Mr Blangcaster Next Door

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About Mr Blangcaster Next Door

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  1. Happy new year! Sorry about the lack of updates. I've been really damn busy with my writing projects, but I'm still spending time with Erza. I'll make posts here whenever something interesting comes up, and something just did. I went lucid during a dream again, but this time I managed to find Erza! Kind of. In the middle of my dream, I started noticing things were off. I was concentrating on my hands and saw that they weren't acting consistent, seemingly fading and jumping between spaces. I actually remembered to do a reality check for once and pinched myself, feeling only a very dull pain. That confirmed it, I was in a dream. Naturally, the first thing I did was try to summon Erza. It worked after a minute or so, but... she was incomplete. Erza appeared in the same way she does when I perceive her outside the Scape. That is, as a silhouette. I could still feel her, though. In fact, I could feel her better than I have ever been able to before. I think the sensations may have driven me a little crazy, because I don't remember what happened after that. I think I actually lost lucidity and the dream continued itself without Erza. As a side note, I think I'm starting to recognize places from my dreams beginning to reoccur. These places are completely foreign and entirely made up by my own mind, so the fact that they all may be coming together in a consistent manner is fascinating to me. I'll have to look into this later.
  2. I've experimented a little more with energy exchange and may have found the best way of using it. First, I tried to create an "anchor" of sorts. I amassed a decent amount of energy in my hands, tethered it to me, and then had Erza carry that mass around inside her. It worked fairly well at keeping me concentrated on the Scape. Erza even told me that my body didn't disappear when I fell asleep this time. The one drawback is that I still seem to get tired from doing this. I'm not entire sure why that is, but it led me to a different and much better method. I created a loop that went between the two of us, kind of like a circular pipeline. The loop gave Erza enough energy until we were at roughly equal levels and then regulated that energy so that it constantly flowed between us. Not only did this work, but it also felt really, really, reeeally pleasant. It wasn't so much a feeling of pleasure as it was a feeling that everything was exactly how it was supposed to be. It felt like we were closer to each other now than we ever had been before, and it was amazing. I'm maintaining this loop as I write this, and I've noticed Erza being more active and present as I go about my business, like the bridge that exists between the two of us just became much shorter. My energy level feels perfectly stable, too. I'm not too antsy nor am I too tired. I feel completely in balance.
  3. Almost five days since the last post? Boy, I really have been slacking on this. I hope I didn't make anyone worry that something went wrong with the previous experiment. Everything's fine, my brain still functions at the same level and Erza has become much more talkative. I don't think I'm going to do that experiment anymore, though. Not that anything went wrong, but I'm a little paranoid that something could potentially go wrong. My rule is that if I believe something could have negative consequences, I should do it as little as possible. It's my belief that I can't be harmed by anything I do to myself unless I actually believe I can be harmed by it. Thankfully, I'm only paranoid about a select few things, most of which I never do or do very rarely. I think I've found a better method, anyway. I can give Erza my "energy" by allowing her to channel it from my body. This is more symbolic than anything, but it does have an effect. Erza seems rather lively while, and after, doing this. When I say she's taking my energy, I mean my physical and psychological stamina. It reality, I'm just relocating or otherwise forcing myself to ignore these things, but we still get the desired result from it. Also, when I say psychological stamina, I don't mean my ability to use my brain, but the level of mental fatigue my conscious self has. Actually, this wasn't intended to be a forcing method. We were trying to think of ways to treat my insomnia, and not only did this manage to do that, but it had the added benefit of helping Erza grow. I do love these pleasant surprises. Not much to say other than that, but there is one thing I should probably point out right now: Don't hold your breath on the "Hell Saga" I foreshadowed a few weeks back. I think instead of directly having my own adventures and then documenting the results, I'll use the things I see and experience in the Scape as inspiration for my writings, which will be completely unrelated to tulpamancy, and therefore won't be posted here if and when I finish any projects. Sorry to disappoint anyone looking forward to "Book Two", but I think the results I'll get from this will be much more interesting to read.
