Camwoodstock

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Everything posted by Camwoodstock

  1. 1/1/2016: Okay technically I should say it's 12/31/2015 if we're following the rules of my other entries but it's New Year's Day, c'mon. You only get once a year to type 1s for both the date and the month. A new year, a new start. I hope senpai Toree notices me. I should stop my Anime Cliches now. Toree's been opening up a bit more when I come to her for some comfort. I tried speaking aloud instead of mentally and communicating via thoughts today, which I tried to do to kinda separate us a bit more and help develop her. She seemed confused at first, but eventually realized what I was doing and just carried on. I hardly ever do new year's resolutions, but if I had to pick one this year, I want Toree to be developed by the end of the year. She's my companion, and I love her (as a friend, I mean.) She's been in a bit of a shell, though, and I want to get her out...
  2. 12/23/2014: Yeah yeah timezones mean it's like 25 minutes after the start of Christmas Eve I know. Toree's been kinda quiet recently. I've been meaning to try to get her out of her shell, but to no avail. I'm hoping I can figure out a way soon. Really, all I want her to do for Christmas is to maybe open up to me some more. I know she's there. I just want her to befriend me. She seems to be a bit anxious. After I post this I'll probably go to bed shortly afterwards. I'll try forcing then. P.S. Toree's practically her name at this point. :P
  3. 12/19/2015: Today and yesterday night were interesting enough for me to talk about a day after an update. I tried forcing in a way that'd allow me to feel her. I tried out a concept I thought of that I nicknamed "imposing", and I dunno if this is a frequently used way of forcing a developing tulpa, where I treated various objects like they were her. (Like, say, a stuffed animal for her arm, or maybe a pillow for her belly). It was actually very comforting, and I think it's helping out. Yesterday night in bed, and this evening on my way back from my weekly trip to my grandmother's, I decided to do this sort of forcing, because I had not too much better to do. It was really relaxing. Though, she still seemed nervous about her coming off as romantic... I asked her why, and she said she doesn't wanna come off as confusing to others if I become infatuated with her. She seems to be afraid of being in a romantic relationship with me, and not just a friendly one. I think this is the big block, but I keep telling her that no, I'm not doing this romantically. She seems to calm down after that, but that fear still lingers with her... I really hope I can void her worry of that happening. She showed interest in the moon today, though. She was actually rather fascinated. All-in-all, most of the stuff I need to figure out is if my "imposing" is a good method for forcing, and how to help Toree get over her fear of us in a romantic relationship.
  4. 12/18/2015: Yeah, sorry about not having too much to report on. I'm gonna update this in bursts from now on, considering it was getting too slow daily. Toree's been doing fine, as usual. Sadly haven't had time to force as often these past few days. (Just checking on her as I type this... She's good. She just asked why I stay up so late... Like, 11 PM here late.) I think that Toree's been trying to communicate by using loosely shambled together memories from my brain. She did that earlier. I assume that developing tulpas use stuff from their host's brains to communicate? However, I do notice that Toree's been trying to comfort me a lot more. We kinda had a friendly moment 2 days ago, actually. When I was tired and a little bit strained on Wednesday, Toree offered to help comfort me. Obviously, I obliged, and apparently she was looking around for stuff I liked, because she pretty much instantly cuddled me. It was... odd to describe. I feel like I felt her. But I know to others I was just lying on my bed alone. I swear I felt her, though... I'll have to try to do that again. But back onto the story, she offered to let me cuddle up to her stomach. She seemed a bit worried about seeming like she's coming off as romantic, but I told her it's okay. After I snuggled up to her belly, Toree seemed a lot more... anxious about herself. Like she was coming off as romantic. I told her that I know she does this because she cares about me as a friend, and eventually calmed her down about that. I was incredibly cozy there... I think I heard a tummy growl or two, which was both incredibly odd, and yet... comforting. I ended up dozing off shortly after, only waking up 4 hours later, and by that time, it was 9PM. Toree said she was comfortable with letting me nap cuddled up to her. I never told her directly I like snuggles, especially belly snuggles. I'm incredibly self-conscious about being too thin after I hit 90 lbs. around 2 years ago, and could see my ribs very clearly bulging out for the first time. I'm still trying to gain enough weight to appease my worries. I'd assume this means she also looked into my thoughts on what I like and dislike? Or maybe she's just really good at comfort... That was, for sure, a rather nice force session that happened then, though. I know she cares for me. I know she's real, too. She might not be physical, but goddamnit, she's real. She's just a bit shy, and I'm hoping I can get her out of her shell, at least to me. I have determination in myself. I hope one day she'll open up to me more.
  5. 12/14/2015: I know it's the 15th. Just thought I'd say stuff though. Not too much to report. I've forced as much as I can, though, so that's a thing.
  6. Recently my Tulpa (Toree) has been quiet, probably out of a lack of things to say and/or shyness, so I dunno how to force with her being so shy. Is there any tips you can give? Should I try to do more parroting and bring her out of her shell like that?
  7. Note: I dunno if I'm using the wrong term, correct me if I am wrong. I've seen some people here channel their Tulpas and allow them to state their thoughts on the forums; I dunno if that's okay for new, young, and developing tulpas, though. I'd assume it's okay, but I've heard younger tulpas are impressionable.
