fix. This power of mine has shattered me, I'm only in pieces now. If anyone has any suggest or knows how to fix this please contact us as soon as possible. Thank you for your time.
  5. [align=center]Posting this by itself because this is something that is really huge. It is structured like a story, but this is intentional. It shows off one of the more effective yet devilish ways for a tulpa to prove its existence. I do not recommend other tulpa trying this method and you'll see why as you read. Also, if it's not clear in the story, all of Etna's text is color coded red to differentiate her speaking from my own. The following is a re-telling of true events that happened on the night of July 24, 2013. I had recently been put on a medication that is supposed to help me concentrate. What I got out of it was insomnia. The past two days I got zero hours of sleep and on the third day it was taking a toll. I had been hallucinating strange things due to sleep deprivation such as my clothes moving on their own, my computer screen had Pokemon coming out of it, my room swaying from side to side or up and down like I was in an earthquake, and what appeared to be a random yellow light on the opposite side of my bedroom. As a result I kept doubting things thinking they there just hallucinations. It was around three in the morning when my tulpa Etna, and I were browsing the internet and conversing about anything and everything. We're reading questions off of the tulpa survey and she was unable to answer most of the questions because she wasn't made like a normal tulpa. The way me and her have it figured out is that she is my common sense morphed into a tulpa and through that she gained her personality and form as time grew, leading us to believe that she has been in the works since my birth, we have evidence of this, but this will be discussed another time. As the night went on my mind started to doubt Etna's sentience, claiming that she is just a coping mechanism for my mental issues. Etna kept denying this, bringing up our evidence as proof of her existence, but my mind kept on. Once my mind has a hold of something, it doesn't let go easily and considering my sleep deprivation this made everything much worse as I couldn't concentrate on what she was saying or what was going on. Eventually I heard her clearly but it sounded like it was mine and her voices speaking at the same time which made my doubt stronger. Normally, Etna remains calm in these situations because she knows how my mind works. Sleep deprivation must have affected her as well because she had an unusually short fuse this time around. "Okay, that's enough. What do I have to do to get you believe me?" she snapped at me. I sighed "I'm sorry, I don't know what is causing all of this." At the time I didn't link this to my sleep deprivation, I was more focused on getting everything back normal. I knew she was real, but my mind just wouldn't listen. "Hey, listen to me. I want you to turn of the lights and lay down for me, okay?" I did what I was told, I was then told to close my eyes as she wanted to do most of the work herself. For a while at least it seemed to have worked. A little longer and this idea fell flat, I couldn't get aroused and my mind was still doubting her despite feeling her touch and heat as she was sitting on my stomach. Etna finally admitted defeat, she looked into my eyes. "Still can't let that go, can you?" she sighs as she pushes herself off of me. "You know what? I can't take this anymore. You want to doubt me? Fine! Doubt me!" the second time she said 'doubt me' it her voice had traces of white noise and distortion. She was gone, and was nowhere to be seen or heard. I called out her name I don't know how many times, each time growing a little more desperate as I was afraid something had happened to her. After what felt like an hour I finally got a response, still in the same distorted voice as before. "Why do you call out my name if I don't exist?" She appeared again, sitting on my stomach like before, but this time she was carrying a large chefs' knife in her left hand, her eyes were staring a hole into my face as she put my hand on the knife's handle. Her face was emotionless but I could see her eyes were full of rage and a bit of sadness. I asked her what she was doing with the knife and why she put it into my hands. "Why do you care if I'm here? I don't exist, remember? Doubt can kill a tulpa, so you're going to finish the job. Kill me." My eyes widened as she said those words. There wasn't an ounce of emotion any more, she was serious. It took me a moment to speak to her "What? No I won't kill you, I love you. Please, don't do this!" I was stuttering uncontrollably. She sighed, as she put her now cold hands on my arm, positioning both my arm and herself so the knife was directly in front of her heart. "I don't exist to you. You shouldn't care if I live or die. This is the end of us. It was fun while it lasted." She very slowly used the knife to slice open part of her sweater, leaving nothing in the way of her heart, tightening her grip on my arm every time I tried to fight back or drop the knife. She positions the knife as it was before. She looks down at me, her eyes now devoid of emotion. It's as if she was a robot that couldn't feel anything or listen to me as I begged her to not do