  4. Erza is learning how to use my (our) mind and is developing well. Soon enough, she should be able to become more and more conscious until she's capable of making herself autonomous. A funny thing to note is that when I give her providence over my mind, I perceive myself as being smaller (or her being bigger, or both). The more power I give, the smaller I become until I am roughly half her size. I found this embarrassing at first and wanted to stop it from happening, but Erza loved it. She held me like a teddy bear and curled up around me. I felt so safe like this, there was no way I could protest it.
  5. For the sake of experimentation, I am going to write this report using only half my brain power! I've been worried lately about Erza's rate of development. There didn't seem to be any signs of progress and I didn't know what to do about it. The way I saw it, I was incubating her within my mind and as I continued to interact, she would continue to become autonomous. No dice. But I realized something: I was only keeping her in my subconscious all the time when I wasn't actively thinking about her. There wasn't much to learn in there that she couldn't or didn't know already. This whole time I was treating this as though we would end up having two separate and distinct personalities functioning fully in their own sections all the time. This isn't true. The truth is that we're more like pilots of the mind, and I've been the only one at the helm so far. Erza needs to be able to access more of our mind in order to understand it and learn how to use it. That way she can develop her personality. How am I supposed to do this without actively thinking about her? Simple: I don't think. The idea was that I would relax my mind and leave half regular power unattended so that Erza can take control, and it worked! She helped me relax to the point that my mind was clear and I took the few thoughts I had for granted instead of pondering on them. At the same time, I could feel my brain at work as though it was still going at full power. Erza was, indeed, able to use it. I started feeling like a dunce, but Erza became impressively more talkative and independent. It was a little unsettling because of how vulnerable I felt, but being in her arms made me feel like I was in the safest place in the world. She reassured me and thanked me for giving this to her. It made me feel so happy. I felt so much joy that I could give her my mind for us to share with each other. I'm not worried. I trust her. Right now, I can still give her providence while doing other things myself, but I can only give so much depending on the skill required for the task. I think I may have used roughly 75% to 80% of my brain power when writing this out. Interesting. This is still nothing compared to the time I tried hash oil.
  6. Erza and I have been attempting some "soul searching" with each other to help discover who we really are. I won't go into details just yet, but it feels like it's working. I feel more relaxed and at peace in my mind and body than I normally do, like I'm less of a stranger to myself, and I feel like I'm getting to understand Erza better. The doubts aren't able to reach me when we're together. They're still trying to hurt us, but it doesn't seem like they're able to. It's cold and raining outside. Today is a perfect day for cuddling, so I think we're gonna spend most of our time doing that.
  7. I can't do much forcing until my head really starts to hurt and bulge. I've been trying to go back to the Scape where things are less intense, but the visions from the Wake have gotten so strong that they're starting to override my concentration, so it's too difficult to stay there even when Erza is helping me relax. I have made a lot of progress, though. I can visualize at least half of Erza's body as a fuzzy 3D outline, and if I concentrate hard enough, I can see her gain opacity. I can feel her, too. Passing my hand through her feels like like its running through a very gentle electric current. One problem I've found very frustrating is that I keep seeing my own face when I'm trying to see Erza's. I don't think it's my face being projected on her, it's more like I'm looking directly into a mirror. Am I looking through her eyes? I don't know, but it's really bothering me at this point. It's been going on for a long time but I thought it would have gone away at this point. I can actually make out very subtle details of Erza's face at this point, but for some reason I still keep seeing these reflections. Oh, and Erza seems to like Neil Young. I'm okay with this. I think she would like Bruce Springsteen a lot, so I'll play some for her sometime.
