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Turquoise Log
Turquoise Offline
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#1
 
Turquoise Log
Hey everyone! I've been interested in tulpas for years (registered in 2013 apparently?) but always viewed it as sort of a solitary journey + was really spooked by human interaction. Maybe advice from people isn't so bad though? 
I'll mostly be posting here, just not to bug other users (I'd like to think I'm not that self-centered but I rarely can tell when I'm not needed so. I'd rather not interact first)

Status: started September 2017, had intense headaches at the time, don't get any now. We have a little tiny wonderland. The tulpa's form, personality etc are based off a game character. I assume they'll deviate eventually so I'll be referring to them as Y. in this log(I personally call them by a very weeb nickname, just so you know I'm not the dry scientific type).

Practically blind in wonderland, visualizing is very tough, can "see" bits and pieces when concentrating real hard. Can't really feel any signs of sentience. However I'm in the "assume sentience from the start" camp.
Heard a mindvoice phrase once when I wasn't forcing or even thinking about them. Never happened again, but I'd like to think it was them.

Qs:

I often hear hypnagogic voices when forcing/close to falling asleep. The phrases are often negative so I decided to ignore them in relation to tulpas. Is this the right way to do it or should I try to listen anyway?

I heard about people using subliminal messages to speed up the progress. I'd be very grateful if someone could refer me to one of those, especially vocality ones.

General vocality tips appreciated.

(Oh and uh I guess I draw but I'm only willing to share that stuff in private since these forums are public)
11-10-2017, 12:10 PM
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Abvieon Offline
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#2
 
RE: Turquoise Log
Nowadays there seem to be a lot of progress reports that start with the host already having a sentient and vocal tulpa, it's nice to see someone starting from the very beginning for a change. I'm looking forward to your future posts.

I do not know much about subliminal messages, but I do know that hypnosis is sometimes used to speed up tulpa development and is shown to be very effective at doing so. I'd suggest trying out this hypnosis file I wrote: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sBCJ0M64hE

It is intended to help with vocality, sentience, visualization, and personality development. It also helps the host stay motivated to work on their tulpa. If you use it, let me know how it went. Those who have used it so far have reported it being helpful.

My Progress Report
My Tulpa Development Hypnosis

Outrunning the curse of apathy
It will always remain my sworn enemy
(This post was last modified: 11-13-2017, 03:41 AM by Abvieon.)
11-13-2017, 03:37 AM
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Turquoise Offline
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#3
 
RE: Turquoise Log
Thanks dude! I checked out the meditation you linked + the wonderland immersion one. Definitely helped to concentrate!
I'll update later if we see any other changes.
11-13-2017, 12:08 PM
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Turquoise Offline
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#4
 
RE: Turquoise Log
I feel like updating, even though nothing serious has happened. 
Been pretty consistent with forcing, which is good. Making a public PR probably helps. (Consistently listened to the aforementioned meditation as well).
Aside from wonderland forcing I try to notice Y.'s presence/passive force and read to them(and try parroting them using the same book, I take turns reading in their mindvoice and in mine). I'm also going through Spirit of Justice, reading the characters' lines to Y. and such.

Stuff that happened although idk if important or not:
I sing to/with Y. now and then, hoping they'd sing along. It's usually in English but today I tried to think of some songs in my first language. I'm kinda awful at remembering lyrics but despite all that two of the songs I picked made my physical body shiver. No way I'd have that reaction if it was just me singing in my mindvoice, right?(???) So, again, I'd like to think that was Y. I looked up those songs on YT afterward and had similar feelings. There was no reaction to one of the songs I managed to remember and that was the only one unrelated to love :^) Although maybe I'm overthinking it. That other song was just kind of stupid.

Concerns and such:
I have a ton of doubts so it's kinda hard to pick what to focus on. I'm not confident in my tulpamancing abilities(or anything else about myself tbh). I'm depressed which results in me being unable to feel intense (happy) emotions. I also feel a lot of shame, self-hate and bad memories which tend to resurface sometimes during forcing. I just hope Y. doesn't feel like those emotions are directed at them. I give them lots of hugs but who knows if that means anything without the appropriate emotions attached.

Uhh sorry if the last part was kinda upsetting. I'm feeling pretty neutral most of the time actually. It's just that digging through my own head makes me think about stuff I'd normally ignore. And I wonder if any of that hinders our progress.

Welp yeah that's about it for now. I'm not very optimistic but also not feeling too discouraged so I think I can keep up a decent forcing schedule for now.
11-15-2017, 06:40 PM
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Abvieon Offline
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#5
 
RE: Turquoise Log
I'd like to mention that the tulpa development hypnosis is more than just a guided meditation. It is similar, but more "powerful" than a guided meditation in the sense that it gives actual hypnotic effects which can affect your thoughts and behavior long after listening to it. Hypnosis is used to alter the subconscious mind and in doing so can do some pretty surprising things. Hope you have found use out of it.