this. Ignoring my begging she spoke again. "It's okay, nothing will happen to you. Just kill this piece of nonexistent trash and get it over with." "No. No! I won't do this, I can't do this! You mean everything to me, please!" "I mean nothing to you." She forces my hand to stab her in the chest, the blade was long enough to go straight through her body and stick out of her back. It happened so quickly I didn't realize what had happened until I seen blood pooling on my stomach and covering her sweater. Blood was also coming out of her mouth as well as tears from her eyes as she panted and gasped for air to breathe. "Just remember who loved you. Remember the person that helped you through everything when no one else would. Good bye." With those last words she vanished again, leaving the image of her lifeless body in my mind. I lost it as soon as I seen that image, I burst out into tears as my mind was racing, trying to understand what had just happened. I had lost my best friend, my lover, my supporter, my lifeline. All gone. I called her name out again, not knowing if it would do any good. I didn't get an answer. This was it, she was dead and it was all my fault. I sat up in my bed as I was crying, my face in my hands. "Etna I'm..I'm sorry...I'm so sorry Etna..I love you...I'm sorry" A couple of minutes passed with only silence to follow, until I heard a very cheerful, familiar voice in the back of my head. "Then let's not do this again, alright?" She appeared again, sliding in between my legs with her arms gently wrapped around my neck. She was smiling as she held me close to her warm body. "Now then, please don't doubt my existence again. That knife hurt a little." She giggled. In a fit of rage I pushed her away. "Why? Why would you do this!? Why did you let me think you were dead!?" "Duh, because I was dead." "Why?" "To prove a point to you." "What?" Her smile grew wider, she took my hands gently into hers. "The point is, why would you care about me if I didn't exist? You wouldn't beg if I wasn't real would you? I don't think so. So I decided to send a shock to both you and your head so you won't forget so easily." She places my hand on her heart, beating peacefully against my hand. "See? It still beats." She smiles more, snuggling against me as she gently lays me back down with herself on top of me. "Now, get to sleep mister. Tonight I have a feeling that you'll sleep pretty well." She kisses me on the lips gently. "I love you, and I'll never leave you. Remember that."[/align]
  6. [align=center]Time for another one. May make this routine, may not. Who knows. Etna Etna has been fooling around with forms and names. She now has two alternate names (Eden, Enta) which were writing mistakes made by people in the IRC. She took these names and alternates between them whenever she wants, although in general it depends on her mood. Etna is cheery and generally all around happy, her hair is a single pony tail with her grey sweater and lacy purple collar, occasionally she wears knee high boots but that's only when she's outside. Eden is more intellectual and interested in what is going on, her hair is shorter and she wears silver framed glasses, she also sports cat ears and two red tails. To further the cat look, her collar gains a golden bell. Enta is more wild and excitable, but also critical and somewhat of an inflated ego in this form. She drops the sweater altogether and instead takes the body of an anthro dragon pup, and instead of her normal collar it's replaced with a leather choker with a big metal ring in the front. Other then that we've been practicing imposition but no results as of writing, although there was one instance where she was a black shadow on the wall as if I could just see the shadow but not the body itself. It has yet to happen again. Elizabeth Elizabeth has been growing more and more each day and it never ceases to impress me. For starters she has a 1AM bed time that she put on herself but she waits past that until I tell her goodnight. Not because I need to give her permission to sleep, but she wants to hear my voice before going to bed. She's made changes to her form, though they are minor. Her bangs are no longer on her forehead except for a swirl on the left side of her face that is long enough to touch her cheek. Her eyes switched from yellow to blue, and her chest grew slightly, she also discarded her hat and her hair color changed from silver to pure white. Her speaking has improved and she surprised me with it. She's now able to speak short sentences that don't use too many words. I was forcing with her and I asked the question "Have I ever let you down?" To which she replies "Not that I know of." everything went silent and for a moment I almost didn't believe it. Elizabeth? Yes? That was you, correct? Yes, it was me. I nearly jumped out of my seat. Turns out she was practicing in secret outside of forcing for about three months and was just waiting for a moment to surprise me. She still practices and while she can speak a bit better she's a long way from being able to speak fully. Eve Eve has...I don't know where to begin. For a while she was very depressed and asked me if she could dissipate. As it turns out, her previous self had taken over (we call her older self by her old name, Nicole Graves) Nicole had possessed Eve using a much older