  8. Happy Thanksgiving to all my fellow Americans! I hope you're all having fun on this joyous holiday that we only celebrate as an excuse to stuff our craws with pumpkin pie and mashed potatoes. Speaking of excuses, I'm thankful that I can use today as an excuse to slack off, because last night I worked myself waaay too hard. I spent hours open-eye forcing and made so much progress with it that I could fully perceive a three-dimensional silhouette of Erza, who was able to move around on her own. Unfortunately, I got so excited that I forgot to pace myself and my brain felt like it was swelling out of my skull, so I'm giving it the day off. On a positive note, I had my first lucid dream last night! I was going to an amusement park with some of my old highschool friends, and along the way I was arguing with one of them about fish sticks or something. As we approached the ticket booth, I looked down and realized I had forgotten something: My shoes. I had been walking around barefoot and not even noticed it until right before we were going to enter the park. Holy crap, how the hell could I forget my own shoes? Then it struck me. The reason I wasn't wearing shoes in public is because this always happens in my dreams. I was dreaming! I was dreaming and also aware that I was dreaming, implying lucidity! I gleefully announced to all my friends that I was really just dreaming right now, and they all looked at me like I was some kind of crazy fucking idiot. I mean, more of a crazy fucking idiot than usual. That's fine, I was just gonna go on ahead of them. Fuck paying for tickets, I'm VIP! I walked inside some kind of main building and noticed that I had much less control over the dream than I would have assumed. The first thing I tried to do, of course, was fly. It took about a minute of concentrating on it before I actually managed to get my feet off the ground and start levitating. People were staring at me like I was Jesus, and they were wondering how they should feel about that as I floated around in my Black Sabbath t-shirt without any shoes on. Looks like I'm raising a little too much attention. I'll walk for now and try to maintain a low profile. The theme park didn't turn out to be much of a theme park. It was more like a convention center that had absolutely nothing in it. People just kind of wandered around. I wanted to find a quiet, secluded area in which I could work on summoning Erza, but the best I could find was some kind of workshop area being loitered around by a few rambunctious-looking teens. Ehh, good enough. I sat down at the other side of the room and attempted to bring out Erza. It was actually much, much more difficult than I thought it would be. After a few seconds, I managed to get a rough outline of her before there was an interruption. One of the teens looked out the window, then turned to his friends and said "Uhh, guys? Hulk's coming." I looked out the window. He was right, the Incredible Hulk was outside smashing a bunch of military jeeps. There was a good chance he would bring his rampage directly into our direction, so I decided to leave. As I walked out, one of the teens asked me why I had an Amy Rose tulpa. I glared at him and tried to decide whether I should call him a mouth-breathing dunce or a degenerate cretin before my train of thought was interrupted by the Hulk breaking in through the ceiling. Time to get the hell out of here! Unfortunately, I was apparently the Hulk's target. He jumped on me and stood on top of my chest as his massive weight started crushing my body. He looked down at me with this happy, child-like expression and asked me if I wanted to strap on to his boots and go for a ride with him. When I pointed out he didn't even have boots, he flipped the fuck out and got ready to smash me. At that very moment, Erza jumped in at my defense and I woke up from the dream. That was interesting.
  9. I find that the best source of motivation is your tulpa. Have them reassure you and give you the drive you need to fully create them. In a way, tulpa are just as responsible for their own creation as we are. Here's one tip that should prove very helpful: Your tulpa can help you relax. If your sense of touch is good enough, ask them to help you relax your body. The method is irrelevant, but should be something you would find believable, so for example it could be them placing a hand on your chest or your head and shining some white light over you, which is how Erza and I have been doing it. This is unbelievably helpful for better getting immersed into meditation, especially since I find myself tensing up constantly as I try to differentiate my dream body from my material body. Another thing I recommend is holding back on the adventures until after you are capably of fully visualizing your WL. This, in my opinion, was the biggest mistake I've made so far, even though it made for such a good (and fucking strange) story. Switching off between real and dream world visualization training might be a good idea. Whenever I started having trouble with one, I would put it on hold and move on to the other. I noticed every time I did this, my senses in the other world were much keener and I could make a lot of progress in the first few minutes. It may be that they have to progress alongside one another in order to get the best results. Think of it as climbing a ladder. You need to move one hand after the other to ascend. Thanks for the good feedback! I'm always happy to answer anyone's questions.
