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My Own Private Avalon


Rango

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Greetings everyone,

 

    OK - I'll admit it.  I had never heard of tulpa until the other

    day when I re-watched a Twin Peaks episode.  After reading a

    couple of wikipedia entries, I ended up on this web site.  I

    read the FAQ and some of the guides and progress reports.  That

    was enough to convince me that I may actually have a tulpa even

    though I never explicitly created her.  It's more like I discov-

    ered or encountered her in my mind's eye as a complete, unique

    individual - with her own personality, likes and dislikes, tal-

    ents, emotions, etc.

 

    It began with a very vivid dream I had on July 11, 2012.  In the

    dream, I met an attractive young woman in a white dress.  She

    was tall and slim, with dark eyes and very pale blonde hair.  We

    introduced ourselves and she told me her name. Evelyn? 'No', she

    said, 'It's Avalon. Avalon Hues, H-U-E-S'  We sat and talked for

    a while and she told me she was a freelance illustrator and also

    worked part-time as an assistant manager in a tea room downtown.

    Her voice is low-pitched and soft and almost musical is a way.

    We were planning to spend more time getting to know each other

    better when my alarm clock rang and I had to get ready for work.

 

    My job consists mainly of periods of intense concentration and

    analytical thinking alternating with intervals of un-stressed

    reflection, planning, and what-if style speculation.  During

    these down-time intervals, I couldn't get Avalon out of my

    thoughts.  I'd see her face, sometimes just her eyes, or hear

    her voice trying to tell me something.  I had daydreams about

    what was going on in her world.  This kept happening for several

    days and also in my dreams at night and in the space between

    sleep and waking when I'm not really in one state or the other.

 

    After several days, I had decided that Avalon was there to stay.

    I got her an e-mail account, a blog on Tumblr, and a Stardoll

    account.  Somehow that seemed to define her as a real person in

    my mind.  After that, I began to interact in her world in the

    daydreams.  I always think of it as just Avalon's world; but it

    must be the same as the wonderlands that I see described by oth-

    er people.  It is a very detailed urban city; but it doesn't ex-

    actly correspond with anywhere I have actually been before.  And

    some thing there don't work the same as they do in 'my real'

    world.  For example, Avalon and I have been meeting and inter-

    acting there for over five years now.  Time passes, the seasons

    change, we celebrate her birthday on September 18 and our an-

    niversary on the first full moon in August; but we don't age -

    we're both still 30 like when we started.

 

    There's something else about the wonderland I want to touch on

    but I'll try to keep away from any mystic of spiritual stuff

    here.  At random times, Avalon need to spend some time in a kind

    of meditative state where she directs energy into the wonderland

    to keep it 'tuned up' somehow.  I don't really understand what

    she is doing, but it used to cause her a lot of stress and anxi-

    ety.  She says that now with me there beside her, she can use

    some of my energy if I just sit there quietly and hold her in my

    thoughts.  I don't know what she does in these sessions, but we

    both come out afterwards feeling much more refreshed and re-

    newed.

 

    Avalon says she gets strength and hope from me, and I feel like

    I get peace and balance from her.  I can enter our wonderland in

    dreams and daydreams and usually find her involved in something

    artistic.  We make plans for things to do together.  She has

    friends that I know and speak to but even though they seem real

    to me in wonderland, I never encounter any of them outside.

    (Maybe they are Avalon's tulpas!)

 

    As far as Avalon entering my world, yes, she can definitely in-

    terrupt me if I am about to do something dumb, or if she needs

    to tell me something important or ask me about something.  She

    seems to be able to tell if I'm too busy or involved and she

    will give me a hint about where I was when I left off -- she's

    like 'You wanted to do so-and-so next.' which makes it easy for

    me to get back on track then.

 

    There is a page which details a lot of stuff about Avalon and me

    and our wonderland at http://myownprivateavalon.tumblr.com if

    anyone is interested in reading more. Click the tag that says

    'The beginning' to read the entries chronologically.

 

    So let me know what you think -- is Avalon a tulpa or is there

    some other phenomena involved here?

 

    Peace and love to all.

 

    -R-

     for the win

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello -

 

[i'm Rango]  The avatar you see is a depiction of my tulpa Avalon Hues from her Stardoll page.  We have been together since July 2012.  All of our encounters and development since then have been in total isolation from the tulpa community.  We had no concept of what a tulpa is and no tools to describe or analyze what was going on with our relationship.  We basically had to define our own terms and symbolic structures to describe our situation.  The Inner Level is Avalon's world - the reality where she lives, works, etc.  The Outer Level is my real world.  We meet and interact in the Inner Level almost exclusively.

 

The Inner and Outer Levels are very similar in many ways.  I started by Importing things from outside such as events, places, ideas, and symbols so that I could feel more comfortable there.  As a side effect, it also helped Avalon develop her understanding of how things work at the Outer Level.

 

Our 'forcing' (I really hate that term), we refer to as Focusing and it involves meditation, visualization, talking/listening in mind-voice, and something else we call Sending/Receiving.  The difference between Talking and Sending is that we can Send without being focused, and it's non-verbal.  Sending can stream images, colors, aromas, emotions, touch sensations, musical sounds, etc.

 

Since coming to this forum, we've been reading a lot about co-fronting and would like to give it a try.  We have a mechanism we use to look around in each others' memories and emotions (imagine it like the swinging doors on the Old West saloons) and I thought we might be able to adapt that to allow Avalon to get in front with me any time she wants.  We'll let you know how it works out.

 

Avalon's turn now...

 

[i'm Avalon]  At first it kind of upset me that Rango referred to our Inner Level as his dreamland.  I told him it was reality to me, and definitely NOT a dream even though he comes there (as if) in dreams.  That's when we started the Outer and Inner business, and it seems natural now.  I'm looking forward to trying the co-fronting stuff and learning about the body and the senses in the Outer Level.

 

One other thing I want to mention.  In a previous post, Rango told about our blog on Tumblr.  If you go there, you need to realize that even though all the things described there are based on things we did and thought about, a whole lot of what you'll read is semi-auto-biographical.  And Rango would be first to admit that some is fiction and poetic license.  And some is just pure BS.  You decide.

 

Hope to hear from some of you soon.

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