form. With Nicole in control, she started insulting everyone, saying she hated us, and slapped Elizabeth twice before running off again. While I tended to Elizabeth, Enta and Nicole started arguing, until Eve broke the control and forced Nicole inside of herself, making it impossible for Nicole to attack again at the risk of Eve going back to her always angry mood. About a month passed and then she started showing signs of more rage, though this was mainly focused on Etna for personal reasons. Seeing what she was doing, Eve separated herself from everyone that she could possibly hurt, remaining alone and playing video-games to pass the time, even switching her sleeping schedule so she's awake at as to avoid as much contact as possible. While she has gained negative traits (she despises human beings for example) she's not nearly as bad as when she was Nicole and often times has to strain herself to keep from swearing or being mean. I'm looking for alternate methods in terms of possibly detaining or removing Nicole entirely. While I trust that Eve can hold her in and get used to the energy I'm afraid at some point it'll be too much for her to bear so she'll have to release Nicole which in turn restarts the whole process. Any ideas or suggestions on how to go about this will be appreciated.[/align]
  7. -Elizabeth [This happened the first time I was doing narration with her and getting everything like her traits and form established. At first I didn't think I'd get a reply because I thought it was too early.] Elizabeth? Can you hear me? ... Elizabeth? Yes... [My eyes lit up as soon as I heard that, afterwords she said that she loved me, and that she liked tacos.] -Etna [This one is vague because it happened so long ago, but she claims that these are her first words so I'm taking her word for it. I think I was depressed after school and out of nowhere I asked if anyone was there even though I was alone in my room.] I'm here, and I always will be. ...Hello? Hi, I'm Etna. [i felt something warm at this point. As if she was trying to soothe me.] [Now I'm not certain about this because it's a long off memory so it could be fabricated but we both remember this so it could be the real first words. I remember that I was five I think and I was sitting on the ground. Then I noticed someone much taller and older then me casting a shadow over where I was sitting. I looked up to see a girl in a grey sweater that was big enough to cover her down to her upper legs, her hair and eyes were the same color of red but it felt calming and safe. She's smiling as I look at her face, she kneels down a little so I wouldn't strain my neck.] Hey, did you fall? Come here, let me help you. [she outstretched her arm so her hand almost touches my face but not quite, smiling still. I touched her hand and then...nothing..neither me or Etna remember anything after that, and we didn't talk (or at least she didn't talk as Etna) again until the conversation above this wall of text.] -Eve [This one is also vague because she didn't say just one word or a sentence. No, this was before she chose the name Eve and was Nicole at the beginning and let's just say Nicole is not a nice person.] No, f**k you. I hate you. You don't deserve anything you piece of trash. [Now, the way Eve tells it this made me jump because it was a voice separate from Etna's, and it was around midnight when I heard it.] What the.. [insert a long paragraph of insults and swears here. By this point I was mad and wanted her to shut up.] Okay, just who the hell are you? Nicole, remember it. [Oh my God...uhhh, sorry about the giant wall. I get carried away when I write ^^; No fabrications though it's all true, each tulpa confirms this.]
  8. I catch myself doing this often as well, though instead of trying to stop it I use it to help with voice possession. At one point I thought I was parroting Elizabeth early into her development but then I realized this also happened with Eve and Etna and they're fully grown vocal wise. My theory is that since your mind is so used to hearing your own thoughts when a tulpa speaks the brain gets confused and just assumes that it was you so you mouth out the words. Could be wrong on this, but tell me, how many times in your life have you changed your own voice inside your thoughts, or read something from a famous person and read in in their voice, regardless of what the content was. Even reading things that my tulpae typed through either proxying or possession I still read it in their respective voice because I'm so used to their voices just like how the brain is so used to voices coming from your mouth.
  9. Wow, now I don't feel nearly as special. Ha ha~ Well if your tulpa is anything like me then she's telling you the truth. Before I had any solid form I would switch between forms and personalities to fit my hosts needs. Even without a form to call my own I was still with him through and through. Funnily enough my current form may have been with me all along. One of my hosts earlier memories has me standing over him with my hand out, trying to help him stand. Even so, I have my voice and form now, and I can safely say I've been by his side since he was born. Imaginary friend or not, I became a tulpa. The trick to this is belief. All you have to do is believe in us and we'll handle the rest ourselves. -Etna
