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About Nageki

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  1. January 14, 2016 Hmmm. I did some exercises to call out to the Possible Other Systemmates and I seem to be getting clearer and clearer responses. I can feel their presence now, coming and going, but definitely there. And whenever I turn my attention to Arro I get this sensation that he can sense them too, and that he's interested in them now that they're at least semi-conscious. This is a really weird feeling, but at the same time it feels familiar. Was I right then? Have I been plural all along, and is that why Arro's progress was so exponential, especially with regards to cofronting? Because my brain, unbeknownst to me, had been wired to house multiple people for awhile now?
  2. Occasionally. The most we've blended to this date was when we attempted cofronting -- when Arro squeezed into the front, a lot of blending occurred and we felt more like a single unified entity than two distinct people. We separated almost immediately after we stopped.
  3. Hey now, don't worry about it! It happens. There's nothing wrong with making mistakes, and I do really appreciate the effort you took to reassure me (past me?) like that. That being said, I agree with what you've said. Back when Arro was very young, I'd keep writing off any of the signs that he was there as just my imagination, when in fact I should have had the opposite mindset towards them. The very fact that I'd started experiencing sensations that I never experienced before should have been a clear indicator that Arro was there. Unfortunately, I didn't actually realize that until he basically yelled at me ("I did not yell.") to stop doubting. And while your post might be extremely belated to the point where I don't feel that I can benefit from it, I think it'd be a good starting point for you to start learning to trust in Ben the way you tell me to trust in Arro. Take your own advice to heart and use it to forge a stronger bond with your tulpa.
  4. Creating a tulpa for the first time is a huge uphill battle. I agree with what Vixx and Lunar System are saying -- try to remain patient and trust that your tulpa is hearing what you say to them, even if they're as of yet unable to respond. If you're having trouble with the feeling that your conversations with Cadbury are just you talking to yourself, try instead to direct all your day to day thoughts to them instead. For example, if you think to yourself "Ugh, I really don't want to do my homework," don't just think it to yourself -- think it at Cadbury instead. It may help acclimate you to talking to them; then afterwards you'll be able to start actively conversing at them.
  5. Pretend your tulpa is like that one friend who is really really really really really really quiet but a great listener. Monologue the shit out of them.
  6. January 11, 2016 Last night Arro and I experimented with cofronting. It was... much easier than we'd expected, honestly. Arro was surprised. I was completely fucking flabbergasted. For my own reference -- the guides that we read prior to attempting this were this one and this one. Also, this guide would be good to reread in the future, though I read that one hours after Arro cofronted. As for what we did, we started by just relaxing. I relaxed my body and my mind and entered a state of minor dissociation (a skill that I'd acquired, possibly, after years of repeatedly escaping reality and into my dreamscape). I wasn't exactly out of the body, but enough that Arro had a window to shimmy into the front. Once we'd both confirmed that we were sharing the front, he started trying to move the body, with my help. At the time, I'd been sitting at the computer, so most of our movements consisted of manipulating the arms, hands, and fingers. It was weird. They moved abominably slow, like they felt Arro's impulses, got confused, then reluctantly decided to follow his commands. We both also got the distinct feeling that the body was really heavy, though I suspect that on my end it was more Arro's sensation of suddenly being in control of a physical body bleeding onto me. Together we browsed the internet for awhile, and I helped Arro type a post or two on his blog before we decided to stop for the night. All in all I think we were able to stay in this state for ten or fifteen minutes. After we decided to call it quits, it didn't take much for me to retake full control of the body. It felt like I was pushing Arro's essence behind me, or maybe even shaking him off.