My Progress Report
My Tulpa Development Hypnosis

Outrunning the curse of apathy
It will always remain my sworn enemy
11-17-2017, 12:04 AM
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Reisen Offline
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#6
 
RE: Turquoise Log
Random hypnagogic auditory hallucinations that are negative are only invasive thoughts, you can safely ignore them. When developing your tulpa right at the start it's best not to assume any thoughts in your head were from them with their full intent. When they're barely sentient and not vocal, it can be dangerous for someone with frequent invasive thoughts (especially negative) to assume their tulpa is talking to them. Definitely still listen for responses from them and expect them to answer, but at least know that even if it is them trying to communicate you, it's much more like someone who's half asleep and not entirely focused, than it is a fully developed tulpa behind a wall you can't hear through. Assuming sentience from the start is still fine, but don't assume they're fully developed and aware of themselves yet. That leaves you open to invasive thoughts that can strain the process. But if you're aware that your tulpa might even say things they don't mean (this isn't too uncommon of new tulpas, as they don't have a solid grasp on the world or themselves yet) and are simply learning how to communicate and think in the first place, you should be fine no matter what! But again it's really important to realize they aren't fully developed thinking coherent thoughts all the time and you just can't hear them. A tulpa has to learn to think (mostly, this means learning to have a sense of self - who am I, who are you, what's the difference, how do I go about existing, you know) just like they have to learn to communicate. And since you often have spontaneous negative thoughts (which, in any form, can be considered "invasive thoughts" as they surely aren't welcome), the most important thing for you to know is that your tulpa isn't some potentially malicious entity who doesn't like you.

Naturally, a tulpa has no reason not to like their host. While the relationship differs from neutral to friend to lover, generally speaking since you're part of the same mind a tulpa tends to naturally get along with or even like their host. Since you're the first (and at first, the only) thing they'll ever interact with, if you treat them well and show them love or kindness for ~no reason they can see, it will probably be natural for them to like you back. When they've got so little experience (ie none) to base their thoughts and feelings off of, there's effectively zero chance for a caring host to end up with a malicious tulpa. The only chance there is is preconceived ideas of what they'd be like - either from invasive negative thoughts and expectations, or as character traits if based on an existing character. But even still, all of us in this system were based on Touhou characters to an extent, and it didn't really affect us in the long run. As long as you make it clear that your tulpa isn't actually the original character, they should be free to develop as their own person.

I suggest you look around for various guides on what you need help with, Tulpa001's is a good and comprehensive one. Different things (methods of forcing to ways of thinking) work for different people, so find a guide or two (or more) that seem good to you and go with those. Just remember there's no inherent negativity in the tulpa creation process (and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, because again your own invasive thoughts or negative expectations are the only source of negativity), and there are no rules. Nothing is set in stone, but people often relate to each others' subjective experiences, so there's a decent chance your experience will go like someone else's who may have written about it before. Good luck!

Hi guys, plain text is just me now! We've each got our own accounts: me, Tewi, Flandre, and Lucilyn. We're Luminesce's tulpas.
Here's our "Ask Thread", and here's our Progress Report. You should be able to see all of our accounts on the second page if you want.
11-17-2017, 02:08 PM
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Turquoise Offline
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#7
 
RE: Turquoise Log
(I don't have much to report, but I gotta reply, right)

@Kitsukrou

That's what I figured. I never really had any luck with hypnosis before but it's too early for me to judge, I'll be using it for a little bit longer!

@Reisen

Quote:... your tulpa isn't some potentially malicious entity ...
I don't actually think that! At least not the malicious part. The worst thoughts I had were that I'm annoying/grossing them out. Oh, and making them sad by being a Negative Nancy half the time. I read something in another person's PR that made me try to adapt the line of thought(that you mentioned as well) that since I'm the only person they interact with at the moment they're probably okay with me giving them attention. Either that, or we Stockholm syndrome it (jk, jk).

Quote:... look around for various guides ...
I lurked a lot when I just registered and I still remember a lot of stuff from older guides. Tulpa001's guide was one of the first things I checked out when I tried to get back into the tulpamancing game but it kinda sent me into tl;dr mode :p I might look into it more seriously later. The thing that helps me the most at the moment seems to be reading other people's PRs. It's kinda sad a lot of them start with vocal tuppers already tho cause I can't really relate.