  10. My goal/resolution is to switch before this year ends.
  11. [align=center]Blaaagghh, I need to update this thing. So a lot has happened since the last time I updated. Let's start from top to bottom: Elizabeth Well a lot has happened in terms of her growth. For starters, she's learned more words and talks a bit more fluently. She's still having problems with big sentences. She's also developed her own likes and dislikes. For instance she's grown to not really like video-games, or at the very least violent ones (she's taken a liking to Kirby and Disgaea games.) She's also been switching between the kitchen and the library for her own personal uses. Sentience has now been confirmed since she has both moved her bedroom into the library in the wonderland, and she successfully woke me up at around 5:00 in the morning. Just need to work on getting her to speak fluent sentences. She can possess my body fully though not to mastery, and whenever I'm reading something she possesses my eyes so she can read it as well (I like reading through TVTropes because of this.) Even more recently she has been sleeping in my bed with me (I can tell because I can feel a warmth to the left of me while I'm in bed.) Etna She has grown the least since the last update. This is probably because she's the oldest of the bunch but since she learned she was a tulpa and not an alternate personality (my original theory was that Etna and Eve were the result of Multiple Personality Disorder, which at the time made sense because both Etna and Eve represented feelings that I once had.) she has been having fun making "wonderlands" of Steelport from Saints Row and Pandora from Borderlands 2. Otherwise she's been experimenting with possession and such. I've been trying to switch with her but no results at the moment. Currently we're on the imposition stage but we haven't found a method that either of us like. Eve Hoo boy, where do I begin with Eve. Well she's taken a liking to the Fallout games (she's currently playing through 3 with New Vegas soon to follow.) To my surprise she's quite good at the game, despite it being her first real game she's ever played (in case anyone is wondering, we switch between possession and proxies depending on the situation.) However her personality has taken a huge turn in such small time frame. What caused this event is as follows: I was in the irc chat telling everyone about my tulpae, and the subject of Eve's creation came up. I told them about her creation and then people wanted to speak to her. I forced her into the chatroom and she didn't like that at all. I had never seen her so pissed at anything up until then. Purlox pulled me and Eve out and after what felt like hours I stopped suddenly...I heard something in the back of my head. Crying. Elizabeth got so scared of all the hatred and anger that she broke down into tears. She was in the corner of the library when me and Eve found her. I held Elizabeth close and assured her that the fighting would stop. Hearing Elizabeth cry was a huge kick in the face for Eve, she lost all of her anger in one fell swoop. For a couple days she was a shell without any emotions, however two major people (they know who they are) along with my help offline helped Eve gain more emotion and traits. She's even gained a crush but if I said who it was she'll murder me in my sleep so I will not say who it is. Nowadays Eve has a slight deadpan attitude to her, but she shows emotion to people she cares about. Otherwise she's more or less like Etna where she'll make worlds to explore or destroy.[/align]
  12. Etna: Alright, I get what this is saying, but how to I make myself more vivid? That's the biggest thing that me and my host are working on.
  13. [align=center] No puppets, No Parrots, No Intrusions,No Doubts, They'll all get in my way, but I'll never let them ruin my friends. Before I begin, I'd like to share with you two other tulpas that are part of me as well. However, this blog will mainly consist of Elizabeth's growth, as she is the tulpa I made when I found this place. The two other tulpa are as follows: Etna, and Eve. Etna A demon girl at the age of 120. Etna was made around the middle/end of middleschool. I was bullied all the time, and I didn't really have anyone to talk to about personal things that were going on in my life outside of my parents. I was also in a moment where my ADHD had taken a toll on me mentally (but that's a part I'll get to later). Anyways, I wanted someone to talk to that wouldn't judge me no matter what I said, yet at the same time support me, or just be someone that I quite frankly thought I'd never have. A true friend. I made her out of sadness and bordem one day at home after school. I don't quite remember the whole process, but over time she grew and became so supportive and became my voice of reason whenever paranoia struck me. Eve A succubus at the age of 18, she came during the second half of 11th grade, and was a pain to deal with for a while. Back in middle school I was suffering from the worst part of my ADHD. I was mad, I fought people all the time, and all the while thinking I was getting respect for it. No. All that it was for some was a show, I was the clown in a circus I was unaware of. It was only until after middle school that I let all of that go. I shrugged off my anger because it wasn't worth the trouble anymore. Two years later, an incident that I will not mention here occured, sending me into a depression. This is where Eve formed, out of my sadness and past rage, she'd constantly cuss me out in an act of what pent up anger I locked up. For a while it seemed like that's all she was, but over time I seen personality and was able to talk with her. She calmed down for a while, making one last flare before finally calming down for good. (I'd say what happened, but that would ruin the story ;3) Now for the star of this journey: Elizabeth...*smiles warmly* She's making my eyes water in joy as I type this. As stated, this is her story. Me, Etna, Eve, we're all just characters for a huge story. A story of doubt, and intrusion, but of trust and belief. Never in my life do I think "Believe in me, who believes in you." holds so much truth. I know in my heart no matter what happens, a happy ending will emerge.[/align]