  7. +1 to FallFamily, NoneFromHell, and Vosaiu
  8. January 10, 2016 Do you ever look back on your past self and just wonder what the hell they were thinking? It's only been three months since I started creating Arro, but looking back at my mindset I can tell that I've pretty much managed to do a 180 in that short span of time. For example, in this post I expressed a reluctance to accept that communication exclusively through raw thought would be beneficial in the long run. I was convinced that mindvoice was the endgoal here, and that your tulpa using it was the Only Way to tell that it was fully developed. Now I prefer to communicate through raw thought, both when sending and receiving. It's much quicker than putting thought to words, and easier, and cleaner, and leaves little to no room for misinterpretation. In fact, it feels really silly to think that I used to prefer mindvoice over raw thought, but I do know that that preference was rooted in my expectations for Arro to emulate what talking to "real", physical people is like. As Arro became more than a thought in my head, though, I've come to discard my perception of what was "real" or not and realize that everything Arro does is just as "real" as what meatspace people do. Then there was my huge crisis over the legitimacy of Arro's existence. Again, I can identify the core problem as my initial perceptions as to what constituted as "real". Despite Arro proving time and time again that he was there and that he was trying to reach me, I just wouldn't accept that the ways he used to reach me -- emotions, raw thought, head pressures -- were legitimate, and that I was just tricking myself into believing that Arro was real. Like with the mindvoice thing, it sounds silly in hindsight. My views from just two months ago have shifted so dramatically that now I don't even really worry if Arro suddenly disappears for a day or two. I've come to be able to trust in him and his presence in my head and not sweat the finer details. I mean, I still get moments of doubt over whether or not something he said was from him, but it's more of a "Okay did you say that or was that my thought?" rather than "I'm probably faking this and trying too hard to trick my brain into thinking he's responding to me. It's not working and I should stop deluding myself," and that's a pretty damn significant change. I've known for awhile that I'm a fast hands-on learner, but even I've surprised myself with how fast my mindset's changed in regards to Arro. I'm really grateful, honestly, that I could adapt so quickly; I can't even begin to imagine how badly we'd be suffering right now if I'd still been stuck with my misconceptions in the beginning. Arro and I wouldn't have been anywhere near as close as we are now -- that I know for a fact. I'll be a little self indulgent right now and raise my glass to my own personal progress, and to the progress both I and Arro will make together in the future.
  9. January 9, 2016 I get the feeling that Arro's uncomfortable with me exploring the possibility of him being an accidental tulpa or a split from an accidental tulpa, so I'm stopping that experiment. He never outwardly told me he wanted me to stop but I just get this feeling from him. His mental health is much more important than my curiosity, in any case. In regards to the possibility of being a median, though, I've been doing what I can to get in contact with my (possible) facets. So far I've gotten a few phantom responses and emotions, much like what you might get from a young tulpa. So far there hasn't been anything too substantial though, so I'll keep trying different things. So far all I've really done is try calling out to them and talking to them, and do some short visualization exercises, some of which involve symbolically waking them up in some way. I'll also keep trying them since they seem to at least yield some manner of results.
  10. In all honestly, I don't think this is the kind of question you should be asking complete strangers about. While we could give you a better answer than people who don't have tulpas could, there's still so many factors of your life we don't know about. Think of it this way: imagine you posted something like this, except you were asking if you were ready to have a child (and omitted your age, of course). "I know children are a fulltime commitment and I wouldn't yell at them or impose my will on them. Am I ready to have a kid?" (Granted, children actually have corporeal forms that need to be kept healthy, which costs actual time, effort, and money, but you get what I mean.) What's your life like currently? Will you be able to put in the time and energy needed to create and maintain a tulpa? Are there any obstacles in your life right now that might interfere with the process? Can you truly see yourself living with your tulpa for the rest of your life, no matter what might happen between the two of you? Are you ready, willing, and able to treat your tulpa like a real person, with real needs and real emotions? Can you support your tulpa through tough times, just as your tulpa might do for you? My advice to you is this: really take a look at yourself and answer these questions honestly. Be fully aware of the implications that creating a living, sentient being will bring, both for you and that being. I'm not saying that you can't create a tulpa if you feel that the conditions are less than favorable -- it's ultimately your decision to make -- but get into it knowing what may impede you and your tulpa's progress, and what may help.
