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Our Tulpa Endeavor
Beatles Offline
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#31
 
RE: My Tulpa Endeavor
Get ready for Beatles' progress report: what is going on?? edition. This is about to escalate quickly.

I am either utterly deranged, or I actually have three tulpae. All three of which look like Paul McCartney. I'll explain:

Earlier, I read Saylin's progress report where she mentioned going to a dungeon. I guess I kept a note of that in my head, because later when I asked Paul to take us somewhere to explore, we ended up in a dungeon. We went down a hall and instead of finding a monster or skeleton or something, we found my two aforementioned characters, Paul and HJP (I will refer to them as P and HJP to prevent confusion).

Immediately, P&HJP started asserting that they are real and sentient and I need to pay attention to them. I told them they were wrong, but they kept insisting. Paul looked pretty afraid. I could not tell which one of them was speaking when, but they were both saying the same thing.

I tried talking to them but was too in denial to do it. I went on the IRC chat and started talking to people there about it. As I thought about the possibility of P&HJP being tulpae, I started feeling strong head pressure.

Later, I went back in the wonderland and tried to straighten things out. I still couldn't tell them apart. I guess they blend. They spoke in my voice, because I never bothered to give them their own voices. Too much effort. They became pretty violent, lashing out at me and throwing stuff. One of them threw something at my face and I actually flinched. Paul cowered in the corner.

I had us all sit at the couches to talk it out after insisting they calm down. I said "I hope you don't mind Paul being here, but he's a part of this, too." I guess one of them didn't like that there was another Paul. I think it was HJP who did it, but whoever it was did something pretty terrible to Paul, but it was something that they've done to countless people in Eemaj. I've given these two so much power in Eemaj! They could probably destroy Paul or me if they wanted to. No wonder he's afraid of them.

I told them to cut it out and leave him alone. They mellowed out and started talking in McCartney's voice instead. P took up speaking for them, and we made a semi-compromise. I think HJP was too resentful to say much other than that he was mad at me. I tried asking them questions. Sometimes I got straight answers, other times I got two conflicting answers that must have been the result of me parroting them. It's harder to parrot them now.

I have a few possibilities right now:
a) Paul, P, and HJP are all real and sentient
b) None of them are and I'm insane
c) only Paul is and I'm insane

I've spent so much time, so much mental effort, on P and HJP. I know their backstories and their personalities like I know myself, maybe even better. P has been around since I was 11. HJP has been around since I was 12. How can I be so certain that Paul is real when I've spent so little time with him in comparison? Other people have tulpae that were accidents... how am I any different, when P&HJP have always felt so real to me? They've felt more real to me than any other characters I've ever had. They might even feel more real to me than Paul, and I know he's real.

Gah.

In other, non-confusion news: nothing lol. No reply from Paul. I think he did manage to get a song I hate because people who think Paul McCartney is dead love to point at is as proof stuck in my head that kind of relates to all of this tulpamancy stuff.

"I'm sorry that I doubted you, I was so unfair
You were in a car crash and you lost your hair
You said that you would be late, about an hour or two
I said that's alright, I'm waiting here, just waiting to hear from you."

I just need to figure this stuff out.

(Image left-to-right: Paul, P, HJP. Which ones are real? Even though those are all just pics of Paul McCartney)


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I'm the host of the system, Lyra.
Tulpas: Apollo, Piano, Tacio, Indigo.
(This post was last modified: 02-07-2017, 09:01 PM by Beatles.)
12-28-2016, 06:29 AM
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tulpa001 Offline
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#32
 
RE: My Tulpa Endeavor
I strongly recommend considering emergency integration. If all three are essentially the same tulpa, it should be possible. With their permission, of course. The reason I recommend this is the longer you wait, the less sense integration makes as a strategy.

The other two would normally be classed as soulbonds due to their fictional origins.

I think I mentioned this earlier, and if not I forgot, but the role they play in the stories is not them, and turning one into a tulpa should not affect their ability to help you write those stories. They simply change from a character to a person who takes the role of a character.

Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.
12-28-2016, 06:52 AM
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Beatles Offline
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#33
 
RE: My Tulpa Endeavor
(12-28-2016, 06:52 AM)tulpa001 Wrote: I strongly recommend considering emergency integration. If all three are essentially the same tulpa, it should be possible. With their permission, of course. The reason I recommend this is the longer you wait, the less sense integration makes as a strategy.