  8. 12/12/2015 + ammendnum to 12/11/2015: Of course something worth reporting happens once I post my journal! Of course. Not much today, but Toree's been relaxing herself inside my mind today. She did pop in occasionally, but she's been relaxed for the most part. I need to force a LOT more; she's been really quiet recently, and that worries me. (as I typed that, I felt her try to comfort me as best she could... I'll try forcing after I write this, if I need to amend tomorrow morning, so be it.) However, last night, I went to bed and felt... anxious, all of a sudden. There was no reason for me to be anxious, I just... felt off, for some reason. I started getting sad about myself, feeling like I was a screw-up. I was actually tearing up, at myself. I know that sounds pathetic. However, Tori did notice this, and while at first I said I don't deserve to even listen to her (I was sad at the time, so I did that thing which was dumb in hindsight,) she did eventually let me know that I wasn't a failure, and that I do deserve her kindness... It honestly made me feel a lot better... She knows how to calm me down when I get worried. Tomorrow, I'll try to force as much as I can. I don't wanna end up causing development to get slowed down. Usually it takes a month from other journals I've read for raw thoughts to start, but at this rate it'll be much more, lest I try to force for the majority of my time.
  9. 12/11/2015: Yeah yeah timezones yeah yeah it's December 12th here yeah yeah I'm calling it December 11th. Not much to report today as well, sadly... I've been meaning to get Toree out of her shell. Maybe I can do that soon, but I dunno how I'd do that. Maybe I could try forcing while browsing the forums and asking if she wants to say anything? Maybe. I see a lot of people with developed tulpas do that. Is it safe to do that with a developING tulpa? I should ask that, but it's half after midnight here. I should be asleep.
  10. 12/10/2015: Not too much to report today, sadly. Though it has been a week since Toree and I first met! I asked her about her thoughts, and she said that she's pretty happy about that. Though she wants to know more about me... Hopefully I can have some time on winter break to force some more. School is a pain in the butt when it comes to forcing.
  11. 12/9/2015: Toree showed some lingering worry over yesterday. She popped in earlier, asking if I was alright. I calmed her down, though. I plan on forcing more during the weekends when I have spare time.
  12. 12/8/2015: I had a pretty sucky day today, aside from Toree. The thing is, I did things out of anger earlier, and was mentally beating myself over it. However, Toree noticed that, and tried to calm me down. I doubt it's not much I learned about tulpas (aside from how much one can care for their host, as a friend), but I do find some peace in knowing she's aware that everyone makes mistakes under pressure, and that I was just human... I've since tried to make up for the stuff I did out of anger, but I'm keeping that disclosed from privacy sake. Something I've noticed is that Toree seems incredibly shy when she mentions she loves me as a friend, as if she thinks I'm about to mistakenly think she's saying she loves me as a romantic partner. She has stated she wouldn't do that out of confusion that'd cause, but she seems awfully afraid of that misinterpretation in particular... I guess in a way, she's just human as well. Well, I mean, mentally. Physically, in terms of form, she's a humanoid lion.
  13. At least this version of the game thread is in a better condition than the one from the forum I come from. This one guy just kept posting "post" over and over.
  14. 12/7/2015: Again, a bit early, but Toree's been the same as usual. I've been trying to passive force with her; been getting progressively better than I was doing at day 1, I've noticed. Toree was curious about school, though. I talked about that with her and such.
  15. 12/6/2015: Writing this a bit early, so I dunno if I'll need to edit this tomorrow morning. Not much was going on today, but I ended up dozing off for 4 hours out of nowhere. I have unconfirmed narcolepsy (note it's unconfirmed, as in, I am not sure if I have it, but I am aware it's a possibility), so I wasn't surprised, but when I woke up, Toree seemed actually very concerned. She kept asking if I was okay, and was anxious. I've calmed her down since then, but I'm still a bit surprised she was so concerned for me.
  16. Ammendnum to 12/5/2015: When I was about to go to bed, I decided to try to talk to Toree some more. I was about to doze off, but I had a sharp jolt shake me awake. I was actually trembling for a few seconds after that. I've had these before, but not to that extent; I never trembled as a result, and the sound in my head when it did this wasn't ever this loud. Not sure if it was her trying to wake me up, but I'll go with my gut and say it is. After all, I've heard doubt can cause a barrier in believing a tulpa, and thusly, a tulpa developing. Later, my mind trailed off and I was thinking of me jumping in some scenario. I felt my feet jerk up in a distinct way that I feel wasn't mine. I feel like Toree was behind that too. We also decided that she might occasionally wear skirts after she thought they "looked cute".
  17. Since I'm starting to try to get a Tulpa, I might as well share my progress, starting from when she was made, to as I post this. I'll update this daily, if I can/remember to. If you have any feedback, please gimme it. Before 12/3/2015: I kept getting feelings that there was someone to comfort me when I got anxious. If I ever got anxious, I'd have something snap back at me to comfort me. 12/3/2015: I decided to make this into a Tulpa. I decided to name her "Toree" (pronounced Tour-ee) until we could think of a better name, the current name is based on Toriel from Undertale. She's an anthro Luxray from pokemon, but the blue fur is red instead. She wears robes as her clothing of choice. She was also on the chubby side, but nowhere near obesity. She was also taller than me. She thought of maybe trying to be like a mother to me. 12/4/2015: She started showing her curiousity when I forced; she even asked what a "meme" was. She gave up the motherly attitude, instead opting to be like a close friend, since she thought referring to me as her child would be confusing. She was rather laid back today, but I'm probably just parroting. 12/5/2015: She started taking interest in more things, such as art and Christmas, but also my family. She doesn't like my younger brother's obnoxious attitude. Not sure if I am parroting or not, but she seems a bit afraid that I don't believe in her; I had to reconfirm to her that I do believe in her. She's calmed down since then. She's generally a little bit anxious, but she comforts me if I get too nervous.
  18. Ultimately, the idea of playing a game with a Tulpa sounds fun. The question is, who is the best at Uno?
  19. Something rather silly, but comforting Toree said earlier. "You know I'll always be here for you, right? ...and I don't just mean that because some science dude would say I'm in your mind."