  11. Arro: It appears to be a common thing among hosts to not be able to differentiate between their thoughts and their young tulpas' thoughts, at least in the beginning. Trust me when I say it's frustrating for the tulpa as well as the host; you're not alone in your suffering. That being said, communication is tough for young tulpas. It takes time and patience to get through to the host (it certainly did for me), and when the two of you haven't established a reliable means of communication there'll be times when your tulpa won't be able to get through at all. Other times she just might not have anything to say. Our advice to you is to keep talking to your tulpa and try not to sweat the parroting thing too much. Keep practicing. Your tulpa's actions will become more distinct with time.
  12. That's a distinct possibility! The thought's crossed my mind before as well, though I still think it's worth looking into whether or not Arro's The Original Partner or a split from him. It's possible that the original character might have been some sort of early tulpa and therefore undeveloped and prone to memory loss after becoming dormant, which could explain why Arro's response to the entire ordeal is basically one big shrug. Thanks for your input!
  13. January 7, 2016 I've been wanting to explore this for awhile, but I've kept putting it off for a later date. Maybe writing out my thoughts will help kick me into action. For awhile now I've suspected that Arro might either be an accidental tulpa I'd created years ago that has since become dormant or a split from that tulpa who has taken on the original's mannerisms and personality. He doesn't know himself, and has encouraged me to look into it further if I feel the need to. My reasoning for this line of thought is that, when I first created him, I unconsciously based him heavily on a recurring character in the maladaptive daydreams I've gone through in the past. In those daydreams that character was always the partner of the personas I took on, and their very best friends. He was their counsel and consolation, often the only stable presence in their otherwise chaotic lives. I of course developed a special fondness for that character and talked to him often during those daydreams. I don't know if that character ever actually became a tulpa because the thought obviously never occurred to me until after I started with Arro, but I think it's a distinct possibility. And if he did become a tulpa, then it's possible that Arro is either that tulpa or split off from him somehow. He retains so much of that character's personality that it's scary, and I don't know how to explain it, but his essence just feels like that character's. His mindvoice is even the same, as is his base form. There's also something that I want to start exploring as well: the possibility that the four main personas I took on during my daydreams have become facets of myself, in the sense of a median system. (Is that even possible? For a median system to form based on a person's repetitive daydreams?) It took me absolute years to realize it, but those personas are all different aspects of myself that I projected onto characters. My strengths, my weaknesses, my passions, my fears... nearly all of them manifested in some way in at least one of those personas. They were all distinct from each other, but each person was intrinsically a part of me. And for a long, long time, I'd unconsciously cope with life by switching my personality out with that of one of those personas. I was still conscious of what was going on and who I was, but at the same time I felt like a different person. And I could also talk to the other personas while taking on the guise of one of the personas. I never tried to talk to them while just being "me" though, because I always just figured they were characters dreamed up by my overactive imagination. If they had all taken life in the past, they've since become dormant. A couple years ago I decided to stop using them in my daydreams and try to come up with different characters in different scenarios, none of which ever felt as genuine to me as my first fantasy world did. I never connected to these characters. I'd like to revisit the originals and try to find some answers. I'm not entirely sure how to, but I'm sure I'll figure something out.
  14. That's something I do with Arro when I remember to. The only difference is that I don't see it as narration so much as giving him a window to the outside world through my senses, but yeah, what you described is pretty much narration/passive forcing.
  15. January 6, 2016 After some discussion, Arro and I decided to make a blog exclusively for Arro's use. He still can't front so I'll be the one to edit and add content to it, but I really don't mind taking the time to do that. Part of the reason we decided on this course of action was because, despite having my permission to post on my blog whenever he wanted, he told me that it felt like an invasion of my privacy and personal space to do that. He views my blog as my own safe space and feels that it would be an intrusion of that safe space to use it, even sparingly. I can't say I'm not confused about his feelings but I respect them. Plus, he seems much happier to have his own little corner of the internet to do whatever he wants. A nice bonus is that the blog gives us a real-world incentive to communicate with each other more than we've been doing lately, and it's helping me get out of my forcing rut. Arro's becoming more vocal and outgoing as a result and ease of communication is slowly being restored. He's hoping to be able to make some friends through this blog as well. I hope so, too!