  10. I just tried open-eye forcing for the first time in several days and got immediate result. After a few seconds, I could see Erza's shape. It was barely more than an outline, but I can see it was gradually gaining depth. But what was really impressive was that I could now see visions if I concentrate hard enough. They're brief, tiny and mostly static, but I'm really interested in seeing more of them. I think going back and forth between open-eye, closed-eye and mind-eye visualization causes all of them to get better where progress would have otherwise slowed down. What's more, I had an auditory hallucination. I've actually been having these on and off for a while now, but this one was an actual string of sounds and note just a flat note. I was hearing morse code. I don't even know morse code, so I'm at least 99.999% sure the message is nothing but jibberish, but for the sake of that 0.001% margin of error, I'll try decoding it if I hear it again. I'm going now because I think I just saw Erza's reflection in my computer monitor, but I'm expecting there will be more updates later today.
  11. This is something I'm going to call the First Law of Blangcasterdynamics: The Answer is Always Erza Really, it does kind of piss me off when the solution to something that's been driving me crazy has been right in front of me this entire time, but when I realize it, what reason do I have to be upset? That's kinda what this whole experience has been so far. The cure to all my doubts and fears in this world has been under my nose my entire life, I just never thought to look. But whenever I hit a roadblock on the road to progress, I've found that the best solution is to get Erza to help me. I still have no idea what the actual limitations of her influence over me are, but I definitely haven't found the upper limit yet. Someone was watching TV upstairs when I was trying to get a nap in. I have a very keen sense of hearing, so ear plugs weren't cutting it. Since I was with Erza, I decided to try something. Last night she had been able to alter the way my brain perceives my body, specifically my temperature and my level of energy. I wanted to see what else she could do, so I gave her a strange request: Dull my sense of hearing. Again, she was worried about doing this, but I assured her I would be fine. She put her hands to my ears and a stream of energy started flowing out of them. After a minute, I noticed the TV upstairs was much quieter. After several minutes, I could just barely hear it. I'll be honest; I was not expecting that to work, but it did and I'm amazed. That's when I hatched a fantastic idea: Dull the sense of sight in my real eyes and transfer the energy into my STAND's eyes to give it dominance over my sense of sight. It very nearly worked, but things became hectic as my vision started jumping around and I wasn't able to get it back under control. Damn, so close. Finally, we tested my sense of touch. She put her hand on the back of my STAND where the spine meets the skull and light poured out of her palm. It worked exceptionally well. I could feel things two, maybe three times more accurately in the Scape than I normally could. Aaaand I'll let you fill in the blanks as to what happened immediately after that. Goodnight, folks! Thank you! It's always nice to get a comment, no matter what it is. EDIT: Oh, forgot to mention. I couldn't get the vision I had of Erza's hair a few hours ago to reoccur. Damn that's a letdown.