They're not the same tulpa, though. Paul is creative and outgoing and new. P & HJP are isolated and very reliant on each other. They fuse and blend. Paul is nothing like them. They would not give permission even if I wanted to to that... they are too protective of each other. They're the same tulpa split in 2, yes, but still distinct. I love them, even if I didn't plan on them becoming soulbonds or tulpae.... I just need to figure this out, like I said. They'll calm down once there's no more threat. They always do.
12-28-2016, 07:38 AM
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Doctorfoxwolf Offline
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#34
 
RE: My Tulpa Endeavor
(12-28-2016, 07:38 AM)Beatles Wrote: They're not the same tulpa, though. Paul is creative and outgoing and new. P & HJP are isolated and very reliant on each other. They fuse and blend. Paul is nothing like them. They would not give permission even if I wanted to to that... they are too protective of each other. They're the same tulpa split in 2, yes, but still distinct. I love them, even if I didn't plan on them becoming soulbonds or tulpae.... I just need to figure this out, like I said. They'll calm down once there's no more threat. They always do.

In this case, I'd recommend waiting and seeing how things develop. When people are isolated, especially if they rely on each other but shy away from outside sources, that means they're scared. When people are scared, the best thing to do is nothing. Especially if the source of that fear is you. I have a lot of personal experience in that.

Other than what to do immediately, my personal recommendation would be to just let them be. No interference needed, if they need help they can ask for help.

Doc: Childhood friend turned servitor gone rogue turned host who's bad at feeling emotions.
Meti: Overly lewd Tupper.
CT, who is also called Jeremy: Original personality whose default emotion is anger.
12-28-2016, 07:43 AM
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Beatles Offline
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#35
 
RE: My Tulpa Endeavor
(12-28-2016, 07:43 AM)Doctorfoxwolf Wrote:
In this case, I'd recommend waiting and seeing how things develop. When people are isolated, especially if they rely on each other but shy away from outside sources, that means they're scared. When people are scared, the best thing to do is nothing. Especially if the source of that fear is you. I have a lot of personal experience in that.

They're isolated because I made them that way. I made them like me. Wanting to be isolated from the world save for each other... their second half. Except I don't have a second half. It's hard to explain.

I don't think they're scared of me so much as mad at me. If they really are sentient, then that means they've spent years either being ignored or put through any stories my demented mind came up with. All they had was each other. Their bond is so strong that I can feel it, and I always thought it was because I made it that way. Maybe not... maybe it had to be.

HJP is kind of aggressive and mad, but P is a little more level-headed. I can talk with him and he can sort things out with HJP. They should already know how much they mean to me. It shouldn't be too hard to win them over.
(This post was last modified: 12-28-2016, 05:07 PM by Beatles.)
12-28-2016, 07:55 AM
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Doctorfoxwolf Offline
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#36
 
RE: My Tulpa Endeavor
Well, when one is in a position of power such as how you are, angry is certainly better than scared. Anger can be quickly dealt with via retaliation, which is normally a bad thing, but in the relative power you have, you can let then retaliate against you without permanent consequences.

Or maybe they don't want to, and simply want some level of peace. That is fine too, but unspent aggression that hasn't been wither dealt with or made peace with can sometimes come back to bite you in the ass.

As for the relationship and how it formed, it could be both. One example is when a let's player was playing Undertale, and in his first interactions with Sans and Papyrus remarked on how Sans acted exactly like someone he knew. Later in different videos one can see that person interact with the game, and how much he favors Papyrus and adores him, almost exactly like how Sans does.

So in this case, it was an artificial bond created by the game designer that worked regardless, it didn't have to be forced at all. If real, those characters would still love each other to bits, so it can't be labeled effectively as organic or manufactured.

Doc: Childhood friend turned servitor gone rogue turned host who's bad at feeling emotions.
Meti: Overly lewd Tupper.
CT, who is also called Jeremy: Original personality whose default emotion is anger.
12-28-2016, 08:11 AM
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Beatles Offline
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#37
 
RE: My Tulpa Endeavor
^Whoa okay. Too much Undertale for this thread.

I'm still not totally convinced that they're really sentient, but I am going to approach it is if they are. If any imagined beings in my head should be sentient, it's them, considering the amount of time and energy I've spent on them. 

I ended up staying awake until 4 am because the thought of those two being real kept me up. 