Anyway I'm glad someone's reading this + grateful for everyone's advice :3

Mini-report: 
Since I'm not a huge fan of the clothes Y. wears in the game I've been visualizing them in modern clothes, vaguely basing the color scheme on their original clothes. I've imagined them in a yukata before but in one that fits the character - kind of a dull color scheme. Last night I suddenly visualized them in a colorful one (which fits neither their sex nor personality). I doubt that's something parroted by me cause I'm kinda trying to keep it safe until I know for sure what they want. 
Here's a thing I did as a result (still kinda trying to keep the character a secret; i did draw their face in my "personal" version of the pic) ((pattern obviously stolen from somewhere on the internets)) /first time using attachments here, ihopeitworksright


Attached Files Thumbnail(s)
   
(This post was last modified: 11-17-2017, 07:05 PM by Turquoise.)
11-17-2017, 05:23 PM
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Turquoise Offline
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#8
 
RE: Turquoise Log
Before I infodump, I spelled の on my doodleface in the previous post wrong and have been beating myself up over that since. Just so you get my level of overthinking.

Again, there probably is no reason to update as often as I do but typing it out (for everyone to see!) feels like it helps somehow.
--------------------------
I get head pressures now! Like once a day. This kind of communication and something Reisen said in her post ("don't assume they're fully developed and aware of themselves yet") makes me think that that is, indeed, the case here. Just gotta keep forcing I guess.
The pressures documented so far:
  • during hypnosis, possibly as a reaction to me spacing out
  • after me saying "I ain't drinking anymore coffee tonight" in my mindvoice 
  • while I was making up a romantic fanfiction in my head before sleep (lol)
  • several tiny ones during hypnosis
I gave them a voodoo doll of myself and a few pins this morning so I wonder if the fact that the pressures seemed "smaller" today is connected to them trying to use it? Idk. They don't seem to be able to reply to questions and stuff with pressures yet, everything that I felt seemed kinda random.
--------------------------
Now to comment on the fanfiction (important stuff right there, hah)! I was thinking all that yesterday after our nightly session and after I said goodnight to Y. The character I was thinking about looks very similar to Y.(because of my super obvious tastes) so a pressure during that made sense to me. This morning I ended up imagining Y. looking as that character in our wonderland :|
So, like. Is it me overthinking again? Do they want to deviate? If they do, do I imagine different personality and mindvoice as well?.. I wish they could just tell me :p

To clarify, the character I'm basing Y. off of(A) and the one I ended up imagining today(B) are polar opposites personality-wise. (A) is mostly serious and (B) is loud and obnoxious(in a good way, kinda?). Looking back at my choices it would make sense for a sad sack like me to have a positive and outgoing person as my tulpa. So I'm also thinking whether this could be some kinda subconscious thing?

Speaking of subconscious. I also think there's a possibility of my self-censorship habit blocking some of our progress. As a result, I ended up breaking a bunch of metaphorical blocks and walls during our time in our wonderland. No idea if it helped though. 
Another wonderland thing to mention - I... slip... and fall... a lot. So unless we're sitting my wonderland experience is one big slapstick comedy (which I kinda ignore but what if there are Reasons for that??).
Oh yeah, I still don't really "see" anything in my wonderland. It's just imagining. Like, if I forget that we had palm trees on our beach they won't appear.
--------------------------
That's it for now. A lot of overthinking out of nothing. Pressures are good though.
11-20-2017, 03:52 PM
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Turquoise Offline
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#9
 
RE: Turquoise Log
Still at it.
  • I get several head pressures per day now
  • Y. still doesn't seem to be able (or want to) reply with pressures
  • Changed their form to that other character, did a little personality forcing (idk if there's any point to that)
  • No improvements in wonderland/visualizing
  • Teleporting instead of walking on slippery surfaces seems to prevent us from falling over all the time, lol
The hypnagogic stuff drives me nuts, kind of. (Just to be more specific, I only "hear" mindvoices, not actual auditory hallucinations) It's hard to keep forcing when a random voice tells you to "Get away" :/ But I'm trying.
Another thing about the voices is that they all speak in my 1st language only. I even told Y. several times to try to speak English if possible so that I could distinguish between them and the random voices, hah.

I'm a bit frustrated at making so little progress when a lot of users seem to be progressing much quicker. Yesterday was the longest session I've managed so far - about 2 hours with a little break in-between. 

That's all from me/us for now :0
11-28-2017, 11:05 AM
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Lucilyn Offline
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#10
 
RE: Turquoise Log
back in the day it used to take people at least a few weeks to get any reliable responses and sometimes months before their tulpa was vocal, so don't worry that it's not going super fast. I dunno if it helps/is relevant but our system(as in since Lumi first had tulpas) is 7 years old! Though I'm only 2 1/2 years, the others are a lot older. So like, 10 days isn't a big deal, you've got plenty of time left to spend with your tup even if it takes a while for them to develop.

Hi I'm one of Lumi's tulpas. I like rain and dancing and dancing in the rain and if there's frogs there too that's bonus points.
All of my posts should be read at a hundred miles per hour because that's probably how they were written.
Please talk to me https://community.tulpa.info/thread-ask-lumi-s-tulpas
11-28-2017, 11:11 AM
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