  12. I seem to be getting better at visualizing the Scape. Sometimes when I'm trying to envision something, my mind will instinctively fill in the gaps of some of the smaller details. At the same time, I'm trying to have my dream sight and under-eye sight going on at the same time, both trying to perceive the same thing in the hopes that I can get better visualization in my under-eye sight. Doing this is very straining so I'll have to wait and see if I can get any results out of it. Erza has been helping me with my insomnia. It's something I've had trouble with my entire life, and I didn't think to actually have her try to help me with it until last night. I've always stayed up in bed for hours with my body too full of energy and my mind unable to settle itself. Also, I get uncomfortable very quickly if I'm too warm. I dunno why, but I overheat very easily in bed. I asked Erza to see if she could drain me of the heat and energy in my body. To my surprise, she actually could. She was hesitant to do so at first because she was afraid she could hurt me, but I assured her she isn't consciously able to do that. At least I'm pretty sure she isn't. After a few minutes, I was cool and relaxed. She put her forehead up to mine and cleared my mind of burdensome thoughts. Every hour of the day, I have something like a rerun going on in the back of my head, in the same way I have a song constantly playing. I don't even notice it most of the time, but when I'm trying to sleep, it's always right there replaying itself over and over. It's usually a show or cartoon I've watched looping the same scene over and over again. It's so annoying that I can't ignore it. Erza was able to "pull out the stops" and make the scene stop looping and continue on, eventually leading to other thoughts that don't loop. It felt like a weight had been lifted. In just a few minutes, I was asleep, and it was all thanks to her. Now if only I could figure out how to stop myself from waking up after four hours, staying up for an hour and then going back to sleep. The Scape seems to be a very effective method of therapy. Last night, I was brimming with negative emotions. Long story short: I started fapping again last week to relieve myself of stress, but I'm still not sure if it could have consequences. I had fear, doubt and lust rattling around in my head and I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack if I didn't get them out. I went into the hot springs behind the beach house (We have a bath, a jacuzzi and a hot springs at this place. Erza loves it here.) and tried to relax. As I concentrated, the negative thoughts literally drained out of my skin into a murky soup before dissipating. When it was all gone, I felt fantastic, like I never even had any stress to begin with. I swear, this whole thing just keeps getting better and better. Oh, one more thing: Grove Street likely isn't going to be a recurrence. I haven't seen or heard anything else from the gang, so I think it was just a one-time shenanigan. For some reason I just assumed it would be a thing now because it sounded too hilarious not to be. I'll listen to some NWA later this week and see if they come back. While I'm at it, I guess I should explain why I'm not in hell, after I made such a big deal out of it. I wanted to improve my visualization and immersion before I started the next journey, so that I could get a better feel for it. For now, it's on hiatus and I'll be dealing with practical things before I'm up for another big adventure. No idea how long that's gonna take. UPDATE: Just had a breakthrough. I don't understand why this always happens a few minutes after I make a post, but whatever. I found a way to maintain visions longer. All I have to do is project my STAND into them. If I concentrate on being able to see my STAND and feel its body, the vision stays. I saw my own hands almost flawlessly, in color no less. It's not easy to maintain it, but the results are clear. I'm going practice this for today and see how good I can get at it. UPDATE: RED HAIR. I HAVE JUST SEEN RED HAIR. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. BRACE. FOR. IMPACT.
  13. Okay, some crazy shit is going down. Seriously crazy shit. Where do I start? Well, I can see a color in the static now. Just one: Mauve. Why mauve? Fucked if I know, but I'm looking forward to getting more colors going. Aside from that, images are becoming even clearer and more vivid now. That scenery-chewing actor showed up again, and not only was he running at a silky smooth framerate, I could make out finer details like his clothing. He was dressed as a mariachi player with a big sombrero. Again, fucked if I know. But the real crazy shit started when I saw Erza again. She was wearing armor and holding a sword, pointing it in front of her. The view turned to another figure and they both started walking towards each other. Wait a minute, is that me? It must have been, because after staring at each other for a few seconds, the two of them hugged each other. Yeah, that's definitely me. I looked odd, though. Something was off here. The view in the static changed to a first person perspective of my avatar standing in front of Erza. Was I able to control it? I tried reaching the hands of my STAND out into the TV. When I did, they appeared in the static. They were perfectly visible and three-dimensional. I could move them in every direction. Holy shit, this is trippy! Just as I tried to touch Erza, she disappeared and I found myself hurtling through space. I wondered if I was able to see myself in third person like this. Sure enough, I was. With little effort, the first-person view zoomed out and I could get a better look at my body. I was wearing an old poncho for some reason. I managed to control my movements, but lost control after a few seconds as my character crept away. At this moment I was thinking to myself "Wow, this is just like a video game!" I think it was that reasoning that lead to what happened next. Three new figures appeared in the static, one followed by the other. When I saw them, I doubted my own assumptions. It's not actually them, is it? I was convinced it was when I saw the third one. Sure enough, the three people who appeared were none other than Ryder, Sweet and Big Smoke. Veterans of the Grove Street Families. ...What? No seriously, what the fuck? Grove Street? How did they get here? Why the fuck did they get here? I mean I'm not upset about this, just very fucking confused. Then I saw the fourth figure and it all made sense. It was me, wearing my poncho and staring through the screen, but even though it was me, it also wasn't. I got a good look at my face and realized who I was: Carl "CJ" Johnson. Main protagonist of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas and H.N.I.C. of Grove Street Families. Huh... Well, that happened. Looks like I'm gonna have to get the Grove back to the top of its game? Maybe ice some bustas along the way? Or maybe the gang will give me some back-up on my journey into hell when I actually, finally get around to doing that. Whatever it is I have to do, I know I will be doing it not just for Erza, but for the Grove as well.