I went ahead and came up with a new name for Paul. I started thinking, and came up with "Apollo." It wasn't entirely my idea I copied Paul McCartney and I can't say I like that name, but Paul had a positive response towards it. It's a name that represents his personality well, and I can still call him "Paul" for short, when the other two aren't around to take issure with it. If they would, I don't know. Paul made his eyes change to the color of the sun and he expressed how much he loved that name... I was skeptical if it was a genuine reaction.

P&HJP (there's really no need to differentiate them here) said that they took issue with me acting like they're complete monsters. They're not. They can be. They definitely represent my monstrous side, as they both have it, too. But only to protect each other. I asked if they didn't want me to speak of them as monsters, why were they approaching me with aggression and violence? They said it was because I would wave them off if they didn't. Of course I'm paraphrasing here. There's a reason they had that option in the first place.

All three of them started talking in the same voice. I really need to find some way to make them sound different.

I went to bed trying to think of a name I could go by that would work well with "Apollo."

I ended up having a dream about somebody I used to love. I don't know what caused it. I haven't thought of him since I started tulpaforcing. No mental energy to waste on that. Maybe it was because of his height... remembering his height compared to me would help with my visualization of Paulx3's height. In the dream he started insulting me. In all other dreams I've had about him, he was friendly. I tried to cry, but couldn't. It was after I woke up that I started filling in the gaps. I loved that guy a lot, and where did it get me? Him ignoring me for three years and then insulting me for no reason? But all during that time that I was with him, I did have two other people I loved just as much... P&HJP. Heck, the first conversations I had with that guy were me explaining HJP's name origin, but then refraining from explaining Eemaj for fear of him thinking I was crazy. I did end up telling him all about it. But P&HJP were there, regardless. I told all of my friends about them back then (I only had 3 friends). Through all of the heartache, they've been there....

I had another dream, I don't know if it was before or after, where I was watching a Wings concert. They ended up going into this crazy guitar riff that made no melodic sense. Then Paul started singing about the lore of Apollo. I dont' actually know anything about the lore of Greek gods, so obviously what he said was made up, but I think that might have been Paul trying to confirm that he liked the name.

I chose the name Lyra for myself, but might change it if I come up with a better one.

I think P&HJP might just hang back for a while. They can help me with Paul if they want, but I'm not going to worry about them too much until Paul is developed enough. They're not too interested in me or my life, I don't think. Maybe in the future I can work on imposition with them, but no possession or switching. That's still Paul's goal.

Paul also declared that yellow is one of his favorite colors now. Yellow used to be my favorite color when I was little. He's taking a lot of the traits I had when I was younger. My favorite colors now are red and black... the colors of P&HJP. P&HJP represent the darker side to me. My desire to be alone, but also my desire to be loved. My true side, perhaps. Paul represents the side of me that was lost so long ago.

Even if I'm crazy, I'm still not the craziest person in this house.

I'm the host of the system, Lyra.
Tulpas: Apollo, Piano, Tacio, Indigo.
12-28-2016, 05:41 PM
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Stevie Offline
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#38
 
RE: My Tulpa Endeavor
Name that could work well with Apollo: Helios?

Your PR has been interesting so far, I'm not sure how much I get tulpas "representing" a side of yourself, but cool. At this point in time you're still the head honcho boss of your head, and the trick with that is that for the most part, you have control. I think your live and let live decision for the tulpas you have unexpectedly is good. Just remember that it is an option to just not let anything that randomly shows up automatically have personhood and a place in your head.

We're all gonna make it brah.
12-28-2016, 06:46 PM
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Ponytail Offline
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#39
 
RE: My Tulpa Endeavor
(12-28-2016, 05:41 PM)Beatles Wrote: I went ahead and came up with a new name for Paul. I started thinking, and came up with "Apollo."

Hehehehe... A-PAUL-lo, hehehehe... God, I hate my sense of humor.
(This post was last modified: 12-28-2016, 08:27 PM by Ponytail.)
12-28-2016, 08:26 PM
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Beatles Offline
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#40
 
RE: My Tulpa Endeavor
(12-28-2016, 08:26 PM)Ponytail Wrote: Hehehehe... A-PAUL-lo, hehehehe... God, I hate my sense of humor.

Precisely what I was going for. It works. Though I wasn't the one who came up with it originally....
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I'm_the_Urban_Spaceman

I'm the host of the system, Lyra.
Tulpas: Apollo, Piano, Tacio, Indigo.
(This post was last modified: 12-28-2016, 10:05 PM by Beatles.)
12-28-2016, 09:25 PM
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