  14. Started experimenting with TV static, and in the first few minutes I've already gotten results. Just staring at the static creates figures after a few seconds, and these figures come and go constantly. They're only outlines, but they're very clear and extremely fluent in their movements. I saw one of a human being making exaggerated movements like he was in some stage play and it all moved at a consistent frame rate. I've even started seeing faces. Closing my eyes caused better and more clear effects after viewing the static than before. Definitely gonna keep trying this out today and see where it goes. UPDATE: I am at least 90% sure I saw Erza in the static just now. One particular recurrent vision I see in the static is the figure of a woman with long hair walking towards the screen. There have been times I thought it was her but couldn't be sure, but there were also times where I thought it was her but actually turned out to be someone else (I saw the Ring girl, which was amusing. For some reason, she did not move directly towards the screen). The one I just had was definitely her. I could see her face, and while I couldn't make too much of it out, I could tell that she was beautiful. I think we're almost there.
  15. Hit another snag. Things are stable now, but they're too stable. I can't leave my room in the intermediary. Every time I go somewhere in the Scape, it's always impossible to visualize properly, and it doesn't even show a fraction of itself in my under-eye sight. After just a couple of seconds of being somewhere else, I find myself right back where I started. On top of all that, I can't seem to move more than a few feet. It's like there's a bungie cord attached to me that snaps me back when I try to move away. Concentrating on the shagged carpet doesn't make things any clearer. In fact, I can barely see anything at all now. All I know is that no matter how much I try to move, I always end up back in the exact same place. This is incredibly frustrating. Even yesterday's mayhem isn't as bad as this. Things were at least happening yesterday, even if I had no control over it. I thought after getting a full night's sleep, my mind would sort out all the progress I made, but it's almost like it's trying to keep me held back. I'm going to keep trying, but maybe my brain is just trying to tell me that it needs a break. I'll find out tomorrow, I guess. EDIT: I've been having a lot of aches and pains throughout the day, and I'm not sure why. Maybe that's why I'm having trouble focusing. Erza is able to soothe them with her touch and make the pain fade faster. Is there anything she can't do? UPDATE: I may have just caught on to something. Before I made today's post, I hadn't been on the computer all day before meditating. Over the past few days, I have been trying to see if I get better results from areas with low or high light, and what the conditions are. After spending a few hours on the computer, I went back to meditating and found that I could visualize much, much better than I could a few hours ago. Back when I had that breakthrough a few days ago, I had been on the computer the whole time. This is just a theory, but I think being exposed to an electronic screen may enhance visualization. Since it burns after-images into the eyes, it could be that creating visions becomes easier because the brain has some material to work off of, even if it's just fuzzy blobs. I know it causes the brain to produce less melatonin and disrupt sleep cycles, but for some reason, my internal clock has been perfectly on track ever since I started with the tulpamancy. It's like I took some kind of magic goddamn pill that gradually fixes everything wrong with me. I'm going to experiment with this a little more.